The run didn't go well today. If you asked Mal, Zoe or Jayne, they'd disagree. They would tell you that the job was a smooth one, there was no trouble with it, and everyone walked away with what they wanted. Nobody got hurt, nobody was threatened. They'd say you couldn't have asked for a simpler pickup.

If you asked me, however, or Kaylee, or my sister who had been with us, you would be told that the trip had not been a very good one after all. It had started out very promising- the captain actually agreed to let us all off the ship to stretch our legs, provided we came back in time to leave. It was a planet Kaylee had been to before, and she wanted to show me one of her favorite places on the rim, and I was happy to see it. Even having River tag along with us didn't bother me, although truthfully, I would have appreciated some alone time with Kaylee. Still, the weather was pleasant, and everyone was in good spirits, so I had assumed that the day was going to be a nice one. It was not.

The place Kaylee brought me, one of her favorites, was a tavern. Not just an ordinary one, though. It was the one closest to the scrap yard, where the workers and scrappers and welders go for a drink after putting in long hours of work. Kaylee explained that she loved it in there because there was always someone to talk to about whatever it is Kaylee likes to talk about, and there's always someone there looking to unload parts or make a trade. To say that I was unenthusiastic about going inside was an understatement, but I didn't want to hurt Kaylee's feelings. Besides, I knew I would have to get used to going to places like this if I ever hoped to live in her world, and it seemed that I would be living in her world for the rest of my life. For a while it wasn't too bad. I was bored, yes, but River was there to talk to when Kaylee got too involved in her discussions about engine parts and other mechanics, and of course there was alcohol. I don't drink very heavily, so I can nurse a beer for hours if I need to. I even let River try a sip. She didn't like it, and she made that very clear by gagging loudly. I'll note that having your sister make violently disapproving noises about the drinks served in a place isn't a good way to stay under the radar.

Even River's antics, though, didn't ruin the outing. What did was the gentleman who had taken up almost a full hour of Kaylee's time talking about this, that and the other, and had quite clearly taken a shine to her. When I gently reminded her that we had to get back to the ship, he growled at me like an ape and told me to "leave the young lady alone". And then he called me Nancy, and I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, unless he was just implying that I'm a woman. And if he was, he had just spent almost an hour talking to a woman who knew more about mechanics than he did, so how was it an insult? Kaylee, in her calming way, told the guy that I was right, and we did need to head out, to which he informed her that she didn't have to go with me and she was free to stay if she wanted. And he stood up, rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles. He looked like a gorilla fighting for dominance at the zoo, and that was when it occurred to me that he was probably going to try fighting for Kaylee's hand. The entire moment was so absurd to me that I laughed, which I suppose was the wrong thing to do. The guy narrowed his eyes at me, and Kaylee turned to me and glared so hard I swear I felt her gaze burn a hole into my face. I didn't know what I had done wrong this time, and I couldn't worry too much about it anyway because once River hopped off her stool I knew it was time to leave.

After grabbing River by the wrist and shooting her a warning look, I turned back to Kaylee and said "We have to go."

"I'll catch up," she told me, her voice cold and angry. I'm sad to say it was not a tone with which I an unfamiliar. I opened my mouth to tell her that she didn't have time to 'catch up', and that Mal was going to be angry with us if we didn't get to the ship on time, but judging from the way she glared and then turned back to her new friend, I decided to leave it be. I even waited outside the tavern for a few minutes while River kicked rocks across the parking lot, but after ten minutes I gave up and took my sister back to the ship to meet the others.

I didn't find out what I had done wrong until Kaylee finally made her way back home. The captain had been shouting at me the entire time that she was late and it was my fault because I should have picked her up and carried her back to the ship so we could leave on time because we had schedules to keep and so forth and so on.

"Kaylee!" Mal yelled when her shoes came stomping up the ramp. "I told you two hours. You're late."

"Sorry, cap'n."

"I got you that part you wanted, you know, the one you won't stop dropping hints about."

"Thank you." She gave him a bright, cheery smile, then turned to me with a deadly hate look. "And thank you for nothing," she spat.

