Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT

Cover drawn by: nropay-gallery on Tumblr

Warning: This fic contains massive amounts of Rumple torture. Viewer discretion is advised.

A/N: This is EXTREMELY AU and placed somewhere in Season 2, so obviously anything after SE2 has not happened yet. Also AU in the sense that a whole bunch of crap has been changed to accomidate my idea, such as Lacey never happened and everyone is happy in Storybrooke.

(My whole goal in this is to see how long it takes before Gold loses his composure. Let's find out together, shall we?)

'personal thoughts'
abstract thoughts in third person
"Things or scenes that could be said but aren't really"

Allergic to Love

Chapter One: Don't ya just LOVE it?

X -x-x-x-x- X

"I'm serious, Belle." She sighed as Ruby decided to give her "the talk" for the um-teenth time. "I just don't get it. What do you see in him?"

Belle shook her head and finished her third glass of iced tea. "Ruby...it would be too much to explain. Just..." she looked off to the side, her expression one of pure ease, "...there's good in him. I've always known that. I don't know how, I just do. And when he's alone with me," she giggled, "that big tough guy act disappears completely."

Ruby rolled her eyes and smiled, shaking her head. "If you say so."

Granny picked up her empty plate. "If you ask me, he just does that to keep you around. There isn't a true good, kind bone in his body." Belle frowned and Ruby scoffed.

"Granny!"

"What? I'm being honest. You got to be. I'll bet dollars to donuts if push came to shove, he'd choose himself over you every time." Belle looked down as Granny walked away, Ruby shaking her head in exasperation.

"There's honest and just plain mean!"

Belle chewed her bottom lip. He wouldn't do that to her...not...again..."My power means more to me than you..." She swallowed that memory back and stood up. No more living in the past. It was a new day, new world for goodness sake, and she wasn't going to let the opinions of others sway her. She never did before and she wasn't starting now.

She paid the bill and walked outside, Ruby following to apologize and paused as she spotted something sitting in the gutter. She gasped and came to it, seeing a very nappy, skinny black cat. "Oh, my..." She bent over and picked the poor creature up, feeling its fur was damp and her eyes watered at how animals were mistreated in this world.

Ruby stopped mid-sentence, something about senility and over priced lasagnas, and gasped at what she saw in Belle's arms. "Oh, my God. Is that a cat?"

Belle nodded, tears threatening to spill. "Who could be so cruel? He was just left here - in the gutter, Ruby! How horrible..."

Ruby frowned, her own animal instincts kicking in, looking around to see if anyone looked guilty. There wasn't anyone nearby and she shrugged, taking a whiff of the cats' scent. "I don't smell any people on it. I think it's a stray."

Belle looked a little relieved at that, but not much as the feline gave a pathetic mewl. "Oh, it needs a doctor, I think."

Ruby looked it over. "I think it just needs food. It doesn't smell sick, just wet. It did rain this morning a little." Belle gave her a look and she stepped back. "Uh, no. I can't take it. Cats and I don't get along. The wolf thing, ya know?"

Belle nodded. She petted the cat on the nape of its neck and smiled as she knew what had to be done. "I have to go somewhere. I'll see you later, Ruby."

Ruby sighed as she watched Belle cross the street. "Hoo-boy, Gold's gonna love this..."

Why were watches so bloody complicated? Was there really a need for this many springs in the damn thing? He should just magic it fixed and be done with it, but he had made a promise to Belle he would cut back on the dark stuff. He sighed as he went to place the spring in just the right spot, only to have it practically jump out of the watch and commit suicide off the edge of the counter.

He stood there and looked around a little.

"Pfft," he scoffed and snapped his fingers, purple smoke covering the watch and dissipating. It ticked as if nothing had happened to it at all and he smirked, putting it back in its display spot.

Well, what Belle didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

The belle jingled and Belle came in, looking a little forlorn. Oh crap, did she just see him do that? He thought the shades were drawn...

She ran up to him and panted, as if she had been running for a while. He went to ask what was wrong, but then noticed what was in her arms. It was a black heap of fur, whining hoarsely and he raised an eyebrow. "Belle, darling..." he started nicely to hide his trepidation, "what is that in your lovely arms?"

