What Scares You the Most

Rated- PG-13/T

Warnings – No spoilers, talk about sex but nothing graphic, some language

Summary – Daryl's musings on kissing, sex, and life in the shadows.

Disclaimer – I don't own The Walking Dead, but if I did... whew... if I did...

It started with a kiss; nothing more, nothing less. Daryl hadn't leaned in or flinched away. He responded only because it felt strange not to. He'd only once before experience the feeling of soft lips against his – a girl in high school, before he dropped out, had kissed him on a dare and then ran away to a giggling group of girls who taunted him from afar. He hadn't kissed back that time – didn't have time, it all went by so quickly. This time, it lasted just long enough for his lips to fall into line, to open slightly and move gently against hers. He felt he was doing it wrong, most likely, but she didn't seem to care. Carol was good like that. She didn't care that he was broken.

What prompted her to kiss him, he would never know. They'd been sitting side by side on top of the overturned bus the prison yard just watching the yard full of walkers. Hardly a romantic setting, by anyone's standards, not just his. Though if prompted, Daryl probably couldn't describe a romantic setting that would appeal to him.

It's not that he hadn't thought about it. He was human. Hell, he was male. He'd gone through puberty and his raging 20's. He'd also mostly gotten through his 30's at this point, so it wasn't like he was blind to the world around him, or the women and their wiles. He also wasn't blind to Carol and her preference for him over the other guys in the group. He knew she was beautiful, in a delicate, breakable sort of way. A part of him was so concerned about causing her damage that he rarely touched her without some sort of life or death reason attached to it. Grabbing her as she ran to Sophia counted. So did checking her for bites when he pulled her from the storage closet. The rest, well, it just scared him.

The whole sex thing might have happened for Daryl at some point, if Merle and his father hadn't been in the picture. During his teen years it was both of them telling him he wasn't worth anything, that no one would want him, that he was a disgusting, useless sack of shit. Then in his 20's, after he and Merle had abandoned their drunk father for new beginnings, they just kept on the move too much for him to really get to know anyone. Somehow the moving hadn't affected Merle's odds with the ladies. He struck out plenty, but Daryl spent more than a few nights sleeping in the truck because Merle had taken home some drunk chick to their grungy bachelor apartment that they shared.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Daryl knew that it wasn't normal to live like that. To sit in someone's shadow and never seek out the light. It wasn't so much that he was afraid of Merle. More likely, he was afraid to be without Merle. He'd never been alone. Even when Merle was gone his dad was there to provide some sort of guidance, no matter how fucked up it was. He'd have an independent thought and get the shit beat out of him, and then with Merle, he learned quickly not to bother with independent thinking. It was Merle's way or the highway. Nothing scared Daryl more than being alone. Nothing.

So he never bothered. What was the point? It's not like Merle was going to sleep in the car so Daryl could get it on with some hot piece of ass. And if he was being honest, the very thought of 'getting it on' scared the shit out of him. He didn't have any game. He couldn't string together a coherent sentence with a beautiful women, let alone work up the courage to ask her back to his place. And then what if he did? What if by some miracle he talked some poor woman into coming home with him? Then he'd have to cop to being exactly what he was: a 22 year old, 25 year old, 30 year old virgin. No woman wanted anything to do with that.

But when Carol kissed him, and he kissed her back, just briefly, he couldn't help but think that she wouldn't care. A 37 year old virgin wouldn't scare Carol away, he didn't think.

Though it still scared the shit out of him.

Honestly, I've never thought of Daryl as some 30-something year old virgin, but the guy who plays him seems pretty confident that he is, and if you consider the facts of his life, I guess it makes sense. Just some musings.

Hope you liked it. Let me know.