*Author's note: For those of you waiting on a "Silence" update, the next chapter is ¾ finished.
This story was inspired both by my former Justice League Unlimited fic, "This Ain't the Golden Years," and a Star Wars fic (not mine) called "The Not Quite Love Letters."
Pit Life
Chapter 1: Playing with Fire
October 11, 1990
MEMORANDUM FOR:
Sgt. Major Beach Head
SUBJECT: SUSPECTED THEFT OF ITEMS
Upon the discovery of missing cases of cooking wine, I authorized an early inventory of the kitchen items. The following items were discovered missing:
1. 6 cases of cooking wine
a. 4 cases sherry
B. 2 cases sake
2. 30 pounds of flour
3. 2 jugs milk
4. 2 cartons of eggs
5. 1 package sugar
6. 2 boxes of matches
7. ½ bag of charcoal (leftover from the special batch that Roadblock had requested last June)
8. 1 bottle of lighter fluid
9. 2 boxes of baking soda
One of my cooks also reported sighting Greenshirts Mole and Murphy's Law loitering suspiciously near Pantry #2 this morning. Neither soldier was on KP duty.
(Signed)
Top Notch
Quartermaster, Supplies
ACCIDENT REPORT
October 11, 1990
Responded to a fire in southwest section of the Greenshirt barracks at 09:18. Greenshirts had attempted to "fire bake" a cake for Greenshirt Klick, who just found out that his fiancée is pregnant. Said baking attempt and the presence of numerous bottles of alcohol resulted in flaming furniture and a torched wall.
(Signed)
Barbeque
Pit PX Store receipt for Sgt. Major Beach Head:
1 bottle of Tylenol
1 can Dr. Pepper
Excerpt from the private journal of Greenshirt Mole
Sgt. Major is pissed. Okay, more pissed than usual. Pissed enough that we had trouble translating his accent into comprehensible English. I don't know why he was so mad…other than the stolen items…and the destroyed furniture and the wall…but it was for a good cause!
Of course, Sgt. Major Grumpy Ass didn't exactly see it that way and neither did the Quartermaster. We managed to translate some of Sgt. Major's rant: "Ah ain't trainin' a bunch of no good thieves…especially ones who can't even start a danged fire without using matches and lighter fluid." That's when he got that particularly evil glint in his eye. It's the type of glint that usually translates into "training that is more cruel and unusual than usual."
But for now, I'm on KP duty tonight….under Top Notch. God help me. I'm pretty sure that he's the meanest sonovabitching quartermaster in the army. Must be why GI Joe chose him.
…
Fucking Top Notch. I swear he's in cahoots with Beach Head. I had to do twenty pushups for every potato peel that fell on the kitchen floor.
MEMORANDUM FOR:
First Sergeant Duke
SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION
I request taking Greenshirt Teams A, B, and D for an overnight survival training session 30 klicks west of the Pit. The recruits will not be allowed to bring any equipment with them. The objective is like the subject says, survival training.
(Signed)
Beach Head
MEMORANDUM FOR:
Sgt. Major Beach Head
RE: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION
Approved.
Don't break any bones this time. Doc and Lifeline get cranky when you break bones.
(Signed)
Duke
MEMORANDUM FOR:
First Sergeant Duke
RE: REQUEST FOR SURVIVAL TRAINING SESSION
If they break any bones on an overnight camping trip, it's their own fucking fault and they deserve it.
(Signed)
Beach Head
Medical Report
Date: October 14, 1990
Chief Medical personnel on duty: Doc
The following greenshirts were treated for numerous abrasions, bruises, and a sprained ankle:
Murphy's Law: cut lip and first degree burns on her fingers; claimed to have hypothermia
Mole: sprained ankle; heat blisters on arm
Java Rush: minor burns on his fingers; claimed to have hypothermia;
Soprano: splinters in hands; minor abrasions on arms; claimed to have hypothermia
Turkey: claimed to have hypothermia
Conversation recorded by Pit's internal surveillance systems
Beach Head: None of them could start a fucking fire! Not one!
Lifeline: Not even a tiny flame?
Beach Head: (Incoherent swearing)
Lifeline: Some of them claimed to have hypothermia…
Beach Head: It was 56 degrees last night!
Lifeline: Which is why Doc sent them all away….seriously, not even a tiny fire?
Beach Head: (Incoherent swearing)
Lifeline: Because if they think 56 degrees is cold, we're going to have problems if they have to go someplace that's actually cold.
Beach Head: ….
Lifeline: Maybe a cold weather survival training session is in order?
Beach Head (suddenly grinning): I can do better….
Mission Orders:
Recent intelligence reports that a small Cobra munitions plant is operating out of the Arctic.
PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: Reconnaissance of munitions plant
SECONDARY OBJECTIVE: If circumstances allow, destruction of the munitions plant
We will depart at 23:00 tonight. Report to Mission Room #3 at 14:00 for a full debriefing.
(Signed)
Sergeant Major Beach Head
Excerpt from the private diary of Greenshirt Murphy's Law
The Arctic! The fucking Arctic!