All Messed Up - Healing

Ronin swung the sword. Aaron blocked him, shoved him back. Ronin skidded up against a tree, and his second in command descended, the point lined up with Ronin's throat. Ronin, panting, stared up.

'Great. Just when I was starting to look like I know what I'm doing.'

'Again,' Aaron said, hauling Ronin to his feet. 'Move your feet more.'

'Who's businesslike now,' Ronin muttered, as the leafman swung for him and forced him to move – and fast. Ronin couldn't help but be proud. Aaron had really come into his own. Ronin could remember him as a recruit who was terrified of squirrels. Ronin practically skipped backwards to escape the blade, caught his heel on a root and fell hard. Aaron stood over him.

'I'm not even going to bother showing you what happens next,' Aaron said, rolling his eyes, he lowered his sword.

'I think I can work it for myself,' Ronin nodded.

Something zipped by at speed. Ronin turned. Two kids on a bumblebee.

'D'you think he's remembered how to wipe yet-' their laughter faded around a tree. Ronin had just about identified them. He made a mental note. They'd regret that comment later.

'Come on, Ronin,' Aaron said, throwing Ronin his sword. 'They're kids. They don't know any better.'

'They know better than to be rude.'

'Apparently they don't,' Aaron said. 'Again.'

Ronin just nodded, and rolling his shoulders to get a crick out of the muscles, he prepared to lose again.

000

He came home tired and sore. When he closed the front door, he could hear Ma bustling around the kitchen, rearranging pots and pans. She'd moved out since he'd relearned how to do the basics, but now and again she popped back for a spot of upkeep. Ronin surprised her, and taking her hand he gave it a squeeze.

'Ma, I can more or less manage you know. Ma...are these for MK? You want me to take them over?'

He toed a basket of freshly laundered sheets.

'If you will. She needs them. She's looking awfully thin Ronin. I thought she could use a bit of help.'

'I know, Ma. She's got some kind of...disorder. So the queen says. Keep that to yourself.'

'Oh, a disorder,' Ma nodded. 'Is it one of those...eating troubles girls have?'

'Something like that,' Ronin nodded. 'I think Nod not getting much better is what's done it. Keep that to yourself too.'

'Who am I gong to tell, Ronin?' ma cocked an eyebrow at him. 'Other than the flowers or the stove. My friends just aren't interested, son.'

Ronin offered her a little smile.

'I know, Ma. If it got out, I just don't want her to think it's come from me, if other people get to hear about it.'

'You've got a soft spot for her, haven't you?'

'She's like a daughter to me.'

Ma nodded. She could see through him, but she was good enough not to say what she was seeing.

'Well. I'll be gone in a bit. Almost done.'

Ronin gave her shoulder a little squeeze.

'Son?' she called, as he walked away. 'How did your training go?'

'Badly. I kept losing.'

'Well, you'll get it.'

'You know Aarons mother, don't you?'

'I sure do.'

Ronin rolled a sore shoulder, and rubbing it, he said;

'Tell her to be proud of her son, will you? Phrase is right, it didn't come from me. But that lad has promise. And a very strong right hook.'

Ma hid a smile in a turn back to the sink.

'I will.'

000

Ronin leaned back on MK's sofa.

'Where's Nod?'

'Gone to stay with his aunt for a week. She finally agreed to take him to give me a break.'

'So you spend it cleaning?' Ronin tutted. The house had been turned upside down and she was in the middle of scrubbing it down. 'You look like you need to rest.'

'I don't feel that great,' she admitted. 'Don't tell him. He's doing so well. I just need a break, Ronin. I'll be fine.'

'Will you?' Ronin asked. 'Really? You're not convincing me,' his tone turned challenging. 'Why aren't you eating properly?'

MK ducked away from his gaze. She couldn't believe the queen had told him.

'She shouldn't have told you that.'

'Well she did. She said she tried healing you, and it worked. But then you stopped eating again. She wanted me to have a word with you. I told her I can't. I'm not your Dad. I am your friend though. Aren't I?'

MK sighed.

