The (Somewhat) Inevitable Harem of One Tsunayoshi Sawada

Fourteen days after his twenty fourth birthday, Tsuna came to realise that over the past ten years he'd steadily been amassing a harem of (dangerous) men. Of course, by then, it was too late. Crack. TYL Verse. All27. Maybe OOC.

Chapter One "Mukuro wasn't in my bed this morning."

Day Five

"Mukuro wasn't in my bed this morning. Does anybody know where he's gone?" Tsuna asked it at the breakfast table - consisting of himself, Hibari, Gokudera, Yamamoto and Lambo - that morning as he pushed his eggs around on his plate, unsure if he was hungry or not. At the resounding silence that followed his words, he lifted his head, meeting several pairs of eyes that ranged from incredulous to angry. Mostly angry.

"T-That pineapple sleeps in your bed, Tenth?" Gokudera recovered his voice first and Tsuna nodded, deciding to stab a piece of bacon with his fork before bringing it to his mouth and chewing on it slowly.

Gokudera took in a slow breath before asking, "And this is normal?"

"Yeah. He's been doing it for the past three years now. I normally wake up earlier than him, but this morning he wasn't there." Tsuna set his fork down and picked up his mug which was steaming with coffee.

"Tenth, did he force you into any illicit actions?" Gokudera sounded scandalised, his voice nearly dropping to a whisper.

Tsuna choked on his drink, slamming the mug down and coughing harshly as he whacked a fist against his chest, trying to breathe normally again so he wouldn't be known as the mafia boss who died by choking on a hot drink because of being asked an inappropriate question by his Guardian.

"Illicit actions?" he wheezed out. "We're both consenting adults anyway Hayato, I'm not fourteen anymore!" Tsuna was genuinely startled when Gokudera swayed momentarily on his seat before his forehead slammed into his breakfast, the Storm Guardian unconscious.

Tsuna stared at Gokudera for a moment, hands hovering uncertainly before he sighed and resigned himself to realising that this was going to be one of those days. When Hibari slammed the business end of a tonfa through the – expensive, as everything in this building inevitably was, Tsuna's mind supplied helpfully – table, jerked to his feet and left the room with a frightening expression on his face, that only solidified Tsuna's notion.

"So Tsuna, you mean you and...and Mukuro..." Yamamoto began, catching Tsuna's attention before sticking his pinkie out, expression serious and Tsuna was forced into spluttering again when he realised what the other was insinuating after a moment's thought, wondering if he was going to have a heart attack by the end of the day.

"Oh my goodness, no! He just sleeps in my bed is all! No, god no!" Tsuna's face was bright red as he vehemently denied it. "I'm used to another person being there because of when Reborn was my tutor, and Mukuro, well...Mukuro just filled in the space, I guess. Oh god, where do you even get an idea like that Takeshi?!"

"Why Mukuro?"

"I don't know." Tsuna stabbed at his eggs this time. "It just happened. I barely even remember why. We're not doing..." his voice lowered to a conspirators whisper and his cheeks reddened again, "That."

His horrified tone set Lambo giggling like a schoolgirl into his glass of water, nearly spraying a mouthful of the liquid across the table.

Tsuna shovelled the now cold eggs into his mouth, dragged a piece of toast around the plate, swallowed it down in a handful of bites and then downed his lukewarm coffee (while wishing it was a shot of whiskey) before he stood, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. He shuffled slightly to the side to pull Gokudera out of his food, wiped his right hand man's face with a clean napkin and then bowed stiffly to the rest of the room and walked away.

As he walked down the corridor, straightening out his tie as he did so, he realised that nobody had answered his question as to where Mukuro had gone. Ten seconds later after this musing thought, there was a reverberating explosion from the grounds and Tsuna decided that Hibari had most likely found the Mist Guardian.

It still didn't explain as to why he'd had an empty bed that morning unless...Tsuna felt his cheeks drain of colour and he slumped briefly against a wall, hand over his heart. He wouldn't be...would he?

He decided not to dwell on the thought and made his way to his office instead, intent on focusing on his work instead of his impending doom. He could do without the extra stress, thank you very much.

(He already spent a veritable fortune on antacids. He was popping them more often than his Hyper Dying Will Mode pills.)

