I haven't written anything for this ship in like two years, so forgive me. Lots of filler. I apologize.

Also, as a warning, there is alcohol and drug use, both of which I personally know the effects of... both make you really honest and want to spill your entire life story. I'm not suggesting you go out and drink or use.

Enjoy.

Sometimes life gives you lemons and, more often than not, you're stuck deciding if you want to hurl them back or turn away. Because, let's face it, life really sucks at times. It has its moments, but they're very rare and far between.

Roxas had to learn this the hard way.

It wasn't that he didn't want to learn life's little lessons, it was that he hadn't planned on learning them before he was cast out into the world to fend for himself. Sixteen was, according to him, too young to face actual relationship problems. Either way, he was forced to start the learning process earlier than most of his peers and he hated it.

"Dude." a voice came from beside him. "Wake up."

"What?" Roxas asked, turning his head slightly to look at Sora.

"I've been trying to get your attention for like an hour," his brother stated from the recliner beside Roxas' spot on the couch. "Mom called, said she'd be home soon and that she's bringing dinner."

"Uhuh." Roxas breathed, turning his attention back to the television, but not necessarily watching. More or less, thinking about what he did wrong and why, after two solid years he still hadn't gotten over it.

It wasn't like he didn't try; because he did by doing things he never imagined he would do. Things that people in the movies go through great lengths to purposely do, or what his aunt did when their uncle left her for a prostitute he met on the corner of broke and worthless. It started out with minuscule things and soon escalated into Roxas standing half-ass naked in his nearly destroyed bedroom. That had been a turning point, but he still couldn't get it or him out of his head.

The self harm was, in his mind, completely necessary. It allowed all his pent up negative feelings to flow freely. However, that stopped within a week because he really couldn't deal with the psychical repercussions. The drinking he picked up from watching his aunt on nights when she'd come over and she seemed to easily cope with her loss, so Roxas figured why the hell not. If it worked for her, than it would work for him.

That led to smoking weed, which he'd been halfheartedly peer pressured into by Riku. The guy had good intentions, but he hadn't realized that one little bowl was all it would take for Roxas to begin experimenting with stronger, harder, more dangerous substances.

So, in the end, when Roxas dropped acid and tripped for hours, he knew that he would need to change something. Maybe it had been that he came down and found himself standing in nothing but a shirt, or maybe it had been the room that he'd messed up in his search for the talking rainbow monkey and the waterfall on the ceiling, or perhaps it had been the wise words from the monkey before he decided to play hide 'n' seek. Whatever it was, Roxas decided that he had to stop.

"Rox?" Sora questioned, leaning over the side of the recliner, forcing the piece of furniture to balance his weight and try not to tip at the same time.

"Yeah," he answered mindlessly.

"After dinner there's this party Riku invited me to and he told me to bring who ever I wanted." his twin said. "I figured I'd bring you since you don't do much other than go to school."

"I go to the arcade," Roxas interjected.

"You also come back and spend the rest of the night playing Warcraft too."

"There's nothing wrong with Warcraft," he mumbled, standing up and pointedly ignoring Sora sticking his tongue out. Roxas barely missed running into their mother in his hurried attempt to escape from Sora's horrible idea.

Sora chuckled, pushing himself up from the chair and diligently following her into the kitchen like a kicked puppy. Roxas, on the other hand, rolled his eyes, grabbed a slice of pizza and headed upstairs to hopefully lone wolf it for the rest of the night.

Opening the door, Roxas sighed in relief. The last thing he felt like dealing with was a party, especially when he had a raid to attend to within the hour. Also, spending the night lost while Sora and Riku were drunk and going at it like rabbits, despite their constant denial, was no fun for him. Roxas knew better.

"Shit!" he yelped as he bit into the pizza, forgetting that it was hot. Roxas didn't have these bright moments often, but when he did, they really were exceptional.

