Things Left Unsaid
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Ninja Turtles or the song Things Left Unsaid by Disciple all of which is in bold italics.
Beep… beep… beep…
Shallow breath whispered through the silent room, pausing with a hitch at each raise of the yellow plated chest before resuming with each exhale. No other movement elicited from the form lying on the cot in the sterile room. Each struggled breath louder than the quiet beeping of the machine beside the bed watching the weak fluttering of the owner's heart rate.
Beep… beep… beep…
Knuckles cracked in nervous restlessness beside the unconscious form. A grimace passed his green face as he wrung his fingers together, staring at his brother lying so motionless in front of him.
Because of him.
In a blink of an eye everything had fallen to pieces.
It's just a matter of time a few days ago
I saw you, you were fine
Remembering what you said
About the book you read
The one I got you
The Beginning of the End
Oh how we'd talk
For hours upon end
What I would give
Just to do it again
Just a one on one training run. That's all that it was. A way to finally bond, understand each other a little better. How could've it gone so wrong?
Beep… beep… beep…
It wasn't supposed to be this way. He hadn't meant for any of it happen. Certainly not this. If he could change what happened, take back his words before they even left his mouth… stopped the inevitable fight. He would've in a heartbeat just to hear his brother's voice again. His brother's fate was uncertain. No one knew if he would pull through or just drift away from them without the slightest goodbye.
He swallowed dryly, taking in his brother's injuries, flinching at the bruised face and split lip he himself had had a part in starting all this, barely covered by the oxygen mask that was helping his brother to breathe. His eyes moved over to the pristine white bandages covering both arms from shoulder to finger tips, one of them wrapped in a hard cast to keep the broken limb still to allow healing. The chest mostly wrapped up tight with more bandages allowing bits of the yellow plates to shine through as they tightly kept broken and bruised ribs together. Eyes trailing down to his brother's hands, he couldn't help but stare, wondering if the burnt fingers would ever hold weapons or even the simplest objects again.
He shuddered and licked dry lips, not being able to help but look at his brother's broken leg, the ankle shattered, almost unable to be put back together again. As it was, they weren't even sure it would hold up his weight anymore. If he first recovered… if his flesh healed of the burns littering more than just his hands, covering his body in spots here and there in painful red weld welts.
He slammed a fist down against the arm of the chair he sat in.
But you're lying there
In this hospital bed
Won't you open your eyes
And let's talk once again
Beep… beep… beep…
"Wake up… come on bro…" His voice came out hoarse, unused for hours. Had it been hours? He'd lost track of time after they'd patched up their brother. "…ya have ta wake up," he pled with his brother, just to open his eyes even if it was only for a moment.
"Listen, I know…" A scowl flitted across his face, darkening his gaze. It was stupid. Words that flooded his mind, apologies on the tip of his tongue just didn't seem to form, couldn't pass his lips in anything that resembled anything like speech. His eyes scrunched closed as he tried again, failed, took in a breath, held it for a moment, and let it out with a loud whoosh.
"It wasn't your fault. None of this… I know I shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have… said the things that I did. Ya know me, I go off on the deep end and say things before thinkin'. Always do…" The bitter chuckle broke past his defenses as he blinked away his watery vision.
Beep… beep… beep…
He wasn't quite sure what he was waiting for, what he could be expecting in reaction to his words. Just a fluttering of movement, a twitch of still fingers, twitching eye lids, anything that would prove to him that his brother was still there somewhere. That he wasn't wasting his breath, that he wasn't being stupid talking aloud to his unconscious brother.
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face
He ran a hand down his face, stood up briskly and started pacing the infirmary, avoiding the small cabinets at the wall opposite the bed. Back and forth his feet padded across the cold cement floor, stopping in front of the large brown desk and black beat up chair before pacing the other way, briefly pausing in front of the old bookshelf holding volumes of thick tech and medial books, none of which could help his brother at this moment.
Beep… beep… beep…
This couldn't be the end… He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut tight, refusing to acknowledge the tears pricking at his eyes once more. His brother was too strong to let it end here. He didn't deserve for it to end here.
Well I've been here all night
And I'm watching you
Breathe in and breathe out
Is it really you
Or just a machine
That's giving you life
His pacing stopped as he stood at the foot of the bed, just watching his brother, mesmerized by the small movement of his brother's chest still moving. Eyes flicking to the machine, he watched the little green line move up and down with beating of his brother's heart rate, jerky and unsure, but still there.
Swallowing hard, he couldn't help but stare at his brother's face hoping… really hoping that something would happen for the better. Hoping for movement that hadn't been seen all night.
And it's making it seem
That there could be hope
I could say to your face
If it weren't for you
That there would be no grace
That's covered my life
You took the time
To speak into my mind
And my heart
Words of life
The sight of all the blood covering the jade green skin as soon as he had gotten to the source of the SOS signal filled his mind. His brother's pain filled whine barely suppressed between his lips echoing in his ears, flashes of fire still dancing across green skin in his mind's eye. It had been for him… all for him. The attack, the ambush surrounding the warehouses... He was the target. He was the one that was supposed to be there for their enemy to attack.
