A/N: Many of the characters are very OOC because firstly, this is a crackfic, and secondly, Janine, who is publishing this, doesn't know much about Naruto and Blue Exorcist and relied largely on a couple of Wikia pages when writing her part. Also, dear readers, be warned that Janine wrote in a style most unlike her own in this fic. She was trying to be derpy, okay? XD

A Perfectly Normal Outing

A collaboration between Fetus Llama Farts, Dr. Foetus and Janine

Once upon a time, there was a little shitface named Sasuke who was a little emo shit and needed somebody to help him restart his clan so he signed up at a blind date office service thing. He signed up to get a man as his blind date, but 'cause he was stupid, he didn't realise that he signed up for a triple blind date.

The next day he got a phone call from the office saying that his dates were ready and that they would go to 'Foetus World' (1) and to be there at 8 with a suit on.

When the time arrived, he didn't have a suit so he put on his tutu and went out to the restaurant. As he was walking very confidently (because he was a hipster, duh) he had to stop for a moment.

"I praaaaaance, I PRANCE!"

Sasuke stopped and stared as a man with pretty much fire for hair and a cape leaped past.

"I PRANCE AND PRANCE FOR I AM LANCE! LAAAAAAANCE! LANCE THE PRANCER! Bitches. PURANSINGU DASUKI DESU."

Derp – er, Sasuke saluted 'Lance the Prancer' as he pranced away and continued on. Eventually he got to the restaurant called 'Foetus World' and a punk dude with white curly hair and a red cape with a green lizard on it and a weird feathery hat and very scary orange eyes rushed out to meet him like he was desperate for customers or something.

"Good evening," he said with a big fake smile on his face. "What a beautiful tutu you're wearing. It looks vaguely familiar . . . but that's beside the point. Come for a blind date?"

Sasuke said he had so the punk dude asked his name and told him to go to table number four, where his dates were waiting. So he strutted past all sorts of weird and wonderful creatures until he got to a table with a big '4' on it. There were two people sitting opposite each other and having some sort of staring contest. One was some nerd guy with glasses and the other was none other than the great Slenderman. Sasuke noticed that Slenderman was the only one wearing a suit - the nerd guy was wearing a pink dress and a crown. Sasuke forgot about what he himself was wearing and started thinking the nerd guy mustn't be much of a nerd.

"Hey," said the nerd guy. "Do you know how long we spent waiting for you, shitface?"

"Oh? I thought this was a date. Be nicer. Who the hell are you, anyway? And why are you wearing that?"

"I'm Yukio, cosplaying as Princess Peach from the Super Mario games, if you must know," said the nerd guy. "You sure are one to talk. A tutu, honestly?"

"Well," Sasuke glared at his 'date', "I happen to be cosplaying as Princess Tutu from Princess Tutu."

"Right. You still haven't told us your name."

"Sasuke."

Sasuke sat down very awkwardly and tried to arrange his tutu nicely and get away from Slenderman's tentacles at the same time. Which failed epically 'cause he was a shit. The fact that Yukio and Slenderman were also shits didn't help. The three of them just sat at the table like derps and derped for who-knows-how-long. Then a waiter who looked relatively normal compared to everyone else in the restaurant came up to them and interrrupted their derping.

"Can I help you?"

"No," said Sasuke.

"Wait!" Yukio yelled, standing up all of a sudden. "Aren't you Alphonse Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist?"

The waiter looked surprised and his greyish or greenish or whatever eyes widened 'cause he was such a pretty boy. "I am, actually. How did you know?"

Yukio looked very shifty. "Well, you know . . . don't you remember? We had a – a mating session on a street. (2) Not that two guys can mate, but –"

"Can you give us some food already?" growled Sasuke. He could hear his stomach grumbling under his tutu.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir," said the waiter who was apparently some dude from an anime. He bowed sheepishly like a playboy or something. "I thought you said you didn't want any service. What would you like?"

"Omusubi with tomatoes," said Sasuke.

"Every type of seafood you've got," said Yukio.

"Er – all right. Are you sure you don't want to be more specific?" asked the waiter.

Sasuke and Yukio looked at him like they were expecting something and would be outraged if they didn't get it.

"Well, what about this gentleman over here?" said the waiter quickly. Sasuke thought he must be the shittiest shit in the world of shits if he wanted to talk to Slenderman.

