Blurred


Disclaimer: I do not own ATLA.


It was late, sometime after midnight, when Zuko decided to crack open the bottle of fire whiskey. It wasn't the best still he'd tasted, but it was better than nothing. Its amber color practically sparkled in the crystal cup on his desk. He had managed to push away enough scrolls to place the bottle and cup on the wood. This particular bottle had been a gift from Toph. She claimed she couldn't find any good stuff at the market, so she settled for this mediocre batch. He hadn't opened it yet, and after a year of gathering dust in the bottom drawer of his desk, he decided it was high time to pop it open and drink away his sorrows.

When he had finally gotten out of the throne room that afternoon, Zuko was exhausted. For some reason, everyone wanted to pile their problems into the Fire Lord's lap at the same time. Overwhelmed was a word that couldn't properly describe how he was feeling. He rudely snapped at one of his advisors as he stepped off of the dais and headed for his personal study, only because the man suggested Zuko go over some of the economic problems they had been having lately. For the twentieth time that day.

It was just another issue in the pile. Literally. He opened the door to his office and stared blankly at the large stack of scrolls waiting for him. If he stood next to his hip-height desk, the pile would reach the center of his torso. Zuko sighed heavily after he closed his door and grudgingly made his way to his desk. He took out his topknot and crown, knowing he did his thinking much better with his hair loose. He didn't know why. Perhaps it reminded him of when he traveled with Team Avatar and he made some of his best decisions.

He sighed again at the thought of his friends. He hadn't seen any of them in so long. A year? Had it really been that long? They usually would come to visit when they could. He really couldn't leave the capital unless it was for political reasons, and lately there hadn't been any squabbles that were worthy of his presence.

On that thought, he remembered that the anniversary celebration was coming up soon. He had gotten an invite from Aang at some point in time to visit him on Air Temple Island for the festivities. Zuko honestly wanted to go, he couldn't deny the part of him that just wanted to jump on the next ship to Republic City and take a mini vacation, but with the prevalent economic issues his country was suffering, he couldn't possibly step away for one minute.

He opened a scroll with a report with the new population estimation, due to the end-of-the-war baby boom. This is what caused Zuko to open his bottom drawer and crack open the old bottle of liquor.

Two hours and a half a bottle later, Zuko was reading through a scroll reporting the status of the new hospital being built in the Eastern section of the city. They were requesting more materials and future healers to be employed. The head of the project was asking for waterbenders to be hired, seeming the Fire Lord had a good relationship with one and it would help extend the hand of peace.

Zuko almost scoffed at that. He had a good relationship with a waterbender. The strongest waterbender. But he managed to mess that up pretty well. She hasn't spoken to him in years.

"You treat him like a child! How could you say that you're romantically interested in him?!"

"I love him, Zuko! Shouldn't that be enough?"

"I don't think you know what love is, Katara."

He scoffed. He had been drunk that night, too. In fact, it had been almost six years exactly since they had that argument. It had been eight years since the end of the war and they were in the palace, all enjoying some finer spirits when Aang and Katara announced their betrothal. Everyone seemed to be happy, except Zuko. He couldn't shake why he wasn't happy for them. In fact, he felt mad.

"What's your problem, Zuko?"

She had followed him out to the balcony and he could feel her heated glare on his back.

"Nothing's wrong."

"You always seem to forget that you're a terrible liar."

She was pissed. He could tell. Her tone of voice spoke more volumes than anything. He couldn't take it anymore. He turned around and glared at her, earning a quick look of shock that morphed back to disdain just as fast.

"I guess I should just congratulate you, then."

"Well, yeah, that's what you usually do when someone gets engaged."

"Sorry, I didn't get the memo."

He turned back around and looked up at the moon. She walked up and stood next to him, arms crossed.

"Why aren't you happy for me?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He turned around and headed back inside.

"Zuko! Answer me!"

He stopped and turned back to face her, trying to convey the betrayal he felt.

"I don't know, I just thought you would have dropped the act with him by now."

She fumed and walked up to him, shoving him as she hissed, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means!" he was shouting now.

