I wrote this as a surprise for my best friend's birthday. It started off as a joke and quickly turned serious, I guess? I don't know, I tried to keep it light-hearted.

It's unbetaed so apologizes for any mistakes in grammar, punctuation and/or spelling. Set sometime in late Season 4. Mentions of Delena, Klaroline and obviously, Aoibheann's OT3 Stefan/Caroline/Klaus. Naturally, the characterization is a bit wonky (it's a threesome fic with mpreg, being OOC was sort of unavoidable) and I guess it has spoilers for season 4 so read at your own risk.

Again, Mpreg, mention of (but not really) an OC, threesome (nothing graphic, just hinted) and mild swearing-so if you don't like, don't read:))

Happy Birthday Aoibheann! x

The white stick in Stefan's hand dropped to the ground.

This could not be happening...it just couldn't.

Surely this was just an awful nightmare he would wake up from soon; he would laugh when he told the others about it, later; they would all laugh at the utter ridiculous of the situation presented in his dreams.

But the sinking feeling in his stomach told him this was real. As did the shaking of his hands, the two pink lines smiling up from the test, the exaggerated thirst for blood he had noticed of late, the nausea he had been unable to shake for some time now.

This wasn't a nightmare; this was his life.

Oh my God, Stefan thought, I have to tell Caroline and Klaus.

That single understanding seemed to heighten his nausea, and within seconds, Stefan Salvatore was hunched over the toilet bowl of the Men's bathroom at The Grill.

This was so not part of the plan.

Oddly enough, it was Damon and Elijah he told first.

They were standing by the fireplace in the Salvatore boarding house, arguing over the best way to murder Klaus-something no one in this town proved very skilled at. Still, it made them feel useful plotting his destruction, even if they all knew deep down it would never be successful.

Stefan hadn't planned to tell anyone, except maybe Bonnie-who was now dead, so that was an issue-or Elena-who was usually easy to track down, two steps behind Damon.

But as he walked in, both men turned to look at him, and he realized Elena was not here. Great.

"Do you hear that?" Elijah said, holding a finger in the air to suggest Damon should stop talking.

For once, Damon did what the other vampire wanted. Thanks, Brother, Stefan thought bitterly, you sure pick your moments.

Stefan held his breath. How had he been so stupid to think he could hide this? His friends were vampires, for God's sake. Of course they would hear the….the baby's heartbeat.

Damon nodded. "Is that…?"

Elijah looked at Stefan wearily. "It is the same sound I hear around Hayley."

Stefan felt his face flush. Damon laughed out loud.

"Wait, you're not suggesting-" The older Salvatore stopped laughing abruptly. He turned to Stefan, a look on his face that could shatter glass. "Tell me he's joking."

Stefan ducked his head, partly from shame, partly from embarrassment. This was bad, Stefan told himself, like he really needed the assurance. This was so bad.

Elijah sighed heavily and sat down on the couch. Damon looked affronted.

"Take a seat," he mumbled, but then he flopped down beside the other man and buried his head in his hands. "Christ, Stef, I was joking when I said your life was like a Twilight movie."

"Does my brother know?" Elijah asked, and Stefan resisted the urge to turn and run out of the house. He knew he wouldn't get very far without wanting to throw up.

Damon looked up. "Why would he tell Klaus? In case you haven't realized they're not exactly best buddies."

Elijah had the good grace to look embarrassed. Stefan just stopped himself from demanding to know how Elijah even knew about him and Klaus' little…arrangement.

Damon took one look at Stefan's guilt-ridden face and ran his hand down his face, realization hitting him like a brick. "You have got to be shitting me, Stefan."

Stefan was too busy wishing the ground would open and swallow him whole to really concentrate on an explanation, and Damon seemed past the point of wanting one. He just looked sort of…traumatized. Like he was…visualizing it.

Stefan saw him shudder.

"I believe Caroline Forbes is…um, involved too," Elijah added, unhelpfully.

Damon looked from Elijah to Stefan in disbelief. "How-but-what-oh, this is messed up." He gave another exaggerated sigh.

"I-um, I don't really know how this is even possible…" a voice that sounded a lot like Stefan's said. It took him a few seconds to comprehend that actually it was him.

Elijah looked uncomfortable, as though Stefan had asked him for a talk on how this type of thing traditionally happened. "It is true female vampires are unable to get pregnant. It is also true the…you know, of male vampires is not...alive enough to allow for reproduction. However, male's womb's are fully active and as we are all born with a selection of eggs, should we come into contact with sperm that is ...fresh-such as a werewolf's or hybrid's-then, while it is unlikely, it is possible."

Damon was looking increasingly pained. "This is something out of a horror film."

Stefan felt tears prick in his eyes. Why the hell was he going to cry?

Elijah cleared his throat and patted the space beside him on the couch. "Perhaps you ought to sit down; you're looking a little pale, Stefan."

The next few moments passed in a blur. He sat down on an arm chair and Damon followed Elijah's orders to go to the kitchen and bring him a glass of water.

He wasn't sure if it was a delayed reaction, the utter shock and horror, or the way his brother and Elijah were looking at him like he was something from a sci-fi film, but he felt the lump in his throat grow bigger until he could barely swallow around it, until tears formed in his eyes.

"Oh, boy," Damon muttered.

Elijah shot him a dark look. "It's alright, Stefan. I know this is a…a shock, but everything will be alright."

"Probably," Damon said with a smirk, now somewhat recovered himself. "I mean let's not pretend Klaus will be out buying booties and discussing colors for a nursery."

