Chapter 1

I.

'Tis better to have love and lost,
than never have loved at all.

-Tennyson

II.

There's a type of man in this world that is made out of stone. You love him to death, to pieces, to the marrow of your bones, and he doesn't care at all. He leaves you without any reason, any indication, or any regret. You cry, you suffer and you beg, but he would never turn back. This is the cruelest tale of riches and rags, where one would only assume fate is playing a game with all our lives, and it stops only when the heart ceases to beat.

III.

Haruno Sakura sat in front of the loan application line nervously. She read through her application form repeatedly, hoping there wasn't anything wrong with it. There wasn't, of course, but she just had to be sure.

The people around her slumped in their seats, as if all sources of life had been drained from them. Sakura kept her head down, and tried to mind her own business. When the door to the small office opened and closed, Sakura glanced at the entrance and saw a pregnant woman looking around for a seat. Out of sympathy and a sense of moral obligation, she stood up to let the poor woman have her seat, but immediately when she stood up, a young man stole it, and appeared to have no intention of giving it back.

Sakura sighed. She didn't say anything against this, though, because it wasn't worth the trouble.

At last when her name was called, she rushed through the small and dirty doorway located at the end of the hallway, and when her hands touched the knob, she realized she was shaking.

"Haruno-san." An elderly woman with graying hair and a prim expression held her file in her hand as she reviewed it critically. "Please sit down."

"Yes ma'am." Sakura quickly sat down in the only chair available. She straightened out her back and sat on the edge of the chair, listening attentively for any coming questions.

"It says here you have a child of five years old, is that correct?" The woman asked as her eyes skimmed through the thin files.

"Yes," Sakura quickly answered, "He's turning six in October."

"Are you two currently living alone?"

"Yes."

"Do you know the possible location of the boy's father?"

Sakura bit her lip. At last. Softly, she replied, "He died."

"I see, and you are currently working in the 'Lair'? Exactly what kind of business do they run?"

"It's a restaurant," Sakura replied. That wasn't the complete truth, but the older woman didn't ask about what happens during the night, so Sakura chose to leave it out.

"I see. How long have you been working there?"

"About a year or so."

"Alright."

She methodically tapped on her computer for a while, while Sakura wet her lips nervously and looked around the office anxiously. There was a painting of an orchard, and a small cactus plant. In this town, it rained almost six months every year. She was surprised the cactus was still alive and kicking.

"And you applied for a loan of... five hundred dollars?" the lady behind the desk questioned.

"Yes, ma'am."

"How do you intend to pay it back?"

"It gets busier around the holidays, and we have bonuses each year," Sakura explained calmly. "The reason I need the money right now is because of a medical emergency for my son."

The woman sighed, reviewed the file over, and tapped her fingernails on her computer for a short (?) while.

"Alright." She finally said, "I'm going to put the deadline to January 25th next year. Think you can manage that?"

"Yes, thank you so much! Yes!" Sakura quickly bowed he head to the woman, over and over, as she stood up from her seat. "Thank you very much."

The woman printed out several sheets of paper and signed her name on top. She then handed it to Sakura. "Put this through the back and they will give you the cash right away. I wish you health."

"Thank you very much." Sakura repeated and bowed one last time as she grabbed the files and exited the room. She tried her very hardest to not look too happy. Her eyes widened as she pushed through the doors of the back office. She handed in the form and within a couple minutes, they requested a stamp and her signature. After all the processes, the cash was handed to her in an envelope. She carefully tucked the money within the pockets of her large coat as she exited. The rain suddenly seemed less irritating than when she had first walked in.

Sakura then continued her half-a-mile walk from the Financial Aids Office to the nearest bus stop; she walked fast because she did not bring an umbrella to shield herself from the rain, and she was gradually getting soaked. Even with that, she felt as if in her pockets there was a small stove, waiting to heat her up for a while, and the idea of that was so comforting she almost grinned the entire way.

IV.

By the time she got home her son, Hikari, was already asleep on the queen mattress. There was no bed frame for the mattress, for the mattress itself was originally abandoned somewhere by the garbage bin. Sakura hauled it back all by herself- a couple of miles away from the small, single-room apartment some time ago. She washed it completely from top to bottom for fear of bacteria or parasites, and after a couple of days, she had permitted Hikari to sleep on it. It was the only bed in the room, and it provided both mother and son with comfort.

