Chapter One: Bad Before the Worse

Bella's POV

"After careful reviews and many days of court, I have decided to grant joint custody to the both of you." The judge told us, and I sighed in disappointment. Jacob wasn't a father to Brady, he was only a friend. He wasn't ready to take on the resposibility of taking care of him...really taking care of him. I glanced over at him, and rolled my eyes at the cheesy grin on his face.

Jacob and I met when we were eighteen, freshman at Seattle University. We had an instant connection and grew serious fast. However, it was too soon too fast and within a year of dating, I'd become pregnant with our son. It took a long time to come to the decision to keep him and raise him ourselves, and even then I wasn't sure if we'd made the right choice. But, when I looked at my son for the first time, I knew we'd chosen right.

Brady Patrick was my entire life and he had been for the last nine years. I changed nearly every diaper, soothed every fever, and packed every lunch. Jacob, however, earned his first laugh, took him for his first ice creme, and was always there to cheer him after after I'd punished him. We made a good parenting team, but together as a married couple...not so much.

Jacob and I married a year after I had Brady. He proposed to me once we decided to keep him, but I declined...we needed more of a reason. But after raising our son together, we thought we'd grown closer together. We married six months after he proposed and were living happily together in our small, Seattle apartment. However, Jacob and I just weren't meant to be.

As Brady grew up and it didn't take as much of an effort to raise him, our relationship began to slip away. He was always there for his son, but that wasn't enough to keep us together as a couple. And, a year ago...we decided it was time to stop kidding ourselves and just move on with our lives. I still loved him, he was my sons father and the first man I ever loved...we just weren't...in love anymore.

"Court dismissed." The judge said, slamming her gavel and standing to leave. I talked to my lawyer some more, and then decided it was time to face the music. I walked outside of the courthouse and found Jacob sitting on the steps, two coffees in his hands. I sat down next to him, and he handed me one of the cups.

"So," He said awkwardly. "How do we do this?"

"I don't want to take him out of school." I told him firmly.

"Me either." He whispered. "You keep the house."

"Jacob..."

"No, that's his home." He protested. "I'll get an apartment in the school district. He can...come over after school or something."

"Well, we have to wait for the judge to get a real agreement, but if you stay in the district...how about...you take him every other week."

"Really?" He asked. "I thought I wasn't ready to be a father?"

"You aren't." I told him. "But, he is your son."

"You weren't saying that when you filed for full custody."

"Can you really blame me, Jacob?" I asked. "He does something he isn't supposed to...and you laugh at it. You've never once yelled at him."

"I have!"

"Really?" I asked. "When?"

"The other day." He tried to tell him.

"Telling him not to run in the house is not disciplining him, Jacob." I argued. "You have to learn to be his father, not just his pal."

"But, you've got the whole...bad cop part down."

"Yeah, and now I have to be both too." I reminded him. "We're still a team, Jacob. Just...not a married couple."

"I never asked for this divorce, Bella!" He shouted as he stood and began pacing around. "You...you did this to us! Why should I suffer the consequences!"

"We aren't suffering, Jacob." I told him calmly. "We aren't good together and you know that. But, regardless of us...we have to keep it together for Brady." Brady was the first person we told about the divorce, and he'd been angry ever since. He put on a good face, and was doing pretty well, but I knew how upset he really was. Especially since a year ago his best friends parents divorced and Jacob and I said that would never happen to us.

"I should go." I said as looked at my phone. "Brady's with my mom. I'll have him cal you tonight."

"Why can't I just come over?" He wined. He'd been living with his best friend, Seth for the last few months, and hadn't been to our house in a while.

"Because knowing my mother she didn't make him do any of his homework."

"So?"

"So, you'll be there and distract him." I sighed. "That's the reason I always made sure his homework was done before you got home from work."

"So, when can I come see my son, Bella?" He asked, his voice getting more and more hostile. "I mean, he is still mine, right?"

"Of course, Jacob!" I sighed, getting annoyed. "But, our son has schoolwork to do and he needs to focus."

"Whatever!" He shouted as he walked away. I threw my coffee cup away and made my way to my car and made my way across town to my mothers house. I smiled when I saw my brother's car in the driveway since I hadn't seen him in forever. I made my way inside, and was shocked when Brady came running towards me.

"Mom!" He called as he hugged me tightly. "Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice are here!"

"I saw, monkey." I laughed as I ruffled his hair. He pulled me into the room where my brother and his wife were sitting. "Hey!"

"Hi, Bells!" Jasper said as he hugged me tightly.