"Tsu-na-yo-shi-kun!" Mukuro called as he stepped through the double doors leading to the office of the Decimo, a bright smile plastered on his face. "There's a certain rumour going around that somebody missed me in their bed this morning!"

He paused halfway across the room at noting that, while Tsuna was sat upright, his chin in his palm as if he were listening to him, his eyes were closed and he was quietly sleeping on the desk, mouth parted just slightly.

A devious smirk twisting his lips attractively, Mukuro approached and moved to rest his trident against the side of the desk. Slowly leaning forward, one hand braced on the desk, Mukuro moved so his head was next to Tsuna's and, very softly, he blew into the brunette's ear.

The effect was instantaneous.

Tsuna shot up straight, hands scrambling on the desk for purchase as he yelped, "I'm working Reborn, I'm working!" In his struggles, he knocked over an inkwell and dove over the desk to catch it before it before the ink spread too far and before the well itself dropped over the edge.

Fiasco over, Tsuna realised his actions were completely unbefitting of a twenty four year old and was aware of the deep chuckles. When he lifted his head, shifting his weight back over the desk as he did so, his eyes met Mukuro.

At first, Tsuna was indignant, complaining loudly, "Mukuro! What was that for!"

"Your reaction was amusing, Tsunayoshi. Adorable too." Mukuro offered another smirk as Tsuna twitched, mouth turned down in a mix of a frown and a pout.

"That was awful. Not funny at all. But it doesn't matter. J-Just don't do it again! Where were you this morning?" Tsuna turned his eyes to his desk as he shuffled his papers into some semblance of neatness, staring with a vague sense of doom at the now forming ink stain on the previously unblemished desk. It was the third this month. Desk, that was. Not ink stain.

The first had been broken by himself – completely by accident, he swore up and down – when he lost patience at someone, slammed his hands on the desk, and consequently broken the solid mahogany wood piece of furniture. Not to mention he'd knocked one of his guests out with a wayward paperweight.

Reborn had later told him the desk was worth over six thousand Euros and was considered an antique.

(Tsuna had bemoaned why he was using an obviously expensive desk as his own when bad luck followed him everywhere. Reborn had followed up with a pistol whip to the back of the head. It hurt.)

The second desk had met an untimely demise – along with several dozen reports which Reborn made Tsuna rewrite out, by hand – when Hibari and Mukuro had shown up at the same time to discuss something about contracts or missions or something and had inevitably gotten into a fight.

This desk, while not expensive as the first, still had an impressive price tag. Reborn set about devising a punishment synonymous with desk breaking that was set into motion that afternoon. Tsuna's muscles still burned with the memory.

(Again, Tsuna complained at the expense of a simple table. Once again, he was left with a lump on the back of the head and a headache to rival all headaches.)

This desk seemed salvageable, Tsuna reckoned. The papers splattered by ink, however, were not.

(Tsuna felt himself age by a couple of years as he stared despondently at the black splotches on formerly pristine white pages.)

Mukuro, unaware of Tsuna's inner despair, chuckled into a gloved hand. "Oh? So the rumours are true. You missed me, Vongola!"

Tsuna tilted his head to face Mukuro again, fingers grasping at the papers. "Of course I did. It isn't like you to break habit unless something drastic happens. I assume you have a suitable excuse and that I'll expect you tonight and tomorrow morning?"

Mukuro came to a halt, unable to find words for a moment because he assumed that Tsuna would have both vehemently and loudly (if not violently) deny missing Mukuro. Not only that, but inviting the other back to his bed completely startled him.

Tsuna watched Mukuro first with worry at the conflicting expressions and then with apprehension as the other began laughing softly before he broke out into nearly maniacal chortles. Tsuna quickly scurried around his desk and took hold of Mukuro's trident, stabbing him with the blunt end of it, herding him towards the door.

Before he threw the trident out and slammed the door, Tsuna called out, "See you tonight, Mukuro!"

On his way to Tsuna's office, arms laden with paperwork, Gokudera came to a halt, eyes wide with disbelief and horror at the words Tsuna had shouted.