Once collected, he shut the door with his foot before making the short walk to his desk in the corner and starting up his laptop. The soft purr of the fan turning on broke the silence in the room. That was soon to be followed by Roxas giving orders to his group and a low bass line in the background that he played on a separate laptop.

"Okay, let's see if anyone's on." he said, jumping into the World of Warcraft, his level 80 blood elf paladin staring back at him with its soulless eyes. Roxas felt like tonight was going to bring an awesome raid and he couldn't wait.

However, the persistent banging on his door had other plans.

"Roxas! Seriously, you gotta come with me!" Sora shouted much louder than he needed to. "It'll be fun! Riku's going and I'm sure some of your nerdy gamer friends are going to be there! You won't be alone and I'll make sure not to get too wasted so that you don-"

"Really?" Roxas deadpanned, jerking the door, cutting Sora off.

"Yeah! I heard some people from Twilight U are going to be there and you know when the college kids comes it's a big deal. Seriously, Rox, I promise. Nothing will happen. Please?" Sora begged, giving his twin his best impersonation of a sad puppy. Roxas noted that Sora was good at mimicking a dog.

"No," he responded. "I don't party anymore, Sor. You remember what happened last time. I don't remember how I got home or why my room was trashed."

Sora looked down at his feet, swaying back and forth between his toes and heel. "You kept talking to the wall and insisted that we find your pet rat. Roxas, I didn't know you had a pet rat."

"It wasn't a rat and you still didn't tell me how I got home."

"Hm," Sora pondered, lifting his head up when the figurative light bulb flashed on. "Some guy called, I don't remember his name or how he got my number, but he said you were wigging out because you thought your legs were paintings and that they'd melt when touched. I picked you up."

"You didn't drive back then," he said. Roxas totally couldn't remember his legs being anything other than his legs.

"Yeah, about that..."

They stood, one in the hall and the other in his room, a faint bass drop in the background and someone yelling through the speakers of his gaming laptop. Sora stared at his carbon copy, trying to analyze the thoughts going through his head. Roxas felt like his privacy was being invaded and he didn't like it.

"Okay, well, I'll let you know how it goes." Sora said suddenly, walking towards the stairs. "Riku wants me at his house in ten."

It was that moment, in the one millisecond, that Roxas felt guilty about not wanting to spend time with Sora. They watched television after school together, or well, Sora watched and he listened, but other than that they basically had nothing to do with each other. Two different people, one with a plethora of friends and one without.

"Sor, wait." Roxas yelled from his room as he darted across the room to end his game, forgetting his supposed to be incredible raid and turn off both laptops. Grabbing his jacket and making sure his light was off, he slammed the door shut and rushed downstairs just in time to see the front door close. Apparently he hadn't been heard.

"Dude, wait up."

"Huh?"

"Changed my mind," he mumbled. Sora beamed.

The ride to Riku's house was more eventful than it should have been. Between Sora constantly reminding him every five minutes of how 'freaking awesome' the party is going to be and the ever poetic 'I got dem fine ass bitches' coming from the radio, Roxas was beginning to regret his decision.

Pulling to a stop in front of a modest house, decorated to look like the American dream with white picket fences and too many flower beds, Roxas wanted to vomit. Instead, he got out of the car to switch seats, wondering how in the hell Sora passed his driving course. Roxas loved his twin, but he was the worst driver. It was a miracle that nobody had died with him behind the wheel.

And, oh shit, who would be driving home after the party? Roxas paled.

"You okay, bro?" Riku asked, waving a hand in front of Roxas' face. He could only nod.

"He's fine!" Sora called from inside the car. "Get in, both of you!"

"So eager," Riku purred, causing Sora to blush and Roxas to question his sexuality with a raised eyebrow. There was no way he was straight.

The ride, again, was too eventful. Possibly even more so.

Riku and Sora wouldn't stop agreeing with one another about how this was going to be the party of the year, even though Roxas could swear Sora said that about the last party a week ago. The music hadn't made much of an improvement either- 'I'm sweatin'! Woo!'. Roxas wanted to bash his head against the window or jump out of the car, whichever would work better under the given circumstances.

