A/N: Apologies for the hiatus, I hit a writer's block.

Thanks for the kind feedback!

You wake up with more worries than you would care to count.

Karkat is catching onto your behavior. It does not help he has a master's degree in your psychology.

Your jealousy over a fucking kitten that he has seen once is unbelievable- and you understand that- but the monstrosity gnawing at your heart does not give a damn and it pisses you off.

Is it the kitten, or John?

It is a vicious circle of insecurity, depression, and aggravation.

Internally, you are a raging tsunami of stupid and pointless emotions.

Your façade shows little of the savage tides inside… yet Karkat's specific profiling capabilities towards you pluck the small signs out of the water like a seagull to a handicapped crab.

Or a crow to a crab.

You are certain that metaphor is accurate but for an unknown reason it sounds backwards.

Anyway, you suppose seeing the tiny bastard will ease your anxiety. It will also help in avoiding Karkat so he cannot pry further.

Wait, what anxiety? Haha, Striders don't get anxious.

You decide to visit the animal shelter again and abscond the apartment before he returns home from work.

‒

The bells jingle, signaling your entrance into the shelter.

Nepeta spots you through the glass of the cat's rooms and beckons you with a wave.

"Back so soon?" she chirps.

You shrug in response. What reason do you have to share that you are here to avoid Karkat and wrestle down anxiety formed over baseless jealousy?

Dammit, not anxiety.

"Cookie's up there again." She motions to the platform. "They ate treats a few minutes ago. I don't think we should give them more…" Her brows droop in apology.

"It's cool."

The kitten peeks its head over the edge of the platform.

Nepeta giggles. "I think he likes your voice. Keep talking, maybe he'll come down!"

You give her a skeptical glance, but talk to the cat regardless. "Hey little dude, come down here."

The kitten tilts its head and adjusts its ears to listen to you.

"Come on man, I just wanna talk."

The animal seems to understand and saunters across the platform to descend the stairs. He does not walk over to you and chooses to seat himself a wary distance away, but remains focused on you with intentional appraisal.

"Speaking of which," you turn to Nepeta, "Does he talk?"

"Cookie is very talkative! He is part Siamese and one general characteristic of the breed is being vocal. I'm surprised he's not talking to you… He talks to almost effurry purrson, especially if you converse with him."

You crouch and hold a hand out to the feline. "Scent is identity to most animals, right?"

Nepeta nods in your peripheral vision.

"I'm offering you to sniff me kid. Find out who I am." You edge your hand closer.

The cat does not care for your advances. He ignores your hand and continues to stare at your face.

You withdraw your hand and purse your lips into a line.

"That's… purrplexing," Nepeta remarks.

You tip your head in her direction and raise an eyebrow.

"He clearly likes your voice, but he's not interested in meeting you? Or, well, it's not quite that, but I can't explain this behavior. I haven't seen something like this before."

"This is weird for a cat? I thought all cats were like snarky, selfish assholes or something."

"Dave, that is not a very good outlook on cats." She sighs. "Yes, this behavior is strange for cats. When you are interested in or curious about something you want to learn more, right?" She smiles. "Same situation is when you like someone and you want to be around them."

You recognize a miniscule fragment of pain in her smile- healed with time, the remainders are a scar of loneliness and a dull sting whenever the cause of injury is remembered. Your recognition is born from the fact you can relate to the emotion.

"I can show you that he is a vocal cat if you want, because he talks to me all the time."

You pause, and stand up straight. "Be my guest." You shove your hands into your pockets.

She walks over to the feline and crouches next to him.

"Hello Cookie, how are you?" Her smile is bright and genuine.

The kitten looks up at her and meows; a simple, classic, near-perfect meow, save for the pitch drop and slight drawl ending.

"See?"

"Well what the hell. You say he does this with everyone?"

"Mostly. Even strangers. As I said, if you talk to him, he talks back."

You give the cat a judgmental stare.

He stares back.

You sigh and turn to Nepeta.

"Leijon, are you working? You're not in uniform."

"Oh! No, I'm not working right now. I only stopped in to pick up something I forgot yesterday and since I was here I said hello to effurryone."

"I wanted to talk to someone about pets because I know fuckall about them, and the trolls had their lusii things- and you're good with cats- do you have plans?"

"I'm not busy! Equius had to do some repair work on Vriska's arm so I'm alone for the day anyway."

"Awesome. Is lunch good? I know this sweet café."

"Lunch sounds good!" she chirps.

‒

"Ladies first." You hold the door to the café open.

A short giggle escapes her lips as she walks through the door ahead of you.

You follow her to a table by the window and courteously pull her chair out.

"You're a gentailman!" She could not restrain her smile; her signature troll fangs gleaming.

You are torn between cringing and laughing at how lame that pun is, but her grin compensates, so you do neither.

You sit opposite her and glance towards the register.

Oh, John is working.

It appears you caught his eye when you walked in, because when you look his way he gives you a goofy wave and a wide grin. He holds up a finger.

