"Have you noticed, on top of everything, it's raining?" Pintel yelled.

"That's a bad sign," said Ragetti fervently.

"Man the capstan...keep that powder dry!" Gibbs ordered. He looked to port and, seeing the giant whirlpool, bellowed, "MAELSTROM!" Having been standing right next to him at the time, I winced.

"Captain Barbossa, we need you at the helm!" said Elizabeth.

"Aye, that be true!" Barbossa took the wheel. "Brace up the yard, ya cockeyed deckapes...dyin' is a day worth livin' for!"

"On our stern and gaining!" Will yelled.

"More speed!" Barbossa called. "Haul your wind and hold your water!"

"Take her out or she'll overbear us!"

"Nay, farther in! We'll cut across to faster waters!"

"Prepare to broadside!" Elizabeth yelled.

"Captain the guns!" said Gibbs.

"At the ready!"

"Batten down the hatches!" said Gibbs. "Stick to your guns! Sight the flash! Hold it! Wait 'til we get more to port!"

"Fire!"

"Fire!"

"Fire!"

"It be too late to alter course now, mateys!" Barbossa called, grinning and laughing like we were on the teacups at Disney World or something. "Ha ha ha!"

Davy Jones's crew swung aboard. I drew my sword, preparing to give no quarter.

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Will you marry me?" Will called.

"I don't think now's the best time!"

"Now may be the only time! I love you. I've made my choice. What's yours?"

"Barbossa!" Elizabeth yelled suddenly. Will looked confused. "Marry us!"

"I'm a little busy at the moment!" Barbossa snarled, battling two fishpeople at once.

"Barbossa! NOW!"

"Fine then!" Barbossa climbed up on the table. "Dearly beloved, we be gathered here today to nail yer gizzard to the mast, ye poxy cur!" Halfway through the sentence he'd started fighting again.

"Elizabeth Swann, do you take me to be your husband?"

"I do."

Will gave a relieved smile. "Great!"

"Will Turner, do you take me – " Elizabeth ran a fishman through. "To be your wife, in sickness and in health, with health being the less likely?"

"I do."

"As captain," said Barbossa, "I now pronounce you - " He turned and blocked a fishman's attack. "You may kiss - " He turned again. "You may kiss - " He blocked it again. "Just kiss!"

Will took Elizabeth and, dipping her slightly, kissed her. This had to be the coolest wedding ever.

It also provoked a thought to come into my head. Why was I still here? I should go find Jack and make sure he was all right. I grabbed a rope from a boarding fish-dude and jumped.

This wasn't like the time we'd gone from the Dauntless to the Interceptor, when it had just been a short swing over calm waters. This was a huuuuge gap, the middle of which was a maelstrom. The kind of swing where, if you accidentally let go or didn't make it the first time, you were a goner. As I began soaring across the gap, a sort of swooping sensation started happening in my stomach like when you go on a roller coaster, and I heard a very long, loud shriek, realizing only afterward that it was coming from me.

Now I was flying around the Dutchman. I saw Jack flying nearby. "Jack!"

"Bailey!" We attempted to grab one another but missed by inches. I flung myself onto Jack's rope, a little below him. He pulled me up, looking furious. "I thought I told you to stay on the Pearl!"

"And miss out on all the fun? No way!"

"This isn't fun! This is – "

Jack was interrupted as two fish-guys came toward us from opposite directions. At the last moment, Jack and I both dropped further down the rope, leaving them to collide and get all tangled up.

"Tell me that wasn't fun!" I insisted.

"It was," Jack admitted.

We both dropped to the deck, right in front of Davy Jones. I scuttled off to the side and out of the way, sitting on the stairs while Davy chased Jack around the wheel thingy. Finally, Davy just decided to phase through the wheel thingy, but Jack started spinning it around like a merry-go-round. I giggled. Suddenly Davy stopped the wheel and roared, shaking his tentacles at Jack, who yelped and ran off. I started laughing so hard I fell off the stairs.

Still fighting, Davy hit Jack, and he fell. Abruptly I stopped laughing, immediately going over to help him. He waved me off. "I'm fine, don't worry about – " He stopped mid-sentence, seeing Davy Jones's cut-off tentacle crawling along like a worm, dragging the key to the chest behind it. Getting up, he ran after it. Meanwhile, Elizabeth had joined the party.

