Observers

Ino had to admit, Shikamaru had been fully correct, immediately following the first fight.

He had told her how each match would go, in full detail, from start to finish, giving her an accurate prediction of how each team would win their match, why the other would lose, and how they themselves could avoid falling into the same pit traps as the others did. Most of it involved "pay attention to me when I tell you to duck", and Ino took it to heart, as their first match went off splendidly, with her and Chouji acting on Shikamaru's orders, the team performed like a well oiled machine.

Even though he'd been forced to reassess the situation when Naruto and Sasuke had withdrawn, he still came to the conclusion that Team 7 would be the team to face in the finals and that, barring an unexpectedly powerful Yakushi Kabuto or clever Aburame Shino, it would be Team Kakashi VS Team Asuma in the finals, with a clear and decisive victory in the former's favor.

Of course, now their 'good showing' had changed from 'survive a few seconds against ninja that had no right being genin' to 'keep Sakura distracted while we take out Karin and then yield since we can't beat Sakura'.

It still rankled her something fierce that she was basically just Shikamaru's puppet in this, but her wounded ego was unimportant in the face of giving the clients and judges a good show. And hey, it probably gave a good impression of her to the judges that she was willing to follow orders from an equal of rank who had proven to be tactically and strategically gifted in the past.

Still, she found most interesting the fights from the other side of the bracket. For sure, seeing Shino, Hinata and Kiba defeat their opponents through an arduous and relatively long effort was exciting, and more than once she found herself doubting Shikamaru when it seemed they'd lose before Kiba pulled their morale up, or Hinata performed a surprise takedown, or Shino enacted a well thought stratagem.

But she could honestly say that she was most entertained by watching her rival and the King's pet project absolutely decimate the older, more experienced and stronger genin on the older bracket.

The first match alone had Karin fight most of it herself, and Ino could see the fruits of the King's training as she dominated the genin that should've posed more than a challenge to her, and who would have likely creamed Ino herself no more than a month ago, but the second was, to her, far more interesting, as she finally got to see the training she had observed be put on display.

Because Sakura and Karin came face to face with Team Gai, and Ino was excited to see what Sakura would do against the premier Taijutsu expert in the village's team, rumored to be Konoha's strongest genin team, a team both she and Sakura were very, very familiar with.

It'd been a while since Konoha's wrecking crew last had a big time fight. It was a shame that it would be in an arena where there definitely wouldn't be an instance of Tenten smacking Lee with whatever she found as they moved around the districts.

The Game Plan

"Well, Karin, this'll probs be fairly straightforward and simple," Sakura said, shaking her head a bit. She knew Neji was a vindictive asshole and likely to tattle on her to her mother about coarse language. The last thing she needed was another scolding and being told she had to be ladylike if she wished to attract a husband. Well, it bloody damn well wasn't her fault that she'd been raised by a man who thought 'honor' was selling his daughter's hand in marriage for a plate of soup that he would then proceed to not share, after which they'd have to run because she'd rather string him up by his balls than marry some old geezer just to feed him.

"You got experience with them?" Karin asked. "Also..."

"Old friends, you could say," Sakura said, cracking her neck. "Or more like frenemies. Enemies mostly. Okay, so I kind of want to punch Lee's face in and rip Neji's prissy girly hair off his scalp and shove it up his butt."

"What about the girl of their team?" Karin asked. "Tenten, wasn't it?"

"She's been pissy ever since I stole a meat bun off her plate," Sakura said. "She's a shitty cook too," she added as an afterthought.

"None of that is even remotely helpful," Karin noted. "Also, the next fight's about to start," she added, as the announcer stopped explaining things to the audience, ordering the participants to get ready.

Soon, the crowd roared, and they both knew the fight had commenced.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Look, like I said, this'll be simple. Neji is a prissy bitch, but if he so much as taps you he'll debilitate you a lot, so don't let him touch you. His martial arts style's all about that, but he needs a firm and solid grounding to use it, so just keep him on his toes, attack his legs, and he won't be able to move very well. Also, he's got this weird thing he does by spinning that lets him block projectiles- just let me break it if he brings it up. It's not actually a barrier, it's more like a parry, so I dunno if that hammer of yours'll go through it. He doesn't really do much else, but in a pinch, he'll use some support jutsu and he learned enough Earth jutsu to make a flat terrain to fight in, so be on the lookout for those too."