"No I don't!"

He took another drink and rolled up the scroll he absently ran his eyes over for the past five minutes. He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair. It's been six years since they had spoken. He's seen her every year since then, but she refused to speak with him. Despite his numerous attempts. She just wouldn't acknowledge his existence. It reminded him heavily of when they were at the Western Air Temple and she would antagonize him frequently.

No, at least then she spoke to him. Now? He hadn't heard her voice, except in his mind, for six Spirits-forsaken years.

Another drink.

Zuko thought that at this rate, he would have been drunk already. But he just assumed that this liquor was just weak. Toph probably knew that he would crack it open in a moment like this and didn't want him to get rip-roaring drunk like he did right before she bought him this bottle.

"Zuko, you need to take it easy."

"No! She hates me, Toph. She won't even speak to me."

"Why do you care? You're married, she's married. You both moved on."

"There was nothing to move on from in her eyes."

"Are you so sure about that?"

"I'm positive. I practically die to save her and she jumps into Aang's arms the second he comes back after defeating Ozai. It's not fair."

He shook his head and took another drink. His vision was starting to get blurry and his head fuzzy. That's more like it. Just for good measure, he took another long drink. The bottle was almost empty now. Probably enough left for three or four more glasses, give or take. Zuko liked those odds.

But he didn't want to just feel tipsy. He wanted to black out. He opened the bottom drawer of the desk and looked in. There wasn't another bottle, but there was a portrait. Tentatively, he reached in and pulled it out. What he held was the painting they all posed for last year at the anniversary celebration. Sokka's hand was on his shoulder, Toph stood in the middle pointing at the artist. And Aang and Katara were embraced on the end. He looked at his own depiction and frowned. The artist made him smirk, but he knew while they stood there for ages he had been scowling.

Lost in the picture, he barely noticed a knock on his door. He looked up confused. It was late, so why was someone knocking at his door at this ungodly hour?

Gruffly, and frankly very agitatedly, he ordered, "Enter."

The door creaked open and in the shadows of the night, he could see the person slip in. He couldn't see their face, and it irritated him.

"State your business," he demanded with a slight slur.

The stranger stepped towards his desk into the moonlight. Zuko froze at the sight of her. Chestnut hair was pulled into a loose braid draped over her shoulder. She wore red, which was a far cry from the normal blue, or the occasional orange and yellow, she donned. Even though he had seen her a year ago, he tried to not pay attention to her then, as he had done for the five before it. She had aged gracefully in the fifteen years that he had known her, too gracefully for her own right. He hated it.

"What do you want?" he growled, ignoring the Fire Lord protocol and tossing any formality out the window. She frowned and sat down in the chair on the opposite side of his desk. She just stared at him, not speaking. He scowled and spoke lowly, "So you're just not going to talk to me like always? Couldn't you have waited another two months before ignoring me deliberately?"

She remained silent. Her eyes looked sad, like she pitied what she was looking at.

"Or am I just imagining you?" he laughed bitterly, leaning back in his seat and dragging his hands over his face. "That would make sense. I've been drinking for hours and thinking about you the whole damn time. A hallucination would be logical. I should just tell Toph that she bought me drugged liquor."

"You're not imagining me, Zuko."

He bristled at her words. This was the first time she had addressed him in six long years. Her voice sounded exactly like he remembered, perhaps a little lower and worn. Her sad eyes made him blink and bring himself back to reality.

He scowled and lowered his voice threateningly, "It's Fire Lord Zuko to you."

She scoffed, "Is that what you're playing at now?"

"Well considering that's my title, yes."

"You're unbelievable, you know that?"

A small part of his mind was reminded of green crystals and the same irate waterbender shouting similar words at him, but that memory vanished with a long blink. He chuckled darkly, "I'm unbelievable?! You just come barging into my palace after ignoring me for six fucking years and expect me to be all chummy with you when you come into my office at an unreasonable hour? Yeah, I'm the unbelievable one here. What do you want, Katara?"

