This is my first fanfiction and English isn´t my first language, so if there are any mistakes just tell me and I will try to fix it.
I do not own any of the characters they belong to Shonda Rhimes, but I own Hannah and her family.
This fanfiction will play out in the 8 season before the plane crash so that never happened.
I hope you like it :)

Chapter 1.

Hannah's POV

The sun is shining outside and I am trapped inside these white walls. The teacher Mrs. Hayman tries once again to make the girls be quiet, I look at them wondering if I would be one of them, if dad had not died. If not my mom had cracked under the pressure of trying to cope. If I haven't been silent since that very day.
Would I be just like everyone else? Would I be normal? And not just been an excruciating, a waste of a life and only to live to be everyone's punching bag and above all, bring pain to myself.
What would happen if anyone knew, if they actually knew what happened behind the closed doors?

-"Hannah? Hannah? Are you listening to me? You know that daydreaming doesn't exactly make you any smarter." The voice of Mrs. Hayman brings me back to the same old classroom. I look at her and glance at the other students in the class. I can hear them laughing quietly and mocking me.
"Can she get any stupider?"
"Once again she has proven that she is sooo retarded".
"Quiet little Hanna handicap"

I try to block them out, but they succeed and their words tearing small holes in my soul. I feel so empty; I don't even know why I am here. It's not like I am going to live for much longer. I'm destined to die a slow and painful death; it's just a matter of time.

The school bells rings; it's time to go home. I started to pack my pencils, books and notes slowly. So I can be the last one to leave the classroom, and hopefully everyone else is too busy to hurry home.
Hurry home to their clean houses with a maintained garden. To their pretty bedroom and their big wardrobe and a loving family that's waits them.

It´s a contrary to what I have to come home to.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hannah's POV

The familiar scent of alcohol and entrapped air hits my face when I open the door to my house. Not my home, this house stopped being my home five years ago. I close the door quietly, so I won't upset her.
- "Hannah, get your fat, lazy ass here. NOW!" She yells from the living room. I quickly hang my overused brown jacket on the hook and kick off my shoes. I quickly run to the living room but I stop in the doorway. She is sitting on the sofa with beer bottles all over the coffee table, the coffee table that's missing a corner, after she hit me with it.
- "What time is it?" She asks, I know that she doesn't just want to know that time it is.
- "WHAT TIME IS IT?!" She yells and stands up, when I didn't answer quickly enough. I stiffen with fear when she rushes up towards me, fear of what will happen next. I know she won't show any kindness towards me, especially when I have done something wrong. She grips my arms and shaking me violently.
- "YOU ARE A COMPLETE MORON; I SAID WHAT TIME IS IT!?" She spit in my face as she shouts
I look at the floor, preparing me for what's about to happen.
- "You're late". She says as she puts extra emphasis on the t.

She kicks me right in the abdomen, I lose my breath and I slightly bend over. She takes a harder grip around my arms and throws me on the coffee table, crushing the bottles and the table beneath me. I can't breathe, the pain spread from my back into my arms and legs, they feel so heavy and sore. I can feel the small glass pieces going deeper and deeper as she put all her weight to press me down. I can't move, I can't avoid her gaze full of hatred. Her gaze that once was blue and glance full of love and kindness, which she lost five years ago. Now they are dark, cold and absent.
- "You worthless piece of crap! You deserve everything I do to you, every pain you feel". She says in a cold voice. I see in her eyes, all the hatred, all the pain.
-"What are you looking at?" She snaps at me and tosses me aside on the floor.
- "I don't want to see your ugly face any longer". She said in a firm and cold voice and kicks me in the chest. I lose my breath, I take short quick breaths and I begin to hyperventilate. Every breath is heavy, every breath is painful. I can't breathe, it feels like a weight on my chest.
- "Get the hell out of my sight and if I see you I swear to god that I will kill you" She threaten, I try to stand up. If I don't stand up she would kill me, but death doesn't sound too bad. But she will not kill me, not get; she is not done playing with me. She will almost kill me and then stop, just before I was supposed to die, she won't let me get away that easily.

With the little energy I have, I take the support of the armchair next to me and stand up. Every muscle in my body is sore and heavy. For every movement my body screams out in pain, but I can't listen to it. I have to get to my room, it's not safe but it's safer than standing here.

As soon as I get inside my room I collapse in my small bed. I reached out for my journal under the mattress. I have written every day since that very day, it's feels good to write everything that happened and everything I feel. Because no one will ever hear it, no one will know. It's my own little secret. When I finished writing I put the journal back and let my body fall asleep from exhaustion.

So what did you think? I hope you liked it, please read and review :)

/Johanna