Chapter Twelve

I've said it before but I'll say it again – you're all so nice! Thank you so much.

Thay, you're amazing.

"So?"

"So what?"

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Oh, stop it Castle. You know exactly what. The kiss. What was it like?"

Kate raises her eyebrow at her boyfriend, a crooked smile on her lips.

Rick goes to speak but then stops.

"I'm very unsure about how to answer this question."

"Just tell me what it was like."

"But if I say it was good, then you might get mad at me for enjoying it when it wasn't with the current you. And if I say it was bad, then you might get mad at me for telling you your past self's kissing skills need improvement."

Kate rolls her eyes. "I won't get mad, Castle. I just want to know."

Rick's still pretty unsure but knows he isn't getting out of answering the question.

"It was…good. Very similar to the way you kiss now."

"Very similar? What's different?"

"I don't know. I guess she was more aggressive than you are, generally speaking. Like it was more physical than emotional. She kissed me for the purpose of kissing me, not to show me she cared about me. Maybe a little to show me she didn't mind me all that much, but mostly no."

Rick tried not to grimace as he studied Kate's reaction. She tilted her head back slightly from him, eyes darting side to side as she looked into his, then she smiled. He let out a breath.

"Good answer."

"Scary question."

She smiles at his words.

"We shouldn't have been so harsh with her. She's so embarrassed." Rick says, gesturing to the closed door of their bedroom where Castle and Beckett remain.

"She'll be fine. When she's trying to go to sleep tonight, it will replay over in her mind and she'll want to die from the embarrassment while she tries to think of something else to make her fall asleep, but then she'll forget all of this ever happened. Doesn't have to live with the torturous aftermath of a humiliating moment."

Rick hums. "Yeah, I think I would have had so much more sleep if I could just forget all the times I've made a fool of myself over the years."

Kate gives him a sideways glance.

"Castle, if that were true, you would never sleep. And I've seen you sleep."

"Ah, you are thinking about what you find embarrassing about me, not what I found embarrassing about myself. Very different. If I had the same mentality as you, I would be a certified insomniac."

"So, what? You're saying that you're a much more secure person than I am?"

"No, I'm saying that I don't care about acting like an idiot in front of people in the same way that you do."

"Well, I can't deny you that." Kate says, sitting down on the couch with a sigh.

"You okay?" Rick asks as her sits down next to her.

"Yeah. Just tired." She replies as she folds her legs into her chest and leans herself against him. "It's been a long day."

It was strange how all this had taken place in the space of about sixteen hours. This morning, when Kate met her past self, feels like it was days ago already.

"I'm sorry about the kiss, Kate." Rick whispers into her hair.

She smiles.

"Don't be. It was me who initiated it, remember?"

"I still shouldn't have let it happen."

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Castle. She is me, after all."

"She's you, but you're not her anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, every part of her is still in you, but you've added a lot of new things in the last four years. You're everything she is, but you have more. That's all you can really hope for as you get older, isn't it? That you don't lose any part of yourself, you just add more things."

"Yeah, I suppose. I've never really thought about it like that before." She smiles softly into his chest.

"Yeah. It is pretty good, isn't it? Remind me of that when we get home, I should write it down for my next book."

"You're an idiot." She laughs playing with the buttons on his shirt. "I hope they get out of there soon. I'm so tired."

"Maybe they're getting it on." Rick jokes.

They both laugh but it turns to sounds of disgust as they realise how horrible that would actually be. They look at each other with clenched teeth.

"They wouldn't." Kate says.

"Definitely not."

The couple looks towards the bedroom door, silence filling the apartment.

"Yeah, definitely not." Rick repeats. "You make a lot of noise."

"I make a lot of noise?" Kate almost wants to laugh.

"You're actually trying to deny that you're loud?"

"No, but I'm saying that you're definitely louder."

"Absolutely inaccurate information right there. Women are always louder."

"They are not! Maybe all the girls before me were putting on a show for the great Richard Castle, so they could keep using his wallet and he could keep his ego."

"Again, so inaccurate. You have first hand proof of that."

"You're still louder."

"You're still wrong."

"We need the room back."

Beckett's brain is telling her that her head has been resting on Castle's shoulder far too long, that her arms should've removed themselves from around his waist by now, but the usually sensible detective can't seem to help letting her heart win out this time. She turns her face into his shoulder, breathing in a mix of cologne and musk. It brings a feeling of comfort that spreads throughout her body, softening her muscles from her shoulders to her calves. She feels him run a hand down her back, and just before he hits anything too inappropriate, it makes its way back up. She knows it's time to detach herself from him, because it's late and the others are probably wondering what they are doing and wanting their room, but she can't help taking in one final breath and squeezing him a little tighter before she unwraps herself.

He smiles that purely innocent, loving Castle smile that doesn't have a trace of charm or mockery held within it.

"You good?" He asks.

"Yeah." She gives him a soft smile in return and lifts herself off the bed. "Thank you, Castle."

"Anytime." He winks, because he's Castle and he can't help bringing the light-heartedness back.

"You know what's weird? This is actually our room." Beckett says, running a finger along the bed sheets.

"Everything about this day has been weird, and like most of it, the fact that this is our room is the best kind of weird."

She laughs and reaches for the handle of the bedroom door.

Beckett and Castle are greeted with the sight of their older counterparts sitting on the couch, laughing with one another.

