Epilogue - Sacrifice

It was a warm, quiet morning in their little house on the outskirts of Lothering, the sun painting golden stripes on the well-sanded wooden floors, the scents of tea and porridge wafting in from the kitchen. Fiona stretched and yawned, looking out with pride at their tiny, well-ordered garden, so lovely at this time of the year. Two hands settled on her hips from behind, and she happily leaned back against a broad chest, savouring her lover's warm, comforting presence.

"Morning, love." Shepard's lips were trailing down her neck as his grip around her tightened.

She closed her eyes, unconsciously arching into his touch, her body begging for his caresses. With a low laugh, he spun her around and kissed her deeply, his hands sliding up her back, reaching for the laces of her dress. Fiona moaned softly. It felt so good to be here, with him, in his arms, to feel his arousal against her, to know nothing would separate them, nothing could come between them any more.

As his touch became more insistent, she smiled to herself and pushed him gently back, placing a finger on his lips when he began to protest. "Tom. There's something I need to tell you."

He smiled back, full of love, but then his head flew back with a start and he frowned, listening for some sound in the distance. Fiona was about to open her mouth and speak, when suddenly, without a warning, everything tilted sideways and the dream shattered. The house, the sunlight, Shepard, all disappeared with frightening suddenness. Her eyes flew open, wide with panic, as the ship swayed violently in another gust of wind, and she slid toward the damp wooden floor. For a moment she fought it, trying to cling to the dream, but it was no use. Reality hit her like an ogre's club.

The tiny cabin was dark and cramped, with three people squeezed into a space barely suitable for one. The walls were taken up by narrow cots, each with a little storage space underneath, just an arm's length between them. There were no windows, and what illumination there was came from a tiny magelight they took turns conjuring up; being in complete darkness would have driven them mad. For the past three days, the room had been filled with the stench of sick, no matter how tightly they wedged the lid on the bucket. It clung to the insides of their noses, sweet and cloying. Maker, would she ever get rid of the smell, ever breathe fresh air again?

Still the storm raged on, tossing the Ocean Queen about like a child's toy, beams creaking, saltwater sloshing over the decks, dripping through the ceiling, forming puddles on the cabin floor. Isabela was up there with her crew, of course, proudly facing the gale with a reckless smile on her face. And Fenris was with her, as he had been ever since James had left. Whereas the mages were huddled below, safe from the storm's fury.

Safe. Fiona bit back a hollow laugh. As if any of them were safe now. The events of the last days in Kirkwall still haunted her dreams. When the final battle had been over, they'd fled the city together, Anders and her and Merrill, three mages on the run. Isabela had agreed to take them partway along the coast to give them a head start. It had seemed like a good plan.

Another particularly vicious lurch of the ship made her stomach churn again, and Fiona only just managed to reach the bucket in time. Merrill didn't even look up, just hid her face deeper in her pillow and made a small choking noise. Avvar was whimpering in his corner. But Anders was at her side, holding her hair back from her face, gently stroking her back until the gagging subsided.

"Better?" He passed her a wet towel so she could clean herself, a ghost of his old smile on his lips.

Fiona nodded. "For now."

Anders sighed. "I wish there was more I could do, but there are no spells against seasickness, at least none that I'm aware of. Was it that bad when you crossed over from Ferelden?"

She shook her head, but avoided looking him in the eye, and he frowned. Suddenly she could almost feel his gaze on her, searching, probing, a healer's experienced eye.

"It's not just seasickness, is it?" There was a curious undertone to his voice.

Fiona looked up, finally meeting his gaze. "No. At least I think-"

He didn't let her finish. Before she knew it, he slid down to the floor before her, placing a gentle hand on her stomach. "Let me check."

Merrill sat up, her eyes suddenly bright with wonder. "What-"

Anders focussed for a moment, his brow furrowed with concentration, his palms glowing faintly. "Yes. There's no doubt about it. Two months along, I'd say. It's a girl, if I'm not very much mistaken."

"A baby!" Merrill practically jumped from her cot, embracing Fiona firmly, tears springing up in her eyes. "Oh! Did he..." She hesitated, but there really was no need to elaborate who he was. "Did he know when he left? Did you tell him?"

Fiona shook her head. "It was too early to be sure. And now he's gone. I wish-" She broke off, squeezing her eyes shut.

Anders was still kneeling before her, and now he gently took her hands in both of his. "It doesn't matter, Fiona. You're not alone." There was a light in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "We'll take care of you. We'll find a safe place for you to rest. I promise."

Fiona sobbed briefly, resting her head against Merrill's shoulder and gazing at Anders through a veil of tears. Even through her grief she felt the rush of relief almost physically. He's gone. But I'm not alone.

The head of the red dragon on Shepard's chestpiece was swimming in and out of focus as he tried to see through the haze of pain.

"Blood Dragon Armor" the shopkeeper at Kanala Exports had called it. As soon as he had set eyes on it he'd known he had to have it, as ridiculous as it might look. James had smiled when he'd first shown up in it, a warm smile, full of understanding. The next time they'd been on the Citadel he'd dragged Shepard and Steve off to a tattoo parlour to watch while he got a tiny dragon tattooed on his hipbone.

"Just a reminder, loco. To make sure I never forget how much fun we had." James' cocky grin hadn't quite succeeded in hiding the melancholy in his eyes. Steve had nodded, smiling wistfully, his gaze holding Shepard's for a heartbeat.

Not that any one of them would ever need a reminder of the days spent in Thedas. The memories were there, every time their eyes met, memories of those few precious weeks when everything had somehow been easier, more clear-cut. When there had been love and passion and simple pleasures, and their problems could be overcome with persistence and courage.

Whereas here, in their world, everything had seemed to go downward in a steady spiral. Losing Thessia to the Reapers, watching the ancient culture of the asari go down within days, seeing the pain in Liara's eyes without being able to offer comfort. The nightmarish discovery of the experiments at Sanctuary, final proof that the Illusive Man had gone insane. And then the loss of the Citadel itself, Earth being ravaged by Reaper forces, a suicide mission their only chance to save the galaxy.

So much had gone wrong, so many had been lost. Anderson. Shepard closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back tears. Pain and loss. They had always been his companions, but in the end they had always made him stronger. He pressed his lips together hard and dragged himself up from the floor. He knew his options. The Catalyst had been concise, if irritating. And now it was up to him to make a choice. Up to him to save them all, once again.

Deep inside, Shepard had always known it would come to this. A final sacrifice, his death paving the way for a future without war. He didn't really mind. He had known for a long time that there was no future for him beyond the fight, no place in a world without struggle. His biggest sacrifice had been made long before. He was at peace now, ready to leave this world behind, to rest, finally. When he closed his eyes, she was there, as she had been in his dreams every night since he'd left. He saw her lovely face, the smile she had given him when they said their farewells. Once more he heard her words. You'll be taking my love with you. And it will make you stronger.

Slowly, gasping with each move, he dragged himself along the path he had chosen. So much pain. He briefly wondered if there'd be enough strength left in his battered body, but there was no alternative really, and he forced himself to continue. Not much longer. Almost there. More pain, tearing through his stomach, nearly making him falter, but there was the edge and he almost smiled. He'd made it. He hadn't let them down.

And Shepard jumped. It was a leap into freedom, a final affirmation of everything he had dedicated his life to. As he was flying, tumbling down into the gleaming light, her name was on his lips. Fiona.

*The end*

And that's it, guys. Thank you all for your lovely comments and reviews. And of course the biggest thank you of all goes to zevgirl for an amazing beta job.