Tsuna simply watched with mounting dread as Gokudera pitched to the side and passed out again, pages fluttering all around him like a mockery of snow. It was a testimony to his life that he didn't know whether or not he should be more worried about his Storm Guardian or the amount of paperwork scattered all over the floor, in danger of being trampled and scrunched up and ruined.

After a moment, paperwork outweighed Guardian – besides, he'd already wiped Gokudera's face this morning, he reasoned, that could be his good deed to his Guardian today – and with a resolute sigh, he began gathering the wayward pages.

(He'd apologise for scaring Gokudera later and clean up the whole Mukuro mess with him. It seemed as though Yamamoto had neglected to give him the details after he'd woken up from passing out at breakfast – food poisoning?)

Day Seven

Tsuna stretched as he woke up, muttering as he realised he couldn't extend his limbs as far as he wanted to before his arm encountered something warm. Assuming it was Mukuro in that direction, Tsuna rolled to the other side of his (sizeable) bed and immediately ran into something else warm. Cracking an eyelid open, Tsuna eyed Mukuro's sleeping face warily, too woozy to connect any dots at the moment.

Upon realising that there couldn't be two of Mukuro, he rolled over again to see what was restricting his movement on the other side.

His brain lazily began to fire up as he associated angry eyes to a face, a face to a name. Then...

"Hiee!"

Hibari Kyoya did not look happy at being woken up at approximately five forty two AM on a Saturday morning.

Day Nine

"Is it really necessary to cause so much damage?" Tsuna bemoaned, shaking a handful of paper at Xanxus' face as if he didn't have a death wish. "I ask you to maim people, not destroy buildings. I don't even like asking you to do that but you still manage to make a mountain out of a molehill in the ways of destruction and innovated, impromptu land development."

"What was that!?" Xanxus roared in return, sweeping his hand to the side, narrowly missing whacking Tsuna, and then throwing wads of paper onto the floor off of the desk along with an inkwell, two paperweights and a pen that was both fancy and a gift from Timoteo.

(Tsuna almost started crying at the mess but then that would have been both a sign of weakness and unmanly. Not to mention, if – when, not if – Reborn found out, what the consequences would be.)

"I'm only asking for a little less collateral damage! And, if you can't do that, keep some of the Varia on a leash at least! They're excessive!"

"Ushishishi, that's a little kinky of you, Vongola."

Tsuna twisted to face the other member that had accompanied Xanxus and then proceeded to shake papers in his face too. "You do this much paperwork and then see how you fare! You be the boss and see how many things you have to sign because somebody decides that a fountain, two housing estates and a park need to be taken apart to apprehend one man! One! He wasn't even mafia! Not even a little! Just a supplier!"

Almost throwing his papers to the floor, Tsuna stalked around to the other side of the desk to put the piece of furniture between himself and the two Varia members, slamming the pages onto the desk.

(He gave a quick prayer to whoever was listening that the wood creaked but didn't break.)

"Well, what's done is done. Off you go. Shoo." Tsuna waved a hand dismissively at them as if they were dogs or manservants.

The look on Xanxus' face as the desk gave way under his hands was priceless when the man decided to slam down on the wood in an attempt to get into Tsuna's face in a display of aggression akin to a territorial male trying to put another in its place.

(Hibari would be so proud of the action)

The comical effect was ruined when Tsuna automatically reached out to catch him (he was used to Lambo's klutziness) and was head butted in the nose for his troubles, starting a nosebleed that just wouldn't stop.

Sat on the floor, surrounded by pages (one of which he was using to stem his nose and, knowing Tsuna's luck, it's demotion to a makeshift tissue would cause worldwide catastrophe) and all but sprawled in the lap of a pissed off Xanxus, Tsuna reached out to the remains of his desk, yanked a packet of antacids out from a crushed drawer and promptly popped several into his mouth before shoving the packet towards Xanxus who, after a moment, begrudgingly accepted the pseudo peace offering.

It might have gone well from there if Belphegor hadn't suddenly decided to throw himself on top of the two bosses with a gleeful, quite frankly disturbing, laugh, and a call of, "Dog pile on Vongola!"

When the door opened to a murmured, "Tenth, we've just received word that – " followed swiftly by a choked noise and a soft thumping, Tsuna started to feel guilty.