"Can I tell her?" Brady begged, his eyes pleading to Alice.

"Sure, go ahead kid." She smiled.

"Aunt Alice is going to have a baby!" He squealed, and my eyes widened in excitement. They'd been trying for two years and just couldn't seem to get pregnant. I screamed as Alice and I jumped up and down in excitement. I hugged Jasper tightly, and I swear I felt a tear hit my shoulder as we'd let go of each other.

"From the screams I can assume Brady told you the good news?" My mother laughed as she came into the living room from the kitchen. I nodded as I sat down next to Jasper on the couch. "It really is so exciting."

"I know!" I laughed, patting Jasper on the knee. "Did you get any schoolwork done today, kid?"

"Yes," He lied. "No." He sighed.

"Why don't you go start that and we can stay for a little longer?" I baginned. He smiled and stood to go up to the room he used when he slept over. I sighed when I heard the door shutting and leaned back in my seat.

"So, how'd it go?" Jasper asked as he pulled me close to his side.

"The judge granted joint custody." I sighed.

"What?" Alice asked. "Jacob isn't a father!"

"I know!" I agreed. "But, the judge seemed to think differently. I know how important it is to have a father in your life...but Jacob is a pal...not a father." I sighed. Our father walked out on my mom when Jasper was four, and I was only two years old. It destroyed my mother and she only just married when Brady was a year old.

"Maybe, when he realizes how much it takes to be both, he'll get better." My mother said. "Maybe he just thinks because your there, you'll do all the bad cop stuff."

"That's exactly what he thinks, mom," Jasper sighed. "Jacob has never been resposible. I mean, if he was...he would have used a fucking condom." He said, and I felt sick. Jasper had always hated Jacob for getting me pregnant, but it was just as much my fault as it was his. It takes two to have a baby.

"That isn't the point." I said, trying to push aside the hurt. "The point is...Jacob isn't ready to be a single dad."

"Are you ready to be a single mom?" My mother asked. And, honestly...I was scared to death. I wasn't a which or anything and Brady and I had a lot of fun when we were together, but I knew that if he was having a bad day and I was left to scold him...Jacob would come and make him laugh.

"Yeah," I answered honestly. I was ready...but as I said. I was scarred. "He's my son, mom."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any less scary." Brady came down after only twenty minutes of doing homework, claiming that he'd finished. But, since we'd finished talking about court today, I didn't see any reason for him to go back up and do more. We could do that when we got home. My mom finished dinner up, and the five of us crowded around the dinner today.

"You guys know that I heard you...right?" Brady asked and I nearly choked on my wine. "Dad got joint custody."

"Wow," I sighed, trying to figure out how to talk to him about this. "Yeah, buddy. He did."

"Cool." He smiled, going back to eating his corn. I sighed in relief and decided to bring it up again when Jacob was around and we weren't in my mothers house. "Do you wanna boy or a girl? Because, I wanna boy cousin. I wanna teach him how to play baseball and how to swim. Oh! And how to talk to girls...you know. When I'm older."

"We'll do our best, Brady." Jasper laughed as my mom handed out some ice creme.

"Can I have some, mom?" He begged. I knew he'd already had more sweets today than I allowed him in a week, but I nodded and laughed when he dug right in. He was Jacob's son alright. We finished up and since I knew he barely got anything done, it was time for us to head home. I packed up his school things while him and Jasper wrestled in the living room.

"If you need anything, I'm here." My mom told me as she handed me a tub of leftovers. "Always."

"I know, mom." I smiled. "Thanks."

"That's my grandson. He's going to have the best life he can."

"I know, but...I hate that he has to go through this." I sighed. "I feel bad...I know how hard it is without a dad."

"Well, if Jacob is as good a man he claims to be, that little boy will never be without his father." She pointed out. "Even if he doesn't live in the same house as you do."

"You're right." I smiled hugging her. "I'll see you later." I said as I went to tear him away from Jasper. "Go say bye to Nana." I said and he ran into the kitchen. No matter what was going on with Jacob and I and no matter how much he hated the two of us, he'd always have my mother. For that, I was grateful. I turned towards Jasper and gave him another big hug.

"Don't be a stranger." I laughed. "You two call anytime. I know how rough the first few months can be."

"I'll take you up on that, Bells." Alice smiled, giving me a hug. "And, if you ever need me to watch him..."

"I know, I'll call." I laughed as my mother and Brady came back inside. We gave one final goodbye and then headed out to the car. "You buckled, kid?"

"Yep!" He called as I started the car. When we got home, we finished his homework, he got showered and he was actually in bed on time. I sat with him while he read for a half hour, just like every night and said goodnight to him.