'Yes,' she said.

Ronin's jaw tightened. Here it comes, MK thought. And she was right.

'Then what the bloody hell do you think you're doing! Do you even realize what a precious gift you've been given. And now, you're throwing it back in her face by abusing yourself.'

'I'm not throwing it back,' MK said helplessly. 'I just can't eat-'

Ronin's eyes narrowed.

'Because of Nod?'

'No!' MK said quickly.

'Why then.'

'Look, I've always had it. It just gets worse when I'm tired or stressed out, that's all!'

'MK, if you don't eat I'm going to make sure you eat. Even if I have to force feed you myself.'

MK stared at him. Then she whispered;

'Why do you care so much?'

'Oh for heaven's sakes- many leaves, MK. Or did you forget that part? I promised I'd take care of Nod. You're part of his life, so I take care of you too. Even if it means making you feel worse until you get some sense!'

'Just part of his life?'

Ronin finally lost it. He sighed through his nose and turned to look her right in the eyes.

'Make your mind up, MK. It's making you sick.'

'Why are you being so mean?'

Ronin wanted to yell at her, but what good would it do? Her big green eyes were filling with tears. Finally, he settled on the only thing he knew might work. Uncomfortably, he said;

'Because I love you,' he shrugged. 'Does it make it easier when you can hear it?'

MK stared at him. She'd never seen him fidget so.

'Look. The cat's out of the bag. Will you just eat?'

'I'll try,' she whispered. 'Ronin...if it wasn't for Nod-'

He turned. The implication hung there, frustrating, tantalizing.

'Make your mind up,' he said, a bit more gently.

000

Later, lying in bed, Ronin wished he'd been a bit more gentle with her. He wondered if she was OK. If she was sleeping. If she was alone. He wondered a lot of things while he lay waiting for rest to come and claim him. He dozed off just before dawn. And the next day, he had to make amends, which wasn't any fun. He left a bunch of flowers on the doorstep, and scrubbing at his face he mounted Black, and escaped before she could catch him.

MK did catch him though. Much later, when Ma had let herself out, a little knock at the door alerted him to the inevitable. She'd come to...gulp...talk. He opened it, seeing no choice. And MK handed him a pastry, which he took.

'Can I come in?'

'Mmm,' he nodded. When she was inside and he'd shut the door, he stood uncomfortably in the doorway. 'MK. I was...quite hard on you.'

'No,' she shook her head. 'You were right. I get it. I know it's a problem. I know I need to get through it. It's just made it so hard, what with Nod being so sick. I guess in some ways...I just wanted to get out.'

Ronin spread his hands wide,

'Then why didn't you just tell me? Tell someone. We'd have helped you.'

'Nod...didn't want anyone to know. And I was so tired...I just went with it. Ronin, I'm sorry. For a bit, when Nod was puking up all day and you were out cold, I nearly-'

Ronin sighed at the implication. Then he sank to sit beside her. Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he finally turned his head to look into her eyes.

'MK,' he said then, 'you've grown up in some ways, but you're still a kid really.'

She screwed up her nose.

'Thanks. I think.'

'Don't get me wrong. You're a mature kid. A kid with a lot of sense. Just...take it as a bloody compliment, alright? And come here.'

MK went, cuddling up to his side.

'Nothings going to be the same for me. I've come to terms with that fact now. You lose half your mind like this, and something changes. You cant go back,' he gave her a little smile. 'Life does that. It throws you twists and turns, it's like riding a dragon without a leash. Plenty of times I could have given up. I always figured...staying alive would piss my enemies off more than dying.'

MK nestled into the crook of his neck. She breathed in the familiar smell of Ronin.

'I think I made more enemies than friends, but what the hell. Life is what it is. Do me a favor and take yours by the bollocks, before the other end gets out its adult teeth.'

'Is this a pep talk?' she murmured against his jaw. 'Because I'm distracted.'

Ronin changed from relaxed to aware in a split moment. He didn't move so much as a muscle. She'd never guess what he was thinking. But he could feel her vibe had changed, and he liked it.

