Chapter 1

(3 days ago)

He ran his fingers down from the top of her shoulder down the end of her arm and back up to her neck to gently touch her face. The sun rays that came through the French doors of the bedroom gave her a luminous glow and he thought she couldn't be more beautiful. They hadn't known each other a long time, but he felt like he'd known her forever. Although he was attracted to her upon first meeting her, he never thought they would be here lying next to each other after a wonderful night of lovemaking. He never thought he'd feel this way, but he knew he was falling fast.

Joss stirred in her sleep and slowly fluttered her eyes open to see him watching her. Her brown eyes met his green ones and she smiled. "Were you watching me sleep?" She reached up to touch his face and ran her fingers through his sandy blonde locks.

With sleep still in his voice that made his southern accent a bit more prevalent and a bit deeper, he drawled, "Just admiring the view. I'm glad you're awake. I thought I would have to use more creative ways to get you to wake up."

He flashed a smile at her and she smiled back lifting slightly to meet him as he leaned down to kiss her on the lips. "I think the power came back on while we were asleep. I'm going to grab a quick shower and hopefully you'll join me."

"I guess you'll just have to wait and find out," she playfully teased as sat herself up on her forearms.

She watched as he moved out of the bed and decided to 'admire the view' herself. He was handsome, charming, and was in incredible shape. Clearly he worked out and the stamina he had from the night before proved that. She blushed to herself and watched him until he left her line of sight making his way to the bathroom. She heard him start the shower and she threw herself back into the pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

Why am I here? Why did I write that stupid list and why am I attempting to scratch off each item on that ridiculous list? She asked herself. She realized that while she was having fun and felt lighter than she had over the past few months, running away and using this man as a distraction wasn't the answer. When she went back home, the problems that she left there would still be there upon her return. If anything, things will probably be in worse shape when she returned. She sighed. At least she didn't have any nightmares last night. She had a dreamless sleep and she was thankful for that.

"Joss! Are you gonna join me or what?" she heard him yell from the shower, tearing her away from her musings. She chuckled to herself and thought, Why not one more go 'round?

"I'm coming, Ethan!" she yelled as she got out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom and sauntered her way to the shower. He'd already began to lather up his body and the problems she left in New York City evaporated from her mind as she took in the sight of him. Good lord, this man is beautiful she thought. He looked at her and winked. "Like what you see?" He pulled her in the shower and kissed her passionately as the warm water pulsated down her back.

(15 Days Ago)

Jocelyn Carter was tired. Deep down to the bones tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Her body was still sore from digging up a year old grave over a week ago and the BC Powder she had taken earlier did nothing for her. She was mentally tired from all the lying and cover ups she's had to do to not only cover her and Fusco's tracks, but to also cover the vigilante work of John and Harold. And she was emotionally tired by all the death that was surrounding her.

It had been a week since she'd returned Bear to Finch and immediately got rid of her muddy boots and clothing. The nightmares weren't as vivid anymore, but they were still present. After digging up Stills' body, she went back to work the very next day and focused fully on cold cases and also on Beecher and Szymanski's murders. She'd done anything and everything to keep her mind occupied. But today all she could do was stare at the pile of unfinished paperwork on her desk and knew she wasn't going to get anything done. She felt like she was on autopilot.

There was a reason Joss was working herself to exhaustion. She felt as if- no, she knew that she was starting to lose herself. She went from tip toeing the other side of the law to fully crossing the line with everything she did for John when he was locked up at Riker's, to her most recent actions of digging up and moving a dead body to keep Fusco from going to jail and losing his badge.

When exactly had the lines blurred so much? Yes, she was helping people, saving lives and she felt good about that. She once was able to quiet her nagging conscience because she knew she was helping people and preventing murders before they could happen. But these days it seemed like what once worked for her, Fusco, John, and Finch was no longer working. She couldn't help but wonder why they were too late to save Szymanski and Beecher and the victims that had been murdered recently.

I need a vacation. She thought to herself. Why not? She hadn't taken any time off in a while and her PTO hours continued to pile up. Maybe Taylor and I could go to my grandmother's beach cottage in Charleston. That would be fun. Good seafood, cool sea breezes, and some welcoming warm weather and sunshine. Besides, Taylor would be out of school for spring break and she didn't really have anything planned. This would be a pleasant surprise for him and a much needed getaway for her. They hadn't visited her father's family down south in a few years. She smiled to herself as she put in a request to take two weeks off and turned it in for approval. Satisfied with that she tried to put a better effort in her work.

"Carter! I need you to go out to a scene on 54th and Lexington. We've got three fresh bodies," said the captain.

She inwardly sighed. Three homicides in one night? These three would bring the homicide total to eight in two weeks. Fusco was already uptown working on a case- a love triangle gone badly, so she would be without her partner on this one. She put her gun in her holster, shrugged on her black overcoat and headed to the crime scene.

54th & Lexington

Joss got out of her cruiser and walked over to the crime scene where she saw Detective Terney.

"You finally ditch your partner?" he asked.

She sighed. She was not in the mood for their usual banter. "Fusco's uptown working a case- love triangle gone bad," she replied.

"Any of those ever go good?" Terney joked.

"Can't imagine they do." She got back to the topic on hand, "What happened here?"

"Two of the bodies belong to Elias, the other is an innocent."

Elias? Something about this stinks, she thought. "Think it's the Russians?"

"It's possible, but Elias has pissed off so many people." Terney turned to face her and said, "Listen, Carter I've hearing from people that you've been looking into Beecher's murder?"