Karin nodded. "Got it," she said, almost as if she was mentally writing down Sakura's words.

"Naw," Sakura stopped a moment and cleared her throat, "now, green jeans is a bit more limited. No jutsu, whatsoever. Guy's a cripple, can't mold chakra at all, so no jutsu," Sakura said, scratching her cheek as she spoke, "but damn fast. I mean quicker than greased lightning quick."

"How quick in comparison to my liege?" Karin asked, somewhat uncertain, "goddammit," she muttered upon seeing how she referred to Naruto, but decided to just let it go at the moment.

"Well, I ain't ever seen Naruto run at full speed, that's for sure, so I dunno. It's definitely faster than the speed Naruto usually moves at, so you can assume he's faster than you. He's also faster than me in terms of movement, but he's not so quick on the draw or with the reflexes, so if you gotta fight him, just keep on the offensive and don't let him run."

"Interesting," Karin said, rubbing her chin. "So he'll move superfast, but his reactions won't be so fast? How does he not run into things?"

"He's very good at what he does," Sakura said, "And what he does is plot a course and run it. He can't see where he's going though so that'll be the key," Sakura said. "If you move out of the way or put something in his chosen path, he'll just run right through."

"That's something of a weird weakness," Karin muttered.

"Wouldn't have it if he had Sasuke's fancy pinkeye," Sakura said, "but with human eyes it's impossible to see at that speed, since he can't reinforce his eyes with chakra well enough to overcome it, and he's trained with his weights so long that he falters when he takes them off."

"Weights?" Karin asked, blinking owlishly. "How... what?"

"Yeah, that. He's got weights on his legs, dunno what weight, but very heavy. Anyway, he'll likely start with them on and only remove them if we push them real hard. We need to get him to remove them, because they add a lot of, well, weight to his kicks. I've seen kunai bounce off that fancy dress of yours, but even the strongest armor won't protect you from getting your organs liquified, so keep that in mind."

"That's actually kind of very important," Karin muttered. "Lucky you remembered," she said, frowning at her as if chiding her for almost forgetting.

"Anyway, the last one's probably the most dangerous one to me, but you'll probably have an easier time with her. See, Tenten's all about weapons and throwing stuff. Like, all the stuff. If it's a thing, Tenten can throw it with deadly accuracy. In large quantities. So, yeah, she'll probably let her teammates engage us in melee and then throw a massive bunch of stuff at the entire arena so we can't dodge."

"Won't she hit her teammates too?" Karin asked. "Seems kinda counter productive."

"If you had to spend as much time with them as she does, you'd want to smack 'em silly too," Sakura said, grinning. "Anyway, thing is, she's real good at throwing stuff, and usually, she keeps me at bay since we've fought so much that she knows me too well. It's easy to hit me with a thrown sink when she knows where I will be in a moment."

Karin pulled a face. "Everything and the kitchen sink, huh," she muttered.

"Shaddup," Sakura barked, "anyway, it happened, get over it. She's damn good when paired with Neji, since he can see through the back of his head to dodge her shit, and she's crazy for him. Honestly, can't figure out what she sees in the prissy prick, meself, but to each their own I guess."

"But you said they are violent towards each other, that's not what people in love do," Karin said. "I mean, I'm guessing he's hit her some times? I don't think I would want to be with a guy who threw a kunai at me," she opined.

"You'd be surprised the number of idiot girls I've seen who would gladly forgive an unrepentant asshole, even after the most insincere apologies ever," Sakura said. "While I was travelin' with me pops," and then she paused to clear her throat and get herself under control again, "when I was traveling with my father, I heard this one story about this girl who was basically in love with this one guy. Anyway, to make a long story short, guy betrayed her, nearly killed her a couple of times and then came back like nothing had happened and they got married and had a kid but he went off on an adventure or some shit. The point is, it was supposta be a happy endin', but shit, sounds to me like the poor girl got stuck with an asshole and everyone thought it was cute."