To kill…
Fists clenched at his sides. Their fight… the stupid fight that caused him to leave, storm off into the night after heated words had been exchanged and leaving his mark on his already exhausted sibling. He shouldn't have even left his brother on that rooftop. Should've apologized right then and there and stuck together.
A shuddering breath passed between his lips as his shoulders hunched, hands bracing the foot of the bed's edge, a lone tear finally slipping down his beak, landing on the tip of a green toe.
"I'm... sorry Leo… I'm so sorry." His breath hitched, stopping his words for a moment. "I don't hate ya. I never did… and never will." He paused, watching his brother for movement before forcing himself to continue on. "I look up to ya. I know you don't think so, I push against yer orders all the time so you'd never know. But that don't change the fact that yer my brother…" More tears started to slide down across his cheeks, shoulders shaking with barely suppressed sobs.
With a sudden urge to be closer to his brother, he slipped back into the chair beside his brother's bed, taking up the hand closest to him as he held it ever so gently in his own
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face
"Ya have to pull through Leo. Ya have to wake up. If not for me, then for the others. I wouldn't blame ya if you didn't speak to me again… Not that you ever had it in ya to stay mad like I always seem to, but…" He clenched his eyes shut tightly, clutching his brother's limp had a little tighter. "After that, I wouldn't either."
"I never asked for this!"
"Mind yer own damn business!"
"I don't have to fall in line and follow orders like a good little soldier."
"Go get yourself killed. We're all better off without your pompous, high and mighty attitude. We're just fine on our own!"
"I don't need you!"
"I hate you!"
The words echoed through his mind again and again without relent, tormenting him in an unrelenting loop as he wished once again he could take it all back. And with starting realization, he knew he couldn't. Not unless Leo woke up and even he wasn't sure his brother would be able to. He could feel his brother slipping, his spirit weakening with each passing moment. His shoulder's drooping, he did the only thing he knew he could do for his brother, to not allow him to be alone in this time and maybe… just maybe change his mind in making him come back to them.
A sigh left him as he slid further down into his chair. "If it's too hard…" his voice cracked, torn with himself for saying these next words, but he knew they were words his brother needed to hear, not from just his family as a whole, but from him. "Just let go Leo. We love ya." He clenched his eyes shut again. "I love ya. I can't ask for ya to live in pain just to make us happy. You have to be happy bro."
So goodbye for now
And I'll see you again
Some way, somehow
When it's my time to go
to the other side
I'll hold you again
And melt at your smile
"Goodbye bro," Raphael's breath hitched just as Leo's did, his brother's breath resuming once more however faintly. "Leonardo … be safe." He clutched Leo's hand with both of his own. "Don't have too fun much without me. I'll be there before you know it." He wiped at the tears in his eyes with the back of his hands. "I'll watch out for the family. I'll keep Mikey's sunshine going, Donnie from holing up in the lab. I'll even drink tea with sensei to keep him company. Even though I still don't understand why you choose to drink that stuff…"
Now all I have
Are the ones that I'm with
And you taught me not
To take for granted
The time that we have
To show that we care
Speak into their minds
And their hearts
While they're here
And say I love you
He let out a bitter laugh. "The others would kill me for allowing you to do this." He shook his head, the laughter dying on his tongue. "But… it is what it is. I guess when it's time… well it's time."
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face
Leonardo's chest rose once more, falling back down to slowly rise again.
"Love ya bro," Raphael whispered. A tear tracked down falling on Leo's hand. Raph blinked as he could've sworn he felt the very slightest of squeezes from his brother's hand in his own. He held his own breath as he watched his brother's face, the ever present tense lines gone. Air puffed out from around the oxygen mask, his chest rose again, breath trickling out as gold plates slid back down one final time, finally still.
Raphael didn't realize the next tear that tracked down his cheek until it hit the floor. He squeezed his brother's hand tightly, gritting his teeth to prevent even more tears from falling as the heart monitor let out a long shrill beep. The red banded turtle didn't even realize the rest of his family had come running in, didn't even feel as they pushed him away to get more space to resuscitate Leonardo, barely heard the frantic motions of performed cpr. Time seemed to slow around him, his eyes fixated on his brother's. Movement slowly came to a halt within the room as nothing changed after long agonizing minutes, the brothers coming together to mourn the loss of their own. A furry hand fell softly atop the green forehead lying on the bed, whispered words carrying through the large, still room.
"Be safe my son. You will always be loved and remembered."
A/N: This is just a muse that hit me when listening to the song one day and so I ran with it. I didn't foresee the ending as it was, but I think it did fit for what I was going. Hope you all enjoyed and please let me know what you think.