"Me?!" I asked, incredulous. "What did I do?"

"Nothing! That's the gorham point! That guy coulda picked me up like Tarzan and climbed up a building with me and you woulda just sat there and done nothin' bout it!"

"I..." I began, but I didn't add to that since I had no idea what the problem was or why she was angry with me. All I could think to say was, "It was King Kong who climbed the building, I think..."

"That ain't the point!" she snapped. "That guy was trying to put a claim on me and you didn't do nothin' about it. You just sat there bein' all polite and quiet. You didn't even try to get me t'leave with you."

"I did too! I said-"

"I meant before that," she corrected me, and she said it so vehemently that I stopped arguing for a moment. "You coulda told that guy that I was there with you, you coulda at least tried to stand up for me and defend my honor, but you didn't."

It was then that I realized her problem. She had wanted to me pound my chest like the guy in the tavern had. She had wanted me to accept his challenge for dominance and pick a fight with him just to prove that she was mine. I couldn't hide the confusion, and growing anger, from my face. "So, you wanted me to tell that guy off and fight him to make him understand whose girl you are?"

"Well you coulda done something, not just sit there an' let him think he coulda had me. I mean I'm your girl now, ain't I? Why couldn't ya have done something to prove it?"

"Because I'm not a brute!" I shot back to her. I knew, even in the heat of the moment, that I was saying things that I didn't mean. I knew Kaylee was going to be hurt, and probably angry, but I couldn't stop myself. I was angry, and I was still shaken from having a gun in my face and surrounded by willing fists to brutalize me. The adrenaline in my system was too high to stop myself from talking. "I'm sorry that I'm not the kind of person whose going to pull out a gun when someone looks at you wrongly, or throw a punch at a guy who makes some comment about you, but I'm not, I'm just not that person. I don't want to be that person, and if that's what you want in a man then you're better off with someone like Jayne! Although," I added with a scoff, "he'd sell you down the river for a bag of coin, I'm sure."

Kaylee's face twisted in anger a bit, which would have been cute but I was too upset to think about it right now. I did notice that she looked like she wanted to strike me, though. "No," she said tightly, shaking her head and crossing both arms firmly across her chest. "No Jayne wouldn't ever do that. You think juzt cuz he's rough around the edges and he talks tough that he ain't a good person but he is. So don't you say that he ain't takin' care of his own cuz he is. He wouldn't never turn tail on any one of us." Her eyes were narrowed and dark, defying me to fight back, to just say one thing about it. And I could, believe me I could. There was so much she didn't know. Jayne had almost sold both River and myself back to the Alliance, and if he hadn't been taken down with us, he would have let us go. He would have taken the money they gave and slept soundly that night, I'm sure about that. I don't hold it against him now- I don't think he would consider doing it now- but that doesn't erase what happened.

Still, I couldn't tell her. Kaylee's brightness showed everyone she met in their best light, and she wanted to believe in the best of people. I loved it about her, and I couldn't crush it. Maybe she needed to know the truth, maybe she deserved to know. But I couldn't do it no matter how mad I was right then. "Right," I said tersely, and left it at that. I did spare a glance at Jayne, who was shoving boxes into the hiding space and pretending not to hear us, but the look on his face gave him away. Good, I thought to myself. I still can hold that over your head. Being on the Rim was making me petty, I think. Or maybe it was just bringing it out.

The captain sided up beside Kaylee, and looked briefly between us. Then he nodded toward me, but spoke to Kaylee. "Is he the new part we just picked up?"

Kaylee's face played out her confusion, and she scrunched her nose at Mal. "Huh? Is he... well no. He ain't."

"Then why are you flapping your gums at him?" Mal pressed. "I ain't passed one day in the last month and a half where you didn't start my morning with askin' me for that there part, and now you got it and it's sittin' around waiting." Patting her on the arm, he started walking off, nodding for her to follow. "Unless Simon's gonna get my boat in the air, you leave him be and get back to work, dong ma?"

"Sure, cap'n," she sighed, sparing me one last half-hearted glance before walking away, her little shoulders slumped and depressed. I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed myself.