She blushed slightly but brushed it off, holding out the...animal? "I found him lying in the gutter. Isn't that awful?"

Oh, he was supposed to agree with her here. "Yes, quite."

She nodded. "I think he's a stray." She then sat the thing on his clean counter and he grimaced. She started petting it, and he watched the fur literally fly off its back and fall all over the counter and the rest float into the air. He kept calm and told himself he'd clean it later. "I think he needs a home..." he heard her finish and he looked into her pleading blue eyes, blanching at what he knew she was asking.

"Uh...Belle, dear..." That was the start of a no and the disappointment in her eyes showed how much she was hoping for a yes. "I'm not sure...I've never owned a cat. I wouldn't know how to care for one."

"Well, neither have I but I think we could...together."

He felt his cheeks go warm and cleared his throat. Anytime she mentioned we and together in the same sentence, he just felt...well, like an idiot teenager mooning over his girlfriend. He should act better, they were living together, but it was still such a blessing every day to hear her talk about them as a couple. A real couple. "Belle...I'm not sure..."

"There's enough money to take care of him. I really want to help this little guy. He needs someone to love him." He swallowed at her words. Sweet Belle. Always wanting to love every poor, undeserving cretin that she comes across. He sighed as her pleading gaze tore into him. "Please, Rumple?"

And the ice cracked. "Oh, alright. If you insist."

She beamed a sunshine filled smile right into his black heart and nodded fervently, picking up the small beast again. "Oh, I knew you'd say yes! Thank you..." She leaned in, as did he, and he relished the tender kiss she gave him, sucking ever so slightly on his bottom lip as she released.

"First things first, sweetheart," he began, circling the counter. "It needs to go to the vet. I want shots..." he grimaced again, "a bath, and a legal ID." He paused. "Oh, and uh...a neuter if it's a boy."

She giggled and pecked him on the cheek. "Okay. You coming with us?"

"I have a few more things to attend to here, but I'll join you shortly." She nodded and pecked him again.

"Thank you, Rumple..." And she walked out, long curls bouncing as she went.

He sighed heavily and went back to the counter, seeing all the fur his True Love's new friend had left behind. He could magic it away, but after seeing Belle again, and how happy she was with him, he couldn't bring himself to do that again. He grabbed a white rag and went to swipe at the counter when he felt it.

Now, it wasn't that unusual, no, but it didn't happen that often to him. He never got sick, for the Dark One's powers took care of that and he had no allergies, so the sensation he was currently feeling gave him pause, but he shrugged it off. Must be something in the air.

He tried to sniff it back, but the infernal itch building in the back of his nose was relenting and he finally sighed, just letting it happen. A few seconds ticked by on the watch he just fixed before his breath hitched and he released it into the crook of his elbow. "Hit-itxihu!" He sniffled again and apparently that was a mistake as a huge burn erupted in his sinus cavities. His cane long forgotten and hooked on the edge of the counter, he brought both hands up over his face and exploded into them. "HEH-ASHHEOU!" He groaned and stumbled back a little. That was very...well, powerful and made him a little dizzy. He shook his head and cleared it, the burning itch gone as soon as it came. Whatever it was that upset him, it appeared to be gone.

So he grabbed the rag again and swiped at the counter, some of the hair falling on the floor, but that didn't matter just as long as it was off the counter. He turned and threw it in the waste basket, and low and behold, something managed to catch the great Rumplestiltskin off guard.

There was no warning this time. No itch except for a split second before, and then he had no choice but to just let it go uncovered all over the place. "Heh-inxxshuu! Oh..."

Okay, what the hell was going on? He never sneezed three times in one month, let alone one minute! Something was wrong here. He looked down and tried to gather his thoughts, wondering what he did different today. The white rag in the waste basket seemed to shout at him and he paled. He looked to the counter and then the rag.

OH.

He picked up the rag with a sigh. There was only one way to find out and know for sure, and he hated having to use himself as a test subject, but he had no choice. He had to know. With a huge look of disgust plastered on his face, he leaned in and took a sniff off the cloth.