She flinched when he said her name but remained stoic, her lips pulled into a tight line. "Iroh asked me to come."

"Why?"

"He's worried about you."

"I figured. Why does it concern you?"

"Because you're my best friend."

It was Zuko's turn to scoff. He took another drink and narrowed his eyes at her. "You have no right to call me that after how you've treated me the better part of the past decade."

She lowered her gaze to her lap and took a deep breath. After a moment, she slowly looked back up and stared right into his eyes. It would have unnerved him had he been sober. Right now, he was too livid to notice it.

"I made a mistake."

"When? Because I can think of several."

She stared at him with wide eyes then changed her expression to anger, jutting her jaw out as she pouted slightly and furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

"You're not perfect, Katara," Zuko said in a matter-of-fact tone, then took another drink. Two left.

"No one is," she whispered softly as she returned her gaze to her lap.

He waited for a second to see if she would speak again, but she kept silent. So he decided to ask her again, "Why are you here?"

Without looking up, she spoke softly, "I wanted to check up on you."

"I don't need you to babysit me," he said a little too hotly, even for him. "I'm thirty. I can take care of myself."

She snapped her head back up, the look of anger back in her beautiful features, "I'm not trying to babysit you, Zuko. I'm trying to make sure you don't do something you regret."

"You should have done that fourteen years ago, sweetheart," he deadpanned as he took another drink. One left.

She looked shocked and confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means."

They locked eyes and he felt she could see the pain he was feeling. Her face and shoulders both dropped and she looked crestfallen.

"You don't mean it…"

"It would have saved me a lot of problems in the future," he spat before he drank the last of the liquor right out of the bottle. She kept staring at him disbelievingly, like she didn't know what to say.

After a few moments of eye contact and still silence, she spoke softly, "Zuko, why did you ask me to fight Azula with you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I thought it was obvious."

"Apparently not."

He kept his eyes on her as he propped his elbows on his desk and rested his chin on folded hands.

"Zuko, tell me."

He remained silent.

"Dammit, Zuko! I need you to tell me!"

"Why?"

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because you know why!" he practically shouted as he slammed his fists on the desk. She jumped at the sudden movement and a couple of scrolls rolled off onto the floor, while his fists scorched some of the reports that were unfortunate enough to get stuck in place.

A lone tear escaped Katara's eye and fell down to her lap. She muttered quietly, "I want you to tell me."

He shook his head, already wanting to find another bottle of booze so he could drown her out. She stood and walked to his side of the desk, kneeling on his left side. She reached up to grasp his chin but he batted the hand away. With a growl, she pinned down his arm and used her free hand to yank his head to look at her. She stared at him with something that rivaled her look of betrayal. He just stared back at her blankly.

"Tell. Me."

Zuko shook his head to the best of his ability. More tears came out of her eyes as she gripped his chin a little tighter. He could feel his stomach twist itself in a knot when she began to cry harder. It was her engagement night all over again.

"Oh and you know what love is?!"

"Yes I do!"

"Didn't Mai leave you?!"

"Who said I was talking about Mai?!"

"Zuko you better tell me, or so help me I'll… I'll…"

"There's nothing you can do that will hurt me more than looking at you right now."

She let go of his chin and stared at him with the most pained expression he had ever seen on her beautiful face. She remained kneeling, but leaned back away from him slightly and they just looked into each other's eyes. Zuko could feel his begin to prickle a bit and his throat tighten. I will not cry because of her. Not anymore.

"Zuko…"

He turned away and looked to his desk, a stray tear falling down his good cheek as he did. She stayed silent, though. After a few minutes, she stood and stepped so she was right next to him. She reached down and tucked her hand under his chin and lifted his head up so he was looking at her. When he lifted his gaze, he was met with two sapphire orbs. They stared at him knowingly and sadly. Her free hand wiped the tear off of his right cheek, then cupped his face in between her two palms.

"Tell me, Zuko."

"Why do you want me to tell you if you already know?"

"Because I want to hear it from you and not Toph."

"Well, it's a little late for confessions, Katara."

"That doesn't matter."