It was like they'd been driving forever; the trees were blurring, cars were speeding past like lightning, and Roxas was lost in thought. Not far enough, however, for him to miss the answer Sora had given Riku when he'd asked whose house they were going to.

"You know, uh," Sora paused, thinking. "Axel. Yeah, him."

"No shit? I haven't been to one of his parties in ages." Riku mused, drumming his fingers against his thigh to the butchered beat of the song on the radio. "Last time, man, I swear."

"I barely remember what happened," Sora piped in.

"You were totally fucking wasted, Sora. It happens."

"You think I would remember sleeping with someone though!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air for emphasis, using his knees to keep the steering wheel from making a wrong turn. Riku chuckled, amused.

"So, Rox, ever been to one of Axel's infamous parties?" Riku turned around to face the backseat. If he could see in the dark, he would've seen the absolute terror on Roxas' face.

"Uh, I don't think so." he responded, thanking himself for not having told anyone about his relations with Axel years prior.

One would imagine that a first heartbreak would reveal the person that did the breaking, but Roxas kept his mouth shut about Axel, because at the time he was struggling with who he was. As an individual and sexually. Axel was just there for the ride, literally.

Roxas was a private person, after all. Always had been. Axel was the only exception.

He couldn't remember pulling up to the house he was once so familiar with. The white house, forest green shutters, and the wrap around porch that he'd spent many days just talking on. Of course, other things had taken place there, but they were distant memories of a happier time in his life.

"Rox, you coming?" Sora asked, shutting the driver side door.

"Y-yeah, you guys go ahead. I'll catch up." he said, attempting to calm his nerves. Roxas had no reason to chicken out, he'd already made it this far. He could do this, memories be damned. Axel was a person of his past, not of his future.

With a shaking hand and a small encouraging voice in the back of his mind, Roxas opened the car door and stepped out into the open air. He jumped when the door shut behind him, despite having closed it himself. He would definitely have to get over being so paranoid, so afraid of seeing Axel and let loose for the night, even if for a little bit.

A quick glance around the surrounding area left Roxas feeling like everything and nothing had changed. It was almost like he'd been visiting Axel daily for the past two years, though that really wasn't the case, seeing as there were several small differences. He figured things would change. More than they had, at least.

There were too many cars in the yard. Way more than he liked and they were making it harder to keep up with Sora. Roxas was sure he'd lost his twin by the time he arrived to the sidewalk and that frightened him. Sora said he wouldn't leave him alone, but he had, and it left Roxas fighting an internal battle over whether or not he should man up and join the party or sit on the porch all night dodging questions from randoms as they left the house.

The music could be heard from inside the house, blaring loudly with flashes of bright lights and shadows dancing against the curtains. Roxas could vaguely make out the lyrics, but he knew that - given the owner of the house - they were probably vulgar and promoting what he was trying to stay away from. Sex, booze, and drugs.

"You gon' stand there all night?" someone asked from behind him.

"What? No." Roxas responded, walking down the narrow sidewalk and onto the porch toward the open door. The stranger slipping beside him and vanishing into the house without another word.

It was loud; much louder than he anticipated from his original spot on the pebbled sidewalk. He could barely make out any noises from the people around him, but that was due partially to the lack of motivation they had thanks to consuming copious amounts of alcohol long before the majority of the people arrived. These people on the porch with him, drunk as they were, probably came over enough to know that outside was better than inside.

Pushing his way into the house with mild annoyance, Roxas maneuvered his way through throngs of people in hopes of getting to the kitchen for a drink... or ten. If he was going to be forced to wait on Sora or some random for a ride home then he was going to get hammered and enjoy it. Against his original plans, of course.

"Who wants to play battle shots?" Sora yelled from the dining room, nestled between the kitchen and the living room, where he currently stood. Roxas immediately decided that playing against his brother would be the fastest and easiest way to get tore up.

"I'm in," he shouted from the open bay doors. Sora grinned knowingly at his brother's shout.