(Gokudera had passed out more in the past ten days than he had in the past ten years. Tsuna was beginning to wonder if it was his fault.)

Day Eleven

After the first time it had happened, Tsuna had realised that screaming in the face of Hibari was not the best way to start his morning off so, whenever he woke up, and the Cloud Guardian was staring at him (he was watching him sleep, wasn't he?) Tsuna just shrugged it off as best he could and decided to be thankful that Mukuro and Hibari didn't fight in his bedroom for whatever reason. He didn't question it.

That morning, however, there was a weight across his chest and across his legs. He almost sneezed at the feel of hair under his nose and, after opening his eyes, was almost unsurprised at seeing Lambo having squeezed himself between Mukuro and Tsuna, his limbs spread across Tsuna's body.

The young Lightning Guardian must have clambered in during the night but Tsuna, lost in sleep because of his body clock – he fell asleep at eleven twenty seven like clockwork no matter where he was and woke up at five forty one unless suitably disturbed - hadn't felt him scramble in, get under the covers or attach himself to Tsuna like a limpet.

(Now that he thought about it, he was glad that Lambo must have inevitably climbed over Mukuro, not Hibari. The results would've been disastrous otherwise.)

What he didn't understand was why Lambo had decided to take a space close to him when the bed was a monstrosity and could more than likely fit Lambo pretty much anywhere he wanted without fear of falling off.

He shrugged it off and tried to push the other off of his side gently, wriggling and pushing gently. Lambo simply snuffled and buried his head further under Tsuna's chin with a soft whimper. A little bit of Tsuna's already soft heart melted at the noise and he decided breaking schedule for once wouldn't hurt anyone.

(He really should've anticipated Gokudera walking in at six twenty when Tsuna didn't show up for briefing with his right hand at six. At least this time he collapsed onto a plush rug – a gift - and not into a wall or onto an unforgiving floor.)

Day Twelve

As Tsuna stared at his bedroom ceiling – was it even his bedroom anymore? – he wondered if Dino had to go through the same trouble he did with his Famiglia members. Probably not.

Sighing through his nose, Tsuna combed his fingers through Lambo's hair, giving a feminine giggle as the teen buried his face further against the Vongola Decimo's neck.

The source of his current plight was currently sprawled out on the other side of Hibari.

(His bed was becoming a magnet – maybe there was a memo going round that his bedroom was a free for all.)

Yamamoto had decided it was his turn to join in the slumber party and, clad only in silk boxers, was sprawled out on top of the covers, face turned into the pillows as he snored softly. Tsuna envied him and the rest in his bed for being able to sleep when he couldn't.

His Rain Guardian wasn't the only new addition though. Tsuna had no idea when Ryohei had come back from his spontaneous visit to Namimori to see his sister, but the former boxer, still fighting enthusiast, was currently tucked under the blankets on the other side of Mukuro, arms spread wide, mouth parted as he breathed softly in sleep.

The only person missing was Gokudera.

(Tsuna wouldn't be surprised if the other was sleeping in the infirmary because of how much he'd been fainting lately. There had to be something wrong with him to be passing out like it was going out of style.)

Squinting his eyes to try and see past Hibari's and Yamamoto's heads at the analogue clock on the bedside table, Tsuna read the digits as three twenty four, a full two hours before he was supposed to get up (it was warm in the bed and that was what had woke him up early in the first place) and decided he would try to get back to sleep.

Almost two hours and seventeen minutes later, exactly, Tsuna woke up again to find out that the inevitable had happened. Gokudera had appeared.

(And practically spooning Yamamoto too, while he was at it.)

Day Thirteen

"You really are an idiot, you know," Reborn callously offered as he watched Tsuna write his signature on a piece of paper that he only gave a cursory glance to.

(Xanxus was just mocking him now. A hotel chain building destroyed wasn't something to scoff at.)

"I always am in your eyes."

"More of an idiot than usual then."

"This idiot helped contribute to fixing the Arcobaleno curse, don't make me regret it," Tsuna responded before his brain could catch up with his mouth.

(He was doomed. The foreboding feeling from two weeks ago hadn't been just his imagine, just a warning to this. He was doomed.)

"I'll make you not regret it."

