Me: Oh whoops forgot to update cuz I'm a busy man and my girlfriend things and popularity and stuff

Bob: I strive to be you.

Me: I know.

Bob: May I polish your shoes?

Me: Oh Bob I think you mean "Can I polish your shoes"

Bob: oh of course.

Me: Do the unnecessary disclaimer people put in for additional word count.

Bob: Red is the New Blue does not own Pokémon or anything cuz he's poor as dirt but luckily his swag makes up for it. He does own Bob and ur not allowed to use him without permission because I know you all want to and you all wish you had come of with a cool character like him so yeah kay thanks bye if you don't enjoy the story die.

"Ooh Bob you're so hot and sexy and I want to lick your rock solid, fourteen year old, chest," May said as she pressed herself up against Bob. "But I'm also conflicted because I think I love Ash despite just meeting him so yeah that's a thing."

"May, only you can decide who you love," Bob told her holding her hands in his. "Even though I'm clearly superior, I have a Mew."

"Oh Bob there are so many women lining up to be your girl, what chance do I even have?" May asked, wiping a tear from her eye. "I guess I'll just have to pursue Ash, he's more available."

"May, love, you are beautiful and I would totally be your boyfriend but Dawn has a miniskirt and that's hot," he said.

"Who's Dawn?" May asked.

"Not important," Bob said as he leaned forward and planted his lips on hers.

"GAH!" May yelped, sitting up suddenly, finding herself in a familiar room: her own. The lights were off and it was clearly late in the night. "Oh it was only a dream, you can tell because of the italics."

She looked down to see Bob and Ash sleeping on the floor. The gentle moonlight poured through her window on to Bob's chest, which lit of the room with his elegance."

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, May rolled out of bed, she had a lot on her mind (Bob is a lot to think about at once). She put on her slippers and tiptoed out of the room. She made her way down the hall and out the door to see the stars in dah sky.

"The stars are beautiful aren't they?"

May jumped with a start and spun around to see a shirtless wonder standing before her. "B-Bob you scared me!" She exclaimed, her heart rate beating at over 9000.

"I apologize," Bob apologized.

"It's okay," May assured him, biting her bottom lip. "What brings you out here?"

Bob sighed dramatically and put his hands in his pockets. "I heard you leave, and being the caring and sensitive guy I am I had to follow you."

"Oh Bob you're so caring and sensitive," May said. "I think I'm in lo-" but stopped, remembering her dream, what chance could she ever have with a hunk like Bob.

A/N: And he's so dense he wouldn't understand smh bob

"Were you going to say in love?" Bob asked, leaving May surprised. She blushed until her entire face was red and then her head exploded.

RIP in peace, May.

The End.

(lol not really lol)

"W-what!?" She exclaimed, her heart thumping even faster than over 9000 now. "No! Yes! No! Maybe! Ugh why is love so confusing!?"

"I think I know who it is," Bob said with a knowing, smexy smile. May backed up a little more, her impossibly deep red face turning purple. "It's..."

Dun dun

"Iiiiiiit's..."

Dun dun

"Professor Birch!"

May fell over in her face anime style (Aka a "face fault" but nobody ever seems to know that's what it's called) "omg no bob wtf." May's face turned green.

"Oh golly I sure am dense," Bob said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head and snapping his fingers.

"It's okay because being dense is cute."

"That's why it's my only flaw."

"Oh Bob you always know just the right things to say!" May exclaimed, her face now plaid. She lunged forward and hugged him. Her face rubbing up against his bare chest. The man returned the embrace with his muscular arms wrapping tightly around the girl. The man out his lips to her ear and whispered two life changing words.

"I know."

Bob let out a long yawn and stretched out his beefy arms, he was tired and had bags under his eyes, sexy ones, no doubt. May seemed a little tired as well.

"Man I feel great!" Ash said, looking over at his two new friends. "Did you guys not sleep well?"

"Oh we slept just fine." Bob said, winking at May and causing her to giggle as her face turned neon orange.

The group quickly got to Rustboro City because traveling is boring.

"Mew Mew!" Mew chirped, reminding everyone of his existence.

"Ha ha yeah I'm excited too!" Bob said.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu also said.