Karin frowned and nodded. "That's pretty damn bad," she said. "I think the King would kill me if I even contemplated the idea of being like that," she said.

"I think I would kill myself, to be honest," Sakura said, "sounds like a pretty sad existence. But hey, at least we're bringing up the Kunoichi ranks so they're not all worthless," she added, winking at Karin in a conspiratory manner.

"Don't lump me in with you," Karin said. She pulled her glasses from the inner pocket of her jacket and placed them in their proper perch. The gold rim glinted a little. "I guess I'll have to actually see what I'm doing this time."

"Those look nice. Surprised Sasuke's sticky fingers haven't taken 'em," Sakura said, conversationally. "They're Naruto's, right?"

"Sasuke does not seem to want to lose his hand," Karin said. "Though I think the King said Sasuke should wash his neck, for some reason. No, wait, he said that he would wash Sasuke's neck, and it kinda creeped me out."

"Old expression," Sakura said. "See, the second had this way of ordering executions where he'd say he was going to wash someone's neck, because he used to decapitate people with water jutsu. Apparently he got a chuckle out of the pun. This village's ninja have always been crazy."

"That's freaky," Karin admitted. "But also kinda cool."

"Eh, would've been easier and simpler to just break their necks or something. Cleaner, too," Sakura said, placing her hands behind her neck and stretching. "Anyway, Tenten, tactics. Okay, this is for you to do. I want you to disable her first. She'll hang back, I'll take the two doofuses' attention. Now, I'm super good and all, but they're badass and there's only one of me. I don't want to bust out my better moves against these bozos, so you'll hafta be quick. Close the range as quickly as possible- toss some of those steel ball things you got to keep her from shooting stuff at you- and smack her around. Don't worry about hurting her, she's pretty durable, so smash her face into the ground until she's unconscious and then take on the prissy little bitch, I'll handle greenjeans myself, got a score to settle."

Karin shrugged. "I suppose you have more experience with them than me, so I'll defer to your judgment," Karin said, emphasizing with a curt nod that she was not doing so because she thought Sakura her superior.

Sakura chuckled. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. Yanno, I was thinking, if you like that hat so much, why are you taking it into battle?" Sakura asked.

"This hat?" Karin said, pulling her beret off her head and gazing at it for a moment. "It's a symbol of my king's faith in me. He said that I should win my fights without it getting touched even once, and that if I managed to do it right, he would reward me," she said.

"I see," Sakura said. "That's totally why you're so attached to it and not because of any other reasons, right?" Sakura asked.

"Of course!" Karin said, stomping her foot. "Whyever would I treasure it otherwise? It's totally not sentimentally valuable to me, so don't even imply that!" Karin yelled, glaring at her, "and I don't love it for its design or how well it matches my clothes! So stop thinking that! And NO! NOT THAT EITHER!"

Sakura couldn't help laughing. "What~ever," she said, tossing her hands up.

On High Ground

"What are your thoughts?" one of the ANBU asked, as he, his partner and one more were watching the matches from the roof of the Kage box. He bore the mask of an otter.

His partner, with the mask of an owlbear (he insisted on it, it was actually a failed drawing of an ox), snorted. "We all know who's gonna win. I'm betting on Team Satobe. The Yakushi kid is a career failure and his teammates are destined to be genin forever."

"Wanna bet?" the third asked, as he adjusted his brown jacket, making sure to reveal a large wad of money that poked out of one of his inner pockets. "I'm runnin' these."

"You're on, Uchiha, I've got you this time," Owlbear said. "Five grand on Team Satobe."

Otter sighed. "Fine. Two grand on Team Satobe."

"Thank you for the business, gentlemen," Sasuke said, smiling widely and pocketing the 'I.O.U.' that the ANBU signed and gave to him.

"How are the odds?" Owlbear asked.

Sasuke smirked. "Well, with you two, I'll say that so far, there's been almost a hundred for Team Satobe and only thirty grand dissent."

"That'll be a bad payoff for you, won't it Uchiha?" Otter said, "you ain't gonna pull a runner, will you? It'd be a hassle to have to chase you."