"When are you going to learn that you will never win an argument against me?"

"Never, because I've won plenty against you before."

"Name one."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt." Beckett says. "You can have your room back now. It's time we headed home anyway."

Rick and Kate immediately give the two their full attention once they realise their presence.

"Headed home…separately?" Rick asks, almost afraid of the answer.

Beckett's left eyebrow almost hits her hairline.

"Oh God, obviously." She says.

"Well, not really obviously if they had to ask the question." Castle smiles.

Rick and Kate both give sighs of relief.

"So, everything's okay?" Kate asks, directing the question at her younger self.

Beckett nods.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Beckett asks, grabbing Kate's arm and pulling her into the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Kate says with worry. "What happened in the room?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed Rick. I wasn't thinking about you, I was thinking about me and I got caught up in thinking we were the same person that I didn't stop and wonder how you'd react."

Kate gives her young self a light laugh. "We are the same person. It's okay. I literally would have done the same thing. Or did do."

Beckett laughs then. "Right. Oh God, that's weird. We have the same body. You were once me standing here talking to you."

Kate shivers. "I know. Especially strange seeing as I don't remember this at all, but a few things are clearer to me now."

Beckett frowns. "What do you mean?"

"You'll see." Kate winks, going to leave the kitchen.

"Kate, can I just ask one more thing?"

"Sure."

"Do you think mom would be proud of you?"

Kate sees the tears prickling behind the younger detective's eyes and she knows what she's thinking.

"Yeah, you know, for the first time in a long time, I do. I always thought that she'd be so mad that I'd made my life what it was, that I wasn't letting myself just be happy. But I think now that I'm letting my life extend beyond the job, I can see that she'd be okay with where I am and what I've done. She would have loved that I put bad guys away."

Beckett smiles. "Yeah, she would have. Sometimes I think that if she were alive she would've wanted to buddy up and defend the victims of my cases in court. She would have totally embarrassed me. Everyone would know I was Johanna's daughter."

"It'd be a running joke around the New York justice system." Kate nods with a smile, recalling many times where she'd had the exact same thoughts. "I'm glad I got to meet you, Kate. I don't think I realised how much my life had changed since I was you, and I should have."

"Yeah, you should have. You're really lucky."

"We are." Kate smiles, looping her arm through Beckett's and walking them back into the living room.

They find the two Castles staring at the screen of Rick's phone with goofy smiles.

"This was Alexis on her graduation." Rick says, swiping his finger across the iPhone. "And this was her first day of college. Her roommate's a Patterson fan but we forgive her because she lets Alexis borrow her shoes."

"When you guys are done fawning over your daughter, Castle can take Beckett home." Kate interrupts.

"Ooh, this is us at my birthday party this year." Rick ignores her, showing Castle the photo before turning it towards Beckett so she can see too.

It's a fairly close up photo of her, Castle, and Alexis, all dressed up. Castle's in the middle beaming, his arms around his girls, with Kate's head leaning against his shoulder and Alexis seems to have been caught mid-laugh by the camera. She's beautiful, Beckett thinks, noting the growth of the young redhead. It looks like a family photo.

It hits Beckett low and hard in the stomach; similar to the feeling you get when you're eighteen and it hits you that you're an adult now, even though it's something you've always known would happen. It was always in the back of your mind, sitting there, a thought that was never really thought about, but the moment you did you could practically taste your heart in your mouth. She hadn't thought about Alexis, or Martha, or any of the things that came with being in a relationship with Castle even though she knew they would be there. She'd been so focused on the fact that they were confiding in each other and having sex and holding hands that she'd overlooked that she was stepping into a life, a family. A place where she would be relied upon by people other than just herself or her dad. Not for work, or because it was morally right, but because she would care about them and they would care about her. She would make a decision to get wrapped up in other people's lives because she was so sure of a future with him that she wouldn't have to fear leaving. Or at least, she would risk that because of how much she loved him, and wanted that future. The idea was foreign and frightening, but alluring and warm; a moth to a flame, hoping that this light wouldn't cause its death.

"Alexis is beautiful." Is all Beckett can choke out.

Rick gives her a brilliant smile and agrees.

"Are you close with her?" Beckett asks Kate.

For the first time since they've met, Beckett sees her older-self falter slightly when asked a question about her life with Rick.

"She's a great girl, and I care about her very much, but we haven't had much one on one time." Kate says, looking saddened, like she was having her own eighteen moment.

"There's plenty of time for that." Rick says with a smile, throwing his arm around Kate's waist and pushing Castle to the door. "Get her home, it's late. We'll meet you here in the morning before we go back."

"Okay." Beckett says. "Goodnight."

"Night." Kate replies, a soft smile bringing some light back into her face before it disappears behind the thick hotel room door.

Beckett and Castle don't move, both staring at the door.

"I could almost swear I dreamt this entire day." Castle says. "And that's saying something, coming from me."

"I know what you mean. I wish we didn't have to forget." Beckett says, slightly exasperated.

"Ah, but that's the most crucial part of all detective – if we don't forget, we won't be them, and I'd like for us to be them."

He smiles at her then, and she knows exactly what he's implying, and she can't help but reciprocate.

"Me too."

I think I only have about two more chapters left in this story but thank you so much to everyone for continuing to read despite my sporadic updates. I will definitely continue writing after this is over thanks to the wonderful responses you've all given me!