Don't know who Deadpool is? You have been put to shame, so-called Marvelites. Get out of my house.
I kid. Just...Google the guy. And be warned that too much DP may cause internal hemorrhaging.
Disclaimer (Because I haven't posted one yet and I need to get into the habit):
I do not own the Avengers. Unless someone gave them to me for Christmas, in which case, yes, I do. I'd like very much for that to happen, so...if you're looking for gift options, there's my list for you... ;)
I digress.
Enjoy!
Thor: (:
Loki: :(
Thor: WHY MUST YOU LIVE TO CONTRADICT ME, BROTHER?
Loki: I am the God of Mischief.
Loki: ...you know how this sentence ends.
Deadpool: I LIKE MAKING SMILEY FACES TOO
Deadpool: :]
Bruce: that looks kinda sadistic.
Deadpool: wonderful. :]
Spider-man: it's good to be back with the spandex brigade.
Steve: IT'S NOT SPANDEX, OKAY?! IT'S NOT. D:
Tony: he's very sensitive about that sort of thing
Tony: mostly cause he's the only one here
Tony: THAT WEARS A UNITARD TO WORK
Steve: d,oncdsdhi,PKU gjgjgfffgifcftdexqwsthinkojj
Spider-man: 'sup with him?
Nat: y did steve just run past me in the hallway
Nat: ...bawling
Tony: erm...
Pepper: Your face often has that effect on people.
Tony: WOULD YOU JUST LET IT GO, PEPPER?!
Pepper: No. Do you know why?
Tony: give me a clue.
Pepper: Because it's always midnight in my soul.
Clint: have you guys seen Nat around?
Bruce: training. I think.
Tony: fury told her to start training sessions with ol' webhead
Clint: scuse me. I've got a spider to squish.
Natasha: ...and I'm fine, thanks for asking.
Steve: Why does no one include me in their conversations.
Spider-man: wow! Your aim is worse than your haircut!
Natasha: grrrrrrr
Spider-man: maybe you should go back to the russian mafia
Natasha: you realize I'm named after the most deadly spider in the world, right?
Spider-man: not following you.
Natasha: run, little spider. Run as fast as you can.
Natasha: Spider-man. Where.
Clint: Erm...why?
Natasha: So I can rip his throat out with my teeth.
Clint: o.O
Clint: Main deck. Talking to Fury. Now.
Clint: Please don't hurt me.
Natasha: not now. I'm spider-hunting.
Natasha: WEBHEAD
Spider-man: if it isn't my favorite ginger avenger.
Spider-man: wait a minute.
Natasha: you're really getting on my nerves, spider.
Spider-man: yes, I've been told I have a knack for that.
Tony: sorry Webs, that's my job.
Spider-man: share?
Tony: I could crush you like a bug, spider.
Spider-man: I'm terrified.
Tony: you should be. I've got an invincible metal suit and you're starting to piss me off.
Tony: and people told me you were bright...
Bruce: so...why r u still here again?
Deadpool: I'm bored...HumorFics are better when the fourth wall can be breached...someone finally gave me something electronic to use without thinking I might turn it into a bomb...
Tony: oh dear god what have I done
Bruce: so...you're planning to stay?
Deadpool: Plan? I never plan. Mostly just make things up as I go along and hope I don't die...
Deadpool: again. this will be the 3,082nd time if I do.
Tony: this guy is awesome!
Bruce: you're not even an avenger. You're an anti-hero.
Deadpool: welcome to half the marvel universe. glad you could make it.
Tony: i'm so confused.
Deadpool: that's the idea.
Pepper: There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, Tony.
Pepper: I discovered this great new Aerosmith song the other day that you might be interested in.
Pepper: It's called "Hole in My Soul."
Tony: point being? There are plenty of strange Aerosmith songs for us.
Tony: for instance, the theme song for Thor's hair:
Tony: "Dude Looks Like a Lady."
Thor: I CAN SENSE THAT I HAVE BEEN INSULTED, MAN OF IRON.
Tony: no, wait. I lied. I know Thor's theme song.
Thor: I HAVE A THEME SONG, MAN OF IRON?
Tony: sure. Let me teach it to you.
Tony: then you can go sing it to Steve and annoy the crap out of him.
Spider-man: hide me from the creepy russian lady
Clint: that's my girlfriend you're talking about, bub.
Wolverine: COPYRIGHTED. CHANGE IT.
Clint: that's my girlfriend you're talking about...dude?
Wolverine: snikt.
Clint: ?
Spider-man: welcome to my world.
Natasha: I will dangle you from the hull of the helicarrier by your own webs, Spider man.
Natasha: see if your face looks any better than my haircut by the time I'm done roundhouse-kicking you into next week.
Spider-man: always a pleasure conversing with you, Widow.
Natasha: ты умрешь во сне.
Spider-man: ?
Tony: she just told you that you will die in your sleep in russian.
Spider-man: I see now why no one invited me to join the avengers before.
Tony: congratulations.
Steve: 'Congratulations'? Congratulations on what?
Tony: Inheriting the universe's greatest pain in the ass.
Steve: ...I'm sorry, Tony. I was under the impression that that was you.
Thor: CAN'T TOUCH THIS
Tony: have fun.
Steve: What?! Stark, wait-
Steve: What have you done to Thor?!
Steve: WAIT! STARK-
Thor: NOW STOP!
Steve: oh please no
Thor: HAMMER TIME!
Steve: Final straw. I'm calling up the Justice League. Anything's better than here.
Thor: MUSIC HITS ME, SO HARD, MAKES ME SA-
Thor: CAPTAIN OF AMERICA.
Thor: SON OF RODGERS.
Thor: STEVE.
Thor: Mortals confuse me greatly.
Loki: Now there's something we can agree upon.
Spider-man: Now, Natasha, I know you're mad, but my humor is really all cheesy sarcasm...no need to...
Natasha: HHHRRRAAAAUUUGGGGHHH
Spider-man: HOLY SHAWARMA
Tony: wow. nice.
Tony: Remind me to use that.
Spider-man: owwww
Natasha: Behold my martyr.
Thor: ONLY THE FOOD AND EMOTICONS OF THE GODS MAY BE BEHOLDED, WIDOW OF BLACKNESS.
Spider-man: my spleen...
Tony: can you hear me, buddy?
Spider-man: meh
Tony: what happened
Spider-man: she kicked me through the floor.
Tony: LOL
Spider-man: huh.
Tony: what?
Spider-man: just...huh.
Spider-man: I never knew this place had a basement.
Tony: what the...
Spider-man: discover youtube. Then we'll talk.
Loki: ...and yet, it is still a mystery to me as to how I was beaten by you people.
...in which half the Marvel Universe guest-stars. -.- (- Still not impressed with the way my mind works.)
Pearlbunny should be laughing on the floor by now.
This is chapter five, which means - le gasp! - we're halfway through! I'll try my hardest to make some longer, better chapters for you guys in the future. Until then, please review, as always! I love to hear your thoughts so much...especially when you tell me your favorite lines, so I know what kind of humor to add more of. MY MIND IS HUNGRY. FEED IT WITH REVIEWS. That is all.
- K. A. Carlyle