It's been one week since Joanna took to her bed in despair. She's barely eaten and hasn't taken an interest in her normal daily routines since she last her last conversation with Julian. She's tried desperately to reach him via phone, Skype, email and even through Lauren but he hasn't responded. She fears that she has lost him permanently this time and the pain has settled in her heart making it difficult to think of anything else. The last time she felt this way was when she was forced to leave him after they were caught in bed by her mother seventeen years ago.

A knock at her front door startled her a bit as she wasn't expecting anyone to drop by. She turned and looked at the clock to see that it was 9:30 and reluctantly reached for her robe before strolling to the front door. She tiptoed up to the peephole and saw Robin, her mom's nurse, standing on the other side of the door.

"Just a second" she called out as she rested her forehead on the door before opening it.

"Joanna! Your mother is so worried. She hasn't heard from you since last Friday. Are you okay?" Robin said in a concerned tone. Beverly asked her to stop by on her way to work to check on Joanna.

"I'm fine, just a little under the weather."

Robin reached over and felt her forehead. "Well you don't have a fever but have you eaten? You look a little thinner since I last saw you."

"I haven't had much of an appetite but I ate a few small meals here and there."

"Well since I'm here, can I do anything for you? Do you need to see a doctor?"

"No, I'm fine really. I just need a little more rest and I'll be back to normal soon. The first thing on my list will be to see my mom so tell her not to worry."

Robin could tell by the looks of things that Joanna was not being truthful but she didn't want to pry. Physically Joanna appeared thin but healthy. The tone of her voice however, indicated her ailment was more of an emotional one.

"Okay I will but you have my number so please call me if you need anything."

"Thanks but I'll be fine." Joanna said as she opens the door for Robin who is reluctant to leave.

Joanna watched Robin as she goes down the front steps to her car. She slowly closes the door and sinks to the floor while leaning against it. She's been out of touch with the world for one week and her mother must feel scared and lonely not hearing from her. She decides to get up and rejoin the living and try to come to terms with what has happened between her and Julian.

She gets up and heads for the bathroom picking up her cellphone from where she threw st night after her latest attempt to call Julian went unanswered. She inspected the phone for damage but luckily found none only a dead battery. She placed it on the charger and then went into the bathroom. She tried to avoid looking in the mirror but when she did, she was unhappy with her reflection and found that Robin was right. She looked thinner but also sad.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth and then stepped into the shower. The warmth of the water caused her to stand there for a few minutes as she let it run down her body.

"Why didn't I tell him from the beginning" she thought. Will had warned her a few times that Julian may be unforgiving when he found out the truth about her being cop but what he really meant was the truth about their relationship. She had hurt Will in the process of all of this for the same reason; not being honest about her past with Julian. And then there's Phil. She married him knowing that she wasn't really in love with him although she hoped that feeling would come in time but it never did. She led him on for five years until she had the courage to speak up and put an end to his misery which could have been avoided if she was honest with him and herself.

She reached for the soap and lathered herself hoping to wash away the despair that has come over her. She doesn't know how but she has to find a way to fix this mess because wishing it away just isn't working.

An hour later, she had groomed herself and got ready to face the day away from her bed. She tidied her room and took one last look in the mirror and found that she looked much better than she did an hour ago. Though she didn't have much of an appetite, she forced herself to eat a bowl of cereal and two slices of toast which gave her some much needed energy. While still in the kitchen, she heard her phone ringing off in the distance and hurried to her room to see who was calling. The name on the screen wasn't who she hoped it to be but the caller was an important one.

"Hi mom."

"Jo! My goodness I was worried sick about you. Robin tells me you're not feeling well. What's wrong baby?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call you mom but I didn't want you to worry. I feel much better now and I was going to call you today."

"Joanna I know my days aren't always the same but please don't let me worry about you like this. Call me no matter what. I always need to know that you're alright. Are you coming to see me today?"

"No not today mom. Tomorrow will be better for me and I'll spend the whole day with you. But today, I have a lot of things to get done."

"Okay Jo, as long as you are feeling better I'll see you tomorrow then."

"You will mom and I'll call you later tonight."

"I love you baby."

"I love you too mom."

They both felt relieved after hanging up. Joanna was able to put her mom's mind at ease and the sound of Joanna's voice was soothing to Beverly.

Joanna filled the rest of the day with grocery shopping and other errands she had neglected to do the week before. She was exhausted when she arrived home later that evening. She put away the groceries and other items she bought and then crashed on the couch when she was done. She heard her phone ringing in her purse and got up to answer it.

"Hi Will, what's up?"

"Hi Will? Joanna I've been trying to reach you for days and now you answer the phone like nothing happened?"

Will was annoyed with Joanna for ignoring his phone calls and messages.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want to talk to anyone for a few days. It's been hard with everything going down the way it did."

"Look I understand that side of it but I need to know if you took care of things at the bank. You need to distance yourself from that money or it could be used against you and jeopardize the case" Will said in a calmer tone. He told Joanna last week how to get rid of the money Robert tried to frame her with. He hadn't heard from her since then and he was nervous as to what may have happened.

"I finally took care of that today. I closed the account and told them I had no idea where or whom that wire came from. The branch manager said they will look into it and reverse it if possible. I opened a new account at another bank with my money only so Robert should be getting that wire reversal soon."

"Well I wish you would have done it sooner but as long as it's done that's all that matters. So how are you really? Have you talked to Julian?"

"I'm better today but no, I haven't spoken to him. He won't respond to anything and I don't know what else to do. I've been fighting the urge to drop everything and hop on a plane back to New York."

"I thought you would have done that by now but it's better that you haven't. Just give him time, he'll come around."