"Harridan! You'll see no mercy from me!" Davy Jones growled.

"That's why I brought this!" Elizabeth drew her sword. Davy smacked her with his claw, and she fell. I stepped in front of her, my own sword raised. Not wasting a second on me, Davy snapped my sword in half and delivered a swift kick to my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and sending me flying in the opposite direction. The back of my head cracked painfully against the railing.

"Oooohh," I gasped. My eyes filled up with tears, blurring my vision. Then Jack appeared.

"Bailey," he said, his voice a bit hoarse with worry, "are you all right?"

"Peachy," I said. I tried to sit up and he helped me, ever so gently.

"I'll be right back. You stay here." He shot me an I-mean-it-this-timelook and hurried went off and started opening the chest.

Davy went after Elizabeth, so Will came up behind him and ran him through. Davy just laughed. "Mister, did you forget? I'm a heartless...wretch!" He twisted the tip so that Will couldn't get it back out. Will tried fruitlessly several times, but Davy just laughed. Then he kicked Will. Will landed against the other rail.

Davy looked from Will to Elizabeth. "Ahh. Love. A dreadful bond...yet so easily severed. Tell me, William Turner, do you fear death?"

"Do you?" Jack stood behind Davy, with Davy's heart in one hand and a broken bit of sword in the other. "Heady tonic, holding life and death in the palm of one's hand," said Jack.

"You're a cruel man, Jack Sparrow," Davy snarled.

"Cruel is a matter of perspective."

"Is it, now?" Davy spun around and stabbed Will in the chest, twisting the blade. Will gasped and groaned in pain. Davy laughed. Elizabeth rushed to Will.

"Will! Will! Look at me! Stay with me! You're all right!"

Jack looked at Davy Jones's heart, hesitating.

At that moment, Bootstrap tackled Davy. Meanwhile, Elizabeth was practically crying beside Will. "Will! Will! Look at me! Look at me!" Jack threw a panicky glance my way and hurried over to Will, kneeling beside him. I followed. Grabbing Will's wrist, Jack got him to hold the broken sword and stab the heart. Immediately Jack let go, and Will's hand fell limply beside him.

Davy Jones's tentacles twitched wildly. He stared up at the stormy sky, whispered, "Cayleepso," and fell overboard, into the maelstrom and the depths of the sea below.

"No!" Elizabeth said, as the last shreds of life started to leave Will. "No, no, no!"

Like zombies, the fish people advanced toward Will. "Part of the crew, part of the ship," they droned, one of them holding a knife and the other the empty chest.

"Don't leave me!" Elizabeth shrieked. "I won't leave you!"

I knew how she felt, but we needed to skedaddle. I grabbed her. She struggled, and I kept tugging, but it was useless: we were evenly matched. Finally, Jack grabbed us both and yanked us over to the edge of the ship. Taking a rope in his hands, he instructed, "Hold on." We both obliged, with Elizabeth on the front half of Jack and me over on the side a little. Immediately we were launched on an odd sort of parachute, the tail end of which Jack the Monkey managed to grab at the last minute. As we soared above the water, the Dutchman submerged under it. Elizabeth cried, leaning her head on Jack. I patted her on the head.

We climbed aboard the Pearl.

"Jack," said Gibbs nervously, "the armada's still out there, the Endeavor's coming up hard to starboard, and I think it's time we embraced that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions..."

"Never actually been one for tradition," said Jack vaguely. "Luff the sails and lay on iron!"

"Belay that, or we'll be a sittin' duck!" said Barbossa.

"Belay that belay that!"

"But Captain – " said Gibbs and Pintel.

"Belay!"

"The armada – "

"Belay!"

"But we – "

"Kindly SHUT IT!"

Gibbs did so, looking slightly shaken.

"Full canvas!" Jack called.

"Aye, full canvas!" said Barbossa.

At that moment, the Dutchman popped up above the water again. I rushed over to the rail to get a better look. A smiling Will stood at the helm, looking energized despite the large cut on his chest and...strangely enough, bandanna'd. What the fuck? I was sure he hadn't had one before. Was there some sort of bargain, or something? Become captain of the Flying Dutchman, get one bandanna free?