Her home could only be classified as a "room." It was ridiculously small, to the point of being pitiful. There was hardly a kitchen, let alone a stove. She had bought some gas and burners, though, and had laid them to the side. Ramen and canned foods were their main source of nutrition, but that wouldn't suffice for much longer. Hikari was growing fast, and she needed to think of better meals to prepare for him. Even on his birthday, she had to pull extra shifts to get him a small cake that can last a couple of days before it was completely devoured by the boy. Thinking of Hikari's upcoming birthday, the near-constant frown appeared on her face again.

She kissed Hikari's cheeks and felt a little comforted by the tenderness of his skin... but then frowned at the patches of dead and dry peels of skin on his cheekbones. He must have lost his scarf again, but was afraid of telling her, so he played outside without a scarf. The cold air had been drying his face up, and she couldn't allow that.

Hikari snuggled closer to her as she felt how cold his hands and feet were. Sakura immediately tucked him in more snugly as she wandered to the other side of the room to heat up a pot of water to put in a small water bottle. It was likely to be the only source of heat they had for the night. She grabbed her pen and some scraps of paper as she lay back down on the mattress, and Hikari immediately snuggled up to her like a poor, shivering puppy. Sakura hugged him closer as she tried to write a list down on her paper.

First and foremost, there's the need for medicine. Of course there's the SSRIs, they take up a large chunk of the five hundred dollars. From experience, she knew the exact amount per prescription down to the very last cent. Then there must be 10-20 dollars set aside for Hikari's birthday next week. The burner needs replacing, and there's another seventy dollars gone. Hikari needs new scarves and winter clothing; he grew so fast that it was practically impossible to keep up. Sakura calculated up to $180 dollars for winter clothing, and some smaller items, such as earmuffs and hats. Hikari needed more socks-they always went missing, somehow. Then there was the various household items that needed to be either replaced or bought. New laundry powder, some baby shampoo, more moisturizer, a new umbrella, the next week's groceries, the rent, the phone bill, utilities...

She adds and counts up, then predicted various places around town to get the cheapest items. Then with the remaining money-if there was any left, that is- she might need to think about the upcoming winter tuitions for HikariKA. And by the time January rolled around, she'd hate to think of the possible cost for both prescriptions and tuition combined. She may need to go down the financial office again.

But for now, they're set.

Luckily, Hikari was older now, and he was learning to understand their situation. He knew the direct phone line from home to her cellphone. Sakura only allowed him to play outside when one of the neighbours was watching. If he was alone, he had to stay beside the phone, just in case one of his seizures struck again. The seizures were growing rarer with his age, a development Sakura was happy for. The problem still remained for Hikari to be a bit outgoing...KA

Sakura laid her pen and paper down as she smoothed over Hikari's hair. He was so tiny compared to her, but every fiber of his being resembles that man-the man that caused all of this. He was becoming more and more like an exact replica of his father, with streaks of black hair framing his face, and delicate features that shone with courage and stubbornness. At this young age, whenever Sakura saw him alone, her heart felt like it was being tugged into a thin line.

Despite his name, Hikari was born with autism.

When he was a baby, the seizures came frequently, and Sakura had no choice but to stay at home and take care of him. But if she was absent from her job, then there was no source of income. She and Hikari lived off of several charity organizations, and when she started working, their reliance on charities stopped as Hikari got slowly better.

The most frightening sound in Sakura's life was perhaps the sound of her cell phone. She was in constant fear of hearing it when she was at work, as whenever she picks up a call, nine out of ten times it has something to do with Hikari. Either he got into a fight or he was having a seizure, and she'd rush home to see Hikari biting a towel while spasming on the bathroom floor with a neighbour standing by, unable to help.

It happened several times, and it wasn't likely to happen again, but Sakura had been more careful than ever with Hikari.

The phone rang, and Sakura quickly reached over to pick it up before it disturbed her son. The voice of an older woman came into her ears.

"Sakura-chan? Sakura chan!"

"Oh, Oto-san. Hello."

"I wanted to ask you if you're free after your shift tomorrow. On Thursdays you work from nine to five, right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Remember when you asked me to keep my ears open for anyone looking for a relationship?"

"Oh, right."

"Well. This man seems well enough. He can provide for both you and Hikari, and he doesn't mind you come with a son. He has no habits of drugs or alcohol. He looks nice enough, but... his background is a little muddy. Are you interested?"

Sakura glanced at Hikari, and she immediately responded with, "Yes, of course. When...?"

"Tomorrow at six, by the bar downstairs. I picked a location close to home, is that ok?"

"Of course," Sakura whispered. "Thank you."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow to introduce the two of you."

