"Jesus, when did I get so old?" Dan wondered as he looked out over the festively decorated room.

The guests were due to begin arriving soon. Dan absent-mindedly pushed his hair back as he tried to think what he might have forgotten. Although he had long since swapped his iconic fringe for a shorter style, he'd never lost the practiced smooth-and-fluff gesture that went along with it.

Convincing himself that the flat looked nice, and that as long as there was booze and music he and his friends were sure to have fun, Dan decided to stop fretting and to try to chill out before everyone got there. He wandered over to a large window, taking in the gorgeous London view. It looked quite pretty from this high up, the grime and the seedier aspects of the city obscured and the bustle and haste of city life fading into a pretty picture of buildings and parks.

As he stared into the distance, Dan's mind ticked off the list of people he was looking forward to seeing tonight. Some friends he'd known since his early days on YouTube plus a few new ones, folks from Radio 1, a few writers he knew through his work online, possibly an ex-girlfriend – that could get interesting – and, of course, Phil.

Phil was still his best friend. When Dan thought back to how they'd first met, it seemed so insane, like a made-up story. But, despite the odds, it had happened, and Dan was ever grateful for that. He and Phil honestly just connected like he never had with anyone else. And Phil had been there for him, with him, through all of the crazy and wonderful and occasionally shitty things that had happened over the last twenty-odd years.

The doorbell rang, and Dan guessed it was probably the man himself, come early to make him stop fussing with the throw pillows and drink spread and relax while he took over the hosting duties. Crossing the room to pull open the door, Dan found his suspicions confirmed.

Phil was older now of course, but his big blue eyes and lopsided grin still made him look impossibly young at times like this, despite a few grey strands starting to peek through at his temples.

"Hey buddy, happy birthday!" Phil said, holding out a wrapped package that looked suspiciously like a DVD box-set.

"Thanks! Come on in," Dan answered, catching his friend in a half hug as he accepted the gift with his other hand.

"Wow, this place looks great. You really went all out."

"Yeah, well, it's mostly just to distract myself from the obscene amount of candles meant to be on my cake. Although," Dan considered, "I suppose you're pretty good for that too. God, you're practically ancient. Are you even sure you're going to be able to stay up this late?" he teased.

"Ha ha," Phil responded dryly. "Forty-five isn't that old. Now why don't you shut up and open this." Phil reached into his shoulder bag and produced a bottle of champagne with a curly ribbon tied around its neck.

Seeing that Dan hadn't left much of anything for Phil to take care of, the two poured their drinks and settled down on the sofa to catch up for a few minutes before the party started properly.

"Hey, how's the show going?" Dan asked. "All the married guys at magazine say their kids are totally obsessed with it."

"Aw, that's so nice. It's going really well. Actually, I just heard before I left that we got that segment I was telling you about green-lighted."

"Nice! So do you think you'll stick with producing, then?"

"Some days I do kind of wish I was still back on the other side of the camera, but it really is so rewarding to see the concept in my head come together on the screen and have actually the power to make that happen. Really it's kind of more like making my YouTube stuff, just on a massive scale. And honestly, I've been grateful to have something to keep me busy this last year."

"You, uh, heard from Lucy lately?" Dan ventured tentatively.

"Last I heard they were happily sunning on the beach on St. Bart's, I believe," Phil answered with a forced smile that looked more like a grimace to Dan.

Dan knew exactly who "they" meant – that base bitch Lucy and Kent, the asshole she'd been shagging through the last year of her and Phil's marriage. It still made his blood boil to think about it. He didn't understand how anybody could do that to someone they had professed to love in front of a priest not five years before, but to do it to Phil, one of the sweetest, kindest people he had ever encountered, seemed doubly outrageous.

"It's okay though, really. I've been doing a lot better lately," Phil continued as he saw the look on Dan's face darken.

He really did look happier, Dan thought. And thank god, because seeing him those first few months – the light in his eyes completely absent, his smile wan at best, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy – had broken Dan's heart.

He couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel to someone so good and innocent, but he'd tried to be there for his friend the best that he knew how. It had mostly involved lots of marathon tv watching, hours of playing video games at not quite his best, and liberal chocolate consumption.

It had taken a while, but eventually Phil had begun to return to his usual animated self, giggling when he died in Sonic for the 14th time and calling Dan out for going easy on him. Lucy certainly hadn't made it easy though, lacking the decency to behave as if she'd done anything wrong and generally throwing her new relationship in Phil's face throughout the divorce proceedings. It had taken a superhuman level of restraint for Dan to keep himself from lashing out at her on several occasions, but he figured that would only hurt Phil more in the end.

"I'm glad," he said sincerely. "Alright, enough about the she-devil for tonight, let's focus on celebrating and happy things."

"I heard from Chris that he and Peej are bringing a certain lady friend just for you," Phil offered.

