Chapter 32

I am a terrible person I know and I am really sorry. But here's an update...finally (please don't hate me).

I hold her hand the whole way there, it's all I can do to not burst into tears. Christina was so adamant for me to stay, and she knows when I will die...

I push the thought away. I need to get Helena back, that's the plan. Helena, for Myka and Christina, Helena.

"Ahhh, the Elk ridge Vaul-mart," Pete sighs as we pull up to the grocery store. "The regents do have a way of disguising things, don't they?"

"This is the regents vault?" I ask incredulously.

"Of course it is," Pete says admiringly. "Hidden in plain sight, it's how they do things."

"Wonderful, now let's go," Myka says as she opens the car door roughly. "All we need is the key and the list, right?"

"Right," Pete confirms.

It's a surprisingly simple task, though I have found that complex situations can only be built upon the simple, so the simplicity of shopping and being led to the back cooler room was not at all comforting.

The man that leads us into the back doesn't speak, except to ask for that key, and when he pulls out that black orb it seems he goes even quieter, if that's even possible.

He hands it to Myka, utters a few more words and leaves. Her green eyes dart towards me briefly, full of anxiety and maybe fear. I manage a small, encouraging smile to tell her it's alright. That's a lie of course, nothing about this situation is "alright", but it appears to be just what Myka needed to move on.

I'm not sure how whats about to happen is going to happen, but I know it will. I am going to meet her. The her I've been trying desperately to be for months. The her that's memories are seeping into my mind. The her that owns Myka Bering's heart and is blessed with Christina as a daughter. Helena George Wells, the father of science-fiction.

I want to meet her, I do, but a part of me knows that I will die if I do. If I have a glimpse into her wonderful mind, I'll be addicted. Just as I was so addicted to her memories that I forgot myself in the process.

Pete turns the orb in his hands and a holographic image of myself-Helena appears before us. "Oh hel-" she begins, but stops when she sees me. "Well this is quite the surprise..."

Myka swallows and says. "Helena, this is...you in a way- it's your body, and Emily, this is Helena."

"Emily?" Helena repeats curiously stepping closer to me.

"That's correct," I say somehow confidently. That would be my Helena side kicking in...

"American?" Helena observes sharing a questioning glance with Myka. The moment their eyes meet I realize whatever connection I had with Myka is nothing compared to theirs. "Well, that is unfortunate," Helena finishes the thought. I keep my back straight as she continues to examine me, circling her own body like it is some kind of science experiment. "You have a cat?"

I notice her gaze rests on my ankles. Cat hair... "Dickens," I explain distastefully.

Helena notices my disgusts and comments "Why do you have him?"

"Chris- a student of mine convinced me to keep him, for now," you answer. Yes, I avoided telling her that her dead daughter is alive, but we don't exactly have time for that, now do we?

"Must be a rather special student," Helens says.

It takes a mere second of holding H.G Wells gaze before I see it. The way she stands, her expressions, her manner of speaking, the way she approaches situations- she is Christina's mother, no doubt about it. And Christina is the spitting image of her mother in every way possible. "She is," I answer seriously.

Helena takes a step back and nods once. "Am I right to assume you have my memories?"

"Some of them, yes," I say without pause.

Helena takes a deep breath and crosses her arms. "Righty-ho then, so what exactly us has caused you to come here?"

She's bitter, just like me. She doesn't like to feel exposed or violated in any way, and I have some of her very personal memories stored in my head. It was foolish to believe she wouldn't hate me.

"I have come to give your body back," I state firmly.

H.G's face drops to confusion. "You-you what?"

"I want you to have your body back," I say again, a little softer this time. "I can't keep living with two people in my head and-" I swallow and glance at Myka, her eyes are trained on Helena and full of hidden love. "And Myka needs you back."

Helena takes a step away from you and looks at the curly haired agent. "What do you mean?"

I roll my eyes and shake my head. I may not be the genius Helena is, but at least I had the confidence to tell Myka how I feel right off the bat. "I think you know what I'm talking about, but I won't push the issue. I am simply here to give you your body."

Helena opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it. She isn't confused anymore, she's grateful. Grateful to the point of awe. It's the kind of gratefulness that sneaks up on you so quickly that you almost can't believe it's really happening. "Thank you," she manages with a smile. "But what about the regents? Was this their decision? Did they agree to release me?"