People surrounded the table, watching intently as the brothers duked it out, calling off spots on their make shift, cardboard pizza box battle ship knock-off. Roxas was in the lead and Sora was close to being toasted with one ship left on the board out of three. However, Roxas' winning streak was ended when Sora began to dominate the game. Roxas, astonished, asked for a second game. Sora was not going to beat him.

"A-3!" Sora shouted, throwing a fist into the air when Roxas picked up a shot glass and downed it.

"B-2."

"Nope!"

"Okay, you know what," Roxas began, lifting another glass from the ship Sora had recently attacked. "Fuck it, let's drink!"

"Hell yeah!"

Roxas wasn't aware who he cheered with, but that was cool, because he was on his way to being fucking awesome.

Somewhere between stupidity and bad judgement, Roxas found himself the center of attention on the dance floor. He couldn't be bothered to care about the person grinding into his ass or the people trying to screw in the corner. The music from earlier had changed drastically, signifying that a new DJ had been picked, and Roxas appreciated him more than he'd ever know.

The lights, flashing and swirling, created shows on the walls, and bodies crowded in the small area of the living room. Blue faded to purple, turning to green and melting into a rainbow of colors and shapes to keep him occupied for hours. The body behind him swaying in unison with his fluid motions, his arms decorating the air before him with leds and poi that he couldn't remember acquiring. The colors intensified, and for a moment, Roxas thought he was in heaven.

There was a noticeable beat only he could hear and it could be felt in every little thing he did. It matched the rhythm of his heart- it was his and Roxas wouldn't trade it for the world. His body matched the tempo, speeding up and slowing down, reaching places he hadn't been to in years and crashing down with a bass drop. Roxas felt his body instinctively pulled left, willingly push back right, and his arms felt detached as they created pink figure eights, orange hearts, and mutli-colored lightning bolts.

Everything was amazing.

Everyone was awesome.

This is what Roxas lived for- the music, the feeling, the dancing, the love.

Roxas couldn't recall how long he'd been dancing, but he figured it had to have been quite some time because the music was finally slowing down, making room for a third DJ to entertain for the night. It was then that he decided it was time to cool off, find a bottle of water and enjoy the ride. However long it would be.

"Rox!" a cheerful voice shouted over the soothing r&b hit coming from the sound system as he walked away. "Wait up!"

"Yeah," he turned around. "Sup?"

"Been lookin' ev'where for ya," Sora drawled, taking a sip out of his cup. "Whatchu doin'?"

"I was dancing, Sor." he replied.

"Dance? I wanna dance! 'Ku, come ooooon!" Sora sputtered, grabbing Riku's hand with his free one and pulling him in the direction Roxas had come from.

Roxas laughed and continued his journey to the kitchen, making stops as he went. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy, this at peace with himself and everything that he'd gone through over the last few years. It was like it had all been lifted off his chest and he felt like himself again.

"Can I feel?" Roxas asked a random girl sitting atop the dining room table.

"Yeah, of course! They feel fucking amazing!"

Roxas reached out toward the green and black fluffies on her legs, stroking the fur like material and smiling like he'd just won the lottery. He couldn't grasp how she wasn't petting her legs constantly, because that's what he'd be doing, and he knew he'd probably look like an idiot doing it. Who cared about looking stupid when you felt amazing? Roxas sure as hell didn't.

"Holy shit," he breathed, prying both hands from the girl's legs. "I need a pair of those."

She giggled in response, attempted to write down the website to order them with a random pen she found beside her, and made a note to tell him she felt pretty fantastic too. It was like they were on the same page, and in Roxas' mind that meant one thing- he loved her. And everyone else, for that matter.

The unknown girl sat up, gave him a kiss on the cheek and spoke about finding a friend before she gracefully - see clumsily - slid off the table and onto the floor. Roxas arched a brow, wishing her all the luck in the world.