"Ugh, god. Not again," Dan moaned.

"You never know. She could be great! Besides, when's the last time you even had a proper girlfriend? Now that you're getting on, you need a nice girl to settle down with. You're not going to have the boyish good looks to be bringing home someone different each weekend forever you know," he half-teased.

"Hey! I'm not that bad. And I'm not that old."

Though, it was true that Dan had become a bit of a ladies man after he'd shed some of his youthful awkwardnesses. Maybe not intentionally, but nothing ever really seemed to last that long. He would get bored or distracted or she would get fed up with him for one reason or another, and they all just kind of drifted away.

But Dan had needs and he'd always been a bit of a promiscuous drunk, so every so often he'd find himself in some dark club or maybe a wine bar and end up bringing home a girl, or the odd guy, for a little physical satisfaction.

It maybe wasn't the most fulfilling lifestyle, but he had his work and his friends. He was happy enough in general, even if there was the occasional thought in the back of his mind that it would be nice to have somebody to cuddle up to on the couch and wake up next to in the morning.

"I know, I just...worry about you sometimes. I know how much I miss having somebody to come home to and I don't want that for you," Phil responded.

"Hey, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I've got you and all our other friends, plus I'm busy so much with the radio show and the blog, I'd barely have time for a relationship."

"Okay," Phil conceded. "I just don't want you to miss out."

There was a knock at the door, and Dan hoped it wasn't Chris and PJ with the set-up in question. He might need another cocktail before that.

Instead, he was surprised to see Alex and Carrie. "Hi guys! I didn't think you were even going to be able to make it. Aren't you supposed to still be on tour?"

"We got back a couple days early," Carrie explained. "We couldn't miss your big 4-0! Happy birthday, love." Dan leaned in to meet her hug, finding himself with a face full of wonderfully ridiculous curly hair.

"Yeah, man, happy birthday. It's good to see you!" added Alex.

Dan thanked them both, taking in Alex's rather loud ensemble that only a musician - or somebody as crazy as Alex - could really pull off.

"Come on in, we'll get you drinks. Phil's already here," Dan said, gesturing to where Phil waved from the sofa.

Things continued on that way for the next hour or so. Guest continued to arrive, drinks were poured, and Phil and Carrie hustled Dan out of the kitchen while they took care of setting out the catered hors d'oeuvres. PJ and Chris showed up with thirty-ish, quite pretty blonde named Penelope whom PJ knew through work, and who was the last in a long line of girls whom Chris was absolutely certain Dan would love.

Dan flitted from group to group, accepting birthday wishes and catching up with people he'd not seen in a while, the social niceties that had been forced upon him through years of BBC functions serving to keep him from lurking in the kitchen, away from the crowd, as he might have been wont to do previously. Though he did somehow manage to never be caught alone with Penelope.

Around midnight, after some of Dan's work colleagues had called it a night, the gathering devolved from cocktail party to a rather more drunken but lively celebration. There was singing and cake, music and laughter (that Dan would probably hear about from his neighbors tomorrow) and generally everything that a good birthday party should be.

As the saying goes, all good things must end however, and the party began to die down in the early hours of the morning. Friends queued up to give their last wishes of good cheer, effusively proclaiming their love, before promising to get home safe via cab.

While the last few party-goers gathered their coats and prepared to head out, Dan and Phil found themselves sitting side-by-side on a bench on the balcony off the master bedroom, quite drunk, looking out over the city and talking.

Phil called Dan out on his ninja-like avoidance of Penelope.

"I just can't see any kind of a future with her, so I can't make myself care enough to make an effort," Dan tried to explain. "I can't imagine a girl like that ever playing video games or watching anime or wanting to spend the whole day in bed with a laptop. And it wouldn't even be fair to her. I'd make a terrible boyfriend."

"I don't know that all sounds pretty good to me," Phil said, slurring his words gently.

"Yeah but that's because we're practically the same person," Dan laughed. "You're not some pretty, posh graphic designer who wants a proper grown-up boyfriend."

Phil just shrugged in response.

After a moment, Dan continued, "Do you remember our first flat in London? And back in Manchester. We did everything together, hours and hours holed up in the lounge or in our booth at Starbucks or wandering around the city...

"I was so happy back then. Everything was just coming together with YouTube and the first radio show, and we had so much fun together," he reminisced. "Sometimes, I wish we could just go back to that, you know? When I thought I had all the time in the world to find someone to spend my life with."

It was true. Back then, Dan had been so busy with his burgeoning career and his friends and lazing around with Phil that he'd had very little interest in romantic relationships. He told himself that he was too young to worry about it, and he certainly had been happy enough as he was. But then he only ever got more busy, and by then it had of became habit to push that part of his life aside. His odd lifestyle was too ingrained, and the only person he could really stand to be with for more than a few hours a day was Phil.