The Pearl drew up alongside the Endeavor on one side, and the Dutchman went on the other side. We then proceeded to destroy it via cannon fire. After this display, the rest of the armada just turned and fled. Everyone cheered, throwing hats and shouting. Amidst the cacophony, I quietly snuck up behind Jack.

"Mr. Gibbs, you may throw my hat if you like," said Jack.

"Aye, aye, Captain!" said Gibbs eagerly, throwing it. "Hooray!"

"Now go and get it."

Gibbs suddenly got an "oh shit" look on his face and hurried off to find it. I grabbed Jack around his waist, causing him to jump about a foot. Then, realizing it was me, he relaxed and turned to face me.

"So what now?" I said. "The fountain of youth?"

"I was thinking Tortuga first," said Jack.

"So...why'd you decide not to stab the heart yourself?" I asked, deciding not to beat around the bush. "I thought you hated Will."

"I don't hate him...I just really, really, really don't like him," said Jack airily. "But I do have an odd sort of regard for him. And he needed the heart a lot more than I did. That, my dear, is why I helped William instead of myself. Besides...I'd rather be mortal with you than immortal without you."

The immense affection burbling up inside me came out in the form of squeaky noises. I grabbed Jack's face and pressed my forehead against his. "You big sap."

He kissed me on the forehead and hugged me close to him. "Not to mention the prospect of immortality without rum. Absolutely terrifying."

Meanwhile, Elizabeth was preparing to leave.

"Your chariot awaits, your highness," said Gibbs. "The oars are inside."

She walked past everyone on her way to the longboat. Each acknowledged her in their own way.

"Mrs. Turner," said Barbossa, smiling and nodding.

"Goodbye, Poppet," said Pintel sadly.

"Jack," said Elizabeth. "It never would have worked out between us."

"Keep tellin' yourself that, darling," Jack said, grinning. I glowered. Elizabeth moved to kiss him, but Jack held up his hands. "Once was quite enough."

"Thank you," said Elizabeth. She moved on to me. I didn't really know what to say at first, and it seemed like she didn't either. Finally, I extended my hand, and Elizabeth shook it.

"It's been fun," I said. "Have a nice life."

"You, too," said Elizabeth. She left. And then I elbowed Jack.

"Ow!"

"But that's not fair!"

Jack was distracted from his conversation with Gibbs by this exclamation from Bailey.

"No! You can't make me!"

He looked over where she was standing. She was by the railing and quite alone. How odd. He kept watching.

"Just because you're a goddess doesn't mean you're the boss of me!"

Jack approached her. "Who are you talking to?"

Bailey sighed. "Calypso. She says I have to go now."

"You were talking to Calypso...in your head?"

"She was talking to mein my head. I was answering out loud," said Bailey. "And yes, I do know how bizarre that sounds. But yeah. I have to go now."

"Go?" Jack repeated. "But I don't want you to go!"

"I don't want me to go either, but you know how Calypso is," Bailey said. "I'm sorry. I swear I'll be back as soon as I can manage it."

"You'd better."

"Well...bye. Hopefully not for long." She threw her arms around him. Jack returned the hug rather fiercely.

"You can let go now," Bailey said, her voice muffled due to her face being pressed up against his chest.

"Sorry, love," said Jack, reluctantly letting go.

"Now go off and do something else," she instructed.

So Jack did. At least, he pretended he was going to. Then his curiosity got the better of him, and he turned around again. She was already gone.

Then he noticed something shiny glinting on the rail. He picked it up and examined it. It was a silver ring. No, wait, not just a ring, thering, the one she always wore. He tried it on. It just barely fit his pinky finger.

"She'll be back," Jack consoled himself aloud. "And if she doesn't – well, it's not as if she's some vital resource I'm unable to live without. Like air. Or rum. It's no matter, really."

One of the mini-Jacks stepped out onto his shoulder. "Who're you trying to convince, mate? You?"

Another one came out. "If so, you're not doing a very good job of it, eh?"

He told them to shut up.

- end of part three -

A/N: Part four, which is coming up shortly, will diverge from film canon entirely. Yaaay.