"Stay awesome!" he yelled at her as he, almost literally, danced to the beat in his head towards the kitchen. In the distance he heard her yell back for him to stay awesome too.

Attempting to not let himself get distracted again, Roxas entered the kitchen and made a bee-line to the fridge in hopes of finding something without alcohol in it. The cool air hit his face and, for a brief moment, he couldn't decide if he should shut the door and give up on his bottle of a water or just grab it and wanted to stay heated; being warm meant good feelings. Defeated, he shut the door and sat on the island in front of the fridge, swaying to the music in the background and waiting for someone unsuspecting to come along to get the bottle.

"Hey, you alright?"

He paid no attention to the voice, either by choice or because he was far too lost in his happy world. It wasn't until the owner of said voice was standing before him did he notice that he wasn't alone.

"Axel," he muttered, attempting to stop himself from grinning.

"Yeah?"

"I want something to drink, but I can't reach the door." he said, an arm stretched out to emphasize his point. "Get it for me?"

"Get down and get it yourself," Axel retorted.

"I can't."

Axel raised an eyebrow, clearly not amused. "Why not?"

"The fridge is cold and I don't like being cold," he complained.

While this made perfect sense to Roxas, considering that he was thoroughly toasty in his one person dance party, it made none to Axel. Roxas could tell by the look on Axel's face that he was confused, so he leaned forward, putting on his famous pout and asking again.

"Can you get me some water?"

"Whatever," his ex-boyfriend sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Thank you!" Roxas smiled, his eyes wide and bright. "You're fucking amazing!"

"Yeah," Axel coughed. "How long have you been here anyways?"

"I don't know. Few hours, I think. Sora and Riku are here somewhere," he answered.

"I saw them. Didn't think they'd bring you with them."

"Disappointed, Axel?"

Axel, shocked, opened his mouth to answer. However, he was unable to get a word out as Roxas shut him up with an excited squeal as the music kicked back into overdrive. Axel stood wondering what just happened and where the Roxas he used to know was.

Following the supposedly drunk Roxas into the living room, Axel watched his every movement. The way he rocked with the beat, owning the music and the floor with one sway of his hips. He turned, paused with the music and let loose when the tempo sped up to something he could forget the world to. Roxas closed his eyes, taking in the music and energy of the people that had begun to dance with him. Axel, watching on the sidelines, felt a pang of jealousy.

Who were these people sandwiching Roxas' body? Who was dragging their hands along his sides, lifting his shirt and eliciting a giggle from the boy? Many questions ran through Axel's mind as he watched Roxas put on a show, but the most important one was- who was this boy?

Roxas slowly made his way from the crowd, sweat dripping from his forehead and a smile plastered to his face. He pulled the water bottle from his back pocket, twisting the top off and taking a swig. It was the best water Roxas had ever had in his life.

"You okay?" Axel asked, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall.

"Okay? I'm fabulous." Roxas responded.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

Closing his eyes and swallowing hard, Axel ignored the sarcastic reply.

"Walk with me," he said. "We're going outside."

"Okay!" Roxas shouted happily, dancing behind Axel as he led the way out the back door.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but it didn't stop him from trying to dance his way through the back yard. Rocks and bushes be damned, he wasn't going to let them ruin his fun. The only light was from the full moon overhead, shining down on the two as they made their way towards the end of the yard. A part of the yard that led to a place Roxas didn't want to remember or visit again.

"Why are we here?" he stopped short. "Axel, I don't want to be here."

"Come on!" Axel snapped.

"No," he stated.

"Roxas, stop being a bitch."

"I'm not being a bitch," Roxas said.

"Yeah," Axel breathed deeply. "You are."

Roxas shook his head, arms firmly pressed against his sides. It took all of his will power to force himself to think straight; to remind himself that the last time he visited 'their spot' it didn't end well. He didn't care what Axel had to say or wanted to do, he wasn't going to keep following like a lost puppy. Axel wasn't going to break him anymore than he already had.

"I'm going back to the house," Roxas said, turning around and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I need to find a friend."