Phil considered that for a long moment before venturing, "Maybe…maybe it never worked out with anyone else, because it could never live up to what we already have?"

"Yeah, but we're just friends," Dan answers cautiously, wondering exactly how drunk Phil had gotten. "Best friends, but not lovers. Never have been. Besides, you're straight, remember?" He tried to keep his tone light.

"Once upon a time, I fancied myself bisexual. Maybe I still could be."

Dan looked up to meet Phil's gaze, but found no hint of the mirth he expected to find there, only earnestness.

Dan was slightly taken aback. It would be lying to say that he'd never thought about the possibility of a romantic relationship with Phil - he could hardly not with all the "phan shippers" they'd been bombarded with in their youth - but it had been years and years since he'd given the notion any thought. Phil had been married to a woman, for god's sake.

Still, he had to admit that what Phil had said about their previous relationships kind of made sense. He didn't think he'd ever been conscious of it at the time, but looking back, Dan could see that he had been measuring every relationship, every connection, by the impossible standard of his bond with Phil, and, finding them lacking, found one some excuse or another to end things.

"What do you mean? You can't just flip a switch like that, Phil. Go from 23 years of friendship to 'hey why don't we try having sex,'" Dan protested. "How could that not be exceptionally weird?" he asked, sounding slightly less certain.

"I don't know, maybe it would be," Phil allowed. He blinked and shook his head slightly, trying to clear the fog of alcohol from his thoughts. "But you've got to admit that this, us, what we have, isn't all that common. There are a lot of people in the world with best friends and good relationships, but not many who are as close or as completely compatible as we are."

Phil glanced away for a moment. "I know 'soulmates' is a completely ridiculous term, but it's got to be something kind of like that, right?" he asked, turned back to face Dan.

"I do know what you mean," Dan answered. "I always fancied us in the vein of Lennon & McCartney or House & Wilson...or a honeycomb center with its milk chocolate coating." He giggled a bit at that, partly due to his tipsy state and partly in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

"Right? So maybe we were wrong to deny it so vehemently all those years ago. Maybe...that's how it was always meant to go?" It sounded like he had given this some consideration recently.

Dan thought back, memories of his seventeen-year-old self's infatuation with AmazingPhil washing over him with no small amount of embarrassment. Dan was vaguely aware that this was probably just a combination of being drunk and getting older and Phil still reeling from the emotional damage inflicted upon him by Lucy. But in his current state, he was tempted nevertheless, and Dan had never been very good at denying his drunken "sexual predator" side.

He was suddenly all too aware of the nearness of Phil, shoulders brushing, legs close enough to feel the heat from his body against the cool night air. "Maybe," he agreed, turning his head once more to meet Phil's gaze. "I suppose there's only one thing for it then, eh?" He chuckled nervously, tilting his head in question, in invitation.

As Phil began to move closer, they were both still in disbelief, their drunken haze making it seem like this all might be some dreamt up scenario. But Phil continued leaning in, almost despite himself, and then suddenly their lips were touching.

They froze for a split second, a bit shocked to find themselves in this position. But instinct soon kicked in, their inhibitions long since dissolved in champagne toasts and vodka tonics, and they were kissing, lips and tongues meeting eagerly.

After a long moment, they pulled apart, taking a moment to draw a deep breath and try ineffectually to process what had just happened.

"So," contemplated Phil, breaking the silence.

"So..."

"It's actually kind of weird how...not weird that was, if you know what I mean?" Phil said slowly.

"Same," agreed Dan, turning to meet Phil's questioning glance.

Assured that they were on the same page, for the moment at least, the pair pushed aside all rational thought and moved to meet again in a hungry kiss. Their hands touching tentatively at first, but soon grasping at each others bodies.

A brief thought flickered in Dan's mind. This was so wrong - Phil was his friend, his amigo, his former flatmate - and yet his body seemed to be responding quite enthusiastically, and any lingering doubts were chased away by the feeling of Phil's hand sliding up the back of his shirt, sending shivers down his spine.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Silently, Dan pushed himself to his feet, swaying a bit unsteadily as he stretched a hand out in invitation to Phil. Phil stood, placing his hand in Dan's and allowing himself to be led through the sliding glass door into Dan's bedroom. As they approached the bed, Dan turned around, pulling him in close to pick up their kiss where they had left off.

Their tops were quickly dispensed with, both wanting more of the electric heat that seemed to flow between them wherever their skin touched. Dan was the first to slide a hand down the front of Phil's jeans, pleased to find him just as hard as he was. As his fingers found their target, Phil moaned aloud at the contact. It had been a long time since he'd felt the touch of anybody but himself.

Dan moved his other hand to undo Phil's fly, giving him more room to maneuver. He moved his mouth down to Phil's neck, kissing and sucking gently as he began to move his hand in slow, steady strokes.