"Right. Thank you very much."

When she put her phone down, she turned around to face Hikari, and saw a pair of bright eyes staring up at her. She cooed, "Hikari-kun, sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep, baby."

"Mommy..." Hikari hugged her arm like it was his lifeline. Sakura patted his head as she suppressed a cough.

"Go to sleep, dear. When you wake up, there's a surprise for you."

Hikari's eyes sparkled a little, then he immediately shut them as he tried to sleep off his hunger. Even at this tender age, he knew that the question of, "Is there any food at home?" would only bring sadness to his mother.

Sakura began plotting the surprise for tomorrow morning, and the menu for the next week. Suppose if she woke up a bit earlier, and went downstairs to the bar to pickup some cheap leftovers..? Hikari might like the blueberry crumble. She'd need some change first to pay the bartender, so she might make a turn for the grocery store first, and use the change to buy some sweets...

And as always, she fell asleep in a swirl of worry and exhaustion.

V.

After cooking a simple dinner for Hikari, she quickly went to the washroom to take a shower and wash off the excess smell of smoke and alcohol that lingered in her hair. She used the shampoo sparingly before she hurriedly went through her medicine cabinet in an attempt to find some leftover makeup. She hadn't touched the stuff in forever, she almost forgot how to apply most of it. The eyeliner had dried out a long time ago, but there was a spare case of eyeshadow that could be useful. She dabbed a little on her eyelids, and found an abandoned lipstick near the corner of the cabinet. Despite the intensity of the color, she put a little on to bring our some colors on her lips. Pinching her cheeks until they blushed a little (instead of the pale and ghostly face she usually had), she kissed Hikari on the forehead as he worked diligently on his homework.

"Write neat, alright?" She reminded him, and smiled the brightest smile she could for her son.

"Of course, mama." Hikari replied in a happier voice. "You look pretty."

"Thank you," Sakura chuckled as she examined the appliances and took a quick walk around the room, making sure everything was in order. "I'll be back in an hour, tops. Be careful, ok?"

"Ok!"

"Alright, bye!"

As she said goodbye, she locked the door behind her carefully and made her way downstairs.

The bar wasn't crowded at that time; it was still early for the night life. Oto-san was already there, sitting alone. Apparently, the man she was supposed to meet wasn't here yet. Sakura approached him and said hello while looking down at the menu. There's a very likely chance this guy would be paying for dinner, so she might order a large meal just to bring some back for Hikari.

At last, the man entered the door and spotted them. He was a bit stunned at the sight of Sakura upon first glance, just as Sakura was at the sight of him, and he sat down while her Oto-san started talking like a machine gun.

"Haruno-chan is great at everything. She can cook, and clean, and take care of children. Even though she has a son, he's very good most of the time. Sakura is quite pretty, don't you think? She's even prettier when she has time to take care of herself..."

Oto had talked for almost ten minutes, when she finally realized neither was speaking at all. Giggling to herself, she stood up and said, "I'll leave you two be, have fun!"

Sakura understood what Oto meant KAthe moment she flicked her eyes towards the door and saw him. He looked as if he was going to pull back and walk right out, and Sakura would have preferred that, because now that they are alone, Sakura is literally shaking in fear.

"Haven't seen you in a while, Sakura-chan."

He spoke first, but his voice wasn't as loud as she remembered it. Time, too, has roughed up this boy's edges.

"I...I..." Sakura stuttered, and she tried her best to stop herself from panicking.

"You have a son?" he asked, almost in rage, but voice dipped low in restraint.

"Ye..yes, Naruto-kun," Sakura finally forced out.

She could see that by now, Naruto was furious, but he restrained himself enough not to show it. "Your... how old is he?"

Sakura closed her eyes and whispered, "In October, he'll be six."

"You..." Naruto didn't quite know what to say, but he focused his sapphire eyes on the girl in front of him. Her once chubby face has thinned out into a V-shape. Her eyes remained bright, but they were larger, and her cheeks appeared more hollow. He lowered his gaze, and found the girl was shaking uncontrollably.

"Leave, now," Naruto finally said. "Leave at this moment, and we will pretend we never saw each other, and I won't tell... him."

Sakura immediately scrambled up. "Yes, thank you, thank you so much. I'm so sorry to put you in this position, thank you, thank you!" She spoke desperately.

She seized her bag and coat, and stumbled across the bar to the door as quickly as she could manage without drawing attention.

She ran the whole way home.

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TBC

A/N: Edited by K-chu. Re-upload, Oct 16.