"Is that John?"

"You know him?"

"No, but Karkat has talked about him!"

Your gut wrenches. God this is stupid. Your throat feels thick, so you swallow in a vain attempt to breathe more easily. You push your shades further up your face and respond with a meek "Oh."

"Um, but, he talks about you more. Definitely."

Wow, how broken is your façade? Even a person you have recently acquainted can sense your emotional turmoil? Where the fuck is the coolkid?

All we have here is a cracked shell of irony and fresh lacerations of distress, frustration, possessiveness, and unease- littered shards of truth with loser seeping from the wounds.

Your minor relapse into the endless disappointment with yourself is halted when you hear Nepeta mumble.

You offer her a questioning expression, and she parts her lips to repeat herself-

"Hey guys!" John interrupts.

He pulls out a chair, turns it around, and sits on it backwards.

"Dave, who's your troll lady friend? What'cha talking about? And where's Karkat?"

"Hello! I'm Nepeta, a friend of Karkat's."

"Karkat's working, dude."

"Oh right. So what are you talking about?"

Nepeta leans over the table. "Dave and I met at my workplace! See, he's planning to get-…" she trails off.

You cutting your hand through the air before your throat to signal Nepeta not to say anything from behind John is the cause.

"Planning to get? What?" He leans toward the table and closer to the both of you.

"Don't worry about it bro. Hey, isn't your shift still going? Quit slackin'."

He pouts. "I came over to get your order, I'll have you know."

"Just get me a chicken sandwich. I eat here enough, you know what I like."

"And for you, Nepeta?"

You hold back a snicker at his mix of work etiquette and camaraderie. He spoke with formality, yet nonchalance.

"I'll take… strawberry shortcake! And tea, please."

"Coming right up!" He grins and walks away.

As he is approaches the counter you yell at him. "Don't forget my A.J.!"

You see his shoulders slouch in a sigh- and you assume a roll of the eyes to match- but he gives you a lazy thumbs up.

"Why didn't you want John to know?" Nepeta shifts her chair nearer to the table so you are able to listen to her whispers without her having to arch.

"John has a big mouth; I don't want Karkat to find out, y'know?"

"Oh, okay. Sorry!"

"Nah it's cool. Anyway what were you going to say before Egderps so graciously interrupted?"

"Um, it doesn't really matter. So, what would you like to know about cats?" Her smile is candid, but the way her cheeks do not fill out and the muscles around her jaw tense show whatever she said does matter, at least to her.

However, you are cool, and do not inquire further. "Any tips and pointers on taking care of him would be cool."

After a few minutes, John returns with your order, and you spend the remainder of the afternoon enjoying your meal and chatting about pets- with occasional ironic references, somewhat adorable cat puns, and interruptions from a dork who is supposed to be working. Both you and Nepeta watch your words whenever he visits.

‒

When you were younger and lived with your bro, he forced you to climb the stairs every day. He informed everyone in the building to watch for you and not let you on the elevator, even on your shittiest days.

At first you tried getting on the elevator, and complete strangers stopped you.

You were 'not allowed'.

The senior citizens took pity on you several times when you were either in a nasty mood or feeling ill.

Your bro always found out, which resulted in harsh strifes (he never went easy when the reason was punishment), so at a point you cannot discriminate you stopped attempting to use the elevator altogether.

Once you and Karkat moved in together, he did the opposite and forced you to take the elevator with him because 'hiking flight after flight is fucking inane and arduous when we have technological marvels called elevators'.

You now use the elevator on a regular basis, but you developed a habit that you cannot recall when you acquired. You favor the stairs over the elevator whenever you were restless.

There are 247 steps and three more to reach your floor.

You always recount; you know the number never changes.

The 44th step has 'JESSE WAS HERE' scribbled across its entirety with… sharpie? Something permanent. You cannot tell but it has been a part of this building since you moved here.

The 71st step has once-white gum stuck in the corner of the tread.

The 153rd step is a different color than the others.

The handrail to the 17th flight of stairs broke so horribly they removed it.

… So she has lost someone too.

Perhaps not the same way as you, but the pain is all the same.

Bro solidifies a part of who you are; by her expression, you think whoever she lost left her with a formidable hole as well.

Oh yeah, what was it she wanted to say?

You remember she caught wind of your anxiety and made a comment, but you did not hear her.

Wait did you just call it anxiety? No, pretty sure you didn't.

These things going on in your head involving your lover, your best friend and a future pet cannot be aggregated into that word.

Besides, the inside of your head is forever screwy. The reason you do not let anyone in: they would get lost.

Lalonde would have a field day in this labyrinth.

Karkat has opened your doors by his own accord, and several rooms of his and your own have similarities. He has also trusted you with pieces of himself, which you treasure.

You want to show your appreciation for him. All you do for him at present you have always done and it still is not enough.

That is the point of adopting the kitten.

Although the reward of his reaction should be well worth pushing through these shitty feelings you are having now…

247, 248, 249…