Axel stood, unsure of what just happened. He watched Roxas as he began his retreat back towards the house and away from him for a second time. His slow stride turning into a walk with confidence, making Axel wonder what Roxas had taken on top of the alcohol he knew the boy had to drink. He wasn't entirely stupid; he knew that Roxas was at his house, at his party. Axel first spotted him dancing, after watching him emerge from a part of the house he'd never thought he'd see Roxas come from. Had he mixed his substances? If he had, he played it off fairly well.

That thought alone set off a chain reaction of more thoughts, ranging from, 'why the hell is he here?' , to 'what else has he taken?', to 'if he's holding his ground and aware of what's going on, how long has he been doing this?'.

Axel wanted answers and he wanted them before he completely lost Roxas to his house and this friend he had to find. Kicking his first against the grass, he practically ran to Roxas, extending a hand and wrapping his long fingers around Roxas' left wrist.

Roxas paused, trying to pull his arm away. He didn't like the feeling of cold skin against his heated flesh. It didn't feel right; it made him want to stick his arm in a fire just to get it hot again. Roxas needed to stay warm, his happiness depended on it. Until he could find his friend, of course.

"Rox," Axel said softly. "Please talk to me."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Something's are better left alone, Axel." Roxas told him, as seriously as he could in his state of mind, turning around to face his former flame. "This," he motioned between them, "is something that needs to be left alone."

What was he supposed to say to that? This wasn't the same boy he could run around on. No, this was someone that was more experienced with life. This was someone that knew how to play with his emotions, even after so long, and he hated it. Axel hated knowing that Roxas had this hold on him when he could've sworn that it had been the other way around.

"Please," Axel pleaded, tightening the grip on Roxas' wrist. "Just for a little while?"

"Why?" Roxas asked.

"Because,"

"Because? That doesn't tell me anything, Axel."

Axel looked away from the boy before him, completely put on the spot. "I miss you, Roxas."

"Ha. That's wonderful."

"I mean it. Please, come talk to me. I'll leave you alone after that."

"Promise?" Roxas stepped to the side, looking up at Axel, eyes wide and curious. It pained Axel to nod in agreement, but he did so anyway.

"Good, let's get this over with." Roxas smiled. "Lead the way."

The walk back down the yard felt longer than it ever had to Axel, and he almost wished that he hadn't gone after Roxas. He knew he'd screwed up years ago, but he didn't think that Roxas would ever leave him over it. So much for being an asshole and thinking that the world belonged to him, Roxas included. Axel wasn't entirely sure he was ready to talk about what happened years ago, but he knew that if he didn't take the opportunity when it presented itself.

It felt like hours had passed before they reached the old hammock by the lake; in reality it only been a short five minutes. The moon was shining with the intent of basking everything in white, including Roxas, who looked absolutely beautiful standing in front of the lake, swaying slightly. Axel couldn't help but stare, afraid of breaking the moment; it wasn't everyday he got to see Roxas so peaceful. He wanted to remember this for what it was worth because he wasn't sure if he'd ever get a chance to see it again.

"What'd you want to talk about?" Roxas asked, walking towards the hammock, his fingers dancing along the strings keeping it in place.

"That night," Axel muttered.

"I should have known." he whispered, sitting down, feeling slightly awkward since the last time he'd seen this place Axel was deeply involved with someone he'd never seen before. And it definitely wasn't him.

Axel stood, arms crossed, leaning against one of the trees holding the hammock up. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Roxas whispered.

"What?"

Roxas inhaled heavily, steadying himself and the hammock, before looking up in Axel's direction. "That night... you looked up, you saw me, Axel. The surprise in your eyes, the realization that I'd finally caught you, it was enough for me to know then that you were sorry. Sorry for getting caught, I'm sure."

Axel blinked. Seriously?

"Rox-"

"No, Axel. Just," he sighed, "listen to me for a second."

"Okay," he said.