"It matters more than you realize."

"Why do you say that?"

He stared at her for a long moment and took in an unsteady breath. Slowly, he replied, "We're both married. I have a baby on the way. Don't you think me spilling my guts out to you in the middle of the night while inebriated would be the wisest things to do?"

She shook her head and lowered her hands from his face. He instantly missed her touch and hoped she would do it again, yet they didn't return. Instead, she whispered, "Not the wisest. But I need to know."

"Why?"

"I want to know if I did the right thing."

He stayed silent. Katara's appearance sobered him quickly, much to his disdain. There was a reason he opened the cheap liquor. And there was a reason he finished the rest of the bottle once she arrived.

"Zuko…"

"It's because I loved you and wanted you to be the last person I saw in case I died. Happy?"

She froze at the end of his sentence, eyes wide like saucers. He knew this would be her reaction, he always knew. And he regretted it as she shook her head and more tears spilled out of her eyes. She took a step back, hugging herself with one arm and covering her mouth with the other. She kept walking backwards until she collapsed on the couch against the wall. Zuko stayed in his chair as she walked away and cried.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he heard her whisper.

"Aang."

"That's not a good enough reason, Zuko," she spat, hands slapping against the cushions and gripping them tightly. More tears cascaded down her cheeks. He stood up and wobbled for a second, momentarily forgetting his inebriation. He regained his balance quickly and strode over to her and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands from her sides and clasping them in between his own.

"I could barely live with the fact of it all, let alone the idea that I was in love with my best friend's girl."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long were you in love with me?"

He removed his hands and leaned back onto his haunches. This was something he never told anyone. Not Toph when she first found out on Ember Island, not his Uncle after his coronation. This was his secret, the one buried deep down in his gut and covered with the agony and guilt associated with it. And it was high time he dug it out and let it go. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Since Ba Sing Se."

She lifted her head up and looked straight into his eyes. Her voice was soft, unbelieving. "What?"

He shook his head and stood up. He turned and started heading to his desk again, but her small hand gripped his wrist. He looked over his shoulder and saw her pleading eyes stare at him.

"Since Ba Sing Se? Zuko… Are you…?"

This wasn't what he was expecting her to notice. He assumed she would have demanded knowing why he held it in the entire time they had been friends before she was with Aang. Not the fact that he had used the word 'since' in his confession. That minx could see right through him. There was a reason she was his best friend.

So, instead of denying it, Zuko nodded once and looked away again. Out of nowhere, he felt her tug on his wrist and turn him around. Before he knew it, he felt her lips crush his. Her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer. After regaining himself, he slowly snaked his arms around her waist and he moved his lips with hers.

His heart was about to burst out of his chest as she twirled her fingers around the hair on the nape of his neck. Her tongue pushed into his mouth and he felt his stomach do a back flip.

He pulled away quickly and let her go. He stepped away, knowing his face was full of guilt. He looked at her and she looked only hurt.

"We shouldn't have done that," he whispered as he placed his hand on his frantic heart. She shook her head and approached him, taking his other hand in her own and placing it on her chest.

"Do you feel that?" she murmured, he nodded as he felt the swift beating under his hand. "That's what you do to me. What you've done to me. The past six years have killed me. I didn't want to hate you, but I had to. It was the only way I could push you away."

"Why did you want to push me away?" he voice cracked hoarsely.

"Because we had different destinies, Zuko," she squeezed his hand. "And we had different things to fulfill. We couldn't do it."

He shook his head and looked away from her piercing gaze, feeling his heart break for what seemed like the hundredth time. He tried to pull his hand away but she stood fast, pressing it harder to the area above her wildly beating heart.

"Zuko, I know I've made some huge mistakes when it came to us," she whispered softly. She freed her right hand, reached up and turned his face towards her. She rested her fingers on his scar and he closed his eyes as he melted into her touch. "But I want to be forgiven of them."

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to see her silently pleading towards him.

"One night."

He kept staring at her as she spoke slowly.

"One time, we can be those teenagers in love. Forget everyone else and just… Be together."