"Nonsense, sometimes you win, sometimes you have to blackmail the winners," Sasuke said, stretching. "Anyway, I came here to deliver your orders, and with that done, I'm out," he said, jumping off the Kage Box and blurring into the shadows cast by the arena's walls and protruding bits of stone and wood.

Owlbear blinked. "What? He never gave us anything, did he?" he asked.

Otter frowned, though of course it didn't show from behind his mask. Then he used his free hand to check his back pocket. "Hoh. That's some damn good pickpocketing skill alright. Little shit took my wallet. Check your pocket."

Owlbear produced a scroll. On it were their orders, as well as a note from the Hokage berating them for losing their wallets to a genin. Owlbear frowned, thinking that he hadn't brought it with him, but further reading told him that Sasuke had taken it from his locker that morning, from the ANBU HQ.

Both of the ANBU nodded. "Next time we see him when we're collecting the reward money, we strangle him. Make it look like an accident. Cleanup owes me a favour anyway," Otter said.

"I dunno, man... He's got this business he's running... Someone's gonna miss him."

"We'll just take our wallets, then," Otter said. "But I'll still punch him."

"That's okay, I guess. Anyway, I think the fight's starting!"

And From On High

Naruto swirled the glass of wine in his hand. "Do you believe he suspects anything?" he asked, before bringing the glass to his lips and taking a small sip. He moved it around his mouth for a minute and set the glass down. "Hm..?"

The silver haired man next to him had taken a moment of silence. "I rather doubt it, my liege," he finally said. "My former master is many things, a genius amongst them, but omniscient, he is not. He believes me loyal still."

"I see. Well, do not disappoint me. I believe Zabuza is ready, are you?" he asked.

"Of course, my liege. The stage has been set, and your will shall be played out."

A smile drew itself on Naruto's lips. "Excellent," he said. "Dismissed," he said.

"By your leave."

The silver haired man bowed and vanished in a poof of smoke.

Naruto's smile grew a little more sinister, as he gazed at the Kage Box, where he knew the Hokage, Kazekage and Oto Shinobigashira to sit. "Of course, overgrown grass viper - you believe me a fool with delusions of grandeur. I suppose I shall have to make a more active role in teaching you the error of your ways, once more. You are no worthy opponent of mine, Orochimaru, you are merely a stage prop, to be squashed by my chosen pieces."

Take on Me

The moment the match started, it was an explosion of movement.

Karin had never realized just how horribly fast Sakura was, or how fast shinobi could be in general. She had seen her King reacting absurdly fast to things coming in his direction, and even once or twice moving at absurdly fast speeds when there was something that compelled him to do so, but it hadn't really sunk in until she saw Rock Lee explode into motion. Fortunately, Sakura's advice paid off.

With a glance, she knew the route Rock Lee would use to get to her, the fastest route dodging the uneven ground and moving over the smaller obstacles. And all Karin had to do was simply do what her body wanted and throw herself to the side, allowing him to breeze through harmlessly. Granted, it did make her hair whip around in the aftermath, but she had been meaning to either cut it or braid it anyway. She'd have to learn which of those he preferred and-

Slapping herself, Karin started to move, taking the moment of Tenten's distraction as she began to pelt her partner and enemy alike with thrown weapons, which Neji masterfully dodged as if he knew they were coming - which he probably did.

Funky eyes, Karin muttered, she wanted to pluck them out.

Tenten noticed Karin's movement and with a sweeping movement and a flash of light, she unleashed a barrage of different items at her, including, but not limited too, a kickball, three stuffed bears, a giant salmon, a straight longsword, five kunai, half a dozen shuriken, a banana and a coffee pot that was full of black tea. That last one was the biggest problem, as the black tea was scalding hot and some of it splashed on Karin's arm, but she managed to dodge the rest and in the interval preceding another barrage, Karin had more than enough time to shoot off a couple of steel balls at Tenten, though it barely left her enough time to dodge as Rock Lee came towards her a second time.

This time, however, Rock Lee stopped before passing her and went to engage in melee. Karin was not ready to face an opponent of his caliber and was quickly being overwhelmed, but as soon as Lee broke her guard and was ready to lay a possibly fight-ending haymaker on her chin, Sakura showed up out of nowhere in a blur and landed a flying kick on the side of Lee's head, screaming "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" as she did.