'Ronin? Did you and Tara ever get married?'

'No,' he said softly.

'You seemed so...in love...when you were holding her. Why didn't you?'

'I don't know,' he admitted. 'I think if I'd asked...'

'I know she would have,' MK reassured him.

'It would've been a short marriage,' he said, to distract himself from the pain. The ever present ache that was the lack of Tara.

'So?' MK said. 'It doesn't matter if it's short. Just that it matters.'

'Now who's giving who a pep talk? MK? Why don't you just have what you want. And when Nod comes back, neither of us has to tell him what's happened.'

MK looked at him.

'Who's going to know?' he went on. 'Feel free to slap me now.'

MK's hand snaked over his chest.

'You're joking,' she said. 'Are you saying you want to...with me...'

'Yes,' he said. 'Now would be a good time to tell me to back off. Or I'm going to kiss you, and hopefully, you'll tell me what you actually want.'

'OK,' MK said, breathlessly.

Ronin turned his head.

Sure hands found their way under her clothes. They were toasty warm, calloused, lovely. She hadn't been expecting him to feel so...experienced. She'd always figured he was single, and probably stayed that way most of the time. But what he was doing with his hands and his tongue implied he had more contact with the opposite sex than anyone knew about.

Nod always looked into her eyes when they made love. MK wasn't expecting Ronin to do the same. But he did. And there was something shining in the depths that turned this from sex with the opportunity, into something more like bonding. Being pushed onto the sofa was nice, but it was a surprise when he carried her into the bedroom. It was almost romantic, and she liked it. She liked it more when he kicked the door shut and in the gathering dark, stripped his shirt off and joined her in the cool sheets. Like an octopus, his hands were everywhere. MK found herself giving in to curiosity. She'd never been one to touch Nod, much. He liked it sweet and simple, and though he was romantic, there wasn't quite the passion MK had always hoped for. She'd sort of resigned herself to that.

Ronin, on the other hand, seemed to like the heat and the need growing between them, and he was doing everything he could to fan the flames. Until MK had redefined her personal ideas about shame, and was panting almost helplessly into his ear while a thick finger did something unspeakable between her legs.

If MK had had many female friends to discuss it with she might have described Nod as a two- or three trick pony. Only because he had his preferences and he was happy that way. Then Ronin rolled her over, and stroking those big, warm hands down her waist he encouraged her to move her hips. Before long, all thoughts of Nod had left the building.

She found herself leaning down to kiss him, moaning into his mouth when he played with bits of her that had rarely seen any action. Suddenly it seemed like there was a whole world outside Nod that she hadn't experienced, and she wanted it. Then pinned under his body, MK grabbed his ass, squeezed the glorious muscles across his back, dug her nails into his shoulders until he made a wonderful little noise in her ear. Breathing encouragement into his, she was delighted when her thighs began to tremble on their own, and her body spontaneously decided she wanted him deeper, and harder.

The way he took her, she thought, it was a miracle he didn't hurt her. Then it was over. She was trying not to yell too loudly, and trembling in the cage of his arms.

Afterwards, still tangled, MK brushed fingertips up and down his chest. Her face was stuck to him, like the rest of her. She didn't care. He smelled divine, like something she wanted to eat. Or maybe just lick. And rumbling in her ear, as his fingers crept over her thigh, he said gently;

'I'm not hearing a no. Or a 'get off me, Ronin,' he teased.

'You're not likely to.'

'Get on top of me,' he breathed. 'I want to watch you.'

000

MK woke to the fresh, chilly morning light. At some time during the night, Ronin must have pulled the sheets up over them. She didn't remember doing it. He was breathing softly near her ear, fast asleep. MK didn't want to move. She watched him sleep. His face gone slack, relaxed, he looked so young. She had to admit, he was older than the guys she normally ogled. But seeing him now in the light, she found him sexy all the same. Then his eyelids fluttered and he looked down at her, blearily. He smiled, and cuddled her closer. Then there was a creak from the corridor, and the bedroom door was pushed open.

'Oh Shit!' MK yelped.

