Chapter 46: Reach Heaven By Violence
A nearby crank opened the way back into the antechamber. The caverns were quiet now, and all Llovesi wanted to do was get back to Ghostgate, and sleep for a hundred years. Her muscles were screaming in protest: every step was a challenge, and her face and eye were burning where Dagoth Ur had raked them with his claws.
Julan turned and studied her face with concern.
"Oh, Llovesi..." he said, and placed a gentle hand over her injured eye. "Let me see if I can..."
She felt the pain lessen slightly, but she still couldn't open her eye. The world felt strangely lopsided.
Julan held her in his arms. "I'm sorry," he said, "I tried, but it must have been too late."
Llovesi reached down and drew his sword from its sheath, then raised it to look at her eye.
She didn't have an eye anymore. She almost threw the sword to the ground in shock; instead she forced herself to study it.
Where there had once been her eye was now a bloody pulp of flesh and fluid, dripping down her face into three long scratch marks that had turned her cheek into rags.
She was going to have one hell of a scar.
That was about the only reaction she could sum up at this point. She felt too detached from the injury. The person who had given it to her was now dead, and if it apparently couldn't be healed...
Suddenly, the air in the cave shifted subtly; there was a blinding light and both Llovesi and Julan turned to look, Julan's sword still dangling in Llovesi's hand.
There was a woman standing where before there had only been rock.
She looked a little too bright, a little too real. Every aspect of her appearance, from her loose tendrils of brown hair, to her blue dress, slit to the waist and swaying open, suggested wild power breaking the bounds of refinement. She appeared to be a Dunmer, but her eyebrows were so perfectly arched, her eyes so ruby-red, her skin so flawless, that she also seemed quite inhuman.
Llovesi didn't need Julan's gasp to tell her who this was meant to be.
Azura smiled, and raised her arms benevolently.
You no longer bear the burden of prophecy.
You have achieved your destiny.
You are free.
The doomed Dwemer's folly; Lord Dagoth's temptation; the Tribunal's seduction; the God's Heart freed; the prophecy fulfilled. All fates sealed and sins redeemed.
If you have pity, mourn the loss.
But let the weeping cease. The Blight is gone, and the sun's golden honey gilds the land.
Hail, Saviour! Hortator, and Nerevarine, your people look to you for protection. Monsters and villains great and small still threaten the people of Vvardenfell.
Enemies and evils abound, yet indomitable will might rid Morrowind of all its ills.
For you: our thanks and blessing; our gift and token given.
Come. Take this thing from the hand of God.
All while she spoke, Azura showed them visions of the world outside. The Blight was lifting, retreating back into the crater of Red Mountain. The red skies were clearing; spring sunshine was caressing the mountain, probably for the first time in years. The Ghostfence was melting away, the blue shield dropping, leaving the carved pillars standing hollow.
There was no more need for it.
Then they were back in the cavern, with Azura smiling down at them.
She held out a slender arm and unfurled her fist to reveal a small ring, set with a glassy black stone. As Llovesi reached out to touch it, the Daedra Prince faded, leaving the ring suspended in mid air.
As Llovesi slipped it onto her finger, she felt suddenly refreshed, as if all her pain and worries had slipped away. She lifted Julan's sword eagerly to her face, but no, the same gruesome injury greeted her, although the skin had healed over slightly.
Julan took her hand, and she smiled. After all, after everything that had happened, they had saved the world and they still had each other. She gave him his sword back. Not bad for a day's work.
"What do you know," he said softly, "Azura really was watching over you!"
They made they way back through the creaking ruin, each step bringing them achingly closer to the world outside. Finally, they were pushing open the doors to the outside, and stepping into daylight.
The sun beamed down strongly from the petal-blue sky. Somewhere in the distance, a bird called. All around the land was silent.
The Blight storms no longer rose from the still, steaming lava beneath them.
Julan breathed in deeply, and laughed, holding Llovesi close to him.
"At last! Fresh air! I feel like we've been underground in the dark forever. I never want to see another Dwemer ruin as long as I live! And you did it!" He kissed then pulled away sharply, laughing again. "Urgh, you taste like a Blight storm! So. You're no longer bound by destiny... if you ever really were. How does it feel to be free?"
Free. It was a big word. Llovesi tasted it in her mind. "I don't know," she said. "I think it's going to take some getting used to."
"Don't worry about it. I think you've earned the right to relax for a bit. You'll feel less confused about everything in time."
"What about you?" Llovesi asked. "Don't you have a tribe to lead?"
