Hey~! Thanks for reading. Special Shoutout to SerenityWinchester from tumblr (or Jadesiren here) for being my beta for this chapter.

I do not own the "Walking Dead, "The Boondock Saints", or any of their respective media. The only thing I own is this fic. ~DandelionFunky

Chapter Five

Dolly squinted his eyes.

Eunice and Smecker's figures were blurry throughout the room, swirling in "C" shapes and hooks. Their mouths opened and closed, their words echoed and reverberated in and out of his ears, the puffs in their breaths mutating to appear like air bubbles.

Smecker's "Let's Go" had been an hour ago.

Directly after that statement Eunice and Smecker began an argument of shit-fuck-retarded proportions, and they were still going at it.

McGinty's or the apartments.

Apartments or McGinty's.

Fish. The Agents looked like fish.

The room refused to cease its turning.

It's fucking hot in here.

Smecker and Eunice are shivering.

But it's so fucking hot.

Are they sick?

Time is slow.

It's so hot.

Why are Dolly's breaths puffing in the air?

It's so hot.

So fucking hot.

Dolly removed his jacket, throwing the trench coat onto the ground and wiped his forehead with his right hand.

Dolly paled. Time crept slowly like molasses, as if dampened by the horror of his revelation.

Dolly slammed his right elbow into the left shoulder of the corpse like linebacker. The impact snapped several muscles and the bones in the rigor-mortis infused corpse, allowing physics to affect the creature more so than a living being. The impact threw its neck forward, its face slamming into Dolly's forearm before it descended harshly downward onto the concrete.

As Eunice impaled the corpse with a spoon, Dolly examined and rubbed his arm through the sleeve of his trench coat.
No blood.

No blood means no bite.

Whew.

No.

No fucking way.

No fucking way.

Elephant dick up his ass.

On Dolly's forearm was a circular shaped bite that had barely cut through the skin.

But it was enough.

The two Agent Fishes looked at him, their alarm as evident on their faces as his own.

Heh. They were the ones looking like fish, yet it was Dolly's head that was swimming. As Dolly's face collided with the concrete, his last thought before the world went black was "Deep sea diving in Pandora's box. Hello elephant dick."

"Change of plans," Eunice said as she examined where Dolly lay facedown on the ground.

"You mean my plan," Smecker titled his head with a smirk.

"Shut the fuck up."

The dead were pounding on the door Dolly had previously shut. It clattered and clanked, it wasn't going to hold out for much longer. The door shook and clanked with sonorous maliciousness as it struggled against the lock and the doorframe.

The structure wasn't going to persevere much longer. Either the lock would break, or the door would be ripped from its hinges.

Smecker pulled on Dolly's trench coat and then threw him over his shoulder.

Eunice's eyebrows rose up to her hairline, before the left one dropped back to its face-base. Giving her a bemused appearance rather than one of astonishment.

Can't shoot for shit, but when he's not drunk he's stronger than he looks. Smecker fuckin' tops doesn't he?

His fairies can't get their way. Fuck no. Give the drinks and then fuck the dumb fucks, then dump the dumb fucks.

Poor fucks.

How to get out? There were two options. To the right, where they came from. Or to the left.

"Let's go that way." Eunice pointed to the left with her gun.

Smecker had no time to argue with her shit. That and her shit was correct.

"Cover me. I'm weighted down with stupid right now. "

Eunice cocked her gun with aggressive vigor. He's bitten. You don't fucking insult sick people. You sick bastard fairy.

"You got it."

Smecker raised an eyebrow at Eunice.

Don't give Smecker that fucking look. He has him over his shoulder, not Eunice, and he knew Dolly much longer than her. Cover him while he lugs Dolly's sorry ass over to the apartments. Dolly may have inherited the Bonehead crown, but he's not seeing Greenly in person just fucking yet.

They raced down the hall, shooting rounds off into the craniums of the undead.

Pop.

Pop Pop.

Hey. Nice Buttons. Are they tasty?

Pop Pop whack pop!

One lunged for Smecker's side by surprise, Smecker sidestepped, Dolly fwumping to the floor in the process. Smecker fired his pistol, the cranial liquid splattering over his button up flannel that peeked out of the trench coat.

Eunice fired off several rounds at the undead that were attracted to the noise of Dolly's impact with the ground and Smecker's gun.

Smecker hauled Dolly over his shoulder.

"Watch your fuckin' ass!" Eunice shouted over pops.

"That was supposed to be your job!" Smecker fired his gun.

Hey. No arguing from the pretty couple. Especially you fairy fucker.

Fairy has nice buttons, though.

Bang.

Bang Bang.

Smecker knew he was slower than Eunice due to his extra burden, but this is ridiculous. Why were they all teetering toward him?

The sun shone through a window, giving his buttons a lavish luster. How lovely.