He lifted the hand from his chest and placed it over her's that rested on his cheek. He nuzzled her hand before pulling it away and kissing the inside of her wrist.

"One night?"

"We don't tell anyone."

He remained silent for a moment, feigning an inner debate. He knew he wanted to do it. He's wanted to since she saved his life. There was nothing he wanted to do more than that. Sure he had a wife that he cared deeply for, but she was nothing compared to the waterbender that ensnared his heart under the red sky. He smiled and nodded, pulling her towards him and kissing her tenderly on her soft lips. She sighed and melted into the kiss, tenderly caressing his cheeks.

"I love you so much, Zuko."

He could feel his heart stop, yet simultaneously beat a hundred times faster in his chest at the sound of those could have whooped for joy if his hands and mouth weren't already busy. So instead, he whispered back, "I love you, too, Katara."


Zuko stepped off of his ship onto the deck of Air Temple Island, inhaling the fresh sea air with a wistful grin and bright eyes. He could see several Air Acolytes were waiting for him and his crew as they pulled in. Luckily, he was too cheerful to be annoyed with their formalities.

"Fire Lord Zuko," one stepped forward and bowed deeply. "We are graced with your presence."

He waved the man off and smiled. "No need. I'm assuming Avatar Aang is in the sanctuary?"

"Yes, sir. He had been planning to greet you himself but you arrived much earlier than expected."

"Favorable winds," he replied casually, looking off to the temple in the center of the island. And an anxious Fire Lord wanting to see the woman he loved.

"Very well, sir. We'll take your belongings and take them to your room."

"Is it the same one as last time?" he looked down at the man and he nodded. "Alright well I can take my one bag. It's not a big deal. Just see that my crew is fed."

"Alright, sir," the man smiled and bowed again. Zuko bowed his head slightly in return and bent down to grab his bag. He was wearing his typical travelling clothes, similar to what he had worn at the end of the war. His more formal robes folded were neatly in his suitcase, only needed for one night of his weekend stay. He left his hair down today instead of his normal topknot, letting it tickle the back of his neck and fall into his eyes. For once, he just wanted to be casual.

Zuko made his way up the hill and to the side of the island with the boy's dormitories. He laughed to himself when he thought about how Aang set this place up like the other air temples. It was charming in a way. His room was the largest in the hall, and one of the two that connected to the main part of the temple. Sokka's normal room was the other one that had been designed like that, but now that he was married to Suki and they lived in the city with their kids, he just stayed at home and caught the ferry over whenever he wanted to visit.

Zuko was alone this week though. His wife had to stay home because she was so far along in her pregnancy that the doctor insisted that she didn't travel. Zuko really didn't mind. He kind of wanted to be away from her for a while before the baby was born. He just needed that one bit of freedom. Not that he would admit that to anyone.

A knock on his door jolted Zuko from his thoughts. After closing the drawer he just stuffed his tunic into, he walked around the dresser and opened the door. A blur of silver and black and a metallic thud against his chest signaled that he had just been tackled by the esteemed chief of the Metal Bending Police, Toph Beifong.

"ZUKO!" She squeezed him around his middle, causing him to wheeze.

"Hi, Toph!" he gasped out. She released him and punched him affectionately in the arm.

"Why didn't you write?!"

He smirked. "Because you can't read, Toph…"

She chuckled and grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room, "Sharp as ever, Fire Lord. Where's the wifey?"

"Back at the palace," he said flatly. "She's too pregnant to travel."

"So she's due any time now?" she asked casually as they walked outside and towards the dining area in the main temple.

"No, not for another month," Zuko supplied, he caught the slightly worried expression on her face and added, "I'll be back in time for the birth, don't worry."

"What do you think it's going to be?" Toph smiled up at him.

He shrugged, smiling as he stated, "I'm hoping for a girl. If it is, then she'll be the first female Fire Lord."

"You don't want a boy?"