Slenderman waved his tentacles around like he was about to grab the waiter but then just started derping again.

"I don't think he's hungry," said Yukio.

So the waiter walked off, probably 'cause he was creeped out, and for some derpy reason muttered, "Oh, how I wish I didn't have to work here! But I swore I would be true to her . . . my darling . . . oh, what wouldn't I give to see that girl again?" (1)

Meanwhile, Sasuke and his party were derping again 'cause there was nothing else to do while waiting for the food to arrive. Suddenly there was a series of yells from the other side of the restaurant. Two girls were running amok around the place, one chasing after the other. The one being chased had a combination of red and gold and brown hair.

"Come back here, Rambutan!" shouted the pursuer in glee. "Let me see those beautiful hindquarters!"

They disappeared out the back door. "What the hell," said Sasuke. He was even grumpier now that he knew he had gotten himself into some sort of freak show.

The waiter was back after a few minutes with the food. Sasuke, hungry as hell, picked up his plate and was about to empty the contents straight into his mouth when Slenderman gave him a slap so hard he saw stars.

"What's your problem?" he burst out angrily, slamming his plate down and giving Slenderman a death stare.

Slenderman jiggled his tentacles at the food. Extremely pissed off, Sasuke looked at his plate impatiently and a moment later yelled out and fell off his chair. The rice in his omusubi was pink and slimy, and the seafood was nothing but –

"Are those foetuses?!" Yukio shrieked, adjusting his glasses.

"Bred in the sea and deep fried in whale oil," said the waiter proudly.

He didn't have time to wipe the smile off his face before Sasuke, Yukio and Slenderman started bashing the crap out of him. The rest of the derps in the restaurant didn't even flinch – they just went on eating like nothing was happening. After a couple of minutes Slenderman dragged his lucky victim out the back door and no one knew what he did to him.

As Sasuke and Yukio sat back down at the table huffing and puffing, there was a high-pitched scream from (again) the other side of the restaurant. This time it was . . . Princess Peach. Dashing around and knocking tables over and shitting everywhere (not literally).

"Help!" she shrieked. "Bowser's chasing me! Somebody help, please!" At this exact moment Bowser appeared, racing towards her with a menacing look on his face.

There was a flash of bright light and Bowser was knocked backwards by a . . . huge-ass swan?! Sasuke had no idea what the hell was going on.

The light faded and the swan turned out to be . . . Princess Tutu. Standing beside her was a guy with a ridiculously derpy blackish or greenish mullet.

"Are you all right?" asked Tutu, holding Peach's hand like she was a babysitter or something.

Peach fell on her knees ever-so-melodramatically and cried her eyes out into Tutu's tutu. "Oh, thank you, thank you!" Bowser was passed out on the floor (like a derp, of course).

The mullet guy rolled his eyes and unfortunately turned around and noticed Sasuke and Yukio. His reaction to their awesome cosplaying skills was very, very derpy. "Er . . . Tutu . . ." he said.

Tutu looked around. "Hm?" Then her jaw dropped. "Qu – Whaaat?! What are they – why are they –"

Peach's reaction was even derpier than the mullet guy's and Tutu's combined. No need to mention such derpy derpiness. Anyhow, Tutu told her to get out before Bowser woke up and she ran off. Then Tutu stared at Sasuke and his version of her tutu for a very, very long time, before the mullet guy started shouting at her.

"What are you doing, moron? We have a search to carry out, you know!"

Tutu gasped. "Oh! We have look for Mytho! He's trying to take someone's heart out again. Let's go, Fakir!"

They left.

Sasuke stood up and looked at Yukio and picked up a plate of 'seafood' and threw it at Yukio's head. Then he walked out.

Waiting outside was . . . Sakura. "Oh, how could you, Sasuke-kun?" she wailed, pouncing on him. "Going on a blind date when you could have been with me!"

"Get off."

He went home by himself and went to bed and had disturbing dreams about foetuses.

Yukio went home and complained to his brother about foetuses and went to bed and also had disturbing dreams about foetuses.

And Slenderman lived happily ever after.

(1) An allusion to Janine's Di Kafe.

(2) An allusion to The Fetus of Death's Street Fighting.

And yes, the 'punk dude' is Drosselmeyer. =P