I will never get used to you

They spend most of their nights now at his place instead of hers. She remembers a time when she would crinkle her nose at the sight of his perpetually unmade bed or the beer bottles that were on every possible surface as if they were decorative pieces. But she's starting to like Agnes' sweet tea, veiny shrimp and nosy townspeople and for some reason she can't get enough of a set of rough fingers that play the guitar. She's changed and maybe that's why now she'll usually show up before he gets off work. The door is always unlocked and she knows he doesn't mind because of the silly look on his too attractive face when he comes back from a long night at the Rammer Jammer to find her at his place. After all, they are casually monogamous.

He's been working many double shifts recently and tonight is one of them. She is walking around the gatehouse, picking up a few of the beer bottles as she goes, simply to keep herself busy while she waits for him and definitely not because she likes to look at all the things that are so distinctly him. Maybe she wants to know more about the one who keeps her teetering on the edge of going crazy if he doesn't shut up or doesn't lay the familiar weight of his body on hers. She won't ever admit to that out loud, especially not to him. It's a little less scary when he's not here when these types of realities hit her.

It's when she stops by his bedside table that she sees it. The corner of what seems like an old picture peeking out of a book she presumes is about fishing, judging by the gross looking fish on the cover. She sets the beer bottles down and pulls the picture out. She can't help the sad smile that tugs at her lips because there is no mistaking who this was a picture of. Wade's mother was beautiful. Long wavy hair fell past her shoulders and over the simple dress she was wearing. Her face was bright with joy as she was laughing at whomever was behind the camera. She was sitting on the porch of what Zoe recognized as Earl's old shack in the woods. She wonders if Earl was the one taking this picture of the woman who once gone led him to lose most of himself. Wade never talks about his mom, to her anyway, and Zoe finds herself wishing that he would. She places the picture back in the book and a couple of minutes later Wade is walking through the door with a not so surprised look on his face when he sees her on his couch.

"Well, hey there doc." He says, before dropping his bag by the door and coming to sit down by her. His arm drapes on the back of his couch as he leans his head back and stares straight at her with a lazy grin on his face and though he swears he's not tired most nights, the slight shadows under his eyes don't lie. His fingers start gently playing with her hair and she tries to ignore the goosebumps on the back of her neck. Wade Kinsella has his mother's eyes she realizes as she studies his face in the room lit only by the Christmas lights he has up all year round.

"Hey," she finally whispers and she shifts closer to him to press a slow kiss to his face, right where the little crows feet by the side of his eye sit, before pulling back and propping her feet up on his lap. It doesn't escape her notice that he falters a little, surprised perhaps by the gesture. They don't do this. Usually it's a rough kiss before falling into bed, not soft pecks that don't seem to lead to legs being tangled between the sheets. But she couldn't help it, and that probably surprises her more as she realizes that she isn't really here for sex as much as she is here to be around him.

"What was that for?" He says breaking the silence that has somehow gotten heavy in the room, encasing them in the reality of the situation that they are in. Casually monogamous just doesn't seem to fit and they both know it. That's the scariest part of it all.

"No reason. I just felt like it." She offers him a small smile that matches the one on his face as he nods and his fingers start tracing slow circles on her ankle. Zoe understands that she could probably spend the rest of her life waiting for him to unveil little bits of himself to her, from his favorite color growing up to why he always wears that cross around his neck but never goes to church.

She doesn't know when it happened, but Wade Kinsella is her favorite thing.