"Oh, they can manage without me for a bit." Julan's tone was off-hand, but the way he squeezed her hand told her that maybe he'd made a different decision.
"You don't have to choose me over them," she said. "In fact, don't. I'll go with you."
"No, really," he said, "if they're going to regain their strength they need to learn how to cope on their own! Anyway, I'm sure Sinnammu can take care of things for now."
"I meant it though," Llovesi said hesitantly, unsure how to approach the subject on her mind. "I mean, well, aren't we going to be married?"
"Ah, about that..." Julan was instantly cagey, and her heart sunk.
"You've changed your mind?" she asked.
"No! No, no, no! I meant every word I said, and I still do... I just, well, remembered something."
"What?" Llovesi couldn't believe they were standing in the crater of a volcano discussing this, after all that had happened today. She dropped Julan's hand and folded her arms. "Just tell me."
"Okay. The thing is, among my people, the Ashkhan conducts the marriage ceremony, but, technically, I'm the Ashkhan..."
"Who does it then? The Wise Woman? Like with Kashaud?"
Julan shook his head. "That was just a formality really. Actually, well, technically, an Ashkhan can take anyone as his bride; he just has to... command it. Uh, I sort of did command it, when I said you should marry me. So, technically-"
"-We're already married?"
"Yes. Technically. Sorry. It wasn't on purpose!"
"It's okay!" Llovesi laughed. "You think that after everything today I would really be that angry with you? Although... we will still have a wedding won't we?"
"Of course! You know I don't have much to offer you, but we'll be happy together. I promise. And I meant it – we don't have to stay at the camp. I know you're an adventurer, you might not want to settle down. I feel the same way. Let's just enjoy life and see what happens. And what should happen right now is me taking you to bed for a week!"
He pulled her into his arms, and levitated them up into the blue sky.
Llovesi watched the land as they rose upwards, her hair blowing gently about her face. Then she saw a sight that stopped her heart still.
"Julan... who are all those people?"
There were Dunmer, many Dunmer, standing shock still on the slopes of the mountain, blinking into the sunlight.
For an awful moment, Llovesi thought that it had all been for nothing, that some lingering spell of Dagoth Ur's still held sway over the people of Vvardenfell. Then they landed and she saw just how disorientated they all were.
She approached the nearest man; a Dunmer she recognised from Ald'ruhn called Dravasa.
"Nerevarine?" he asked, and shook his head groggily. "I feel as though I've just awakened from a dream... a terrible dream of the Sixth House..."
"Dagoth Ur was sending out the soul sickness. But he is dead now. It's over," Llovesi said.
Dravasa looked both horrified and relieved.
"Do you mean... have I been... under a spell? A curse? The last thing I remember is feeling some urge to come to the mountain... Good grief. What have I done... I hope... but I haven't thanked you. Please forgive me. I have nothing to offer but my thanks. But I will tell everyone I know how you have saved my life."
"Well, you can't stay here! Come back with us to Ghostgate."
Everyone they met on the path had the same story. They'd been at home; they'd felt the pull to come to the mountain, they'd woken up here. Some of them remembered other dreams they'd had. Others remembered with horror attacking others in the street. All shared similar stories, and all now walked with Llovesi and the same haunted expression on their faces.
Of course, the worse was over, and they were safe now. But memories can last a lifetime.
They hit the shell of the Ghostfence, and followed it round to Ghostgate. A crowd had assembled in the encampment outside.
"There they are!" someone shouted, and cheers broke out across Ordinators, Buoyant Armigers and priests, across Imperial and Dunmer, alike. Galdal, Ralyn, Gamin, Ferone and Selmen were all there too, with all the others who'd been helping to hold the citadels and they were all clapping and yelling. All normal Dunmeri restraint had disappeared.
"Praise Almsivi! The Blight is gone, and the Devil Dagoth Ur is vanquished! Praise the Nerevarine!"
The celebrations there lasted for the rest of the day. At one point, a grinning Julan pulled Llovesi away and they found an empty dormitory all to themselves for the rest of the evening.
But it wasn't all celebrations, and there remained so much to do.
For the next month Llovesi found herself travelling all over Vvardenfell, telling the same story over and over again. There were some meetings she enjoyed more than others. It was a pleasure to revisit the Ashlander camps, and Mashti, as well as Divayth Fyr, Master Aryon and Athyn Sarethi. She endured awkward encounters with Crassius Curio and Duke Vedam Dren. But there were all the other councillors to meet with, and Guild Leaders, and even just ordinary people, all of whom wanted to meet her, talk to her, and thank her.