Phil let out a low groan and his eyes fluttered closed as he tried to get a grip on the myriad pleasurable sensations that were flooding his system. Not wanting to come immediately in Dan's hand like a horny teenager and equally eager to give the other man some measure of the bliss he was currently experiencing, he reached between them to palm Dan's hard length through his trousers.

Dan's stroke faltered a bit at his touch, and he couldn't help but pull Phil back into a passionate kiss. Phil fumbled with the button on Dan's trousers for a moment before succeeding in sliding them down his hips.

Hampered by lust and drunkenness and the surreal situation, they couldn't be bothered to do anything more than stroke each other, grinding their hips together, their kisses becoming sloppy with need. Phil was the first to find his release, but the small mewling noise of satisfaction he made tipped Dan over the edge seconds later.

They leaned against one another for a minute, riding out the last tremors of pleasure and catching their breath. Exhausted from their orgasms as well as the rest of their evening, they grabbed a few tissues to clean up a bit and pulled their boxers back on, collapsing back onto the bed together without bothering to speak.
Dan turned to cuddle into Phil's side, one arm slung over his chest, and the two were asleep within moments.

Dan woke the next morning feeling like he'd had a really weird dream. He groaned at the bright sunlight and moved to bury his head in his pillow, but as he rolled over, he found himself tucked up against another body.

'Oh Jesus,' he thought.

Phil, his birthday, getting horrendously drunk, the conversation they'd had on the balcony, what came after that conversation.

'Which had included the both of them,' his snarky mind supplied unhelpfully.

He didn't have much time to sort out his rapidly swirling, slightly panicky, thoughts however, since his stirring seemed to have roused Phil.

Phil flopped his head over to face Dan, only bothering to pry one eye open as he mumbled, "Morning."

"Good morning," answered Dan. His lips curved with a small smirk as he watched the realization wash over Phil's face, his memories obviously returning with full wakefulness.

"I...uh, did we...?" he stuttered, eyes suddenly wide.

"Um, yep. It would appear so."

Dan gnawed his bottom lip between his teeth as he wondered what Phil's reaction would be. Hell, he didn't even quite know what he wanted it to be.

"And it was kind of surprisingly not weird, if I remember?"

"It was kind of...hot...to be honest," Dan admitted.

Phil sat up a bit and turned to look at Dan properly. "So are we really going to do this then?"

"Phil, I don't want you settling for something that isn't really what you want just because you're still a mess from your divorce and you're desperate for companionship," Dan said, trying to be realistic.

"Maybe you're right," Phil answered, "And maybe this is just because of Lucy and your birthday and loneliness, but I don't think that means it couldn't be a good thing."

At Dan's questioning look, Phil allowed, "Maybe it is a compromise in some ways, but isn't that better than nothing? We've both tried, Dan, for a long time now, and neither of us has found anything better. It's got to be worth a try," he finished, his unspoken 'right?' hanging in the air between them.

In spite of his misgivings, Dan was sorely tempted. Phil was already the most important person in his life. He had been since he was eighteen, really. So if they could be best friends and apparently have great sex on top of that, what more could he really ask for? Even if most people would probably think they were crazy.

After a moment, Dan responded. "Just promise me that if one or both of us decides that this is just too weird and not what we want that we'll find a way to work through it and stay friends, no hard feelings. Because if there's one thing I am sure about, it's that I don't want you to ever not be in my life."

"Promise. You'd never get rid of me that easily," grinned Phil.

"Alright then," Dan said, suddenly a bit nervous again now that the decision had been made. But as he looked into Phil's eyes, he realized he was the still the same guy he'd known for decades, who knew him better than anyone else.

He was struck with an overwhelming desire to kiss Phil. It was a very new but somehow still incredibly natural feeling impulse.

As Dan moved in, Phil met him halfway, their lips connecting softly at first - testing, exploring. They were both pleasantly surprised to feel the same spark of pleasure as they had experienced the night before, even in the absence of darkness and inebriation. The kiss intensified, their movements syncing with little conscious thought. Dan moved to press closer to Phil, both sets of hands exploring the previously unexamined planes the other's body, tentatively at first but then growing more eager.

After a few minutes, they broke apart to catch their breath. Panting from a combination of exertion and exhilaration, they flopped back on the bed. Dan lay in the crook of Phil's arm, head resting on his shoulder, both of them with wide smiles and slightly flushed cheeks.

"Jesus, after all the fuss we made, I guess maybe the phan shippers were onto something after all. And aren't we awfully slow on the uptake," Dan remarked with a wry laugh.

"Well, maybe we had to go through those 20 years of not-quite-right to realize the value of what was right in front of us," Phil responded thoughtfully.

"However it had to happened, I really am glad that it did," said Dan, matching Phil's serious tone.

That mood didn't last long, however. Dan propped himself up on one arm, leaning towards Phil with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Now get over here, and let's start making up for lost time."