"I hope so. Anything new on your end?" Joanna said in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah Gabe has a trial date set. He's being charged with obstruction of justice and voluntary manslaughter. They're trying to add corruption charges but tying it to Robert has been hard because Gabe won't talk. Angela is working on that link but Robert is very thorough when it comes to covering his tracks so we'll see."

"Still can't get much more than the conspiracy to defraud charges huh?"

"No and it's looking like we may have to wrap it up in few weeks. We have no other suspects for Vivian's murder and Robert is more like rubber now. We can't get anything to stick."

"There's a loose end somewhere we just need to find it. I'll try to get back to New York as soon as possible. Maybe after Julian leaves for Thailand that way it would be easier on me being there."

"Okay just let me know when and we'll get together and try to put this thing to bed. In the meantime, just remember what I said. Give Julian some time. He'll be ready talk at some point."

Though awkward coming from Will, she was grateful for the advice. "Thanks, I'll try to keep that in mind."

"Take care of yourself Joanna and we'll talk next week."

She scanned her text messages before putting the phone down just in case Julian texted her but no such luck. She got up and went into the kitchen to finish putting the groceries away. Afterwards, she placed a pizza in the oven and went to take a quick shower while it was baking, She found herself checking her phone once again but still no response from Julian which left her feeling disappointed. She went to bed a few hours later hoping for a good night sleep.

The next day Joanna went to visit her mother as promised. Beverly was elated to see her after a long week of worrying that something had happened to her.

"Jo!" she said as she pulled Joanna in for a hug. "You scared me half to death. Don't ever do that again. I'm not as young as I used to be you know."

They sat and talked for an hour and though Joanna tried to keep the conversation light, Beverly waited patiently for her to reveal whatever ordeal she had been going through over the past week but she knows her daughter well enough to know that she's very good at avoiding an issue.

"Baby, what's really going on with you? I'm guessing that it may have something to do with Julian, right?"

Joanna refrained from answering and instead hung her head low. Beverly lifted her chin so that they were once again seeing eye to eye. "Tell me Jo."

Joanna was unsure if she wanted tell her mother the truth for fear of hearing the "I told you so" response. But the reality is she doesn't have anyone else to turn to for advice.

"I screwed things up with him and I don't know how to fix it." Joanna fought back the tears as she spoke trying desperately to not break down again.

"Some things can be fixed Joanna but the question is – is it worth it?"

Puzzled, Joanna stared back at her mother wondering why she would ask such a question knowing how she feels about Julian.

"You may not see it mom but it's definitely worth it to me. I love him and I'll do whatever I have to do to fix this."

Looking deep into her eyes, Beverly clearly saw the love and the pain Joanna was in. She realized that no matter what she says next, Joanna's mind is made up.

'Then do what you have to do to fix this baby but promise me one thing. Don't let this love bind you to a dangerous situation. The moment you start to fear for your life, run."

The clarity and conviction in the tone in Beverly's voice jarred Joann's thoughts and took her back to the day they abruptly left the Bowers house. Up to this moment, Joanna always thought her mom made them leave because she caught her and Julian in bed together but now she realizes the reason was far deeper than that.

"Mom, why did we leave that day? I mean, I know you were angry catching Julian and I like that but why did we have to run so far away and in such a hurry? Do you hate him – Julian?"

Joanna has asked her mom this question on numerous occasions but Beverly has never given her a clear answer and at times, no answer at all. But Joanna wanted to seize this moment and hopefully get an explanation from mother after so many years of wondering why.

Beverly paused before answering her daughter. She promised herself she would never revisit that moment or tell Joanna why they had to leave so abruptly and she definitely didn't want to talk about it now.

"I don't hate him Joanna but there are things that went on in that house that the two of you were too young to know or even understand. Leaving was the right thing to do at the time. I don't think Robert would have liked you and Julian being involved back then just like he doesn't like it now. Listen baby, Julian is and always has been Robert's favorite child so don't think that he'll stop trying to tear the two of you apart. He's had that boy's life planned out since he was born and he's not about to let him just do what he wants to do even if that means being with you."

"But mom Julian is nothing like Robert and he never will be. He's trying to do things different with the company and be a better man."

"Joanna I hope that's true but from what I've seen, he's still the playboy he was when he was a teenager. He gets the womanizing ways from his father and maybe more. I just don't want you to get hurt or something worse but if you feel being with him is worth the fight, then do it. The only thing I ask is that you run at the first sign of trouble and being a cop, I'm sure that won't be hard for you to recognize."

Joanna's detective instincts were stirred when her mom spoke her warning. At that moment Beverly knew a lot more about Robert than she let on in the past.

"Just how dangerous is Robert? He was so kind to us when we moved into the mansion and he took care of me like my own father would have if he were still alive so what changed Mom? And why are you so afraid of him?"

Beverly, feeling as though she has said too much, hesitated to answer. There are things she doesn't want Joanna know. Things that may turn the both their worlds upside down.

"I just don't trust Robert, that's all."

"But you must have at some point or else you wouldn't have agreed to move to his house after daddy died."

"Your dad worked for him for almost 12 years and they were good friends. He wanted to make sure we were taken care of but I didn't want anything for free so I agreed to it as long as I worked there as well. But over the years I came to realize he wasn't as nice as he seemed and everything had a price that I wasn't willing to pay. That's why I fled with you back then."

"Mom, did Robert kill his first wife?' Joanna bluntly asked.

"Joanna, I'm tired now. I don't want to talk about this anymore." Beverly rose from her chair to leave but Joanna grabbed her hand.

"Mom, I need to know the truth. Please tell me what you know." Joanna pleaded,

Beverly turned to Joanna and saw the determination in her daughter's eyes and quickly turned away.

"Not today baby. I will tell everything – soon. But not today. I'm not ready."