"The regents have no right to control you any longer, Helena," Myka cuts in dangerously. "I can't stand to watch it any longer."

A knowing smirk spreads across H.G's face. "Myka Bering breaking the rules for me, how exhilarating."

Myka blushes a little but doesn't shy away from the intense stare the one she loves is giving her. I like to think being with me has made her bolder in the face of H.G Wells (literally).

Helena notices this of course and her smile lightens in the slightest, she is utterly love struck, I know she is.

Pete who, I'll be honest, I forgot was there for a while, looks away from the scene awkwardly. I'm sure this used to happen to him a lot, this third wheel feeling.

"So, are we ready?" I question snapping them both back to the present.

"Definitely," Helena states and Myka's smile widens.

And just like that, all the bitterness fades. Myka is Helena's and Helena's is hers, that's the way it should be and it is beautiful. I am content as long as she is happy.

Myka adjusts the orb in her hands, preparing to close it up. "See you in a minute," she says, and then she turns the dial and H.G fades away.

A small coin is ejected from the device, and I prepare myself for the end. I don't know if my new memories will transfer over; if when I become Helena, it will simply be adding memories to my head. A part of me hope it will be, then I will be her and that will be me. But I know it is just as likely that she won't even remember what I know, that she'll have to re-meet Christina, and re-commit to Myka. That I will cease to exist completely.

"Hold out your hand," Myka says delicately and I do as she says. She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye, "This shouldn't hurt... it'll be like falling asleep."

I nod. "Thank you, Myka," I say and I mean it. She was something that kept me going in this life, and I am forever thankful for that. But more importantly "Thank you for giving me the honor of loving you, it was truly a gift."

Her eyes are teary and she smiles at you painfully. "I'm sorry this is how it has to be."

"Don't be," I say shaking my head, tone soft and welcoming. "I want it to be this way."

"But-" she tries to protest.

"''Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,'" I quote easily to her.

"But I don't know how to say goodbye," she says.

"Darling, you aren't saying goodbye," I say, reaching to push one of her curls behind her ear. "I am a piece of her, remember."

She bites her lip and glances down at the coin in her gloved hand. Tears stream for the corners of her eyes. Then she leans towards you, pressing one final kiss to my lips. I embrace it with all I am, knowing it will be the last time I ever feel her with me. She pulls back, "See you around."

"See you around," I whisper back and suddenly a cool object is in my hands.

Helena's childhood begins to play in my mind, every detail of it floods over me like a wave. Charles losing fights against me, the clever pranks I set up for him, his easy, charming smile, the way my parents adored him-

I sharp pain hits my wrist and I'm pulled from the memories as suddenly as they began. The coin falls to the ground and man grabs my arm roughly. He towers over me as his steely black eyes bear into me.

"Who are you? What are you doing?" I demand in a panic, Myka and Pete are on the floor. My heart drops, they aren't moving. No, no, no, she can't be- they aren't...

"You're coming with me," the man says with a cruel almost calm smile. He picks the coin up and slips it in his pocket. "Come on."

He jerks me forward and I try to fight, but he is too strong. The man that lead us back there is nowhere to be seen and the store is vacant, without a soul in sight. Before I know it, he is shoving me in a car and driving off to who knows where.

I was so close to getting her back, so close to giving her back to Myka and Christina, but of course, nothing can ever be that simple with my life.

"You are H.G Wells," Sykes states dangerously, face inches from yours and eyes cold as stone.

"That's insane!" I shout, managing to even cry for my performance. He doesn't know what the coin is which means he doesn't know I don't have my memory. Yes, I'm stalling and yes, it is working- I am a wonderful actor apparently.

He stares at me for a long moment; my heart pounds violently and my hands are shaking.

Keep up the act, keep the tears going, keep the terror in your eyes.

"Fine," Sykes nods dismissively, "have it your way. But remember, I did warn you."

He wheels away and I let out a breath. I know what comes next, I'm not a fool. Torture. I keep Christina and Myka's faces in my mind.

It's worth it, it's worth it.

I say it over and over again until it rings as true as fact.

There was not torture, thankfully, but instead something far worse.

