xxv.

Karin wakes to the sound of rain. She lies in the bed on her side, her breath quieter than the rainfall.

She imagines Yuzu there beside her, delving into the memory when she was ill, and Yuzu stroked her hair. She imagines Ichigo there beside her with his vibrant grin trying to mask his worry, and he sits beside her, heavy enough to make the wood creak beneath them.

The memory sustains her as she rests, focusing on simply breathing, the rise and fall of air. Then she banishes it, the ghosts she calls forth from the dead. Any longer than a few minutes and Karin starts to feel cruel.

Maybe it's Hanatarou's fault for making her like this. He asks her questions of the past, and it's making her remember things she'd long thought forgotten. Then again, maybe not. He's careful how he phrases things, always just stopping shy of the fire, and reminds her again, sometimes in timid tones, other times in bolder tones, that she doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to.

Her siblings would have liked him, Karin's sure of it. They'd like Kiyone and Sentarou too.

Hitsugaya, though, she's not so certain what either sibling would make of him.

"You don't ask questions," Hanatarou notes, as they stroll through the forest, Kiyone accompanying them because it's a sunny day and she likes this part of the day. Hanatarou looks confused. "Don't you have any?"

"Questions," Karin says, aiming for sounding neutral, and missing the mark a little. "About you?"

"There's a thought," Kiyone grins, nudging Karin with her shoulder. Sometimes she strides in front, other times she frogmarches Hanatarou, today she's being a nuisance. "How much do you know about Hanatarou?"

"I know he likes horses more than people," Karin mutters, frowning a little as Kiyone scrutinizes her and Hanatarou goes bright pink. "I know he sleeps in the stables when he doesn't have to, and which horse is his favourite."

"And what else?" Kiyone asks, not quite convinced that it's enough.

"Um." She peers back at Hanatarou, struggling to meet his eyes which are firmly practised at staring at his moving feet. She guesses, and hopes it's true: "… he doesn't find me as intimating?"

"True!" Hanatarou nods enthusiastically, and Karin manages to see a nervous smile, "All true!"

Karin wonders if that's enough, tries to nod and look a little pleased. She turns the smugness up a notch when she turns to look at Kiyone. "You're going to ask me to tell you facts about you, aren't you?"

"It's only fair." Kiyone beams, awaiting a barrage of flatteries and observational facts.

"Well, the first thing is that you're a pest," Karin says, trying in vain to wipe the smirk off her face. If anything, she looks more accomplished than before. "You're stubborn, and irritating and half the time I wonder why Hitsugaya puts up with you but… then, every once in a while, you're not so bad."

Kiyone has too much time savouring this. "Go on…"

"You take care of everyone, and you're good at it." Karin scowls, feeling embarrassed the more she has to say nice things about the auburn-haired woman. "You also have a sister. There. That's it."

She could go on, but Karin really thinks that Kiyone doesn't need any more of an ego boost.

"You say the nicest things," Kiyone smiles beatifically, and Karin can't stand to look at her in case the situation gets any worse and Karin feels even more mortified. "I used to think you spent your time ignoring everyone else until it suited you."

"Like right now?" Karin mutters, really wishing that the conversation moved on to something like a peaceful interlude of silence.

It's not her intention to make her footfall sound like a stomp, but it happens regardless.

It doesn't end the conversation.

"Oh yes. Most definitely, Karin," Kiyone says, and she's doing it to rile Karin up, and Karin wonders what she has to do in order to not rise to the bait. "I thought you were one of his… a temporary interest of his. That was before Hitsugaya explained the situation, and well, time passed."

Karin watches Kiyone shrug, change her expression into something more genuinely affectionate. It's nearly blinding, Karin can hardly stand it.

"After a while I figured that you're not so bad yourself." Kiyone beams, and Karin's cheeks burn bright at the complement. "Are you blushing?"

"No." Karin insists, determined march forward and fixes her gaze straight ahead, not noticing whether the conversation continues after that.

Later, Hanatarou says, hesitantly, "That wasn't what I meant."

Karin nods. She had a feeling that might be the case, deflecting it in the moment, and letting Kiyone run away with it, for better or worse.

"Okay," Karin sighs, "what questions?"

Hanatarou bites his lip.

"Just say it," Karin states, bluntly, deciding that he needs a push. She's not a mind reader, but it's clear to see that this is bothering him.

"Questions about the kingdom," Hanatarou answers, mumbling, averting his gaze as Karin processes this.

"How do you know I haven't asked?" Karin rebuffs, narrowing her eyes. That takes him aback, his eyes wide. She softens her gaze, and looks away, to another horse that needs to be brushed. She continues in a gentler tone, "Besides, there's not much to ask, right? The kingdom's moved on; the monarchy is no longer needed. And nothing really changed, has it?"

He shakes his head, looking miserable. "No, I guess not."

"Then it's not really worth asking about," Karin shrugs, non-committal, resting her hand on the white horse's mane, a docile creature called Haschwalth.

"Sorry," Hanatarou mumbles, and Karin stills.

"It's alright," Karin says, eventually, "I didn't take offence. Actually, I was wondering, how did you wind up working here?"

There are questions she wants answered. They skittle around her mind like spiders climbing up walls, desperate not to be kept at bay.

It's just.

She feels so removed from it. Like she's a stranger on stranger lands and her worries could be cast away if only she could will herself to forget. If she chose it, she could stay here forever and learn to find peace, living in a place where only a select few knew who she really was.

And Karin wonders — would that be so bad?

Some days, she mulls over the reality — that if she found out the answers, there would be a part of her that would prevent her from attaining happiness because following that thread could prevent her from moving forward.

Maybe it's selfish of her, to want to cling to this interlude of tranquillity for just a little longer. Self-imposed ignorance can only last so long, and yet, pursuit of the answer feels like premonition of something ominous.

She can wait, she tells herself, delaying another day. Then another. And another.

It can wait until she can ask the right person. Someone she can trust.

And yet, each day she doesn't ask, the questions eat away at her.

Who started the fire?

What happened to her siblings?

Who is in charge of the kingdom now?

a/n. hi...? Delayed update since I went back and edited chapter 15 and 18, but hopefully I'll update quicker next time. Thank you so much for the reviews, they mean a lot to me!