She felt uneasy about him questioning her about Beecher. She didn't know who to trust anymore and promptly brushed him off. "What I do in my off time isn't your concern, Terney."

"No, no, no. I'm not looking to bust your balls. I just want you to know, if you need help I'm more than happy to give you a hand."

"Thanks." She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and felt like she was being watched. She looked up to see John watching them in the shadows before turning to enter an alleyway. "You know, I'm gonna uh… canvas up the block. See if I can get anybody to talk."

Many different emotions ran through her as she made her way to the alley. The last time she saw John in person was after she and Beecher saved Finch on Owen Island from the serial killer. They didn't even speak. It was a brief nod of thanks from afar as he and Finch got in the car to leave. The last conversation they had was last week over the phone and that left her with a sour taste in her mouth. She didn't really want to call him, but needed his support or at least his assurance about what she decided to do for Fusco. She used to be able to get feedback from him before, but ever since she tried to get him out of that bomb vest he'd avoided her. What could he possibly want from her now? She felt tense, agitated, angry, frustrated, but mostly she felt hurt. And hurt won out over all the other emotions. She walked up to him and paused as he turned his body halfway to her.

"You okay Carter?"

Am I okay? Where have you been? What's going on? Why am I getting the silent treatment? I thought we were friends, but you don't seem to trust me enough to let me know what's going on. Why? What changed? She thought of all those things but didn't want to put forth so much energy. She barely had any as it was, so she simply replied "How do I look, John?"

John briefly closed his eyes and pressed his lips into a grim line. "You get anything new on Beecher's killer?"

Joss shook her head. "Nothing, but I know HR had their hands in it. And I'm going to do whatever I can to bring them down."

"I'm sorry, Carter. Beecher was a good man."

She nodded and looked down and feelings of guilt and regret for what could have been washed over her. "Yes he was." She gave a tight smile that didn't meet her eyes. "But I've got a job to do. Three fresh bodies- my eighth homicide in two weeks."

"Just tell me what I can do to help." He knew that things were bad since they hadn't gotten a new number in the past ten days. He wanted to help, needed to find a way to help. Waiting around for days with no new numbers left him idle and without much of a purpose. He never did well with idle time.

"You can start by telling me what has changed. Most of these homicides were premeditated. The types of situations you guys usually warned us about."

He turned his body to face her completely; hoping that she trusted him and understood that he wasn't maliciously leaving her in the dark. "There's a situation. We're working on it."

She figured he wouldn't tell her anything and wondered if he and Finch would ever trust her enough to tell her anything. "Well hurry." She fought to keep her tears and feelings of hopelessness at bay. "I never thought I'd say this but the Russians are worse than Elias. More manpower…. fewer rules."

(3 days ago)

Ethan pulled the SUV in the driveway and cut the engine. He turned to Joss and held her hand. She'd been noticeably quiet on the drive back from the lake house and the change in her mood did not go unnoticed.

"Is something wrong? Did I say or do something to upset you?" He thought the morning went well. After their shower they shared a hearty breakfast of blueberry pancakes and the conversation and banter was just as great as it had been for the past couple of days. However, when they packed their bags and loaded them in the car so that he could take her back to her cousin's house, she got really quiet and withdrawn.

"No, I'm fine. Just a little tired. I've got a long trip back up the road." She gave a tight smile quickly squeezed his hand and turned to open the passenger side door. He let go of her hand to get out of the car and opened the door to the backseat to grab her overnight bag. He walked around the car and put his free arm around her waist to walk her to the front door of the house.

As they reached the steps of the front porch, he stopped and turned her body to face him still holding his arm around her waist. "You know, Joss my offer still stands for you and your family to take the jet to get home. I know you can take care of yourself. You're obviously a very independent woman, but let me take care of you and make sure you get back to the city safely. There's no reason for you to have to drive back when you can fly back in style." He gave her the smile he knew to work on many other women and hoped she would capitulate.

Joss sighed. She wasn't sure how to tell him that she didn't want to take his offer because he was only supposed to be a one-night stand and she had no intentions of seeing him after today. She looked at him and started to argue, but he cut her off and continued.

"Here, take this." He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and fished out a business card. "Call the number on this card and let them know who you are. I will make sure everything is set up so that the jet can fly you from here to Charleston where you can pick up Taylor and your mother and you can all fly back to New York together."

"What am I supposed to do about the car?" she weakly argued, knowing he was going to come up with an answer for everything.

"The car can be shipped back to the city. I'll make sure that's taken care of as well."

Joss looked at the Camry and then looked at the ground to avoid making eye contact. She knew she really needed to end this. She took a deep breath and met his eyes as she finally mustered up the courage to break things off. This didn't need to be more than what it was and she wasn't the type to string a man along. As if he knew she was going to brush him off, he continued on.

"Just think about it okay. Call the number on this card." He took her hand and placed the card in her palm, closing her fingers around it. "I wish I could spend another day with you, but I've got to head back to New York. I have your number and you have mine. I'd like for us to see each other again." He cupped her face in his hands and stared longingly into her eyes. "I really do want to see you again. Use the jet. Call me when you get back safely and we'll talk then." He leaned down to give her a gentle kiss on the lips. He put her overnight bag down on the porch and made his way back to the car, started the engine, and backed out of the driveway.

She didn't move an inch until his car made its way down the street and out of her line of sight. Joss heard the front door open and turned to see her younger cousin leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed smirking.

"Have fun, Joss?" she asked. Her smirk turned into a full-fledged grin.

Joss gave her one of her patented glares and said, "Shut up, Janice." She climbed the stairs to the porch, picked up her overnight bag and made her way into the house.