[A/N: My very first KnB fanfiction. Please, don't go easy on me. Tear me to bits with criticism, I like it rough.
The title "Okaeri" means "Welcome home". Okaeri is the shortened, informal version of "Okaerinasai", "Tadaima" being the reply: "I'm home". It's Japanese manners to welcome a person home or acknowledge their leaving, and is very typical of family situations. This becomes relevant later.]

"He's your cousin, and you should enjoy spending time with him." He says, easily ducking the book that is violently catapulted his way.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! DAD, I HAVE A TEAM TO COACH THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING TO DO THIS!"

Kuroko looked over the gym floor. The team were scattered around, stretching their limbs, slowly starting to warm themselves up as they waited for their coach to show. A quiet, friendly chatter breezed through the group, a casual and easy calm before the inevitable storm, due to hit when their Spartan-coach arrived and training began for the evening.
"Hey, Kuroko-kun. Where's Kagami?" asked the Captain, as he hooked one arm over the other outstretched, flexing his shoulders and biceps. The smaller teen opened his mouth and hesitated for a second, feeling a little apprehensive to tell him the answer.

Math class was the last period of a tough day for both Kuroko and his basketball partner. The teacher's voice dragged on and on, and on some more in his constant, never-failing monotone, talking a seemingly foreign, complex language of numbers and letters and logic, lulling the two exhausted athletes until they couldn't win the struggle with their lead-heavy eyelids any longer and drifted straight off. Naturally, the blue-haired boy wasn't clocked by the teacher. He never was. The resident red-head, however, found himself in the unfortunate position of getting caught for the fourth time consecutively in a week. On top of that, he'd made the mistake of using the "a dog ate my homework" excuse at the very start of the class, which, in his defence, had been perfectly true (Tetsuya #2 had reached the chew/tear things to bits stage, and a certain Ace's homework had been poorly concealed in his bag at practise). But realistically – what teacher was ever going to buy that? The result of managing to piss off the balding, slightly stout middle aged teacher to the point of red-as-a-raw-steak-faced-fury was an ugly one: after school detention.
"But I have basketball prac-"
"Delinquents such as you shouldn't be allowed to attend clubs!"
"Delinquent!? – No, wait, sir you don't understand. My coach will-"
"Perhaps missing out on your leisure time will teach you to pay attention in my class! Get cleaning the blackboards, I want them clear and the dusters empty. Understood?"
"But-!"
"Understood?"

And so, the shortest member of the Seirin High Basketball Team had been sent bearing the bad news. He only wished that one Hyuuga Junpei was in a forgiving enough mood to stop himself from shooting the messenger.
"…He's in detention."

….

In a split-second, the atmosphere went from tranquil peace, to an unstable, electric charge of building tension and approaching doom. The Captain's eyebrow twitched, manic grin spreading across his lips, holding no amusement there whatsoever.
"Really, now? Well, Kuroko-kun best be sure to tell him that as soon as I get my hands on him I'm going to snap his-"

The threat was interrupted by the sudden deafening clang of the gym-door meeting the wall with force. The whole team jumped at the noise, heads spinning to find the source.

What they saw had them all stuck to the spot, staring blankly at what they each believed themselves could quite easily be a hallucination. As the piercing wail echoed around the large hall, hurriedly hushed by a panicked female voice, they all realised that no, this wasn't an illusion. The coach really was standing there, with a baby strapped to her front.

"Ah, crap! No, no- uh. Shhh! Shhh, shh it's okay! It was just the door closing… so stop fussing already damnit! Agh…"

The team could do nothing but blink, digesting this surreal vision – their very own Riko Aida: premium coach extraordinaire, fast and cutting as a whip with a sharp tongue to match, known for her merciless approach to training her team and distinct lack of culinary skills- cradling a baby, and clearly not having a single clue what she was doing whilst trying to stop its crying. She eventually managed to quell the baby's protests, by luck more than successful tactics, sighing in utter relief as it gave a relinquishing bubble. Immediately, she shot an arrow-quick glare at the teens of the court, and they all winced back from the force of its malice.

"Listen here, boys. I've been forced to give up my only study day in this whole semester to look after this little shit. I'm worn out, I'm frustrated, and I'm furious at my father, so if anyone takes a single step out of line from perfect today you can bet your ass I'm going to kick it! Does anyone have any objections- Where's Kagami?" she snarled, cutting off one question with another as she scanned the floor and found no freakishly tall, bulk-ily built first years. The whole team shrank back a little, a chill running through the room as no one opted to answer the suspended question.

"…He's been detained for misbehaviour." When Hyuuga spoke up, everyone almost breathed a sigh of relief. He was so brave. Such a man.

Almost, breathed a sigh of relief. They would have, had the coach not screamed the command to drop and start doing vaults.

Halfway through, with the coach in full dictator-villain mode, the teens were ready to accept their places in death's welcoming arms – sweat dripping off of their faces in long streams, their heavy breaths straining their chests to the point of bursting as their heartbeats tried to hammer their way out of their ribcages. The only sweet mercy they received during this session straight from hell was when the little baby had a protest to the loud noises, or wanted attention, momentarily stealing the girl's focus. Right now the thing was bawling again, screaming its little lungs out for all it was worth for no apparent reason, and ignoring all attempts at soothing from Riko. The Captain looked on with brows furrowed in concern for her, standing from his place bent over in exhaustion to offer his help. He never got the chance to, before Kuroko materialised in front of her.
"Please, let me see."
"…What?"
"May I see him for a moment?" he asked, the only one with breath intact and only a light sheen of sweat on him, and miraculously still calm despite the loud infant. Riko blinked in confusion, before handing the little wriggling bundle over to the teen.

What happened next could only be described as a miracle.

The baby settled in his arms after a minute or so, staring with fascination into pale blue eyes that stared straight back. He did no rocking, nor shushing. Just kept eye contact with the boy in his arms, and that alone seemed to work some supernatural calming magic because it actually shut up. Coach, Captain, and the rest of the team looked on in utter amazement, stunned into silence. The auburn haired girl was the first to break it.

"…If you can look after him over night, I will half the squats you have to do this week."
Kuroko looked up, ready to decline.
"And I will pay you ¥2000."
"…Okay," the teen agreed, his face as passive as ever.

[A/N: I promise you get to see Kagami next chapter. And that's when the fun begins. I'm writing chapter two at the moment, with a figurative knife courtesy of Shannon pressed to my gullet to ensure it gets done.]