By Dr. Foetus

Okay, I just. I don't know. I was looking at the HPxYGO crossovers and I was severely mind effed. Like, one of them was HarryxBakura. What? Anyhoos, this is set during HBP sometime and sometime after Yugi and Yami are properly aware of each other. Just be warned this is very dialogue heavy. And it contains spoilers for both series. Aaaaand it's weird. Anyway have fun.

A Specifically Odd DADA Class

Snape was indisposed. He was not to come to class for a long while. Rumours were that Peeves had dropped gallons of the most expensive witches' shampoo on his head, but as they were rumours, nobody knew what to believe.

Since Snape was down and out for the count, it was wise to assume that meant that Defence Against the Dark Arts would, for the foreseeable future, be taught by a substitute. Harry thought that they might be taught by Dumbledore, because all the other professors were just too busy.

Harry, however, was most certainly not expecting a man whose ridiculous hair made most his height to walk in. After his almost six years in the wizarding world, he hadn't seen anybody who looked half as strange. He had three separate hair colours, red eyes and didn't look any older than seventeen. And he was wearing leather. He took a seat at the desk in front of the class and glowered at everyone, muttering about "Bakuras everywhere".

Imagine the class' surprise when another boy, a very short boy, with also three colours in his hair walked in hesitantly after him! Big, purple eyes. Also wearing leather. Didn't look old enough to be a first year at Hogwarts. Harry heard Ron mutter something like "We can't be taught by a baby panda!" from beside him.

The boy walked up to the similar but completely different looking man and stood next to him. He looked at him, sighed and shook his head. "You're just gonna sit there and glare at them? You don't have to be a petulant child."

"It's not my fault you didn't get the whipped cream."

The boy stamped his foot. "It's not my fault you dragged me around in a leash!"

"It was for foreplay!" the man whined. After the boy hit him upside the head, he continued, "Okay, look, I'm sorry, alright? It's just that there's no DDR around here." The boy sighed and shook his head again before turning to the class as if he had forgotten they were there.

"Oh! Okay. Hi. Well, you're all witches and wizards apparently. We're what you would call 'muggles'. I'm Yugi Mōto, and no, I'm not twelve or a baby panda." There were audible gasps at this. "He," he said, motioning to the man, "is Yami –"

"King of Games, bitch," Yami interrupted.

"He likes being a dick. Uh, if he asks if you'd like to play a game, say no."

Draco raised his hand and without being asked started, "Why not? I could win any game against that freak."

The man, Yami, threw his head back and laughed. "Wanna bet?" Draco was going to reply, but was interrupted by Yugi shaking his head.

"Okay, since that's apparently what we're doing now, any questions?" Yugi asked before shaking his head like he knew it was going to be a long day.

Immediately Hermione's hand shot up, and she too began without being asked, "How come you're here? You shouldn't be able to see this place, let alone enter it and teach!"

He sighed again. "Okay, well, that Dumbledore guy was concerned with our children's card games and took us under for observation. We've been kept here for a few weeks so far. Being unable to play card games on motorcycles, we grew bored. That one spent his time being sadistic with the teachers. You may want to ask, uh… the Snape guy if you want to know about Yami's games. I can tell you it wasn't shampoo that went on his head. Though if he needs it now, before was nothing."

Harry asked without even bothering to raise his hand, "Are you two metamorphagi? I mean, what with the hair and the eyes…"

This time Yami answered. "We're anime characters. We have the greatest hair. Where we're from, Yugi's height and young appearances aren't unheard of. He's sixteen, apparently." He turned and grinned at Yugi, who glared and poked his tongue out. "You missed out on snex you know. With a handsome guy like me." He sniffled.

Yugi, ignoring him, continued on, "And no, we didn't use charms or potions or whatever. Anime characters are just physics defying, is all."

Draco asked, "How could filthy muggles like you know about such things?"

Yami and Yugi both turned and stared at the class.

"Because we read the Harry Potter books written by J.K. Rowling. My friend's OTP is Harry and Hedwig," stated the shorter.

"Snape kills Dumbledore!" exclaimed the taller.

Harry upped and bolted out of the room, cries of "Professor!" ringing down the halls. Harry soon returned to the room behind an old man.

"Yo, Dumbles!" called Yami.

He walked to them and smiled. "Mr Mōto, Mr Atem, everything is to your liking I believe?"

Yugi started to reply in the affirmative, but Yami stood up and poked Dumbledore in the chest. "That's Pharaoh Atem to you, old man." He turned away as if to return to his chair, but looked back at the elderly man with a glint in his eye. "Hey, how does a friendly little game sound?"

"Oh, I'm afraid I don't have time to be dying today, Mr Atem. Busy babysitting brats and blatantly favouring a single house, you know. Well, toodles!" He bowed before taking his exit. Yami stared after him before running to the door and shouting what his name was at the man.

"Well, I'm bored," stated Yugi who was evidently bored. He pulled out a television from under the desk, and turned it on. "We're gonna watch the Kill Your Family Show, okay?"

"KILL YOUR FAMILY."

"When did you –"

"KILL YOUR FAMILY."

"How did you –"

"KILL YOUR FAMILY."

"But electricity at Hogwarts –"

"KILL YOUR FAMILY."

Yami and Yugi stated without even looking up, "TV convenience."

Suddenly, Peeves materialised through the wall holding something, long, hard and brown. It was especially sharp at the end. He threw it at the television, which ceased working.

"Don't you go bloody harpoonin' everythin' now!" said Yugi, slipping eerily into a different accent.

"Eh, it's okay Yugi," said Yami. He looked at Peeves who was cackling, shoved his hand out and said "Mind crush!" which caused Peeves to explode. At all the shocked faces, Yami calmly stated, "It's okay, he owed me money."

The bell rang, startling them all. They all began to pack their things away, and as they did so Harry couldn't help but wish for Snape to be back. Yami was a sadistic, perverted weirdo and he felt sorry that Yugi practically had to babysit him. Yugi was easily the more normal one. That's what Harry thought until Yugi said, "Oh, and don't forget. If you quote any abridged series that isn't made by Little Kuriboh, your kneecaps will get broken by a wrench. Specifically this wrench." He held up an oddly realistic looking wrench. Okay, maybe not, thought Harry.

Harry, Ron and Hermione all agreed that this occurrence was weirder than Maxamillion Pegasus being straight. The classes of Defence that year, as well as many of the professors, would eventually require therapy. The two anime characters agreed it was fun mind effing everyone.