The final uprising of the sleepers had bought damage and destruction to a few major cities, but nothing that wouldn't be fixed with time. Buildings can be rebuilt, and in the euphoria that followed Dagoth Ur's death, the people of Vvardenfell took to rebuilding their lives with gusto.
Finally, some time near the end of Rain's Hand, Llovesi found herself with some free time again. There was only one meeting left. This was not a meeting she had been summoned for, but she knew he was waiting. And she wanted to go and speak to him, in a way, as much as she was dreading it.
Julan let her go by herself this time, as she ascended the steps to Vivec's Palace.
She wondered vaguely what state she would find him in. Would he even be there? Could the severing of the heart have killed him as surely as it had removed his Godhood? And the other two, Almalexia and Sotha Sil, had they even known? Would she be called upon by them to answer for what she had done?
She pushed open the door and was almost relieved to see Vivec standing there. Standing, no longer floating, looking a little smaller and a little less vivid, but still there.
He opened his mouth before she could open hers, and his voice was still as pure, clear, and strong as it had ever been:
"The Blight is gone, and we have survived. Now we must dedicate ourselves to rebuilding the Temple. And you must dedicate yourself to your responsibilities as Protector of Morrowind."
"Yes, we have survived," Llovesi said, after a moment's silence between them. "But at what cost, I wonder?"
Vivec fixed her with his steely gaze.
"We have lost our divine powers, but not altogether. Some token of the people's faith remains, and we shall dedicate it to rebuilding the Temple. Now that Dagoth Ur is gone, we can turn our energies to the more humble needs of the people. It is good, honest work, and I believe there is redemption in it.
"There are still issues to be resolved between the Temple and the Dissident Priests. And now that our greatest enemy is gone, we must reorganise the Temple to meet the needs of the people. We have less need of Ordinators, for example, and greater need of priests and healers and teachers. And we must find time to mourn and honor the dead.
"Without the power of the Heart, our divine powers diminish. Our days as Gods are numbered. I have told my priests that I shall withdraw from the world, and that the Temple should be prepared for a change. We may be honoured no longer as Gods, but as saints and heroes, and the Temple will return to the faith of our forefathers - the worship of our ancestors and the three good Daedra, Azura, Mephala, and Boethiah. The missions and traditions of the Temple must continue... but without its Living Gods."
"So that's it then? You're mortal again?"
"Perhaps not completely yet. But Almalexia, Sotha Sil, and I gained our divine powers from the Heart of Lorkhan. And now we no longer have access to the Heart, so we must lose our divinity. I have always worn my divinity lightly - fundamentally, I am not at all a serious person - and I will not miss it. I have tried to do what was necessary. I am afraid I have done some harm. I assure you - I will be quite content to be a mere mortal again, dedicated to my own amusements."
He had a remarkably way of delivering statements with such conviction that Llovesi felt compelled to believe him. But he didn't sound nearly as light-hearted or playful as he claimed and she wondered just what toll recent events had taken on him. And the others.
"What of Almalexia and Sotha Sil?" she asked.
"We don't communicate. Without the Heart, our divine powers must diminish. Almalexia takes her divinity very seriously, and the loss will weigh heavily on her. She tends to brood, and I fear she will do herself and others harm. Sotha Sil... I doubt he will even notice the loss. He is completely self-absorbed, and fascinated by the hidden world and its mysteries, and I do not think he even notices us most of the time."
Llovesi nodded, then straightened herself up a little and looked him dead in the eye.
"Have I earned the right to judge you now?"
He didn't speak for a long time, then stepped down from his plinth and traced a long finger down the scarred side of her face. His touch was still like electricity to her, and she flinched and pulled away.
"I know that you have destroyed Kagrenac's Tools. Only time will tell if this will be wisdom or folly. But you have the wit and experience of a proven hero. The Tribunal and the Temple are happy to yield to you the duties of fighting the enemies of Morrowind. So... perhaps."
He turned all walked back to his plinth, then sat cross-legged before her.
"Tell me, Llovesi, can you imagine what it is like to be a God?"
"I suppose not."
"It is a bit like being at once awake and asleep. Awake, I am here with you, thinking and talking. Asleep, I am very, very busy. Perhaps for other Gods, the completely immortal ones, it is only like that being asleep. Out of time. Me, I exist at once inside of time and outside of it.