Once he was asleep, I cleaned up around the house and finished editing and article that was due tomorrow. After graduating from Seattle U, I needed a job where I could work from home and Jasper found me a great job at the Seattle Post. It was a simple editing job, and I could work from home...it was perfect. And, as time went on, I worked my way up to right below the executive editor of the paper.

Finally, at eleven, I crawled under the covers, and found myself feeling for Jacob's warm body next to mine. Even though it was what was right, it was still hard going to sleep at night without him. I missed his warmth, and the comfort of knowing her was there at night. After a half an hour of tossing and turning, I finally fell asleep.

"I just wanted to do this different." He sighed. "Smoother." He whispered. "But...now I'm out of time."

"I thought you understood." I sighed, shaking my head. We'd been talking about this for months, and he'd finally agreed to signing the divorce papers. And, now he was going to try and talk me out of it again. It was me who asked for the divorce, but I thought he'd wanted it too.

"I don't buy it!" He argued, and I just grew more annoyed.

"What don't you buy?" I asked, trying to stay calm. "That's how I feel."

"I'm gonna fight for you." He insisted, and I felt terrible. We'd been in the same rut for months, and he didn't wanna do anything about it. And now, I was trying to get both of us to move on, and suddenly he wanted to be the worlds greatest husband again.

"Then you won't have to fight for very long."

"You're rushing into it because you're afraid you'll change your mind!" He argued.

"No, I'm not!" I insisted. I shrugged, and then, his lips were on mine. I didn't want to fight him on it, but I didn't want this. I pushed him away and he gave me the worlds most hurt look. "Jacob, this isn't working...I'm sorry."

I woke up in a sweat that night. I hated thinking about the day I handed him the papers, and the day he reluctantly signed them. I thought we were on the same page, and maybe we were. But, the minute I handed him the papers...the realization dawned on him that I didn't want him anymore. And the realization hit that he wanted me there. But, it was too late. I didn't want him that way anymore.

"Mom!" I heard Brady yell. "Mom! Get up!" I pried my eyes open and looked at the clock. It was nearly time to get Brady on the bus and he hadn't eaten anything less.

"Shit!" I muttered under my my breath when I realized I'd slept through my alarm and bolted out of bed. I grabbed my robe and ran downstairs, desperately trying to find something for him to eat. I settled on giving him a bag of Honey Nut Cheerios and one of his juice boxes for his lunch.

"What about lunch?" He asked as I handed him his breakfast. I sighed and rushed upstairs, digging around in my purse for some money so he could just buy. Thankfully, I was able to get him to the bus stop on time and wouldn't have to drive him. I waved to him as the bus drove away and sighed in relief. Since I'd finished editing everything I had to, I had the day off.

I took a quick shower and through on some jeans before grabbing my keys. I jumped into the car and went to pick up some food at a nearby diner. I called Alice, wanting to hang out with her today and she gladly accepted my offer.

"So, how do you think Brady is going to take this?" Alice asked as we looked through the racks at Macy's.

"I...wish I could say." I sighed. It was tricky. There were days he acted as if nothing was wrong, and there were days he'd throw a fit on me for asking to turn the TV down. I knew it was hard on him, Jacob hadn't been living with us for a while now, and he got the picture loud and clear. His parents were no longer together.

"Just give it time, Bells." Alice smiled. "It was hard when my mom left, but I eventually came to terms with it and moved on. Plus, Jacob is going to be in his life still, he won't be fatherless."

"I guess," I whispered. Alice was right. Jacob was moving somewhere in the district, he'd still see Brady and Brady would still have his father. "I just wish this didn't have to happen."

"I know,"

"I mean, Jacob and I loved each other so much when we first started seeing each other. And then, when Brady was born...that love seemed to grow." I told her. "I've told you this before, but we didn't get married right away because I was afraid we wouldn't make it once Brady was born."

"Bella, I know you loved him...but Jacob just wasn't...the one." She sighed.

"Easy for you to say." I laughed. "You and my brother have been inseprable since you met each other."

"He's the one." She shrugged. "He's out there, Bells. Just waiting to meet you."

"Yeah, well it's going to be hard to find him with Brady around." I laughed. I loved my son, but it was going to be difficult to date anyone knew. Not many guys wanted to date a girl with a kid.

"Shut up." She laughed. "You're smart, pretty, kind. You're going to find him in a snap."

"Wanna bet?" I asked as we brought the clothes to the check-out. Alice was right, my guy was out there. I just had to find him.