Nothing happened. He took another sniff in a different spot. Nothing. He growled in frustration and flipped the rag over, doing the same action several times with no results. But the Dark One doesn't give up easily and his reward was just as the final sniff hit the jackpot, making his head shoot back in surprise. "Eh..." The reaction was instantaneous and all the old pawnbroker could do was hold on for the ride of his life.

The rag fell to the ground like a person plummeting to their death.

"Hih-atchuu! Uh...eh..ASSHOU! INXXCHEOU!" He panted a few times, breath hitching again as another marching band presided out his nostrils. "Oh, God...ih...eh-ah-CHIUU!" He tried to hold them back now, pinching his nose, the result being a bunch of wet squeaking noises that sounded like his brain was dying. "Heh-grrzxt! Hie-zzzgnt! Oh, dammit!" He gasped as the orchestra reached its crescendo, the final notes booming. "Hih...ah...AH-IZZGNSHIUUU!"

His head was spinning and his leg was screaming for this whole show had happened without the balance of his cane, and he was thankful he hadn't fallen over. He'd never in his life experienced something like that and panted to catch his breath. He shakily reached for his cane and walked away from the area, trying to get any any fresh air he could. His breath kept hitching in false starts and he found it hard to breathe.

Okay, his question had been answered. He was allergic to cats. He had no idea. Back in his home world, he never came across many cats and even if he did, he never got near. Storybrooke had no animals other than Pongo, but after the curse broke, he supposed animals managed to find their way in. This stray cat wandered in and straight into his sweet Belle's arms. The irony.

He sighed and got his bearings, but just as he felt he might live another tickle singed in the back of his right side. He cursed and tried to hold it back and failed, spewing another at the floor. "Heh-axxchiiu!"

"Something wrong, Mr. Gold?"

Apparently he had been too distracted and didn't even hear the bell ring or the door close. And now the absolute worst person was standing behind him, having witnessed a moment of weakness from him. That was not acceptable.

He straighted his back and composed himself slowly turning to face them. "Regina. And to what do I owe this displeasure?"

She smirked, red lips glistening. "I wanted to ask you for something," she simply said.

"Ah, you must be desperate to come to me..." He turned from her to make his confidant walk he always used to show dominance. He remembered that spot behind the counter and pivoted to keep away, hoping she didn't notice. "And what is it you want?"

"I..." she started and he swore she was trying to make her face look forlorn, "...used to have a perfume when I was younger. I find I'm becoming homesick lately and wanted to make it again. I need a certain flower."

He smirked his lopsided, crooked glean. "I see. A flower, huh? This certain flower wouldn't happen to be an Olfuriom, would it?" She frowned. "The one that causes you to feel immense feelings of love when you smell it?" He chuckled. "Nice try, Regina."

"You have no idea it is that flower I want."

"Please..." he teased old wounds, "I know you still want Henry and this would be something useful to you."

She sighed, caught. "I just want him to be more...receptive to my affections."

He openly laughed this time and shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, dearie. If I had the flower, you would have to give me something in return." He came closer to her, eventually getting in her face. "And fortunately, you have nothing I want." He turned from her and walked to the back curtain. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something better to do. You know the way out."

She seethed with clenched fists but controlled herself, pulling down her jacket and sighing. The smirk was back in place as she watched him enter the back room. Yes, she did want the Olfuriom, but as she approached the shop, she peered inside the spaces between the blinds, like she always did before she called on him.

What she saw baffled her.

She saw him sniffing a white cloth several times, then finally dropping it and launching into the biggest sneezing fit she'd ever seen in her life. She didn't even know people could do something like that. What the hell was on that cloth?

She slinked like a snake to the counter and made her way around it, seeing the rag on the floor. She picked it up wearily, not wanting to suffer the same fate as he. Perhaps this was a potion he was doing and it failed miserably. She looked it over and nothing stood out about it. She couldn't see anything special about it and scowled in response to it. Well, whatever was on this cloth she would find out. "We are not done, Rumple." And she was gone in a red smoke-out.

He came out of the back room and looked around, not hearing her leave. He was all ready to insult her some more but now that she was gone, he shrugged. She must've poofed away like she always did. He adjusted his black leather gloves and walked out, locking the door and making his way to the car.

He had to get to the vet's office and explain this to Belle. Surely she would understand. There was no way she would let something like this be around him if she knew it affected him like this.