Neji followed her, but Sakura was ready, pushing off the ground the instant she landed and landing a devastating roundhouse on Neji, making him fly off as well, to the shout of "LEAF HURRICANE", and while in the air, she pulled out a pair of ribbons out of her pockets, grasping them by the metallic rods at their base. The moment her feet touched the ground once more, she wasted no time, launching into a spinning jump that had the ribbons whipping about like a tornado.

It was only then that Karin realized she'd been staring at the happenings and not paying enough attention, but Sakura had blocked Tenten's next barrage with the ribbons, making the improbable weaponry bounce off.

One of the ribbons, however, was cut to shreds and Sakura stopped. The last item thrown was the kitchen sink, and Sakura had a moment's realization that she would have to kick the porcelain, which would likely cut her leg.

However, Karin snapped to her senses and dashed forward, covering Sakura as she began to descend from her jump. Thinking quickly about the approaching sink situation, Karin used her mallet to crush it instead, the sheer force of her attack sending the shards in all directions but towards her and Sakura behind her. Quite a few of them went all the way back to Tenten, who used a spatula she pulled out of seemingly nowhere to quickly block the shards.

The battlefield was littered with debris and shards of sharp porcelain, making quick movement on it impossible.

Sakura smirked. "Looks like you screwed your own comrades there," she said, glancing at Tenten.

Neji, who by this point had recovered from the stunning kick, took the moment to scoff. "Never," he said, making a set of handsigns and then raising his leg.

Karin jumped and put her mallet between her and Neji. Sakura's eyes narrowed.

Neji's leg landed, and as it did, a small quake shook the arena before a perfectly square piece of land rose up, swallowing up the debris and making a smooth, flat ground. Neji jumped on it. "Come on and fight me, you coward! It is your fate to lose against me! I AM THE KING OF THE HILL!"

"You've said that like a zillion times already," Sakura said, "and you haven't beaten me once! I'll take your challenge, prissy missy!" Sakura crowed, jumping up to Neji's arena to face him directly.

"YOSH! I SHALL JOIN YOU DIRECTLY, GREAT FRIENDS! LET US FIGHT IN THE MOST YOUTHFUL OF WAYS!" Rock Lee screamed, "DYNAMIC ENTR-"

But his flying kick upon Sakura was interrupted by her retort. Her legs might be shorter than his, but with his weights on, she was much faster and more than able to interrupt his attack with her own, taking a step to the side and raising her leg so it used his own strength to kick him in the solar plexus.

All of this, Tenten took as an opportunity.

Sakura caught the first weapon thrown at her, a tennis racket, and began to use it to assault Neji, who had been rushing towards her, by hitting the other things Tenten had thrown at her and sending them flying towards Neji instead. "Need some help here, Red!" she said.

"Got it!" Karin shouted, rushing Tenten, who had a moment's horrified realization as her enemy closed the distance.

"Damn, should've known it was a trap!" Tenten said. "No matter, I-"

But whatever she was going to say she cut off as she ducked under Karin's horizontal attack, only to be met with a knee to the face.

At this moment, Karin understood that Sakura's plan worked, and the fight had basically ended. Absent mindedly, she ducked from Lee's ranged attack as he attempted to support his teammate. She ignored the cloud of dust and crater that formed as his weights hit the ground behind her, while she began to go to town on Tenten, making sure she had no time to get away and into a position from where she could resume ranged bombardment.

Lee couldn't help, it seemed that Sakura and Neji had taken his weights removal as the signal to kick things up a notch and all three began blurring as they fought.

Karin knew that the very moment Tenten was done, she would move on to distract Neji while Sakura defeated Lee, and the moment it was two on one, Neji would only be delaying the inevitable.

Get Your Game Face On

Momochi Zabuza and Hatake Kakashi were sharing a drink.

That was the last sentence Yuuhi Kurenai ever expected to have to say, because it certainly was not something she thought she'd ever hear. Much less so that Zabuza of all people was the one paying. Also, she was openly hanging out with her boyfriend, Sarutobi Asuma, which was also a thing that she hadn't done before, but at least this one made a bit more sense.