Nod, backed by his aunt, were the last people she wanted to see. Ronin was up in a flash, leaving her half naked. Before he could grab the sheet for her and whisper an apology, MK found a shirt to cover herself with. Nod's eyes were cold, and dark, and without feeling.

MK hid behind Ronin. Later she'd call herself a coward but for now, the thick arm that separated her from her murderous ex boyfriend was comforting. Ronin held a hand up.

'You can hit me later, Nod. But outside, away from her.'

'I'm gonna do worse than hit you, you bastard-'

'You can try,' Ronin agreed, his jaw set.

Nod wheeled himself into the kitchen, and slammed the bedroom door behind him. MK was shaking when Ronin took her by the arms.

'Come on, it's OK, it's OK,' he soothed.

'I know why you did it,' she whispered, shaking. 'You wanted me to make my mind up.'

Ronin shook his head.

'Get with the program, will you? I did it because I wanted to. You wanted to. Learning from it is something else. Something you've got to deal with.'

'I don't want it to only be one night,' she said softly.

Ronin leaned in then, and despite her tears and the situation waiting outside, he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

'This is going to be messier than a laxative overdose.'

'Your sense of humour only comes out at shit moments.'

They stared at each other, realising what they'd said. Snorting with laughter wasn't exactly in keeping with the situation, but it did break the tension.

Nod was waiting. He was out of the wheelchair, and wobbly enough that making any sudden movements would probably make him fall over, but he punched Ronin all the same. Nod was too manly to lean on something, but MK could see he needed to. Ronin didn't do anything.

'Nod, I'm so sorry-' MK tried, hoping it might ease the situation a bit. 'Please believe me, I didn't mean for this to happen. It just...happened...'

'Come on MK. You were saying his name,' Nod tossed the next spitefully at them both, 'did she tell you that? I bet she didn't. I left because she couldn't take her bloody mind off you.'

'I didn't do this to hurt you,' Ronin said calmly.

'Well. That's an epic fail then isn't it.'

'I tried to get you back together,' Ronin said. 'It didn't work.'

Nod gazed at them. Then, before his voice could break completely, he said;

'You make a shitty couple. The old man and the crazy bitch. I can't wait to hear what people have to say about you, MK.'

'Nothing I haven't heard before,' MK snapped back.

'Here's one then. Put some fucking weight on and you might actually be attractive-'

Ronin groaned, 'Nod, stop it. You'll regret it later-'

'Like everything else then,' Nod said. 'Get the hell out of my house, Ronin.'

Ronin glanced down at MK. She looked back, her big green eyes full of fear. Ronin didn't want to leave her. He'd seen Nod angry, and it wasn't a pretty situation to leave her in. On the other hand, the chance to talk might straighten them out. So, reluctantly, he squeezed her hand and buttoning his shirt by the door, he took a last glance at them and left.

'It's over.'

The words echoed round her skull like a bunch of rotten fireflies. Tears coming too thick to speak properly, MK just nodded.

'I mean...why! Why him? It's fucking Ronin! He's old.'

MK finally got angry.

'Because he's nice,' she sobbed. 'Because he makes me laugh. Because he's a gentleman. Because he makes love to me, he doesn't just fuck me.'

'I might have, if you'd fucking wanted it.'

'You don't get it. I don't want to swap one for the other, Nod. I can't help it if I fell in love!'

'Oh great! So now, its love is it? Not just a fuck.'

'No it isn't a fuck,' MK sighed. She gestured to the door helplessly. 'He was trying to help.'

'I'm sorry, I'm missing something. MK. He's fucking my girlfriend. Ex, girlfriend.'

'Once,' MK shook her head. 'He only kissed me because I told him I was dreaming about him. He was trying to get me to decide and settle back down with you.'

'Well he's got a funny fucking method, hasn't he. So have you, come to think of it.'

'Nod. I love you. It's not like I spend one night with him and that stops.'

'That's the point. When you love someone, you don't spend the night with his fucking...his...'

MK wanted to cry. He was going to say Dad. She'd wrecked everything.