"He's already got a child on the way," Stefan mumbled. "What if he doesn't want another one?"

Elijah and Damon exchanged looks. "Well then," Damon said, clearing his throat. "I guess that's...uh, his loss."

Stefan looked at his brother, skeptically. "Do you really mean that?"

Elijah continued to glare at Damon. "Of course," Damon said, rolling his eyes. "C'mon Stefan, let's not get all sentimental here. You know I'm your brother and I-I love you no matter what. Even if you've put yourself in a crappy situation, I'll still be here for you."

Elijah turned back to Stefan, smiling a little. "I do wish I could say the same about my brother. Speaking of which, when are you planning to tell him?"

"I-I want to tell him and Caroline together." Stefan didn't tell them that this was mostly because he thought Klaus was less likely to rip the thing out of him if their mutual lover was present.

"Tonight then," Elijah suggested. "I'll have them both here by six."

"You-you really don't have to…"

"This will be my second niece or nephew, Stefan," Elijah said matter-of-factly. "And I happen to find you more tolerable than Hayley, therefore it is my responsibility as favorite uncle to ensure this pregnancy goes as smoothly as possible."

That was, Stefan thought, perhaps the nicest thing Elijah had ever said to him.

"Hey," Damon said with a smile that allowed Stefan to breathe again. "Who says you get to be favorite uncle?"

When Stefan came downstairs at 6:03pm, they were already waiting for him.

Elijah and Damon had disappeared, but Stefan suspected they hadn't gone too far. They were probably listening, anyway, wherever they were.

"Stefan," Caroline greeted, wrapping her arms around him in a warm embrace. "Damon was right, you do look sick. Are you alright?"

So Damon had helped summon them? Stefan couldn't help but feel touched.

"Um, not quite," Stefan broke away from Caroline. Klaus stood by the fireplace, drinking Damon's most expensive bourbon from a glass.

He was watching Stefan intently, just like always.

"I have something to tell you, actually." Stefan took a deep breath. "I-I'm sort of, uh, I don't know how to-uh, I'm, well, I'm sortofpregnant."

He had said the last part in one rushed, panicked breath, but the glass smashing on the floor and the soft gasp from Caroline proved he had been understood.

"Are-are you sure?" Caroline asked, looking caught somewhere between disbelief and dismay.

Stefan nodded. "I did a test and if you…if you listen, you can hear…"

This point was illustrated by an extended silence and a thundering pounding.

Now it was Klaus who looked pale. "You're telling me it is mine, I gather?"

His tone was harsh, cold, detached. Every fear Stefan had had about this moment came to a realization. He was right-Klaus didn't want another kid. Especially not with him.

Stefan felt Caroline's hand in his. He looked up to find her taking hold of Klaus' hand too. "No," she said. "It's ours. And we'll do this together, the three of us. We can do this."

Klaus seemed to soften at her words-probably because he was so damn in love with her he couldn't even see Stefan standing in the room, Stefan guessed-and he couldn't help but feel more relaxed knowing at least Caroline was not about to walk out on him.

"Isn't that just a beautiful family portrait," Damon said, walking in with a smirk on his face, followed closely by Elijah. "Who would have thought?"

Caroline smiled and squeezed both the hands in hers. "I think we should go out for a few drinks at The Grill to celebrate. Well, obviously Stefan can't drink but…well, maybe one won't hurt! Are you guys coming?"

Elijah nodded. "As long as Klaus is buying. And actually paying, rather than compelling the poor Donovan boy to forget he served us."

Klaus' eyes glittered with entertainment. "Envy is so unattractive, dear brother."

"Damon?" Stefan asked. "Are you coming?"

His brother was heavily engrossed in his phone, typing excitedly with a wide smile on his face. He didn't even seem to have heard Stefan.

"Damon?" Stefan repeated.

The older Salvatore looked up. "Yeah?"

"Are you coming to The Grill with us?"

Damon shook his head and offered an apologetic smile to his younger brother. "Sorry, bro. I've got a date."

Stefan pretended this didn't feel like a punch in the stomach. Of course he was busy with Elena. "Elena can come too, you know. She's going to find out sometime."

For a moment, Damon looked a little hurt, the way he used to when someone mentioned Katherine's name. But then his phone lit up and he brightened again. "You didn't hear?" Damon asked. "Elena and Jeremy left time for a while. Went to stay with some great aunt I've never heard of. We decided maybe we needed some time apart."

Stefan expected this to feel like an accomplishment. Didn't he want them to break up? But then he thought of Klaus, of Caroline, of their baby. He didn't have room in his life for Elena any more. But Damon did. After everything, Damon deserved her. More than that, he deserved to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Damon," Stefan said, meaning it.

Damon just smiled. "Don't worry about it, brother. I've actually met someone else. It not serious yet, but you know, I like her a lot."

The smile returned on Stefan's face was genuine.

"What's her name? What's she like? When can we meet her?" Caroline began drowning Damon in questions.

The man just laughed. "Hell no, I am not introducing you freaks to her. Her name's Aoibheann and that's all you need to know about her, got it?" His phone chimed again. "Gotta run, don't wanna be late picking her up. See you guys later."

He left, and Stefan turned back to the others, who were heatedly discussing where Stefan and the baby would live. He heard Klaus mention 'a cave' (he was joking, Stefan knew), Elijah insisting the Salvatore boarding house and Caroline practically begging they come stay with her.

Stefan just nodded and smiled, positive this was all going much too well to be true.

Just as a side note, Aoibheann is pronounced like 'Eee-veen.'