Apparently, he had thought to keep their relationship a secret because of his rather high bounty. She informed him that while hers wasn't exactly high, it was only because unlike he, flashy, big, strong man, she didn't let people get away.

This wound up in a bigger argument that resulted in him finally agreeing to take her out on a date.

And then the chunin exams were a thing and the jounin teachers gathered in a specific box for the chunin teachers of Konoha, that had a bar attended to by what Asuma had described as "yet another of my brother's ex girlfriends", though Kurenai had only heard of the two and thus didn't think that the man's reputation as a player was warranted.

But she was digressing, she was intending to ask what the frigg Momochi Zabuza was doing in the Konoha Jounin Captain slash Teacher box.

The answer was simple.

"Because you guys got beer and all Naruto's got at his box is wine," he answered her unspoken query, before she could even ask it. "Also, no offense to those who are, but this room's got way better eyecandy," he added, gesturing to where the two other female jounin captains in the box were sitting along with the rest.

"I'm not shocked he's not sharing," Asuma said, shrugging. "Anyway, do we have the trigger?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got that right here," Zabuza said, fishing into his pants' pockets and retrieving a square slip of paper. "You know, standard procedures," he added.

Asuma nodded, read it, handed it to Kurenai, who read it and then, with a flick of her wrist, reduced it to ashes.

"Oh, fancy," Zabuza said, chuckling. "Anyway, don't lose your heads out there," he said, gesturing towards the bartender, "yo, gimme another!"

The bartender smiled and moved towards him. "I didn't think this'd be the time to get plastered," she said.

"Nonsense," Zabuza said, "Six beers ain't enough to make even a dent on my alcohol tolerance!" he boasted.

Kakashi sighed. "Why are we even doing it this way? I've always been a fan of preemptive strikes, myself."

"We're sending a message," Kurenai said. "We'll pretend to be caught off guard. If we throw off what appears to be a surprise assault, everyone will think us even stronger than if we just openly warred with them."

"I see the logic," Asuma said, "but I also think that we'd make ourselves look careless," he added. "But I think Father's still hoping that the Kazekage will come to his senses."

"Fat chance," Kakashi said. "I met him during the war. If there's one thing that man's not, it's smart," he said. "And while he might not seem to display it, I'm sure the man's pissed about the death of his kid."

"We can blame your student for that," Kurenai said with a certain degree of distaste. "That was a poorly planned move."

Kakashi shrugged. "Naruto's temper is mercurial at the best of times," he said, shrugging once more, "and I'm not gonna be the one who gets in between him and something he wants dead."

"Fair enough," Asuma said. "It was the chunin exams' second round, it's dangerous," he said.

Kurenai frowned. "It's not that I'm against killing the boy, but he should've considered the political and diplomatic ramifications of his actions. He is not just some random genin, after all. If he wishes to be a Daimyo, he shouldn't disregard the consequences."

"Eh, I don't think he disregarded the consequences. Naruto's kind of an asshole, wouldn't surprise me if he sent the Kazekage a letter to taunt him over the death of his son, to be honest," Kakashi said, shrugging.

"He didn't do that," Zabuza said. "I did," he added. "It was too funny to pass up."

"Are you just insane?" Kurenai asked, though her tone suggested that she thought him stupid, not crazy. "You could've started a war," she said with a frown.

"Don't be stupid, I'm just making sure he won't back down. It's in the scenario they wrote," Zabuza said.

"Hm?" Asuma perked up. "Who's they?"

"They is them," Zabuza said. "Anyway, everything's going according to plan, so if you'll excuse me, I've got to go. I've got assets to move and set up to do. As for everyone here... get your poker faces on, people, because we're starting soon."

Kakashi nodded. "I've got my own orders," he said, shrugging. "Well, I gotta get a move on, too. People to see, you know," he said, smiling under his mask and with his eye as he waved at them over his shoulder.

"I can never read that guy," Asuma said.

