"The beauty of the world… has two edges; one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder."

-Virginia Woolf

The rest of the journey home reassured Merlin that he was not, in fact, going to be punished and that his friends did not hate him. Although the ban had not been officially lifted they were surprisingly curious about his magic. Gwaine particularly was entertained by even the smallest of tricks. Despite all this, the only way he could sleep was with more of the dreamless sleeping potions sent by Gaius.

And although he did return to Camelot, nothing was ever the same for Merlin, and neither was Merlin ever the same. The first day back had been the worst: he had woken up right as the sun peeked over the horizon and jumped out of bed, falling over himself to get ready. It was only when he was passing Gaius sitting at the table that he remembered. Never again would he have to go and wrestle Arthur out of bed. Never again would he have to dash down to the bustling kitchens to get him breakfast, occasionally snatching a morsel for himself. Never again would he get scolded for being late, and promise it would never happen again. Never again.

For a very long time he could no longer walk through the castle without being assaulted by memories. It was a bittersweet experience, for although they were mostly good, it reminded him once again of what he had lost. What had been taken from him. He wondered if these achingly familiar walls would even be standing when Arthur finally returned.

Gwen was true to her word, and after consulting with the councilors lifted the ban on magic three days after returning, announcing her reasons to the people of Camelot. But it felt all wrong. As much as he loved and respected Guinevere, It was supposed to be Arthur saying those words. It was supposed to be Arthur setting him free.

There were whispers of shock when he, the dead King's well liked manservant, numbly stepped forwards as Gwen presented him as the new court Warlock. A position she had approached him about earlier that day, and one to which he had agreed. The various duties that came with it largely consisted of making sure the people and creatures of magic obeyed the new laws governing the use of their magic, and going on the most important and dangerous quests with the Knights.

Gaius was more like a father to him than ever, and unlike the Knights and servants he called friends seemed to recognize the difference between when he wanted somebody to talk to or just wanted to be left alone. It was more and more lately that Merlin seemed to be relying on Gaius to guide him, no longer very certain about anything in his life now that Arthur was dead and what he had believed his future to be was no longer possible.

Eventually Merlin made his way to the clearing where He, Arthur, and the Knights had gone to fight Kilgharrah. Lifting his face to the heavens, he roared in the voice of a Dragonlord "O drakon! E male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!". He waited for hours, but Kilgharrah didn't come. And he didn't have any idea what was going on with Aithusa- would he ever see her again? Was she even still alive? Despite Gaius's constant presence, he now felt alone in the magic world.

But although Arthur had been loved by all, the world continued to turn around Merlin. Slowly, no matter how impossible it seemed, things moved on. You mourn, but you live. This point had been driven home when Gwen revealed that she was pregnant with Arthur's child, a fact that she had wisely been waiting till things finally calmed down to share.

The sudden acceptance of magic had been difficult for people to accept at first. For manny it was because the fear of magic had been driven into them since birth. But eventually there was a coexistence between the two worlds. As for Merlin, initially many people were scared of him and his constant presence at the heart of Camelot. But after he helped to put out a large out of control fire that had been started by a lantern falling into a stack of dry hay, people were much more friendly and accepting.

To his own surprise, in time Merlin found that he was eventually able to laugh without effort and feel happy without it being tainted by the sorrow of loosing Arthur. After all, despite everything he had to admit Arthur hadn't been the only thing in his life that made him happy. He had changed though, and everybody noticed it. Most prominent was that he was a little more withdrawn from almost everybody, the exceptions being for some reason Gwaine, and understandably Gaius. Sometimes he would get a far away look in his eyes as though he could see something nobody else could, and they all knew he was remembering.

The initial rush of magical problems he had to deal with as Court Warlock died away, and despite Gaius's rather patient efforts to further educate him in the arts of healing both magically and not, and he became profoundly bored. After he confided this to Gwaine, Gwaine proposed that when he was not busy with his other duties he could assist him. Not as a servant of course, for that kind of thing was considered inappropriate for the court warlock. But instead just as a helper and partner. Merlin accepted without hesitation, and found it not only entertaining but also educational. Although it wasn't likely he would need it, he became proficient at swordplay, and In only a few weeks had been to the tavern more times than he had in years. Usually to make sure Gwaine didn't get in too much trouble.

Gwen married Sir Leon, but it was mostly for diplomatic reasons. Although they cared for each other dearly, it wasn't the kind of love she had had with Arthur. Leon had accepted that he would never truly have all her heart, and so they were happy anyways. In honor of Arthur they retained the name Pendragon, and most importantly young Cal had a proper father to help raise him.

It was rather unsettling for Merlin when as the years passed young Cal began to resemble his father in almost every way, both in appearance and personality. Most unnerving were his intense blue eyes, which reminded him so much of his best friend's. Although what set them apart the most was that like Merlin, Cal was born with magic.

Merlin stayed in Camelot even after the friends from his many adventures as the king's manservant died, remaining to help guide the Pendragon line. He made new friends of course, but never like those he had in Arthur's time. It was from experience that he learned he could not die from age, but whether or not he could be killed was another question entirely.

When Camelot was no more and the days of Kings, Queens, and Knights had passed, he remained in a small town named Glastonbury that rose up beside Lake Avalon. Belief in magic slowly disappeared from the world, and the few that still possessed it were unaware or kept it a secret. And even as hundreds of years passed he waited, waited for the day his King would at last be returned to him.

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

-Virginia Woolf

A/N

so I am a little disappointed in myself about this Epilogue, it's kind of all over the place. But I like the end paragraph, so I forgive myself. Mostly. Review?