Tsuna tried to stop the colour draining from his cheeks at how close Reborn's voice was, and because of the pale, long fingered hands that had pressed on his desk in his line of vision. Slowly looking up, his eyes met Reborn's dead on, the hitman leaning on his desk.

(He hadn't even written his will yet. There were so many things he wanted to say!)

"N-No, it's fine. I don't regret it. I-It's okay, you don't have to make me do anything!" Tsuna quickly stammered out, waving his hand quickly before it was swiftly caught in one of Reborn's own.

"Oh, I'm sure you don't. It doesn't hurt to give you a lesson though. I didn't realise how dense you had become in my absence, Tsuna."

"Dense? How?" Tsuna cocked his head to the side, hand not grasped in Reborn's lifting to brush his hair from his face.

If it hadn't of been above him, Reborn would have face palmed. Instead, he reached out of his free hand, moved it to the back of Tsuna's head, fingers brushing his scalp almost delicately – and then abruptly slammed the Decimo's head into the desk. Hard.

(Tsuna decided that he'd lived a good life, he just regretted not being able to say goodbye to his mother.)

When Tsuna managed to swing his head back up there was a sheet of paper stuck to his face and there was a red mark on his forehead. Eyeing Reborn warily, Tsuna pushed his chair back from the desk, so he was out of Reborn's way and pulled the page away from his skin, the ink from his recently written signature now drying on his cheek.

"Think about it Tsuna. You may be dumb – it makes me wonder to this day how you've survived so long – but you aren't blind. I'll give you a hint. Think of all the people around you and how they've been acting."

"Hah?"

"What, you want to tell me that you wake up every morning with all of your Guardians spread out over your bed?"

"Well, recently? Yes."

Reborn looked somewhat surprised for only a brief moment before his expression twisted, like he was unsure whether or not to dissolve into laughter or break something.

"I mean, it started with Mukuro. You'd moved out and I couldn't sleep in the silence and it somehow developed to him staying. Couple of days ago he wasn't there and so I asked the other Guardians if they'd seen him...just kind of went from there. Kyoya almost broke a rib the first day."

Reborn pushed away from the desk and Tsuna flinched as the other stalked out of the room, trying to make sense of Reborn's words and actions.

Day Fourteen

Tsuna woke up that morning to find Lambo completely lying on top of him, almost crushing his lungs, his knee digging into his thigh painfully and, more surprisingly (terrifying, oh god, it was terrifying) Reborn at his side between him and Mukuro.

With all the bodies in the bed he couldn't help but feel like a king with his harem of concubines.

Think of all the people around you and how they've been acting.

If Tsuna could sit bolt upright as if electrocuted, he would have. Instead, he let out an unattractive wheeze and weakly flailed a hand as his brain finally made the connection that he refused to believe in.

There was the gentle nip of teeth at his shoulder all of a sudden, and an arm trapped between Lambo and his stomach tightened across his abdomen, pulling him tighter against a body that was already close.

"Go back to sleep."

(He would rather not, thank you very much, he wanted to get up and run away as far as possible and not look back and become some non descript brunette who did not have seven guys in his bed that, apparently, had some semblance of attraction to him. Oh, god, how many more of them were there?)

"Listen to Hibari, Dame-Tsuna." A nip at his opposite shoulder and Tsuna was gone.

(He was gentle in moving Lambo, however, carefully nudging the snoozing teen to the side before he bolted.)

Tsuna desperately scrambled over warm bodies, trying to escape without grievously harming any of his Guardians, already formulating a plan in his still sleep hazy mind.

The plan did not include getting caught by the ankle just when he was inches from being home free and being unceremoniously yanked over bodies again until he was settled back from the space he'd recently vacated with another warning to go back to sleep even as a drowsy Lambo draped himself back over his body.

(In retrospect, he blamed the whole situation because of the fact he'd asked where Mukuro had been that one morning. Now – somehow – he'd amassed his own harem. How did that work?)

Hope you liked it! I tried to be humorous lol. I hope that the whole countdown thing wasn't confusing and that you managed to link it in with the summary!

Should I continue with the 'Day etc...' format or just write the chapters out fluidly?

Pick the characters you want! Pick literally anyone!

(Bear in mind that the Primo generation would be difficult though. Everyone else is fair game.)