Proper Precautions Produce Proud Princes

Sasuke stored the money, wallets, jewels and other valuables he'd taken in a deep vault. Soon, a massive gear rolled into place, letting out a loud hiss as the hydraulic machinery pushed it into its proper lock. He had triple checked the insides to make sure the metal had no imperfections. He knew ninja could dive through the earth, but if they thought to do so to enter his vault, they'd be facing a nasty barrier, as it was also covered in seals that would shock any who touched the walls.

He locked it with his skeleton key and then placed his palm on the uchiwa decorating it, it lit up, activating the seals.

He went around the compound one more time, making damn sure every house was locked and sealed. Just in case, he turned the seals off and on, checked them twice and then reorganized the ANBU guards.

Everything had to be absolutely perfect. Uchiha Sasuke was never one to leave anything to luck, much less something this important. When he was certain everything was locked properly, he went into the main house and checked every window, as well as every placed ninja guard, securing each and every door as well.

Then he finally went into the Naka shrine and into the secret passage that lead to the inner sanctum of the Uchiha clan, where eighty children resided, currently. It was a slightly cramped fit, but they had enough room to play for a few hours and the fact that the entrance was only visible with a Sharingan would be their best defense.

Sasuke made a roll call, making sure every child under his care was present, and then proceeded to check each of them for genjutsu or tampering of any sort.

Finally, he gathered their attention as a group and stood on a bucket to give himself more height. "Now, I will make this clear. I want all of you to remain in here until I come in to let you out. If anyone else comes in, you will scream for the masks immediately. Your nannies will help you, but don't rely on them too much- like I said, scream for the masks immediately. If I come in, Koyomi, you will activate your sharingan and make sure I'm really me and not someone pretending to be me."

The gathered children nodded.

"Until then, there's enough food for two days here and I also made sure to have enough clothes for everyone to have a couple of spares."

One of the girls raised a hand. "Uhm, clan head, sir, I- There's no separate area to change? And there's only a big bath with showers and a big pool..."

"Yes, well, you can blame Naruto for that, he insisted on the traditional bathhouse when he designed this place for me," Sasuke said. "As for changing... are you embarrased, Hakase?"

The girl eeped. "I- yes, I don't want the boys to see me naked..!"

"If that's the case, I will tell you to not be ridiculous, because I changed ALL of your diapers at one point or another, so yes, I've seen ALL of you," he said. "Besides, you are all future ninja. You should be comfortable with this much."

"But mommy said that it's not right for an Uchiha to-"

"Ask for permission to speak first, Urabe," Sasuke scolded. "And as for your mommy said, ignore it. The old Uchiha Clan had traditions and customs and all manner of pointless ceremony. Here's the truth: They were all assholes who designed that pony show to keep everyone else distracted while they stole from the clan's coffers. From now on, consider every tradition your parents taught you to be null and void, we're a new Uchiha clan, one that is not going to financially ruin itself, and you guys will be the first generation."

The children seemed somewhat upset.

"Look, this is a high tension situation, we'll make it a more democratic vote on what we should keep and what we should discard after this, is that okay?" he asked, sounding somewhat frustrated.

"Yes!" they cheered, clearly in better spirits after their leader proved that he wasn't an unreasonable prick. For most, their parents had taught them to expect nothing less than dickery from the Uchiha clan leadership.

"Okay, now seriously, don't step out. It'll get a little... messy, outside, and I won't be able to keep track of any of you. Your nannies should be showing up in ten minutes, and they'll lock the doors behind themselves. Tomorrow, everything'll be fine, but for today, you'll have to endure this. Be strong, kids," he said.

They agreed to be strong, because that's the Uchiha way (mostly saying yes to whatever the clan head said), and then went back to playing with the games and toys that had been brought in for them.

Sasuke allowed himself a small smile and left the sanctum.

"I'm gonna steal ALL the stuff," he muttered as he made his way out of the shrine. "We're getting a pool, kids," he added, mostly to himself.

In the immortal words of Vegeta, as given said immortality by Lanipator...

I'M BACK, BITCHES!

Also it's been a while, but the cheeky dickwaffles have returned.

Mostly setup, I know, but hey, look, I managed to sneak in a fight with the Konoha Wrecking Crew, so I've got that going for this chapter, which is nice.

Anyway, if you wanna blame anything, blame Fate Grand Order.