Jellybeans, Plastic Dinosaurs, and Robots

Summary: A-Z of Shusei Kagari. Ranges from fluff, comedy, tragedy, and horror. Chapter 1- A is for Androgyny

A/N: Hello, everyone! I wanted to do something dedicated solely to Kagari and well, this came to mind. Most of these oneshots will not be AU, but I may sprinkle in some from time to time. Also, if anyone has an idea for a letter just let me know in the reviews! I could always use good ideas! If there is more than one idea I want to use, some letters may be duplicated (like there might be two for B, for example). Anyway, thanks for taking the time to check out this story :D

Chapter 1- A is for Androgyny

Sure, there had been a few times where he had been mistaken for a girl (it was probably the hairclips), but this was ridiculous!

"Why the Hell am I in a dress?" The Enforcer whined, pulling at the offending fabric.

Ginoza pushed the brim of his glasses forward, coughing. "We decided out of the team you'd be the easiest to lure out the criminal, since he only attacks women."

"What about Akane or Yayoi—heck, even Shion? They are girls!"

"We don't want to put an Inspector in such a dangerous situation. Shion hasn't been trained to do field work, and by default, isn't even allowed out of HQ. As for Yayoi…" the raven-haired Inspector thought back to the conversation.

"So, will you do this?"

"I refuse." The ponytailed woman got up, turning away from the bespectacled man.

"This is a direct order—"

"My answer is still no." She walked off, never once turning back to look at the flabbergasted man.

"Uh, she politely declined."

"Wait, I could have said no?"

Masaoka laughed, gripping the younger Enforcer's shoulder. "Well, it's too late to go back now! Don't worry, we'll be right behind you! Now, go get 'em!" He pushed the boy into the club, closing the glass door behind him.

The orange-haired youth pulled at the red strapless dress again (the damn thing wanted to kill him) as he clumsily walked through the throngs of people in black, spike-adorned stilettos. Well, at least his shoes were (kinda, in a weird, punk rock, feminine way) cool.

He would have immediately stopped by the bar if he didn't have to worry about potentially being kidnapped, raped, and killed. Somehow, he felt being sober probably increased his chances of living through the night by tenfold. Instead, he ordered a lemonade, using his straw to swirl the contents. Taking a cautious sip Kagari looked around for suspicious individuals (not like a man in a dress wasn't suspicious already).

Sure enough, there was some sweating, fidgeting man in the corner, eyeing the woman around like pieces of meat.

Strike one, serial killer. Now he just had to see him in the act and arrest him.

Hazel eyes narrowed in disgust as the man slowly rose from his seat and walked towards the Enforcer.

"H-hello." Kagari smiled, doing his best impression of a sultry, female voice. Oh God, he sounded like a drunk whale. He gave a curt smile, downing the rest of his lemonade.

The suspicious man merely smiled back, snaking his arm around the 'woman's' waist. Okay, if he moved any further down—

And sure enough, the lecherous bastard did, inching his fingers towards the Enforcer's thighs.

Strike Two. This guy was so dead.

He swatted them away roughly before he remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

"So… you wanna go somewhere a little more private?" Kagari questioned, giggling (oh, how he wanted to take a bath in cyanide to get rid of the man's revolting scent). He held a hand to his face as he laughed, gauging the killer's reaction. The serial rapist gave a crooked grin, the scent of alcohol coming off of him in waves.

"Sure, pretty lady (Kagari inwardly cringed). My house or yours?"

Shusei had never been so close to shooting himself. In fact, his hand itched to pull out the gun strapped to his inner thigh if only to blow his own brain out.

But, Kagari settled for a half-sigh half-frown, taking the man's disgusting hand and leading him through the crowd.

"My place is free. Just you, me, and my Dominator."

"Wait, what was that last part?"

"N-nothing at all! Just more reasons why I think you're attractive (the man could literally feel bile coming up his throat. Heck, he'd be more than happy to throw up all over the sicko). This seemed to appease the criminal who then began to chatter nonstop about his physical superiority.

The orange-haired man pretended to listen as they shifted through the swaying crowd.

Wow, now even his wig was killing him! All the man wanted to do was rip off the pigtails and ribbons, rub off the gratuitous amounts of makeup, and send this stupid guy to jail.

Just as they approached the exit, Kagari swiftly pulled out his gun, pressing it into the man's back. "Psycho-Pass over two hundred, a candidate for enforcement." The gun read out, in a feminine, computerized voice.

Strike 3. I hope you like the taste of electricity, bastard.

He pulled the trigger, relishing in the long scream as the man fell unconscious from the Paralyzer.

Needless to say, Kagari held this little favor over their heads for weeks. That's why, when Ginoza asked him to cross-dress yet again to catch a criminal the Enforcer smirked.

This was so much better than doing paperwork and hey, the dress was pretty comfortable, after all.

And, best of all, Ginoza had to wear a dress this time too.

"You make a beautiful woman, Gino-chan!"

"Oh, shut up, Kagari!"

A/N: Well, what do you guys think? Any ideas for B? Thanks a lot!

-Isis