So one day Bella was reading a book (about vampires, obviously) and Edward walked into the room, looking really sexy as always.

"Oh Eddiekins!" Bella squealed, dropping her book and flinging herself on top of him. "I love you, my special precious sparkly sexy abusive manipulative vampire boyfriend!"

"Oh Bella-Wella-Woogie, I love you so much I'm gonna leave you for the next eighteen years!"

"Oh Edward-Bedward, you are so adorable!"

"Oh Bellsy-Baby, you are so kissable and lovable even though you have no personality and you are a whiny bitch!"

"OHHHHHHH EDDIEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I WANNA HAVE SEX WIV YOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

"SURE, BABY!"

They started having sex. Then the Angry Twilight Hater (me) jumped through the window and pulverised them.