'I'm sorry,' she said softly. 'I'm so sorry, Nod.'

'Too late,' he said, his eyes filling with tears.

000

Three days later, MK turned up with a suitcase and knocked on Ronin's door. She looked guilty, and drained. He leaned on the wall.

'I'm sorry,' she said, nervously. 'It was a better idea than going to ask the queen for help. I don't have anyone else to go to.'

Ronin came towards her, and gently put both hands on her arms.

'He actually kicked me out,' she admitted. Roning sought her eyes.

'I can see.'

'I didn't think he would. I guess...maybe it is over. Ronin...can I stay here until I find somewhere to live?'

He pulled her into a hug and MK smiled softly into his shirt.

'One day this family is going to get itself sorted. I'm sure of it. I think.'

MK laughed.

'Doubtful,' she said.

MK smiled when he gestured two ways.

'There's a sofa,' he said. 'Or a bed. I'm going to be occupying the bed, so if you feel the need to keep warm and maybe busy, that's a good way to go. If not, I suggest this very comfortable pull-out arrangement,' he smirked. 'I'm not making a move on you,' e held both hands up. 'Not much. It's a joke.'

Mk laughed.

'Rare and well worth the wait.'

'Treasure it, it doesn't happen very often.'

'I think it happens more now than it used to,' MK perched on the sofa. 'Where's your Ma?'

'Gone home. Now I can do up my own shoes and make my dinner.'

'Discharged from duty,' MK smirked.

'With excellent references,' he agreed.

MK leaned in to put her head on his shoulder.

'How's Nod?' he asked her gently.

'Angry. With me. You...I'm not so sure what he thinks of you. I'm so sorry, Ronin. I think I've messed everything up for you and Nod.'

'You didn't tango alone, kid,' he put an arm around her. 'Maybe he'll mend in time. When he comes back to work he'll have plenty to think about, I'll see to that.'

MK shook her head at him, fondly.

'You miss it, don't you. Are you going back, then?'

'My first love,' he said. 'Besides. If I don't, a year pissing about between house and garden is likely to kill me.'

MK sighed.

'I really should get a career going before I become a housewife...or worse, full time mother of ten to some...God, I don't know. Nevermind. Ignore me.'

Ronin mused.

'You could always sign up for the leaf men.'

MK shook her head.

'Don't they have to be a bit...younger than I am?'

Ronin stared at her.

'You're joking. I trained a thirty two year old last year.'

'Did he get in?'

'Damn right he did. Only because I drilled him until he nearly died. But he did it. One of the best shots I have.'

'I'd look shit in green.'

Ronin shrugged.

'It's up to you. But it's a career. And it's a way of life, too. If domestic bliss doesn't suit you, then that's a good alternative. Think about it.'

MK nodded. She hadn't really given it any serious thought before.

The dark came, and Ronin's house became quiet and warm. The open fire in the hearth crackled gently. He settled beside her on the sofa, handed her a glass of something rich and green, and when she sipped it she could have sworn it had a kick added to it. She didn't care. It was making her relax. She put her head on his shoulder and smiled up at him idly.

'When do you go back, then?'

'A few weeks. Aaron is giving me the run around. Literally. The kid's so fast.'

'You were once, too. You'll get it back.'

'Your faith is inspiring,' Ronin's lips tilted up.

MK lost herself in the soft talk then. She let it wash over her and found herself smiling for the first time in weeks. When he put down the empty glass, he plucked hers out of her hand too and put it on the table.

'You're drunk,' he observed.

'I am?'

'Mmm. As a mayfly in a barrel of beer.'

'I'm not, I'm fine, I-' MK tailed off.

She wasn't quite sure when she'd made the decision to follow Ronin into the bedroom, or how she'd ended up covered by his warm, strong body.

'Never make love to her while she's drunk,' he said softly, in her ear. MK could feel his lips.

'I'm not that drunk.'

'Yes you are,' he said, disappearing under the sheets. MK whimpered when he pulled her leggings down and tossed them off the side of the bed.