It was also a fucking dinner bell, blinking like a "fuck me" batman signal. Unfortunately it's not batman that'd be coming to fuck Smecker. It's about twenty undead fairy fucks that reek like a drag queen's gonorrhea.

Fucking brilliant.

Eunice shot the window several times. The glass shattering like jellybeans tumbling out of a paper bag.

Smecker beamed at Eunice.

Fucking brilliant!

Thankfully the window was devoid of bars ; Eunice and Smecker peered through the fresh opening for anything hungry outside.

Finding nothing, Smecker shoved Dolly through the window head first, cupping his hands on Dolly's ass as he pushed.

Dolly landed head-first, ass-up, knees pressed up against the wall, with a thwump.

That might leave a mark.

Eunice followed, and Smecker after her.

Smecker may or may not have stepped on Dolly's ass and it may or may not have been an accident.

"Fuckin' come on!" Eunice tapped her foot and pursed her lips as Smecker lopped Dolly over his left shoulder instead of his right this time.

"I'm coming, Betty."

Duffy paced.

Fuck it.

They've been gone. The twins haven't shown up. There's no power. Which means there isn't any television. The radio has batteries, but there's nothing new on. Duffy would have to keep it down anyway. Last time the dead started banging on the door.

Duffy paused his rotations through the room. They know how to climb stairs?

Mental Note. Not like the Daleks.

The sudden mental image of those corpse-y freaks with jetpacks attached to the aft of their torsos made him cringe.

The door shook.

"Let us in! Let us in!"

Bang Bang!

"You still in there?"

Smecker!

Sonovabitch.

He threw the door open.

Smecker hobbled in, Eunice preceding. Dolly was dumped onto the floor and the door was slammed shut. Padlocks replaced into their prior positions.

Eunice scanned the room, "We need a sharp knife or a hacksaw. An' bandages."

"For what?" Duffy replied, stunned.

Duffy blanched.

Bite mark.

Bite. Mark.

Oh shit.

Horrified, Duffy began the "Where's Waldo search for something doable for cutting off a limb" activity.

The dead had returned upstairs, and pounded on the door.

For Murphy and Connor being murderers, there really wasn't much to choose from.

How did they live here? There aren't even any fucking kitchen knives!

Ah. Here's something.

Fuck that's not anything.

This entire house and all that's in this entire fucking place is a fucking bowie knife?!

Fuck!

As if on cue, the dead raged against padlock's prowess.

He doesn't want to do this to you Buddy. Duffy'll get you a beer and you can have his pack of smokes for this.

"We're going to have to break his arm first, 'cause this is all this place has."

Smecker placed Dolly between his legs, leaning Dolly's body against his. Smecker wrapped his arms around Dolly's by bringing his arms under Dolly's armpits and hooking upward.

Eunice grasped Dolly's forearm and bent it at a ninety degree angle. She took a deep breath and slammed it in the opposite direction of the same degree measurement. A loud crack resonated through the apartment and Dolly cried out in the midst of unconsciousness.

She effectively snapped the elbow joint in half.

The dead raved.

They had to hurry.

They eased Dolly onto his prior position on the floor. Grimly Duffy hacked away, making sure to position the knife in the gaps of fragmented bone.

Blood splattered onto his face and onto the floor.

This was not helping the door's situation any.

Bang Bang Bang. The Dead pounded on the door.

Hack Slice. Duffy swiped in broad motions with the knife, a white-knuckled grip on the handle.

The Dead want that fucking Marinara sauce.

Wait. They sniffed more carefully. Blood type says Irish.

Fuck. They don't know any Irish Gravy. Irish Gravy good?

Dead want to fucking find out.

Now to remember how to open a door.

The dead aggressively slashed at the door whilst Duffy finished removing the limb. Duffy immediately took off his jacket and used it to staunch the bleeding.

"You two, go. You know where they'll be," Duffy applied a greater magnitude of compression on Dolly's arm, "I need to be here, with my friend. I'll stay here in case the twins show up."

Duffy smirked. "Besides, I'm covered in blood."

Gesturing to the kitchen with a nod of his head, Duffy said "There's more ammunition in the cupboards. It's the right type for your guns."

Smecker and Eunice nodded and acquired the ammunition prior cited.

"Take care of yourself." Eunice reloaded her gun.

"Bonehead, too." Smecker reloaded his gun.

"Go get 'em." Duffy grinned, "Fuckers."

They tied a long string to the lock on the door, the end of the string where Duffy could reach it from his position on the floor.

Giving Duffy a final nod, they exited through the door, breaching the gap; guns aflame.

McGinty's it is.

When the door shut, Duffy yanked down hard on the string, pulling the lock back down into position.

The knife lay by his thigh, the door locked.

Now the only thing left was to stop the bleeding.

And pray that the rest of them won't get an elephant dick up the ass.

'Cause fuck you Pandora.

Stay tuned!

*Cackles* ~Dandelionfunky