Belle was kind and loving and sweet and wonderful and perfect. Everything he didn't deserve. She would understand.

He hated closed in areas. He hated closed in areas with lots of people. He hated closed in areas with lots of people staring at him. He sighed and opened the door to the tiny vet clinic and stepped inside, ignoring the gasps and whispers and one old woman who looked like her bladder might just leak.

He wouldn't have paid them any mind, but as he looked them all over he felt his stomach fall into a pit of ice. Three...three of them had cats.

Really?

He stepped to the front counter and tried not to think about it. Tried not to consider how much fur was flying all over the room and right up his nose. Okay, no that was ridiculous.

There was no one at the desk and he gazed behind himself noting one cat was being put back in its carrier, another was sitting on its owner's lap as she repeatedly petted the damn thing, and the final was a white fluffy fur ball, obviously a kitten, being held by a child.

He swallowed, his throat feeling thick and hit the bell on the counter multiple times. The receptionist came out, visibly greened when she saw him and trembled as she came to the desk. "Y-Yes?"

"I'm looking for Belle French." She looked confused. "Belle French?" She shook. "Long brown hair, striking blue eyes? Doesn't everyone in this town know who Belle is by now?!"

As if on cue, said beautiful woman came out from the back, giving him an incredulous smirk. "I know that bellow anywhere." He flushed and tried to hide it when the receptionist noticed.

"Ahem, Belle." He came up to her and turned green himself when he caught that she was holding the animal again. "Uh..." his eyes trailed down to it and she smiled.

"Oh, yes. She's had her shots and a check-up. All she is is malnourished, so she'll need a special diet. She's had a bath - isn't she pretty? - and guess what? They did this microchip thing so we'll never lose her! Oh, and she's a girl." She giggled at the end and he tried to take it all in. The feline looked much healthier, he had to admit, but he now could see the thing was a black Persian with all the long fur to match. "And oh, I almost forgot!" She pointed to a plastic square with tags hanging off of it. "They let you buy collars and name-tags here. I didn't want to have to wait for a custom one to be made so I just picked one from here and I found the perfect name." She showed off the gold heart-shaped tag hanging off the pink collar to him and he gulped.

"Izzy?"

"Isn't that the cutest name? We'll have to wait for her legal tags from the city to come in the mail, but for now this'll do. Just like you said, right?"

Ya know that dream when you're somewhere important and you show up in your underwear? That's kinda how Mr. Gold was feeling right about now. Surely this was some kind of cosmic joke and he knew somewhere there were fairies laughing at him.

He looked to her eager face and felt the walls come closer. This could not be happening. She gave the thing shots. She bathed it. She microchiped it. And worse of all, she named it. Name means attachment. Oh, nonononononononono. "You...uh...really like this cat, huh?"

She shook her head giving him hope and then shattered it when she answered. "No, I love her already." She snuggled it and his whole world went red.

She used the L word. Of course she loved it. She loved everything too soon and too hard. It made sense that she would care for this creature first thing off the bat. That is what she did with him after all. "Is something wrong?"

And that was when he noticed the congestion. He sniffed it back and shook his head. "No, not at all." What was he supposed to do now? Tell her she couldn't have it? When she loved it?

"Wait, you're allergic to cats? This is horrible. We'll have to break up immediately." No, she wouldn't do that...

"What?! You're allergic to cats?! Oh, no! Now I'll have to give her up for the likes of you! I'm gonna cry for three weeks straight and. MAKE. YOU. WATCH."

Okay, no. This wasn't going so well. He sniffled again and was becoming painfully aware of the heavy air the room was holding. He slammed his credit card on the counter and watched with gritted teeth as the bumbling fool behind it stumbled several times trying to scan the thing. "Will you please hurry up?" he all but snarled and she looked like she was gonna puke all over the place.

"Uh..." she handed him the receipt and he wanted to blow up the place for charging such outrageous prices, but he did have money to spare after all. He signed it and briskly walked out, a worried Belle behind him.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he covered. "I just hate being around people that are incompetent."