They have a tech boy, young, innocent and full of fear. A part of me wants to warn him, to tell him to run while he can, but I don't say a word to him. Even though I know he is most likely going to get himself killed, I don't warn him. I know that makes me a terrible person, and whats worse I can't explain why I don't.

Point is, he found the coin's information. They now know whats going on. And yes, they are about to give me back my memories.

I protest, of course, for the act, and tell them not too. It's a lie. I want more than anything for them to place that coin back in my hand, I want to feel that thrill of memory again.

The coin is cool, just like before, but the longer it rests in my palm the warmer it becomes. And of all the things that flash through my mind, of all the memories and moments I've lived through, only three things come to mind.

I am Helena George Wells, and Emily Lake is gone.

My daughter is alive, and she is more brilliant than I ever could have imagined.

If it's even possible, I seem to have fallen even farther in love with Myka Bering.

I smile discreetly and let my hand fold around the coin. "It appears you got to the coin before it could be placed in Emily's hand," I say, keeping up the innocent act. "You must be Mr. Sykes."

He smirks and hands me a glass of water. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

I take the cup bravely, wondering if it will feel any different after putting my memories back in my body: it does. I remember her still, the woman I was while under the coins affects, and I remember the woman I was before the coin. I am proud to say that now, I am neither and I am never going back.

I can see Caturanga in my head, staring me down with the calculating gaze he seemed to say save especially for my lessons. It's still unbelievable that I was able to see him, and because of my daughter's invention nonetheless.

But right now, not even that brilliant piece of machinery will help me in knowing how to save the poor boy whom fate has put before me. I knew he wouldn't make it, but never would I have thought he'd die by my hands.

All because I can't play a simple game of chess.

He doesn't make it. And as punishment, the universe sends the love of my life to replace him.

Our eyes meet briefly as she steps down the concrete stairs towards me and the lock. Although it doesn't show on her face, I can see the thankfulness and love she communicated to me. Seeing it only drives me to beg harder for to leave and save herself; however, being the stubborn woman she is, Myka does not heed my warning.

Soon, the gun is pointed at her head and her life rests in my hands. Not so long ago, I was in a similar position with her. I did not cause her death then, and I refuse to be the cause of her death now. However, I don't know how to save her, I don't know how to beat the lock, I don't know how to prevent this tragedy from occurring.

"Myka-" I choke, my eyes pleading for her to understand. "I am so sorry-"

"No, Helena," she cuts me off, "I am not going to die here today," she says, tears welling up at the corners of her eyes. I can tell she is terrified, but she is putting on a brave face for me. "I am not going to die here because you are going to take a deep breath, and you're going to save my life."

I've decided it had to be love which stirred that distant memory from all those years ago. Love for her.

Caturanga told me to "Change the rules" and frankly, I don't know why I didn't realize I have been doing nothing but that this year. I adjusted altered, sneaked around every rule the Regents set for me- For goodness sake they didn't even know I knew about anything having to do with my true self or the warehouse.

Changing the rules is a second nature for me. How had I not seen the answer to this lock before?

"Change the rules- Myka, D3 to E8," I say the move to her in relief and excitement.

"Helena I-I can't move my pawn like that," Myka chokes trying to keep a steady voice.

"I know Myka, darling, trust me," I smile nodding. "Change the rules."

Myka stares into my eyes for a moment longer before straightening her back and doing as I say. She trusts me. I knew that before but now after seeing it... Myka Bering truly trusts me.

The contraption once threatening my love's life clicks and retracts. The metal brace around her neck opens and she leans forward in relief. All I want to do is rush to her and pull her close but Sykes still has control.

"What ever it is," Pete begins looking up at the invention "I think it's about to open."

"Do it," Walter Sykes mumbles into a communication device and immediately the small room begins to shake. Large pieces of stone fall to the ground as the structure crumbles. As dusts fills the air, vaguely I can see a glow spread on the wall opposite of me. Sykes is distracted but he holds onto his control over me.

Before I have time to register the action, Pete knocks the gun from my hand and it clatters to the ground.

Walter reacts instantly by taking control of him. For a moment things are scattered. All I can do is acknowledge my curly hair agent's presence behind me by taking her hand quickly. Seconds later a blue flash strikes before us and everything goes dark.