"It's nice never being dead, too. When I die in the world of time, then I'm completely asleep. I'm very much aware that all I have to do is choose to wake. And I'm alive again. Many times I have very deliberately tried to wait patiently, a very long, long time before choosing to wake up. And no matter how long it feels like I wait, it always appears, when I wake up, that no time has passed at all. That is the God place. The place out of time, where everything is always happening, all at once.
"For Gods, there is no more feeling. Only knowing. But there is a feeling to being mortal. It is very, very sad being mortal. There is happiness, yes. But mostly sadness. As I have said, 'Count only the happy hours.' For mortals, they are all too few."
"I hope we might find some more now."
He shrugged. "Perhaps, perhaps. Although I was speaking more in general."
"I was speaking about the here and now. So many people have died; so much damage has been done. I think we need to focus on the happy hours."
"Of course. But you are not both awake and asleep. Real and not real. Maybe one day. You might learn. You are still walking a path. Have you ever read my sermons?"
A phrase of Julan's ran through her mind, something along the lines of 'demented ramblings', and she shook her head carefully. Why was that important now, anyway?
"A shame. I wrote them for you. And others. Many ruling kings may walk this world. Before you, after you and in you. But you - you are here now. And you are a Hero now, and my sermons might suit you. They are nothing if not my lessons: the 36 Lessons of Vivec. You have to understand many things, as I told you before. Be the letter, be a wheel, and, above all: "Reach heaven by violence.'"
"What?" What on Nirn was he going on about? "You speak in many riddles."
He unfolded his legs and walked over to the door, holding it open for her.
"I can tell you no more now. You have to get there by yourself. Reach heaven by violence, Llovesi."
Julan found her outside.
"How did it go?"
"Strangely. We spoke about many things... the future. Mortality. Happiness."
He hugged her close and they started to descend the steps together. All around the people of Vivec were enjoying the fine spring day, coming to pray at the temple, chatting in the streets. There was an atmosphere of peace and contentment that Llovesi never thought capable of existing on Vvardenfell.
"Come on, Julan. Let's go count the happy hours."
By the age of twenty-two, Llovesi understood that it was near impossible to know things for certain.
But these things she did understand, one: you can choose your own destiny in life. Two: peace lies between emotion and control.
She thought there ought to be a number three; things always seemed to come in threes. She thought on all she had learnt personally over the past year: exorcising her own demons, understanding that actions can be redeemed. Falling in love. That maybe there are no bad people or good people, just people who do bad and good things. Everything else amounted to no more than a fire raging far away, than ash blowing on the wind.
Then she looked around at the world around her, and she felt in her bones, heart and soul the final thing there was to understand:
She was home.
To be continued...
A/N: Well, not entirely sure what to say! It's finished! Of course, it was finished before, but I didn't have any readers then. So a massive thanks to everyone who's left me a review, or a message, favourited and followed, or who's simply been reading along. Your support has always brought a smile to my face. Thanks to my main reviewers Ozymandeos, FloridaMagpie, OnnaMusha, CampsMcCamper, Claytone, Nexio, N4V1, CheySkywalker, Newtinmpls, Sdhfs and Neytiri! And thanks to you too, if you've been reading along and you've stayed until the end.
Llovesi's story will continue in Heart and Stone, which will follow the Tribunal expansion pack. I've got a few chapters, but it's far from finished, so I see updates starting in perhaps about a week, and then subsequent updates will go at a slower pace.
As this is the final chapter, I guess I'll reply to any guest reviews here (if I get any more :p)
CampsMcCamper - thank you so much! I can say at this point that I definitely have plans to do an Oblivion 'novelisation', because I've had an idea for a sort-of-twist in my head for years, and I have a soft spot for Oblivion (even though I do prefer Morrowind and Skyrim). However, I'm going to finish my Morrowind trilogy first, and keeping writing short stories, so it may not happen for a while. Skyrim, well, I never say never, but I don't think I will do it - not unless I can come up with an interesting and original concept. Morrowind leaves you with so much to flesh out, but Skyrim's story is so cinematic and complete that I honestly don't think I could add anything to it - and let's face it, there are tons of Skyrim main-quest stories out there!
Claytone - stop before I blush, you charmer! Seriously though, I'm ecstatic that you think enough of my story to actually go and get a copy of Morrowind! It's a game that I will always have a soft spot for, so I'm very happy that other people are still discovering it. It's reviews like yours that make me think, hey, maybe I can do this writing thing after all! So thanks a lot!