"I knew you were a player going into the relationship. I knew you weren't loyal. I knew I would have to share you with anyone - male or female - that came along with a nice ass." Roxas stopped, trying to collect himself.

Alcohol made you more honest about things in life, especially when it came to the hardships, but adding in his selected drug of choice, it made things harder. He wanted to spill everything he'd thought over the last two years and he couldn't because that would be too much.

Pushing the hammock back and forth out of habit, he watched the small ripples on the lake as the wind hit it. "I knew all this, but I still loved you. You were the only one to see me for who I was, and at the time, I didn't even know who that was. I was lost, scared, and so confused. And there you were."

Axel listened as Roxas coughed, the pain in his voice almost too much for him to deal with. He wanted to speak, wanted to tell Roxas that he didn't have to continue if he didn't want. At the same time, however, he wanted to know what Roxas had to say. No matter how much it hurt him.

"You were everything to me," the younger male stated quietly. "I couldn't imagine what you wanted with me, but I didn't care, someone was paying attention to me and it felt nice. I thought I could change you, but I was young, naive, and so incredibly wrong. Y'know, you were my life, Axel."

Roxas chuckled to himself; this was unbelievable. Axel had no reason knowing these things.

"That evening," Roxas choked, "my dad died, Axel."

That cut him like a knife to the chest. Axel could feel his heart fall into his stomach, which was churning, thanks to alcohol and years of guilt.

"I wanted... no, I needed someone to hold me, to be there for me, to tell me that it was going to be okay. I came to see you, to tell you, to have some kind of support while my life was falling apart. He died, Axel. It was sudden, a car crash, and then I was here and you were with that girl."

Roxas sniffled, bringing up a hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I felt like my life was over. I knew you cheated on me before, but I didn't know you would be careless enough to get caught. Sucks that it had to be when I needed you most, yeah?"

It grew silent, save for an owl hooting in the distance. Roxas couldn't talk anymore, everything hurt. Why had he agreed to this? He was supposed to back in the house with a bump on the table with his name on it. That would make everything better; that would make his life seem worth it. Roxas knew it was a temporary euphoria, but it was better than nothing.

Axel took the couple steps toward Roxas and lowered himself to sit on the ground in front of him. Roxas looked down at him, their eyes meeting, and Axel swore everything he'd even done wrong in his life was amplified. One look was all it took for him to lose himself, and it left them both wondering why Axel was as upset Roxas was.

"Axel?"

"Yeah?"

"Your turn," he said, creating designs on the fabric of his pants.

Axel couldn't help but smile when he felt like puking. Leave it to Roxas to try to lighten the mood.

"I..." he started. "What do I say to that?"

Seriously, he was at a loss for words. This was a first.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. I really am. I was stupid, but don't think I didn't care about you, because I did and I still do."

Confessing was a lot harder than he imagined it would be. Axel would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about this day before, because he had, and all it took was a simple I'm sorry, let's fuck to get them back to where they were before. But this, oh, it was more difficult after learning why Roxas came to him on a school night when his parents would have normally forced him inside as soon as the sun went down. This changed everything.

Axel pushed himself up, positioning himself so that he was seated on bent knees, bringing him closer to Roxas. He grasped Roxas' hands within his own before continuing.

"That night, Roxas, I realized that I was falling hard and I didn't know to cope with the idea of actually wanting to be with one person. It was, fuck, how do I put this? I wanted to be the person you thought I was. I didn't want to run around anymore and that scared me. I felt like I was losing myself."

Axel tightened his grip, knowing that no amount of excuses or reasons behind his actions would change the situation or how Roxas viewed him. "I just graduated high school and I was supposed to be on top of the world, going out and exploring, being free for the first time. I couldn't imagine myself being exclusively tied to one person, and I know that isn't an excuse, but back then I didn't know what to do. I cheated. I needed to stay available. Not just that night, but during our entire relationship."

Roxas sat, staring blankly down at their conjoined hands, listening and taking in every single word Axel said.

When did Axel start shaking?