"You weren't made for the outer planets," River said to me, as she hung over the catwalk railing.

"Thank you," I retorted, frowning at her.

"You're soft and civilized, you fight the wrong fights."

"Thank you," I said again, meaning it less and less every time.

"She's starting to doubt-"

"Thank you!" I shouted, loud enough to cover her words, and for once make her stop talking. I pressed my hands to the sides of my head, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure of the oncoming headache. My girlfriend was angry with me because I wasn't treating her like property. As someone who has worked alongside female doctors, and women of power in politics, this very notion is mind boggling. I had always been told by my mother and teachers not to treat women like you own them. I had been told by past girlfriends not to act like a brutish jerk, because nothing makes a woman angry faster than assuming you have to fight her battles for her.

"I don't get it neither."

Jayne's voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to him, letting my hands fall to my sides. The comment had seemed so out of context to me that I didn't know what he was talking about at all. "What?" I asked him finally.

After kicking the metal grid to make sure it was secured, he stepped his way over to me, hands in the pockets of his dingy pants. "What she's so mad about. I mean, what's she expect a guy like you to do? You can't take nobody in a fight anyhow, you'd just get your ass beat on. What's she want you to get all bloodified up for no reason anyhow?"

Staring at him a moment, I tried to comprehend exactly what was happening between us, but even after a bit of thought it wasn't satisfactory. "I'm... I think there might have been some gesture of support in there, maybe..."

"I'm just sayin', she don't make no damn sense to me neither. It ain't just you."

"Well... thank you," I said hesitantly. Jayne was actually being friendly, which often gave me cause to be uneasy.

"And 'sides, I tried doin' what she said you shoulda done one time, and she got mad as hell at me." Leaning himself against the nearby wall, Jayne shrugged at me, like a man telling a story that he doesn't want you to know impacted him any. "Some guy was all over her in some place an' I came over to help, cuz she looked like she needed some, an' I told the guy she was my girl and he oughta step off if he knew what was good for him. And then Kaylee told me that she don't belong to no one, 'specially not me, then she stormed off madder'n hell."

"So... you and Kaylee...?" I had to ask, because if she had never told me about this, then I had a few choice words for her.

"No," he said moodily, giving me a look. "But that ain't even the point. I came to her defense like she said she wanted you to, an' she got all pissed. So she don't want that, and she don't wanna not have that, so who knows what the hell she wants."

"Augh!" River groaned from up above us, hanging over the railing with her hair all around her face. "You two are so stupid!"

"Hey!" Jayne yelled up at her, stepping away from the wall so he could look up at her. "Who asked you, moonbrain?"

"You are stupid, and he is stupid for listening to you, and you're both morons!"

"Oh yeah?" Jayne raised his fist, then looked around like he was trying to find something to throw at my sister. I gently took hold of his fist and lowered it, shaking my head at him. He grunted at me, but much to my surprise he let his hand drop and settled on shooting River a dirty look. "Damn girl thinks she knows everything," he muttered.

I shrugged at him, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't know... maybe she knows something we don't."

Snorting down at me, Jayne narrowed his eyes. "You think some crazy baby sister knows more about women then someone who actually deals with 'em?" He stomped a foot at me as he walked away. "See if I ever offer no help to you again."

"No I didn't mean that... I..." I sighed, since it was clear that he was set on leaving angry. "Thank you," I called after him. "For the gesture."

"Dédào xìngjiāo," he shot back, then he trompe up the stairs and disappeared out of sight.

River's eyes were wide as she watched him go, her head following his motions like an owl. "He wanted to help," she pointed out.

I sighed once again, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips. "Yes," I agreed.

"He was trying to help and you didn't listen. You said he was wrong."

"I... you're the one who said we were wrong!"

"Thaaaaat's not the point!" she said, swinging herself up over the railing. "You're a very smart doctor and a very stupid boy, Simon." She nodded at me, as though cementing her words of wisdom, and then she flounced off, leaving me to stand alone on the loading dock and wonder how it was, exactly, that I'd managed to alienate so many people in such a short span of time.