Chapter 3

Kate sat back down, and both of them finally got around to their coffee, sipping it as they discussed how to go about their pros and cons list.

"Why don't we start with two lists about the job…yours and mine. Then we can compare them," Castle suggested.

"Okay. Pass me some paper and a pencil."

Castle folded two sheets of paper lengthwise and handed one to Kate, putting pens and pencils between them where they were easy to reach, and they worked on their lists separately. When they both seemed to have run out of thoughts, Kate asked, "Do we trade lists or read them to each other?" She smiled one of her smirky little smiles and said, "This kind of feels like learning a new board game."

Castle chuckled and agreed. "Let's read them out. Why don't you go first? Start with the 'pros'."

Kate's list of pros was:

-It made us face what we want together.

-It's a phenomenal opportunity.

-It's a major career move.

-I think I'd like the new challenge.

-What I'd be doing would make a difference to people all over the country.

-It's close to Bracken, and new information might cross my path.

Castle picked up his list and read it.

-It's a prestigious job – a good, upward move for you.

-Your abilities are up there with the best, and you'd easily prove yourself.

-Things like the drone incident can affect history, and you'd be a part of it.

-The job offer made us talk about our future.

-We'd be apart, but the getting back together sex should be great.

"Really? That's where you went?" She tried to sound stern, but the smile she couldn't hold in destroyed the effect easily.

"I'm a guy. I can't help it," he said with an answering smile. "Tell me with a straight face that I'm wrong."

"Not sure I can do that…with a straight face." She drew herself back to the real discussion. "How about the cons? You want to start that one?"

"Okay," he agreed.

-I'd miss you.

-The relationship would be harder.

-Our family will miss you.

-We can't sleep in the same bed every night.

-There won't be anybody to sooth away our nightmares – or your occasional panic attack.

-This is your home. D.C. is strangers.

-We can't work together anymore.

-We'll be separated. You'll have to travel a lot.

-You hate politics getting in the way of investigations. You could be asked to be a part of that.

-The job is prestigious, but low profile. My job is full of publicity. Our being together is bound to come out with the next book, if not before, especially if

you're wearing a ring. That could be a problem.

-You may come across new information on Bracken. Who's going to keep you away from the rabbit hole?

"Your turn, he said when he finished.

"Okay…cons."

-I'll miss you.

-We won't wake up together in the mornings.

-I'll be leaving everybody important to me here.

-We won't be working together.

-It's harder to make things work between us when I could be travelling anywhere on short notice.

-We can't save each other from the bad dreams.

-I'll miss you.

"You already said that last one," Castle pointed out.

"It's big."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, it is."

"You had a couple of good points I didn't include. It looks like we agree on the pros and cons…except where we put Bracken.

"He's a big concern. Maybe we should consider some 'what-if's' as well as pros and cons."

"Like what?"

"What if he had something to do with the offer?"

"I didn't get that feeling from the people who encouraged me. Bracken shouldn't want me that close, but he is devious."

"What if he sees it as a way to isolate you from the rest of your team…from anybody who knows enough to support you…anybody you know you can trust?"

"Or find a way to discredit me. At the level of that job, that would destroy my career."

"Or worse, have you where no one knows your connection with him or that you need to be protected from him. He could much more easily arrange for an 'accident' to get you out of his way. Even if he didn't plan the offer, he could see it as an opportunity. And he knows a recommendation from someone in his position would certainly count in your favor." He paused to let that thought steep in her mind for a moment. "I'm not trying to scare you away from the job, and I'm definitely not suggesting that you got this offer for any reason other than being the extraordinary detective that you are; but given Bracken's history, you know it isn't an unreasonable consideration.

"No, it isn't." She looked concerned and thoughtful and ran both hands through her hair at her temples again as if her head might explode if she didn't hold on to it. "It could also be a warped attempt at a reward for saving his life. Saving his life is the only connection to me that the task force knows about. That's how it would look to them."

"Unless one of them is on his payroll, which wouldn't be so far-fetched, either."

"No, it wouldn't. So, even if some new evidence crossed my path, I couldn't take advantage of it because I don't know who I can trust."

"Right."

"Or it might have nothing to do with him at all, and all this speculation is for nothing."

"And that's true, too, but if we're going for honesty here; it still makes me nervous."

"We're going for honesty, Castle. That's why I needed my partner to talk to. Say what you think. That's what I need to hear…whether I like hearing it or not. I need to make a decision with my eyes wide open to all the pluses and minuses."

"That's about all I've got about the job. You want to talk about commitments…marriage?"

"Pros and cons again?"

"Yeah." He folded two more sheets of paper and handed one to Kate, and they started writing.

When they both stopped writing, Kate looked at Castle. "You start this time."

Castle looked at the page and read his list. This one had been easy.

-I love you, and I want to spend my life with you.

-It would be a commitment to take each other with all our flaws and learn to make it better as we go.

-We'd be free to be together anywhere, anytime…it would be expected…no more hiding.

"Your turn," he told her.

"Mine isn't very long, either."

-I love you.

-I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore.

-I want to stand in front of our family and friends and let them know I intend to spend my life with you.

-I want everybody to know you're mine so I have a legitimate reason to shoot anybody woman who tries to take you away from me.

Castle gave in to a burst of laughter at her last entry. "Your employers, present or future, would probably frown on the shooting thing. As for the sentiment, though, jealous Beckett is kind of sexy." He pulled himself together and asked, "I think we've covered most of the cons since we got to the loft. What's on your list.?"

"Just that you'd be married to another crazy woman," she answered.

"I can't think of any cons, either." He stopped for a beat for effect and gave her one of his signature smirks. "Oh, yeah, except that I'd be married to another crazy woman."

