Hey, feel like updating this, seems like a promising story, this chapters really going to focus on how it all started, his depression and stuff like that.:) thanks for the feedbac

Selfish. That's the word I would describe myself with, I never care about how others will be affected by what I do, or maybe I just over think it and decide they wouldn't care.

The thoughts ran wildly in my head as I lay motionless on my bed, six o'clock in the evening you would think a boy my age should be out hanging with friends and just having the best time, right? Wrong. I never go out anymore, I use to, before everything changed, before I started getting bad.

Before, it's such a painful word, well it is for me. It's used a lot in my brother, mother, friends vocabulary, as they all like to compare how I am know to what I was a year ago.

They think I don't notice how a year ago I could wear a t-shirt or how I could go hang out with a group of people without getting a anxiety attack and running for the easiest out lit, usually a blade or my nails.

It all started seven months ago.

seven months ago.

"Cam, you're six months into the school year and the french teacher told me you've managed to hand in a half a assignment and failed nearly every test!" screamed my mother as I entered the house after a long day at school. I wince at her screeching voice and glare towards her, dropping my backpack on the floor. "Sorry mom, won't happen again" I mutter, feeling a sense of deja-vu considering I've been failing every class except art and gym and having to constantly tell them it wont happen again."Cam, We've been hearing that over and over again, last year you we're B's and A's, what's going on with you?" Added my father, he stood tall, leaning against the counter.

Sighing I sit down at the end of my kitchen table, truthfully I had no idea what was going on with me, I was always sad, barely been getting enough sleep. My thoughts we're like bee's inside my head buzzing around hitting the sides giving me headaches. It had started randomly, progressing worsley everyday, but if i told my parents they would think I'm a wack job. "I don't know, guess I've just been having a hard time with school right know?" I answer, partially truthful. I see my mom rub her temples then look out the window, seeming to fade out. "I've asked Justin to keep an eye on you at school, and when we're not home, I want you doing you're homework and I want it to be too you're teachers on time, got it?" My dad asked firmly.

I look up then nod, heading off to my room.

Opening the door to my bedroom, I collapse on my bed angrily. "You're screwed" I hear a voice say, leaning up I see my brother eyeing me suspiciously. I ignore his comment, "But seriously, what's going on with you? Cam,You can tell me" He asks, his voice rising just above a whisper.

I hated when they constantly kept repeating my name when they we're talking to me, as if they thought I would drift away if they don't keep reminding me that they we're speaking to me. "I'm sick and tired of people asking me that! Nothings going on" I practically yell climbing into my bed and falling asleep.

a month later.

I'm derailed.

didn't think that it could get bad so fucking fast, but it has and i'm under water, drowning in my own body.

I watch as the junior guy slides his foot out in front of me, laughing. I dodge it then turn around angrily, "What the fuck is you're problem?!" I scream, the cafeteria going silent. "My problem? Have you seen yourself, everybody knows that you are a freak, you don't even have friends anymore." He taunts back, I stand frozen in my spot at his comment.

Is it really that obvious?

My shock quickly turns to anger as I lunge forward my fist connecting with his face, taken aback he grabs me tackling me to the ground, punching my eye, I fight back rolling around punching him back. Suddenly he gets off of me, his friends grabbing me holding me up he starts kicking my gut, I yelp in pain and fight against they're grasps. Then, I lurched out of their grip and I see my brother and some of his friends holding back the guys, I push forward attempting to continue the fight but I feel somebody holding me back, I look back and see my brother. The principle of the school rushes into the forming circle yelling something around the lines of break it up and get to my office.

"A fight? Campbell Saunders!" My mother screams as we walk into my house, suspended for 5 days, great. "I thought I raised you better! getting into fights, failing classes, and know because of you're actions we have to take you to a anger management for precaution reasons" she yells, mimicking the school counselors voice. I sigh, closing my eyes. A pang of emotion hits me and I run to my room slamming the door behind me, salty tears drip down my face.

I roll up my sleeve digging my finger nails into it, blood starts to appear and I look up with confusion, the feeling i got when doing that was, good?.

three month later

"Cam! Cam! Stop!" Screamed a desperate voice in my ear, sounding weirdly like my older sister Megan. I start squirming, fighting for a breath the water keeps flooding my lungs, unable to breath I claw desperately at my skin. A jolt of pain entered my body and I spring my eyes open, my lungs filling with well needed air, Staring down at me was my sister, Megan, A senior in high school and Justin, a sophomore. I look around anxiously, "I'm fine," I yell sitting up. Their eyes looked taken aback. "Something just happened there! You are not fine!" Yelled Megan. "It's just a little bit of hallucinations from the..." I spit out desperately, "From the drugs" I add helplessly, good one, know their going to think you're a pot head. "You do-" Starts Justin. "Drugs!" Megan finishes. "Mom and Dad are going to hear about this!" She yells. "Hear about what?" I whip my head over and see my parents standing in the door, carrying bags.

"Cams doing drugs! He just had a hallucination!" Megan yelled out. I glare her way then look at my parents, dropping her bags my mother makes her way over to me, grabbing my face she looks into my eyes angrily. "you're eyes are bloodshot!" She screams; yeah from crying, i think. "no wonder you are failing and becoming completely idiotic he's taking drugs! why didn't i think of that!" My mother screams hysterical. I shift uncomfortably and stand up hurrying out of the room.

two months later.

I slide out of my bed, my body mentally and physically drained from the skating and cutting I had been doing. I just didn't even feel like I was living anymore, Like, somebody else was controlling what I did and living my life through me. It was numbing and I guess, expected, I've been counting the days till it would just finally take me, and today seemed like the day. I grab the bottle of sleeping pills and a pocket knife out from under my box spring carefully tip toeing to the bathroom, Sliding off my sweater I glance down at my arms and start cutting, thinking back to my family, wondering who would find me.

Each cut, I took a pill, halfway done the bottle I fell to the ground, feeling completely weak, Struggling, I slid another two down my throat and managed to cut a diagonal cut on my arm.

I started blacking out, coming in and out of reality, when i started hearing banging on the door, laying on my on the bathroom floor, I could see a faint puddle of blood and triple of everything. The yells from my brother we're hitting me, pelting my skin. I moaned in pain and felt my hand go numb, the bottle of pills spilling out.

The blackness dragged me under and all i could hear was a slight swooshing noise, Like waves.

peaceful, soothing, waves.

I shivered at the memories of the events leading up to my suicide attempt, the waking up in the hospital was the worst. I let my eyes water, squeezing them shut and barring my face into my pillow, the sleep taking over.

Like the darkness before I went under.