She gave a knowing smile. "They'll all get to know you, Rumple. They will." She smiled bright at him. "Thank you again. I really appreciate this." She leaned in and graced her lips to his and all his anger melted away. She fully kissed him, opening her mouth to welcome him and he realized she was kissing him in full view of the public, not a hint of shame or worry of what others thought of it. She loved him and was not afraid to show everyone.

And some more ice cracked and fell away, piercing his stomach.

He moaned as her tongue graced his but don't ya know those laughing fairies needed some more entertainment as that infernal itch came back. He realized she was holding the cat in her arms as they kissed and that he was practically inhaling the damn thing up his nasal passages. He backed away and tried to hide his discomfort but she didn't notice.

"We need to go to the store. She needs a food bowl and a litter box and a bed and a scratching post and toys, oh I want toys, and blah blah blah, blah blah blah," or that's how it sounded as he fought with his nose wishing he could just disappear to the farthest corner of the earth to sneeze where no one could see him. Not on the street corner with people passing by!

He lost the battle, of course, and had no choice to let it go as politely as he could. Back in the crook of his elbow, he released as quietly as possible. "Het-chuu!"

"Oh," she giggled. "bless you."

He nodded, breath hitching and going again, more forceful as he rounded the car. "Hih-izzchuu!" That one doubled him over and Belle ran to him.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," and now it was really obvious he had a stuffed nose. "Let's just go to the store." There was no way he would survive this.

Mary Margaret comforts a weeping Belle. "How did it happen?"

Belle sobs openly. "His head exploded!"

He cleared his throat as Belle got in next to him and that's when his brain finally decided to start working today and reminded him that she was less than one foot away from him, still holding the cat. He wanted to roll the windows down but that might appear suspicious being that the temperature outside was a balmy forty two.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again and he nodded, not trusting his mouth to not open and explode all over her. He started the engine and made it a grand total of six feet down the street before the tickle came knocking on his door.

"Hello. Remember me? I'm here to make you look like an idiot. Hope you don't mind but I plan to stay for a while and totally ruin your life. Sucks to be you!" Maniacal laughter echoed in his head and just when Belle turned on the radio, it playing an annoying pop song, his nose sang right along with it.

"Baby, I love hit-chuu!" was kinda how it sounded. Belle turned off the radio and looked at him.

"Rumple, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm about to kill us by running this red light BECAUSE I CAN'T SNEEZE WITH MY EYES OPEN!" She screamed as he passed over the line and almost got hit at the intersection. He sped on the gas and made it the rest of the way, and if anyone dared give him a ticket they would learn the ways of a snail.

"Rumple, that's it! What is going on?!"

He sighed and pulled over, hitching a few breaths and opening the car door to breathe. "I...uh..." She was still holding that animal, her Izzy, cradling it to her like a beloved child. "I think...I'm getting a cold." Okay, he lied. So what? It's not like it could get any worse.

Her eyed widened, nothing but sympathy in them. "Oh, no... Honey, why didn't you say anything? This is so like you. Oh, what am I gonna do with you?" She called him honey and his head was reeling from that as she marched to the driver side. "Get out. I'm driving us home." He looked up at her.

Belle. Driving. It could get worse.

"No arguments. You can't drive all distracted like this so I will." He went to protest and she gave him the death no happy time tonight glare. He nodded and sneezed again as he made his way to the passenger side and she sat in the diver seat. And then...she put the cat in his lap.

"Wha..."

"Sorry, I can't hold her while I'm driving. She'll be alright. She's really friendly."

The cat looked up at him as if to say, "I'm gonna getchu sucka." He panted and fanned his face. "Can we roll the windows down? I think I might be hot." She nodded and he did so, remembering that his house was in the opposite direction. He should be keeping a score card for these fairies.

He looked down at the cat, hoping she wouldn't scratch him or decide to suddenly fall in love with his face. She meowed and bored her eerie green eyes right into his.

And then she shook herself all over him.

~To Be Continued

A/N: I tell ya what, if you ain't having fun writing what you write then you shouldn't be doing it at all. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. Just FYI; you can develop allergies at any stage in your life and you can have violent reactions such as this. It isn't that far fetched.

-Izzy comes from all the AU Rumbelle stories where people name Belle Isabelle.

Hope you enjoyed it!