"You can't be fucking serious." Ragna slammed down his hand on the table fiercely, making the frail cups of coffee tremble, almost as if they were going to shatter.

"Now, now, Ragna…" Before him was Mori, the producer of the acclaimed Blazblue franchise. They had just finished recording their lines for the newest installment- Chrono Phantasma. Which is why this entire meeting made no sense.

Taking a sip of his coffee before risking losing it (and expensive it was), he kept on talking.

"It'll be a while until we can work on the console version, and I thought this would be a fun way to keep the cast together!"

"Why? Why the fuck would you want to keep THIS cast together!? There's no way I'm going through that misery with those bunch of retards!"

Mori smiled slyly, like a kid who knew he had gotten away with his greatest prank yet.

"The papers are all signed. You start next month."

"What the flying fuck! I didn't sign shit!" Ragna tensed up to the point where you could see his neck muscles strain.

"Remember that blooper where I made you sign some papers and you were like 'Yeah yeah whatever just give me my fucking paycheck!'?" Mori laughed in Ragna's face.

Damn, he had been played.

"You're gonna hear from my lawyer you degenerate piece of shit!" Ragna slammed down his hand again on the table, causing his blazing hot coffee to pour all over his arm.

"SHIT! FUCK!"

Mori just kept sipping on his coffee, trying his best to not spit it all out in Ragna's face.

"Look, don't be like that! The prize is two hundred fifty grand, after all…"

Ragna froze, unlike his burning arm. Two hundred fifty grand…with that amount of money, he could finally quit working like a waiter while waiting for the next Blazblue installment! Shit, why didn't he finish highschool anyways? In any case, the idea was sold to him. He had to become a chef… the best chef.

"I'm in, fuck damn it!"

For money!

"Just as planned."

Being picked up by a two story, luxurious Hell's Kitchen bus should have been awesome, but Ragna couldn't help but be incredibly irritated at his company.

"He-HEY, B…brother?"

"Hey Jin, you know we're not filming Blazblue anymore, right?"

"Blazblue? Why would I film the Azure Grimoire, brother? All I want to film…IS YOU!"

"Oh fuck me senseless, you're actually retarded."

Before Jin could take the first part of his phrase literally, Ragna's arm was slapped weakly by…somebody. When he spun around, there was nobody to be seen.

"Oh Ragna, you are still as easy to fool as any common pet." Returning his gaze back to where Jin was, he spotted Rachel flaunting her snobby bitch ass proud fucking look.

"Really funny, bitch. I'd ask but I already knew you were a fucking snob twenty-four seven!"

Rachel just began chatting with Jin, leaving him stranded without an answer.

'Fucking bitch.' Those were always the same thoughts that sprung up whenever he spoke with Rachel.

Before his day could be further ruined, he decided to board the bus before the rest of the crew arrived. He picked a nice, hidden seat at the corner of the second floor, and waited.

When the bus arrived in Hell's Kitchen, Ragna made sure to be the last one to leave the bus. That way, he could gauge up the competition without actually…interacting.

On the men's side, he could identify the obvious Jin (if you could even call him a man), Bang, Tager, Hazama (oh fuck him), and the two newcomers from the newest installment: Amane and Azrael. Despite Amane's frankly fabulous outfit, he was amazed at how much manly he could be than Jin.

On the girl's side, there was the snobby bitch, Litchi, Noel, Kokonoe, Platinum, Tao…Tao!? What the fuck was she doing there? …Regardless, he also saw Bullet. Seems they brought in all new members...Just great.

"Welcome, Welcome to Hell's Kitchen, everybody!" Some Belgian waiter walked up to the group. He swore he could remember his name from somewhere…Johny Pier? John Pierre?

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT'S JEAN PHILLIPE!" Noel started shouting from amidst the crowd. There was a mind numbing silence as every eye in the set dawned upon her.

"W-why are you looking at me like that? Y-You don't know him? I-Am I the only who who actually watches this sho-"

"Oh fuck off will ya!" A mysterious voice shouted.

The leaves near them began scattering as a fierce gust hit the group. Above them was none other than Top Chef Gordon Ramsay in a rocket jetpack. After doing some kickass pirouettes he landed right next to Jean Phillipe.

"What" What. What? What the fuck?

"I'll cut the crap. As you all probably now, this is Hell's Kitchen, and I am Chef Gordon Ramsay. Take a deep breath at how nice I'm being, because in ten seconds I will be running your sorry asses for months!"

"…"

"…Now fuck off into the building will ya?"

Ragna made his way towards the kitchen, catching some comments from his surrounding peers. "It's just like on TV!", "That was a true display of science!", "Iaaa lunaaa" "How dare that swine tell ME to fuck off?", "This guy's gonna be a blast to troll HEHEHhahHhhuHUHUHUHU", "His hair is simply wonderful!" …Shit like that.