She laughed and shoved his shoulder in retaliation. "We know it won't be easy if I take the job in D.C," she answered more seriously. We should look at solutions, too."

"You'd be marrying a man with a lot of money. Having a third house won't be a problem."

"I could probably arrange to be here on most weekends…and special occasions, and I'll have vacation time."

"I have to be away sometimes, too…for book tours and meetings. Paula has more contacts than any human being should be allowed to have. If you know you'll be somewhere for a couple of days or more, she could probably book something for me in the same place. She's spent a lot of time this year griping about the fact that I don't want to do publicity anymore. She'd love to shove me out of town more often."

"There's no way to know how much time I'd have to spend on the job, though."

"Even with your schedule, I could fly out to meet you now and then just because we want to have dinner together and sleep in the same bed…or not sleep in the same bed." He followed with the eyebrow wiggle she would fully expect after that comment.

"That would be a plus," she answered with a smile.

"So, if you take the job, we'd have three homes to choose from for time together, lots of frequent flier miles…"

"And we should never let our phone batteries die. Those things would be like lifelines."

"If you're working in D.C., you won't need your apartment in New York. You won't need it if we're married, either, unless you want to keep it as an investment."

"What if I decide to stay here...not take the new job?"

"It would be easier. We'd wake up together in the mornings. None of our families would be broken up...home or work."

"How would you want to handle that?"

"You start moving the rest of your things in here whenever you want to, I ask you again, we plan a wedding and start our always. If Gates can handle that, I'll still be your partner at work, too. If not, you and the boys can still bounce theory around with me if you need to. Maybe she'd still be okay with my consulting there."

"There's one big thing we haven't talked about…and we need to," she said hesitantly.

"Children?"

"Yeah."

"I wasn't sure we were ready for that."

"It's part of our future. We should. You said something about wanting the option. Does that mean you'd want to start over…be a dad again?"

"I love kids, but I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you for that. No matter how much you love them and enjoy them, being a parent can be stressful. I wouldn't mind being a dad again. Do you want to have children?"

"I haven't ruled it out, but I hadn't really considered it until you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You've made me think about things I never thought would be real for me before."

He looked down, seeming to be uncomfortable with what he was thinking. "I don't mean it as an ultimatum. Please believe that. But I was a single parent for most of Alexis' life…for all practical purposes, for her whole life; and I don't want to be a single dad again. If we have children, I want it to be a two parent home…both parents under the same roof…for our child as well as for me."

"I can understand that…and not see it as an ultimatum. I know you wouldn't use a tactic like that."

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"Not now." She stood to put her arms around him again. Looking at him directly, she said, "You really believe we can do this, don't you?"

"I do."

"I believe it, too."

He stood and pulled her into a close, full-body embrace, and their soft, sweet kiss rapidly escalated into much more. In the midst of the escalation, of course, was when Martha came home. Hearing the door close, they broke the kiss, leaving their foreheads together and trying not to be obvious about the panting breaths they were trying to hide.

"Richard, Katherine!" Martha sang out enthusiastically and totally unapologetically. "I assume this means you've made up."

"How could you and your remarkable timing tell, Mother?" Castle asked sarcastically.

"Now, Richard, you know I'm happy for both of you. Welcome back, Katherine. Did the two of you work things out? Did you get the job?" she asked.

"Yes to both," Kate answered, "but I have until tomorrow at four to decide if I take it."

Martha left her purse in a chair and flitted into the kitchen to get a glass of wine. "Should I pour some for you…to celebrate?"

"Or to cope," Castle muttered in Kate's ear.

Before responding about the wine, Kate poked his ribs in warning as Martha filled her glass. "That sounds like a good idea, Martha."

After filling glasses for Castle and Beckett, Martha asked, "So where do the two of you stand now?"

"In a much better place, Mother."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means we both looked deep down, and neither of us believes this will never work. We're on the same page now. We behaved like adults and talked it through. I proposed, but I'm going to do that again later when the timing is better. Don't ask when. We'll let you know when it happens. Until then, I intend to refer to this woman as my partner because girlfriend is too frivolous a term, and partners are of equal importance - there's give and take."

"Castle…I…" Not finding the right words to answer that statement, Kate simply kissed him firmly, whether his mother was watching or not."

"I must say, this reunion seems to have gone much better than I'd expected," Martha observed. "When I left earlier, I would have been happy just to see that you were speaking to each other again."

"We know where we've gone wrong, and we can figure out the why's as we go. We have a general plan for Agent Beckett working in D.C., and another for Detective Beckett staying in New York, both of which include providing you with your third and final daughter-in-law in the not too distant future."

"Thank God," Martha drawled. "And Katherine, of those in the daughter-in-law pool, rest assured you're the only one I ever wanted." Looking at her son, she asked, "When does she get a ring?"

"When it's a more appropriate time than now," he told Martha, taking the ring from his pocket to show her. "I got her to try it on, though. It looks good."

"Oh, my," Martha answered. "Excellent taste, Richard. Are you happy with his choice, dear?"

"I love it. And I love your son, Martha. Thank you for whatever you said to help us get through this mess. My Dad talked to me, too."

"Parents can only plant the seeds, darling. The two of you have to make them grow."

"We spent the afternoon trying to do that. We've decided we have to take each other as we are...warts and all," Castle answered. He pulled Kate close to his side and told his mother, "We're going to clean up and go out for a nice dinner. Then we'll come home, get some sleep, and tomorrow Kate will decide about the job. By four tomorrow, we'll know where we go from there."

"And whatever happens, we'll make it work," Kate added, looking at Castle with a certainty she used to believe she'd never feel.

"I think you will,"Martha responded and lifted her glass regally to the two of them; then she turned, took her phone from her purse, and smiled as she dialed Jim Beckett on her way up the stairs.