Title: Dysphoria

Summery: Reincarnation isn't always like it is in the fanfictions. Sometimes, you end up in a body you would never expect to have ended up in. Sometimes, you end up in a body, that is completely wrong. SI OC

Beta: SirKnight

Notes: This story contains possible triggers, themes that may make you uncomfortable and rather erratic thought processes. IF YOU DISLIKE THIS STORY, DO NOT READ.

I was twenty-three when it happened. I had been walking home, my car was broken down yet again, when I was right through the head. I felt it in the first second, felt the impact penetrating? my skull... and then nothing. I floated for a long time, not moving an inch.

As alone as I was, I mostly thought about my life, and why I had deserved the ending I got. I was a University student, working in a bookstore part-time so that I could afford groceries, luckily my schooling was being paid for by a scholarship and my well-off parents. I had been dating a nice guy, though he reminded me too much of my dad for me to really contemplate actually staying with him for more than a few years. I was a good person, excluding my high school years where I had bullied a few people. But that was high school, so I highly doubted that those few years had any real weight in the large scope of things I hadn't said a nasty thing to anyone since I graduated... well, maybe a few things, but honestly I had thought that the things I said weren't that bad.

After thinking about all of that, I became furious at my treatment. I tried to thrash, tried to scream, but I couldn't. I couldn't move, nor could I even breathe, but since I was dead I don't think it really mattered. I was angry. 'How dare they treat me like this, I haven't done anything wrong!' was the main thought that sped through my mind. I wanted to go to heaven, I wanted to see God.

After a long time, stewing in anger and self-pity, I felt something. It was if I was being squeezed, yanked out of the void I had been trapped in. There was a sudden rush of warmth, followed by cold. I couldn't see, because it was so blurry, as I was rushed around unwillingly. I heard screaming, as something was wrapped around me, something nice and fluffy. The cries continued as I was suddenly pressed into arms, I could feel that they were arms, arms that held me awkwardly, slowly rocking me back and forth. I still heard the screaming, as a voice called nonsense over it, and it was only then, that I realized it was coming from me.

The only thing in my head as I began to force myself to calm down was: What the hell is going on?

-0-

It took me awhile to actually realize what was going on, which I blame on the fact I still couldn't focus, and also the fact that I only ever heard nonsense. However, when I realized that I was a freaking baby, yeah then everything made sense. It took me, I think about... a month or two to accept it. The passage of time wasn't eventful as a baby, and I still couldn't see very well. It actually was my baby brain kicking in that made me accept it. A baby can start to see faces around three months, and that was when I saw my new father for the first time.

Accepting the fact that I was a baby was much easier than accepting the fact I had been reborn as the daughter of Hatake Sakumo. I had been a fan of the manga as a teen, and it carried over into my university years. I knew who he was, more or less. But this...

It took me a long time to accept it. Long enough that I had already learned to translate the basic information I heard from my surroundings. Learning the language was quicker than how long it normally would have taken me, due to my body's baby brain that housed my adult mind. I learned the language faster than a normal adult, but I could sort through the information and organize it like an adult. I think I was... five months, give or take a couple weeks, when I accepted it. I actually began to feel excited. I was Kakashi's sister, who wouldn't be excited? He was one of the most badass characters in the Naruto manga, and I was going to be raised with him.

I never saw him, so I always figured he must have been on a mission. I had never seen my new mother either, not once. I figured out, after seeing Sakumo pray at a table with a picture of a pretty woman on it, that she must have died in childbirth. A sad thought, but I had never met her, so I didn't really feel anything other than a twinge of regret. I did wonder though, how she had died in canon if she hadn't died during the birth of her second child.

I awaited Kakashi eagerly, as Sakumo took care of me. He saw to all my needs, even the more embarrassing ones. I never once watched when he washed or changed me, due to the awkwardness of the entire thing. Sakumo may have been my new father, but honestly I didn't know him, and a few months are not enough time to trust someone as much as is needed to let them wash you, or change you. It was way too weird.

What was even more weird though, as I got more and more familiar with my new body, was that there felt like there was something down there. Something that really wasn't right, but I figured it was probably just the awkwardness of my diaper, but the feeling never really went away. It stayed with me even (in the during bath time.

There were a lot of weird things around me. My room had ninja toys and stuff in it, no surprise there, but it didn't have any girly things. No pretty dresses, no dolls, the only stuffed animals I had were all masculine ones. Something that confused me to no end, but, perhaps Sakumo was already being shunned for his actions that had, supposedly, started a war. Perhaps I got all of Kakashi's old toys, because Sakumo couldn't buy new ones.

Sakumo also only ever used the name Kakashi around me. This was something that should have sent up warning signs, but honestly I just thought that I kept missing my name. I had picked up Japanese almost perfectly, but I was unable to understand Sakumo when he started rambling, because he talked faster than I could follow at the time.

It was my first birthday when I figured it out. I had begun tentatively talking a month before, Japanese was a hard language to grasp after all, but I was getting better at it. Sakumo had come in, and smiled at me. He scooped me up and spun me around, before he carried me to the bathroom, stopping so that I could face the mirror.

"Look Kakashi. Already a year old, you're getting to be a big boy!" I froze, and stared at the mirror. Everything clicked then.

The toys, the name, and the feeling of something down there.

I wasn't Kakashi's sister. I wasn't even a freaking girl.

I was Kakashi himself.

I shouldn't be taking on a new project, but this just... it was an evil plot bunny that jumped me, alright? It's also a way for me to expand my writing ability.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I deleted the old version of this story last night because I realized right after that it was crap. I'm still not happy with this chapter, but it is much better then my first attempt.

Next chapter will be slow coming, I want to flesh it out as much as possible.

Now, the word dysphoria: it's a feeling of emotional and mental discomfort as a symptom of discontentment, restlessness, dissatisfaction, malaise, depression, anxiety or indifference. (Wikipedia) I'm using the word as my title because gender dysphoria is what Kakashi is feeling. She is trapped inside a male body, and is unable to actually do jack about it. She's stuck, and will remain so. It is actually one of the main plot points of my story, so no. I will not have her find a way to become a girl. Henge is as far as she'll be able to go.

Review please!