I'm random. It's not supposed to make sense. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Random Man and Assassination Lady are OCs.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stardust, Ranger's Apprentice, or The Inheritance Cycle.

"Would you like some more peanut butter cookies, Halt?" Captain Shakespeare asked.

"No." Halt had been forced by Pauline to go to a tea party—you read that right, tea party—with the notorious Captain Shakespeare. Halt had no idea why he was notorious.

"How about some more pickle tea?"

"No."

Suddenly, there was a great noise as a man and a woman, both dressed in black, tumbled down the stairs to the hold of the Caspartine. "Whoopsies!" the woman yelled. "Random Man and Assassination Lady coming through!"

The captain didn't even blink. "Do you read, Ranger Halt?"

Okay, that was strange. Don't notice the weirdos suddenly playing catch with real penguins, yep, totally, absolutely normal. "It would be pretty sad if I couldn't."

"Oh, yes, that's obvious. I mean, do you like to read?"

"Woohoo!" Assassination Lady yelled, jumping on a mini trampoline that just happened to be pushed in the corner.

Random Man joined her. "AL! We should bounce the penguin on here!"

"We totally should, RM!"

So maybe Assassination Lady and Random Man were long names, but abbreviations? Halt turned to Captain Shakespeare, "Um, yes, I do like to read."

"Oh, that's splendid." RM and AL started to bounce the penguin between them. "Have you ever read The Inheritance Cycle?"

"Yes. It was pretty good too. Murtagh is one of my favorite characters."

"Murtagh? Mur-tag? Honestly! It's Mur-taj!" Captain Shakespeare argued.

AL jumped in, abandoning the penguin, "Yeah, the captain is right!"

"NO!" RM disagreed, "It is Mur-tag!"

"Taj!" the captain and AL yelled.

"Tag!" Halt and RM yelled back.

"Taj!"

"Tag!"

"Taj!"

"Tag!"

"Taj!"

"Tag!"

"Taj!"

"Tag!"

"Fine!" Captain Shakespeare yelled. "You win! I'm going to play dress-up now!" the captain disappeared.

"Yes!" Halt yelled, "I always win! And no more tea party!"

"Oh, no!" RM cried.

Halt turned around. What now?

Halt screamed. "I'm getting out of here!"

Later at Halt's Psychiatrist:

"A-and the penguin ate all the peanut butter cookies and drank all the pickle tea!" Halt stuttered.

"Um—hmm . . . I see. What happened next, Halt?" Dr. Richard murmured.

"The penguin grew and became like seven feet tall!"

"Seven feet?"

"Yeah! And then he ate the Assassination Lady!"

"And how does that make you feel, Halt?"

My best friend (Morea24) and I have had arguments about how to pronounce Murtagh's name. I'm with Halt and RM. I incorporated some inside jokes of Morea24's and mine. If you want to know who Random Man is, go to Morea24's page then mine. Please review. You don't want the penguin to come after you, now, do you?