Zuko smirked and shook his head. "No I think if we have a second child, then I'd like a boy then. I just think a girl would be easier to deal with, since I grew up with so many of them around me. Plus, Mizzou has four younger sisters so she knows what to do with any girls we have. If I had my way, I'd have all girls so I wouldn't have to deal with any inheritance bullshit."

Toph nodded smugly, like she knew something he didn't. He looked down at her quizzically as they entered the mess hall. There were a few acolytes sitting at some of the tables, but for the most part the place was empty.

"Toph, why did you bring me here?"

"Just wait," she answered cryptically.

"-No there's an entire crew of Fire Nation soldiers that need food," a voice from behind him said. Zuko turned around and saw with happy eyes a radiant Katara. Her hair was down and flowing behind her. Her blue eyes sparkled as she spoke to another acolyte. She looked up at the Fire Lord and smiled widely. "Zuko!" She turned and saw Toph, "Toph! I'm so glad you guys are here!"

She pulled the duo into a hug and left her hands on their outside arms as she looked up at them. "You hungry? Aang will be meditating for a little longer, but I'm sure we can get something whipped up in no time. You got here early, Zuko, so we really weren't prepared."

His grin didn't leave his face as he shrugged and repeated, "Favorable winds."

She smirked and squeezed his arm before walking away, hips sashaying underneath her blue ankle-length robe. He watched her leave with longing in his eyes, noticing how there seemed to be a new spring in her step. A hard nudge in his ribs made him yelp and look down angrily at the blind earthbender.

"So, I see you guys made up?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah we did."

"When?"

"About two months ago. Why?"

She grinned smugly and walked away, calling over her shoulder, "No reason."

Zuko tilted his head and watched Toph sit at one of the tables and pop some fruit into her mouth. He followed her and sat next to her, grabbing one of the grapes and chewing it thoughtfully.

"Sokka and Suki will be getting here shortly- actually they're at the dock now," Toph said in between bites. "Aang and Katara wanted us all to meet in here once everyone arrived. They have an announcement or something like that."

She smirked at the end of that sentence and Zuko rose his good brow quizzically. Then out of nowhere, Zuko found himself in a headlock. He struggled for a second but then quickly gripped the attacker's arm and threw the body over his head. The man never landed. Zuko looked up and saw Aang floating on an air scooter midair.

"ZUKO!"

Zuko chuckled and gave a single wave to the Avatar. Even as a twenty-six year old, this man acted like a child sometimes. The Avatar jumped down as Zuko stood and pulled the Fire Lord into a hug. When they pulled apart, Aang patted him on the shoulder and grinned.

"So glad you could make it!" he exclaimed with the same enthusiasm he always carried. "Where's the wife?"

As Zuko opened his mouth to speak, Toph cut him off, "At home. She's too pregnant to travel."

"You can be too pregnant to travel?" Aang asked thoughtfully as he turned back to Zuko, who nodded as he sat back down.

"Don't want to cause any trauma or cause early delivery. Bed rest is pretty much all they let her do now."

Aang nodded in understanding and walked to the edge of the hall, where Katara was appearing. She looked around the room and rested her eyes on her husband, "Where are Sokka and Suki?"

"About to walk in," Toph supplied. Just that second, the Water Tribesmen and Kyoshi Warrior burst through the doors.

"HELLOOOOO AIR TEMPLE ISLAND!" Sokka shouted.

Zuko groaned as he slowly stood and shook hands with his old friend. He hugged Suki, giving her a friendly peck on the cheek, and sat back in his old spot. Toph sat next to him after her exchanges with the couple and looked up at Aang and Katara.

"So what's this news you wanted to tell us?"

Aang glanced to Katara, who was already beaming brightly. Zuko smiled at her happiness and felt his insides warm as she looked at everyone in the group. Her eyes rested on him a little longer than everyone else and he could have sworn her smile got bigger and her eyes twinkled a little more.

She looked back at Aang and took a deep breath, taking his hand as she did. Then as she turned to the group, she rested her hand on her stomach. At that second, Zuko could feel his heart practically stop and that warm feeling he had turned to ice, sinking to the pit of his stomach.

"I'm pregnant."


tbc