"When you found us, my world was over. I knew you were leaving me, Roxas. I could tell by the tears. Though I thought, at that time, that they were over actually finding me in the act instead of hearsay. I didn't know it was because of your dad, obviously.

"I'd fallen in love with this beautiful person and I ruined it because I was scared. I knew how you felt about me, but I didn't care. I was so fucking stupid. Hell, I still am. I'm so sorry, Roxas."

Axel swallowed the lump of air that had slowly formed in the back of his throat. He could feel the tears threatening to fall, but it didn't bother him. It wouldn't be the first time he'd cried over Roxas and he was sure it wouldn't be the last time.

"What do we do now?" Roxas whispered.

"I don't know," Axel answered, so quiet it had almost been missed.

They stayed, Roxas on the hammock and Axel on the ground, hands locked together for what felt like eternity. It was growing colder and the moon was beginning to descend to allow the sun to take its place in a few short hours.

"I guess," Axel spoke, "this is the part where I leave you alone like I promised."

Roxas could hear how sad Axel's voice was; how tired he sounded.

"Yeah," the younger agreed.

"I'll see you some other time then," Axel said, releasing his hold on Roxas, standing up, dusting himself off, and walking off towards the path in the woods that lead back to the house.

Roxas nodded, though in the dark, his action went unnoticed.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked aloud, allowing his tears to flow freely.

At some point, during the walk back, Axel decided that the party was officially over. And he didn't care how many people he pissed off. They could take whatever they wanted of the drinks left, but he wanted them gone. Axel wanted to be alone.

He could hear people talking on the back porch, so they were the first ones told. A series of "really, dude?", "that's so fucking uncool!", "'mma needta be more drunked!" came from his guests. His only response was that if the house wasn't cleared in fifteen minutes, he'd personally call the cops and bust his own party.

Dirty looks, glares, and some random drunk trying to fight him over his decision to end the party gave him a headache. It wasn't bad enough that he'd sobered up slightly or that he had tear stains on his face and red eyes, but these people wanted to make things worse for him. In his mind, this was karma's way of getting back at him.

"Party's over!" he yelled once he reached the living room. Axel flicked on the over head lights and told the DJ to turn everything off and pack up. People groaned, moaned, swore, and gave him the worst time.

He watched as people scrambled to find all their belongings, dash around to shove all the booze into their bags and pockets that could fit, and wake up people that had passed out from drinking too much. He didn't care that he was ending their night; they could always go to the bar if they really felt the need to get more fucked up. What they did after they left his house was of no concern to him.

"Fucking finally," he muttered as he watched the last person stumble down the porch.

Turning to head upstairs, he paused when he felt a gentle tug on the back of his shirt. Axel groaned, obviously annoyed that someone was still there and probably had no way to get home until morning. Just his luck.

"Sleep on the couch," he said coldly.

"Axel?" Roxas' voice was quiet. "You know I can't sleep on the couch."

"I thought you left," was the given response.

"Yeah, I wanted to leave, but... Sora's car isn't here."

"Oh," Axel breathed. "That sucks. Try calling him?"

"I did. Riku answered and told me to stop ruining the moment, said you wouldn't mind if I slept on the couch."

At that, Axel laughed. A deep, rumbling laugh that he'd been holding in ever since he started telling people to leave. Life really, really hated him.

"C'mon, Rox." he said, turning to grab Roxas' hand, effectively pulling him upstairs with some difficulty. Stairs are a bitch when off the rocker. "I won't bother you anymore after tomorrow. I'll keep my promise."

Entering the room, turning on the lights and shutting the door behind him, Axel tried to keep as much distance between himself and Roxas as he could. Roxas, on the other hand, was making this attempt harder than it needed to be until he decided to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, Ax?"

"Hm?"

"I don't want you to keep your promise," Roxas whispered.

End note, most of drug related stories are true, experienced by myself or stories of friends. And, I was probably messed up when I wrote half of this. I hope it wasn't that bad.

review, please and thank you.
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