'I don't think it applies to this,' he said, before he descended, and everything except what Ronin was doing paled into insignificance.

MK woke before the sun had come up. She was pressed, half dressed against Ronin, who breathed slow and evenly. Cuddling a bit closer, MK smiled softly into his ribs. She couldn't sleep, but it didn't matter. She wondered if Nod would forgive. He'd never forget, she was sure of that. She slid carefully out of bed for the loo. When she came back, Ronin rolled into her and enclosed her in a gentle cuddle. MK kissed his throat affectionately.

'Sleepy man,' she breathed.

'Half sleeping,' he corrected her, his voice husky.

'What're you doing?' he teased, finding her neck to give it a nibble.

'Dreaming,' MK smiled at the ceiling.

'Mmm. Me too,' he said, and before long he was taking the rest of her clothes off.

000

MK stared up and down the line. Twenty new recruits, who tried to stand to attention without overbalancing. Dressed in the drips and drabs, colour and skins. Half of them looked like they wouldn't make it through the first week. She wasn't so sure she was going to either. The sun glinted off the crescent moon on Ronin's helmet. MK couldn't believe how different he looked here. A far cry from the softypie who made her breakfast, and had greeted her the night before with a sudden, passionate kiss. He said it marked the swap, from commander to boyfriend. She could go with that.

Still, she had her doubts about whether she could separate the two so well. Especially when he was standing over her, an hour later, his voice laced with a vague threat that worse awaited if she didn't complete the course. She honestly doubted if her heart could take it. And she doubted it every day for a week. But when she was sent away to survive in the wild, she missed him. She missed his warmth and how he'd run a bath and pull her in with him, rub her back and then rub lower until she was wriggling.

Crawling through muddy undergrowth was easier, actually, when she remembered that it could only last so long. At the end of the dark, watery tunnels, Ronin was standing with a hand to drag you up. Puppy love started to morph into something more lasting. Something she realised she'd never have found without this. Respect.

Eight weeks later he found her in a line of women, and knocked a wooden sword against hers. Holding it up ready, his eyes said everything. Show me what you can do. Ronin was an onslaught, but his eyes reminded her that the enemy would do worse. Be faster, he'd told her, a few days before. I'm strong, so be faster. Turn my strength against me. MK thought privately, there were a lot of ways to do that with a guy. But by God he was strong, she realised, when he pinned her against a tree by her shoulders.

'Faster,' he hissed.

Much later, when she was bent double, her backside against a tree, Ronin grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her upright. He ignored the tears in her eyes, and pushed her into the wood. MK knew him well enough to see it was carefully calculated. His eyes were almost unfamiliar. That actually made it easier.

'It isn't going to end,' he promised her.

Then a glance left and right and he kissed her.

'Stay with me,' he breathed, and was gone before she could say anything.

Stay with me, it repeated in her head. Stay with me. Surging up from the depths came broken determination. What was worse had already been done. She peered around the tree to where he sat, his back to her, around the fire. Losing him would be the end of her. Every day he walked into situations that could take him away. MK thought of her Mum's body, lying inert in the coffin. Like meat on a slab, barely Mum. Empty and without the spark that had contained all the love. If she could do anything to keep Ronin safe, she could do it here. Not waiting at home, hoping for news.

She walked back to the fire and sat down. Somebody handed her food and she took it. Ronin's eyes met hers briefly over the fire. And a little nod reminded her she'd done the right thing.

END

AN - I know a few people are following this story. I've had requests to put more to it. When I conceived of this story it was only meant to last 3 chapters. I feel the story's told! The only other thing that I may do is branch into another story from this one at a later date. 3 parters are good to write because they don't take forever, they can be a bit longer than one-shots, and they can contain a bit of character development and drama without you having to delve in so deep into the world and the plot you don't do anything else for days ;)

I write by watching the characters, then when I have their 'voice,' I almost act myself to get them speaking and reacting to each other. Until I can buy the film, continuing this without them slipping out of character is going to be very hard. I'd rather it didn't slip out of character ;)

Thanks to everyone who reviewed.