"Shut up, Pikachu."

"Ah! Look out!" Someone shrieked, everyone looked about frantically before something collided into Bob. Despite his superhuman strength he was knocked to the ground. To everyone's surprised a blue haired trainer with a miniskirt and a Piplup had fallen on top of him. Bob's eyes fell upon her and he knew...

He knew...

Their meeting was destiny.

He gracefully defied the laws of physics and picked himself and the girl. "Vous savez, ils disent la peau est le plus grand organe? Pas dans mon cas." He said as he held her in his arms.

A/N: Yeah Bob knows French and I totally didn't use google translate.

"Votre mère était un hamster et votre père sentait des baies de sureau." He continued, totally wooing the girl.

"Wow I am so wooed by you," the trainer said. "My name is Dawn."

"My name is..." Bob wiggled his eyebrows. "... Bob."

The girl's jaw dropped to the ground. "Hawt."

"He knows." Ash muttered.

"I know." Bob assured her.

"Omg I'm like, from the Sinnoh region and it's totally cold there," Dawn said.

"That's quite the miniskirt coming from someone from a cold region," Ash continued.

"I think it's sexy." Bob said, "like... me."

"I do love me a humble man," Dawn said, running her index finger down his chest.

"Love?" Bob exclaimed, dropping Dawn on the ground.

A/N: No Dawn's were harmed in the making of this fic probably lol.

"I-I don't know don't you think we're moving too quickly?" Bob asked, backing up a little bit, his face turning all the colors of the rainbow.

"Yes," Ash muttered.

Dawn picked herself up and brushed herself off. "So wise," she said. "You're as smart as you are handsome."

Then suddenly, out of no where, Bob came up with an idea, a brilliant idea, an idea that no one had ever thought, totally original. It was insane, crazy even, but Bob knew he had to try, he took in a breath and asked the question that would change the course of history for billions of ages:

"Dawn you want to travel with us?"

Total silence.

"I think Bob just blew my mind," May whispered to Ash.

Dawn jumped for joy and leapt upon the man of many wonders. "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" She shouted as he squeezed Bob.

"It's like she's getting married," Ash told May.

"Urk! Dawn! Can't... Breathe…" superhuman Bob said, somehow being crushed by the small girl's arms.

"Sorry," Dawn said. "But it's like… like we have a bond ya know?"

"I actually hate my life." Ash muttered.

"Ur Mom actually hates ur life," Dawn said.

"OOOOHHHH BUUURRRNNN!" Shouted everyone in total union and sync and stuff.

Rushing to the Pokémon Center because the author wanted to get to the sexy stuff, Bob and Dawn were TOTALLY making out on the bed. with all of their clothes on.

Does Dawn love me? Bob asked himself. I think she does.

"Does Bob have something on his face?" Ash asked. "Dawn is going pretty vigorously at him."

"omg ash no," May said, face palming. "But um… there's something I want to tell you."

Ash turned to her. Oh May could just get lost in his eyes. "I lo-"

"oh boy I sure am hungry!" Ash said.

A/N: ha classic Ash. Guys I'm so good at capturing character personalities worship me.

Before May could even say another word Ash was gone. "Oh Ash ur so dense," May said, thinking it was annoying but cute (not as cute as Bob tho duh). Feeling hungry herself she followed after Ash.

Now back to the real star.

Bob and Dawn's lips parted as they gasped for breath, even though I'm pretty sure you can still breathe while kissing not that I would know from personal experience-I mean-of course I would know. "Bob I think I'm in love with you."

Suddenly Bob broke out into song in his beautiful sexy voice, singing some Taylor Swift song which I'm too lazy to look up and copy/paste. "Oh Bob I never knew you had such a beautiful voice!" Dawn said. Bob bashfully blushed.

"One of my many hidden talents," Bob said nonchalantly. He whipped out an electric guitar and did a sick guitar solo.

omg hi guis hope you enjoyed my story cuz I worked really really really really hard on it. Typing on a keyboard is harder than it looks. Especially when I only know how to type with my index fingers.

R&R! (whatever that means but everyone I see says it) Also don't forget to Read and Review! Leave me nice words but not too big of words cuz I don't understand them. If you flame I will report you.

yolo