If what he was hearing from Noel was true, it was customary for this show to have a challenge showing off what you could do right from the bat. Luckily, Ragna had time to study up and brush up all he could in his culinary skills. And maybe, just maybe, the money was in his grasp.

"Listen up. All of you!" Chef Ramsay's voice definitely had a piercing element to it.

"As you know, the winner of Hell's Kitchen will be receiving two. Hundred. And FIFTY grand, alongside the position of Executive Chef on my new restaurant located in Kagutsuchi. Thus! I need to know what you're capable of! We'll be forming two teams. Red for the women, and Blue for the men. Now, you have fourty-five minutes. Use anything in the kitchen, and show off your signature dish…The team that pleases me the most will win the challenge."

The 14 contestants got ready…it was all or nothing.

"Now get the fuck in the kitchen!"

The crew spread out swiftly, heading towards the pantry for their ingredients. Ragna didn't have time to fuck around; it was time to show them his skill! Fuck, he needed that money for rent! He grabbed some spaghetti, vodka, tomatoes and a myriad of other ingredients and got down to work.

"TIME'S UP!"

'Shit', Ragna thought to himself. He had barely managed to finish plating his dish with 5 seconds remaining. What really surprised him, though, was seeing how the rest of the crew actually got their shit done. Even Taokaka.

"Alright then, let's see what I'll have to work with this year."

He lifted up the first lid.

"…Dear, Oh dear. Who the fuck cooked this?"

"M-Me, chef…" Noel was trembling already.

"Step forward…what the fuck is this?"

"It's, um, Kagutsuchi Puffer Fish simmed in Peppers and Spices…"

"Are you a fucking lunatic? Come here…Come here!" Noel eeped, but stepped closer to the Chef.

"This fish…it's RAW! It's bloody fucking RAW!" He slammed his hand onto the dish, breaking it into a million pieces and splashing sauce all over Noel's face in a totally non sexual matter.

"YOU'LL KILL SOMEONE!"

"I-I-I-I-I-I-'M I'M SORRRYYYY CHEF! UAAAAAAAAAAAAHH-"

"Oh FUCK OFF, will ya? Wake up! Get your ass back in line!" Still bawling, Noel walked back to her group. Hazama's cackles resonated throughout the room.

"AhahahHUHAUAHUAHHOHOHOHOOHEHEHEH"

"Hey you! Shut the fuck up!"

"Yes…Chef…heheheoohohoho. I mean. Yes Chef!" Yet Hazama still kept that fucking shit eating grin, what Ragna would give to kill him right now.

*shot of Noel looking at the camera*

"I was like, soooo scared! I actually started to cry…It was my favorite dish too! But…But I won't' give up!"

*end of interview*

Chef Ramsay moved on to the next tray. As he lifted the lid, he was presented with quite the exquisite looking dish.

"Who cooked this?"

"That was me, chef." Litchi voiced out. She walked slowly, her melons bouncing at a magnificent tempo, her legs so smooth and beautiful you could see Noel's crying face reflected on them.

"Al…right? What is this, then?"

"That, chef, is a Trevally and Lychees dish coated in a mushroom, celery sauce…"

Chef Ramsay took his utensils and took a portion of it right into his mouth.

"This is…"

*generic tv show dramatic music whle closing up on Litchi's face*

"…quite delicious!"

*Interview with Litchi*

"Yes! I was quite relieved at Chef Ramsay liking my dish…I know some people don't really notice me for things other than my, uhm, assets…but I can definitely cook!"

*end of interview*

"Do you have cooking experience?"

"No chef, I work as a doctor on a small clinic…I do cook my own meals, but that's it."

"To think there was such talent hidden in a clinic! Get back in line."

"Yes chef!"

As things were looking up for the red team, none was quite prepared for what was about to happen as Chef Ramsay pulled up the lid.

"...Oh my god, fuck me senseless. Who cooked this!?"

"THAT'S ME NYA! TAO CHEF!"

"You have NO REASON to be happy! Look at this! COME HERE! ALL OF YOU!" The 14 contestants circled around the table…

In it, was an overcooked, charred, hair-covered salmon.

"Did you expect…did you SERIOUSLY expect ANYBODY to eat this piece of shit!?"

"Nyaa, Tao eats it all the time! Look meow!" Tao reached over, grabbed the fish, and munched it down.

*dramatic beat music as the camera shows the incredulous faces of all the participants*

"…GET OUT!"

"Meow?"

"GET OUT! TAKE OFF OYUR FUCKING JACKET. AND GEEEEET OUUUUT!"

"MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"OUT! GET THE FUCKING BLOODY HELL OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"

Presented with the worse excuse for a culinary dish ever, Chef Ramsay loses his patience…and now, even before the first service even starts, the red team is down one member! Will they be able to win the challenge…will they be able to hold up during service?

Will Ragna get his money?

Find out during the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen!