VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

There, I capitalized, bolded, italicized and underlined it in order to emphasize its importance. :)) To my dear readers, if you have read the older version of this story (the one before the re-post, where the writing style I used was narrative from the third-person PoV), I'm sorry for the inconvenience because you really have to go back and read the re-posted chapters before you proceed. I have changed a few things (although not whole scenes), contrary to what I said that I won't be changing anything. The 'change' I made was bound to happen one way or another anyway—it makes more sense that way. If you've already read them, then by all means, enjoy this new chapter. Thank you very much for reading.

If you are a new reader (in other words, you have no idea what I'm talking about, have never heard of the 're-post'), please disregard this author's note and kindly proceed with reading. I hope you enjoy A Captain's Promise as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Previously on "A Captain's Promise":

For the shortest moment, I felt something wrap around me… A warm weight pressed against my body briefly. The pressure…it felt oddly comfortable, then it was gone.

Chapter Seven

Winding, Binding Chains

I was half out of my mind.

"Don't touch him! Get away!" I roared wildly as shinigamis tried to put their hands on Kira…on his wounded, limp figure on the ground. "Get—your—fucking—hands—off—him—nooooow!"

Another wave of frantic muttering—or maybe it was shouting, I could no longer tell—broke through my attention. Somehow, I knew he must be exuding an ungodly amount of reiatsu, but I couldn't care less at the moment.

A tiny, uncaring bit of me realized I must have looked deranged, maybe even feral—almost like a hollow—to the others. Even through blurry eyes, I could see all of them—even Kenpachi—keeping their distance as I keened over the fallen form of my pale lieutenant.

"Get it together, kid," Kenpachi growled, keeping Yachiru back with an outstretched hand. In the background, I could vaguely hear a high pitched voice yelling for squad members to send a butterfly immediately to the Fourth.

Aside from the almost violent pulse of my own frenzied reiatsu, I couldn't feel nor register anything else. All I truly understood was that Kira was on the ground before me, injured and unconscious and bleeding badly.

Realizing I had to do something—anything—I carefully gathered Kira's body into my arms. I couldn't just wait there for medical help, not when I could move and run just fine. And especially not when it was my lieutenant involved.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Ichigo?" Ikkaku demanded, walking towards me with large strides. "Put Kira-fukutaichou down. Now."

"Kurosaki-kun, a team from the Fourth is already on its way here," Yumichika said in an assuaging tone, approaching more carefully than the other shinigami did.

They could have been talking to a stone for all the help their words did. There was nothing on my mind aside from how I thought that this was just like my worst fears have come true.

Kira…limp and lifeless in my arms.

Without thinking any more, I pulled Kira against my body protectively and flash-stepped out of the Eleventh's grounds and hurtled towards the Fourth with total abandon.

Every moment dragged on like a year to me as I feared that I might never see those pale blue eyes again, that it might be too late, that Kira might succumb to internal bleeding… And every grim thought only served to fuel my recklessness as I took to the roofs without slowing down even the tiniest bit, paying no attention to the breaking tiles and cracking walls I left in my wake. I wouldn't stop until I reached the Fourth, nor could anyone stop me.

I tried not to scream in frustration as I flew past other shinigamis at breakneck speed. Kira was already so pale to begin with, but now…he just looked ashen. His fair hair was streaked with red, and trickles of blood ran down his temples. And his body—his normally supple and durable figure—was just limp in my arms.

"Kira…" I gasped, biting back a sob, as I rounded corner after corner recklessly. The sharp edges barely missed me by a hairsbreadth. "Kira… Hey… Come on, open your eyes."

I bit down on my lip viciously to stop myself from breaking down completely. I wanted to lash out, to destroy everything in sight, to go back and pound those incompetent workers into mush, to kill myself for allowing Kira to get hurt… I wanted to just break down and cry but I couldn't. Kira… Kira needed me.

"Tai…"

I stiffened.

"…chou…"

I almost stopped in my tracks, but I managed to convert the surprise into urgency. I threw myself into the run faster than before, to the point I could barely see where I was going.

"Taichou…" Kira breathed, stirring faintly in my arms.

I almost broke out in joy and relief then. But I controlled himself. "Sshh… I'll bring you to Unohana-san. Don't…" I winced as I barely avoided a large tree that seemed to be a part of the Fifth Squad. I could feel a stinging cut on my scalp. "…speak just yet."

I have flash-stepped past about four blocks when Kira spoke again, his voice coming out in no more than a painful-sounding rasp.

"Are you…alright…tai…chou?"

My throat constricted and my vision suddenly blurred as something came crashing down on me—Kira knew this would happen, but he still threw himself at me…

"Please…" I forced out somehow—I couldn't afford to get all emotional now. Kira might have opened his eyes, but I wasn't unaware of the warm wetness dripping down my arms from where I held my lieutenant. "We're almost there, Kira. Hang on…"

Without warning, Kira's eyes suddenly turned glassy…

"Ah y…lright…chou…?"

My blood grew cold at the sound of my lieutenant's breath somehow forming words in desperation…

"Kira, hey…" I nudged frantically, jumping to the next high roof without giving a damn about my own safety. "I'm fine, Kira. I'm fine, so just hang on… Kira…hey."

I blinked the wetness out of my own eyes furiously.

How can I be alright? You idiot! Goddamn it. You're bleeding, and hurt, and broken… How can you expect me to be alright? You're so cruel, Izuru…

His eyes fluttered close, a small smile tugging at his lips faintly from the corners.

"Kira…HEY! Open your eyes! Goddamn it…Kiraaa!"

His mouth, those alluring lips almost devoid of color now, moved ever so slightly. If I wasn't waiting for a response like my life depended on it, I would have never heard the lieutenant's whispered last words.

"So…rry… Ichi…go."

I almost lost it right there.

My arms tightened around Kira instinctively, every single fiber of my body vowing fiercely that I would never let go.

Looking at the glistening tears that wetted Kira's own pale lashes, I just knew that somewhere inside—somewhere carefully hidden away from other eyes—Kira was broken and in pain. The thought itself was nearly enough to break me.

Thankfully, before the last of my self-restraint went up in flames, the insignia of the Fourth Squad came into view.

I pressed my forehead against Kira's briefly, and promised him fiercely right there and then.

"I'm right here, Izuru. I will never leave you."

I watched Ichigo as he got to his feet with a boyish smile, just as I always have before, even back when the boy was only called a ryoka and was practically tearing Soul Society apart. I watched him now too, never truly getting over the young shinigami's intriguing character.

Following Ichigo's unexpectedly graceful bearing as he marched towards the base of the tower, I realized how long that shockingly orange hair had grown. Its tips no longer pressed against the boy's neck—it now rested quite interestingly over the stiff collar of Ichigo's haori. His ears were also almost invisible under the fine locks of bright hair. And the slightly rumpled look suited the young captain quite well, I thought with a fierce rush of pleasure.

It couldn't have been that long ago when the boy was only considered a disturbance, a threat to the peace of Seireitei, and yet now he now stood among the ranks of captains. So much has changed in such a short time.

Before, he was just a lanky, incapable, arrogant teenager. An ignorant youngster who did not understand the pride of the shinigami. Now he wore a haori and led an entire division during one of the most crucial periods for Soul Society.

I sighed contentedly as I watched the number three on Ichigo's back wave in the billowing air.

I have watched from the sidelines as the boy, the ryoka called Kurosaki Ichigo, gradually became a much-needed ally of the shinigami and a constant, immovable pillar of safety for them. As much as we wanted to not blatantly admit it, Ichigo had changed us all. His mere presence had shaken the very foundations of Seireitei and its ancient laws, and he continued to break boundaries and traditions.

Now he was our squad's captain. Ours. Kurosaki Ichigo.

My eyes traced over the boy's impressive features almost greedily. Ichigo had a very toned body. And even though it was almost impossible to tell from the loose hakama and the wide sleeves of their shihakusho, I've already seen enough before to be able to tell. More than just strength or incredible power, Ichigo had a body that many would die for.

His muscles were lean and well-developed, giving him an angular beauty that was rare at best. The way he carried himself was reminiscent of nobility, in some ways that surpass even Kuchiki Byakuya. And he just had this air about him that was reassuring, like nothing could possibly go wrong with him around. It soothed my internal distress, more than I would ever admit to anyone, maybe even to myself.

I wanted to know him badly, I realized as my eyes remained fixed on Ichigo's back. I wanted to feel for myself Ichigo's strength. I wanted to experience it…to have a taste of it. And that, perhaps, was the reason why I have always been drawn to the boy, watching…always watching.

It was different now though, I thought happily. We were now bonded in a way that I have never imagined even my wildest dreams, bonded by the badge on my left arm and the haori on Ichigo's back—the haori which was, incidentally, currently snagged carelessly on a stray piece of discarded wooden post which was probably a part of the makeshift shack they had to demolish earlier in order to proceed with the speedy construction.

I bit back a smile—for all the grace the boy unexpectedly possessed, he still managed to retain a certain degree of clumsiness. Like a lovely marigold with tiny pinches at the ends of each petal, like tiny evidences that its beauty was natural and alive. He was truly…endearing.

For a few moments, I just watched as Ichigo's brows furrowed in frustration as his fingers worked on the snag. By the looks of it, it seemed to me that Ichigo was paying careful attention to the task in an effort to not tear his haori. I felt surprise surge through him again—here was another thing that set Ichigo apart from the other captains. He, at least, paid attention to the Head Captain's directive about keeping haoris in good condition.

Eventually, I stood up and decided to just help Ichigo—one little gesture shouldn't hurt. I was just serving my captain, I told myself. Besides, it did not look to me as if the boy's patience was long enough for the menial task.

But just as I allowed myself a small smile at the thought of touching that haori, touching Ichigo, a chorus of shouts pierced through the relative silence. Alarmed shouts…

My eyes darted up at once, noticing the sudden disappearance of light. Before I could blink, light flooded over me once more. There was a moment of confusion…then I realized what I was seeing.

The shinigamis who have almost made it to the top of the tower had an accident of some kind, and a massive load of reiatsu-restricting matter was hurtling towards to the ground.

Beside him, Yumichika dug his feet into the ground and yelled. "Bakudou no sanjuunana, Tsuriboshi!"

For one confused moment, I just stared at the Eleventh Squad shinigami—he had just cast a bakudou… A member of Zaraki Kenpachi's infamous battle squad, reputed to be the strongest among the Thirteen Court Guardians…

There was a deafening crashing sound, like that of glass breaking. Yumichika's eyes flashed to me angrily. "Kira-fukutaichou!"

The falling heap of materials have started crackling in the air, a vortex of energy spinning around it in a turbulent storm. All around them, shinigamis of lesser reiatsu have already fallen to the ground, half-knocked out from the mere density of the energy.

The ground where the debris was bound to fall was clear…except for Ichigo.

"Taichou…!" I yelled, fear gripping my entire body.

Ichigo was just looking up at the rapidly approaching mass, his fingers frozen on the snagged spot on his haori. His lips were parted slightly, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

The next thing I knew, I was already flying towards the boy. In just a heartbeat, my arms wrapped around the soft, warm body of my captain. As my grip on Ichigo tightened, I realized with a pang that the boy hadn't even braced himself for impact. His stance was almost relaxed, with only the tiniest hint of surprise. His frame was yielding and his body was compliant. Even his expression was almost tranquil, if not for the wide eyes that were the only sign of astonishment, of comprehension of his situation.

As I molded into Ichigo's frame, my cheek brushed against the boy's chest. For a fleeting moment, I realized with a savage satisfaction that our heights were ideally matched, our bodies fitting together as if halves of a whole. If given the chance to test this conclusion in a real battle, I was certain I wouldn't be disappointed.

I let out a contented sigh—for the shortest moment, I allowed myself to be selfish.

If I have been any slower, I had no doubt of what would have taken place. Ichigo would still have been standing there, only heartbeats away from tragedy. And I didn't think I could take it if the boy—my precious captain—was hurt right before my eyes, especially when I could have protected him.

So yes, I thought I earned the right to be selfish, if only for a moment…if only for a bit. This was all that I would ask for in return—a chance to wrap my arms around Ichigo. And with this, I was already satisfied. It was already worth it. Besides, I figured it would be some time before I could see the boy again. it certainly worked out in my favor that the one thing I wanted was the same as the one I needed to do in order to save my captain.

I buried my face into Ichigo's chest, my fingers digging into the boy's back, for the smallest fraction of a second. For the first time in decades, I thought I was going to give out to sensory overload. Every nerve ending in my body was tingling with the unbelievable heat coming from Ichigo.

Yes…entirely worth it.

But the moment for selfishness was quickly over—I needed to do what I must. Steeling myself, I put both palms on Ichigo's shoulders and whispered under my breath.

"Bakudou no hachi…Seki."

He thought I heard Ichigo's surprised gasp. And I definitely saw the boy's chocolate eyes, even though Ichigo probably didn't see me. I wanted to chuckle at the sight. If this wasn't worth it, I had no idea what was.

I watched as Ichigo flew backwards from the strength of the binding spell—I felt a tinge of annoyance with myself for using kidou, but there was just no other choice. Besides, if Ichigo was safe, I would eventually learn to accept my decision. A few scratches won't kill the boy anyway—I knew that well. I let relief flood through me. At least Ichigo was out of harm's way now.

I barely had time to see Ichigo stop rolling on the ground before a blinding pain shot all over my body. A crushing black immediately took over me, then I was gone.

What a funny kid… So he's the one. Ichigo… I don't know the details, but they fought with Ichimaru and survived. Those ryoka are worth killing… Ichigo…

…

As for the Eleventh Squad, we have reports that they have essentially been annihilated. Ichi…go…the ryoka was seen wearing a shihakusho, and had bright orange hair.

…

Ichigo… He defeated Kuchiki-taichou. Ichigo… You must understand by now… They are the saviors of Soul Society. Ichigo…

I knew I couldn't have blacked out for too long, but when I opened my eyes, nothing around me made sense. No—it wasn't that it didn't make sense… Everything was suddenly only a blur, like I was watching the world spinning way too fast for me to see anything properly. For a moment, I thought that the impact had somehow damaged my vision, but then I realized almost immediately that that was not the case.

There was one thing I could see clearly—a young boy with orange hair wearing a haori…

Ichigo.

My heart thudded a bit too hard against my chest I he realized with satisfaction that Ichigo was alright. For a moment, it was a little harder to breathe.

As I focused on his captain's face, it slowly came to my muddled attention that there was a searing warmth pressed against my entire side. The warmth was…deep. Comforting. Pleasing. Soothing. The sensation was seeping into my skin and spreading throughout m body in delicate caresses. I almost moaned at the pleasure.

Such a wonderful, delicious heat… I wanted more.

As I tried to move—I wanted to feel the heat to spread more, to envelop my mostly numb body completely—the warmth wrapped around me obligingly, tightening its embrace reassuringly.

For a dizzy moment, I thought he'd pass out from the intensity of the pure bliss that coursed through my body. But the joy, like any other good thing, was short-lived. Reality pulled me back to the surface, dragging me out of my temporary heaven unhappily.

I have realized why Ichigo's arms would be wrapped around me as if I would disappear any moment, why everything was nothing but a haze to my heavy lidded eyes.

My young captain was, without a doubt, flying through Seireitei—racing towards the Fourth Squad almost blindly. I tried to speak, to tell Ichigo so many thing, but my voice had somehow deserted me. Where my vocal cords should be, I felt nothing a flowing warmth. I knew I should be concerned, especially since I could feel a few branches of the calming heat trickling down my throat perceptibly, but my mind felt oddly detached at the moment. And there were more pressing things flooding my thoughts, seizing this moment when my guard was down to attack and make themselves known…

You know taichou, I was so nervous when I first found out you were going to be our new captain. You have no idea… And the dreams I had right after…

That night was…brutal. If there was a way I could forget those dreams, I would readily pay any price. If only to erase the images of you bleeding and dying and screaming…

I still haven't apologized for not being there when you arrived at the barracks. I'm such a failure, taichou… I'm so sorry. I've been…weak. I don't deserve to be your lieutenant… But I can't just leave… I don't want to leave… I'm so selfish. Weak and selfish…

Taichou…there's something I need to confess to you… I tried to…I mean, I almost did…but not quite… Taichou…God, this is hard… Even though I know it's wrong, I still want to do it…even now…

I tried to kiss you, Taichou…that night when I was so lost and confused and worried.

I was just so broken…like I was never really whole…and then you were suddenly there…

I thought you were drunk. I thought you were lost. I thought you just wanted to forget that you were forced into this job… Yes, I now know about how the Onmitsukidou had to drag you to your appointment in front of the other captains. I still can't look at Soifon-taichou in the eye because of it… I'm afraid she'll see the fury burning in my eyes. It wasn't her fault…but I still can't accept it. Wabisuke wants to cut so badly I can barely handle it.

I'm sorry taichou… I was just trying to see if you were inebriated like Shuuhei and Rangiku mentioned, but… Your face, your warm breaths stirring my lashes, your lips… I realized there was just no stopping it… But somehow…I managed. How I wish I didn't… Almost…

I don't know what got into me, what made me think that way…like a kiss was the most appropriate thing to do at the moment. No, not even appropriate… If I'm being honest with myself, I thought it was the only thing to do…like anything else would be wrong. Insufficient…

I'm torn, Taichou… Torn between regretting that wanted to kiss you while you were unconscious, and torn between regretting how I've let the only chance I have slip away… I'm just so weak. Nothing I ever do is right. I'm…lost.

I don't know how to deal with these feelings… I've never been angry and worried and yearning and ecstatic all at once. I'm afraid I can't take it. I'm not strong enough, taichou…

Will I ever be strong enough? Is that even possible for someone like me? Will I ever earn the right to stand beside you? Will you ever…cherish that I became your lieutenant?

I'm in your arms right now, but you're not even the slightest bit happy about it. It makes me sad, somehow… But I'll deal with that later—what's important is that you're alright.

But are you? Alright, I mean. I can barely see you. Are you really alright, taichou? Are you not injured anywhere? Why are you the one carrying me? Surely, someone must have called for the Fourth Squad… Why didn't you just wait for the medical team? Am I…dying?

That's it…isn't it? Oh my God…

But no—it's alright. I'm fine with that… As long as you're safe. As long as you're alright… I wouldn't mind anything anymore.

How about you? I wish you'd at least tell me that you're fine, that you're not hurt… I want to know if I've done something right for the first time.

I'm sorry you had someone as pathetic as me for a lieutenant…

Ichigo… I want you to know though, I'm happy you were my captain. If I can no longer tell you this myself, at least I've admitted it… I would gladly do this all over again.

…there can be no greater honor.

Even the words in my mind stopped flowing as the last of my strength left my body. I was barely even breathing now. My senses have gone long before, leaving me with just a blurred sight, and a lingering feeling of heat surrounding me, gently fading into the background as well. Everything slowly succumbed to the creeping dark.

I smiled to myself as I realized that some of my words—I had no idea which—have somehow reached Ichigo. I could tell, because Ichigo responded. Of course I was disappointed that I could no longer hear what my captain was saying, but knowing was still better than nothing.

My hearing was just way too unfocused, but I could see Ichigo's full lips moving, shaping words I would definitely want to hear someday. Perhaps I'd get a chance to ask him to repeat them for me…

I tried to tell Ichigo that there was no reason for him to worry, that I wasn't feeling any pain despite what I must look like, but my voice remained resolutely useless. I did not give up easily, but eventually I stopped trying to speak. I just contented myself with looking at Ichigo through half-lidded eyes.

My eyes traced the boy's features, memorizing them with every pass. I lingered on every plain, every tiny mark, every detail, then I would do it all over again…

Such was my mind's deterioration—I felt really really tired now, like I haven't slept a wink for so many years—that it took me a long time before I realized there was a spot of crusting blood on Ichigo's cheek. As my chest tightened, I saw that there were also crimson marks on Ichigo's shihakusho.

I have…failed after all, then?

The thought brought tears to my eyes. I was never strong. And I was weaker now than ever. Of course I'd feel broken.

But then, Ichigo whispered something to me—I was surprised I even heard it. Someone must have pitied me…

"I'm right here, Izuru. I will never leave you."

I felt his heart skip an entire beat, then an overwhelming joy washed over me…leaving me to float away in an infinite, solitary black.

It had been two days since I charged into the Fourth Squad, surprising everyone with the sight of my lieutenant propped in my arms, dripping with fresh blood. Only Unohana-taichou managed to not look so disturbed by the sight of such a high-ranked officer getting so hurt in a relatively safe event in Soul Society. Everyone else reacted spectacularly, forgetting that they were regarding the two top officers of the Third Squad.

It had been two days…

I stirred from where I slept at the edge of my lieutenant's bed, in the dead of the night, with a start. I felt Kira's fingers tighten around mine—I haven't realized that I've fallen asleep in that position, sitting right on the edge Kira's bed, our fingers weakly intertwined. I sat up at once, never letting go of the pale hand.

"Kira?" I whispered in the dark, my heart beating fast.

The nowhere-near-serious wounds Kira had gotten when he pushed me out of harm's way were all but healed now. They weren't even the slightest bit life-threatening in the first place. After Unohana-taichou had calmed me down, I was forced to admit that I freaked out because all that blood was such a damn scary sight, especially considering how Kira was a very pale person. It also complicated the situation that he was an easy bleeder, no matter how shallow some of his wounds were.

When Kira had still been asleep after a whole day of being deeply under, even though his wounds were already healed, I have…well.

To put it simply, I have gone crazy again. Freaked out. Unohana-taichou had to use healing kidou—as well as bakudou—to force me to calm down. She had told me that Kira would wake up when he was ready. So I stayed right there, refusing to move, never letting my lieutenant out of my sight.

I have said through gritted teeth, "You forced me into this. If you want to force me out too, you had better drag Soifon and the whole of Onmitsukidou in here. That's the only way you'd get me to leave, if you even can…" After that, Unohana-taichou arranged for us to have our own room on the third floor. She said something about our reiatsu starting to affect the other patients in the infirmary.

"Kira," I sighed in relief as my lieutenant's fingers curled around mine again, telling me wordlessly that he was already awake. At last.

I could barely see anything in the dark, but there was something about Kira's skin that made him visible even with just the faint moonlight shining in from the open windows. It was almost as if the moon was hiding inside his body and was glowing brightly from within, giving him a beautiful, translucent look.

Slowly, Kira opened his eyes, his lashes brushing softly against his cheek as he blinked.

"You wanna get up?" I asked gently as Kira made faint sitting motions. He nodded weakly.

Wrapping an arm around Kira's shoulders gingerly, I helped him sit up and lean back on the headboard. I bit back a grimace as I felt only weak strength in Kira's body as he helped himself sit up. Even Ishida could knock him down like this.

Instead of moving away afterwards, I just dropped my arm and remained sitting right in front of him. I was aware that I was leaning close to Kira…way too close, in fact. But things like etiquette and personal space was nowhere near the top of my priorities now. I wanted to know whether my lieutenant was alright, and I wouldn't even think of anything else until I have ascertained this.

I looked into Kira's eyes and locked gazes with him. "Do you want me to call someone…?" When Kira just shook his head, I felt relieved, for reasons I couldn't quite name at the moment. "Would you like some water, then?"

I poured some water into a glass from the bedside table as Kira just continued to watch me with bright eyes. In the moonlight, the lieutenant's eyes were a striking silver, with just the faintest hint of blue.

I held the glass to Kira's lips carefully as he sipped water. I tried not to think how thirsty Kira looked—I could feel my own throat burning with a parched kind of pain as I thought of the condition Kira had been in when he was first brought in. It reminded me of how much I've screamed myself until I was hoarse, until it felt like my throat was bleeding from the torture…

Kira took a deep breath after finishing the whole glass in just a few gulps. The action only emphasized the dark circles under his eyes. I frowned—the last two days of unconsciousness have taken its toll on Kira, no matter what Unohana-taichou said about Kira being lucky he had gotten away with nothing but minor injuries. Even his hair was limp and not its usual sharply elegant.

My mind swimming with guilty thoughts, I slowly raised a hand and traced the corner of Kira's mouth, my fingers catching a bead of excess water on his lower lip. When Kira's mouth quivered slightly, I quickly dropped my hand and looked down at my lap, not really seeing anything.

A sudden fear had jolted through me—for a moment there, I have been afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself. Merely touching Kira's lips did unbelievable things to my self-restraint. It made me want to…do things. To push him back down on the bed and straddle him. To crush my lips into his and kiss him like tomorrow would never come. To touch his body all over and explore him slowly.

And Kira wasn't helping things at all… Here he was, staring at me intently even though I won't even meet his piercing gaze. And he wasn't saying anything at all, even though he should be offended by the proximity, by what I have just done. It was inappropriate of me, but he wasn't punching me for it. He's doing nothing, and that's what made it so hard…

Of course the best course of action would be for me to move away now, but I wasn't even considering it. I didn't want to. I couldn't. That would be equivalent to me trying to stop my heart from beating—it was freaking impossible.

"Why are you here?" Kira asked quietly in a still hoarse voice, making me jerk up in surprise. Kira's eyes widened for a moment, then he clarified. "I mean…have you even slept? Shouldn't you be at the Third at this time of night? You look…tired."

I felt like choking—did he seriously think I could rest easy knowing that my lieutenant was still unconscious in the infirmary after saving me? Was that how Kira thought of me?

"You…" I growled, trying to keep a hold of my raging emotions. "You almost killed me…Kira."

Kira's lips twitched faintly at the corners—and the faint movement looked suspiciously like an amused reaction. I tried not to shout at the blond shinigami right then, but it did not help that Kira's next words told me plainly that I wasn't being taken seriously.

"I'm the patient here, you know," my lieutenant quipped quietly, his eyes bright with humor—a sentiment that I certainly did not share, and made sure showed on my face.

"You know what I'm talking about," I grunted, my fists closing tightly on the rumpled sheets. "You're not being funny… You tore my heart out of my chest, and you clearly have no idea how much that…hurt."

For a moment, no one spoke. We just studied each other's expressions, our eyes tracing what little we could see of each other's faces under the patch of moonlight shining down on us. The searching gazes we exchanged somehow felt deeper than any conversation could ever be. It was almost as if we were baring our souls for the other to examine.

Eventually though, Kira broke the spell and spoke in the same low voice. "What happened to me?"

My eyes narrowed infinitesimally. "You fell unconscious, then you were asleep for two days."

Kira's eyes bored into me sharply. "You know what I mean, Ichigo." I jerked at the mention of my name, then sighed in defeat as Kira leaned closer to me. "Tell me…please."

I tried to think around the loud crashing of blood behind my ears and the creeping heat setting my face on fire in order to tell him just exactly what happened to him…but I realized the task was impossible anyway, even without Kira's breathtaking intensity.

It still stung, I thought sadly—everything about it, even just the mere memory of it, was still vicious enough to make my chest contract in pain. Never mind that my lieutenant was fine and awake and right in front of me now.

I have watched the entire time as Fourth Squad healers slowly mended Kira despite Unohana-taichou's protests. She had said something about not wanting me to suffer any more than I already have, but I couldn't just leave my lieutenant. How could I leave someone who was writhing in agony when it was supposed to be me?

Yes, it still tormented me. I would never be able to bring myself to speak them. But he wanted to know…so instead of saying them out loud, I just…showed him.

My hand slowly raised itself, my fingers reaching for Kira's face. The other shinigami stopped breathing abruptly when my fingertips brushed along the cold skin of his jaw, following invisible trails.

"Here," I breathed almost inaudibly. I wished he wouldn't want to know details. I hoped knowing where he was injured would be enough.

Without waiting for him to say anything, my gaze and fingers slowly moved up to his temples where a lock of flaxen hair hid half of his face. My touch lingered on the hairline, where two days ago, blood ran profusely.

Leaving my fingers to wind through Kira's hair, I raised my other hand and gently brushed it over Kira's collarbone. Then, without warning, I placed his hand on a spot on his chest. I paused for a while, feeling the gentle thudding of my lieutenant's heart under my fingertips. Then I continued my silent enumeration.

My touch ghosted over Kira's ribcage, making the shinigami shiver slightly, until it rested on his pelvis.

I looked into Kira's eyes briefly, conveying wordlessly how painful seeing him broken has been. When Kira didn't say anything, didn't do anything—didn't even blink—I closed my eyes and moved my hand to the worst of Kira's wounds.

My fingers traced softly over the now-smooth flesh of Kira's inner thigh, remembering the rather deep gash caused by broken glass. The blood loss had been a real issue…

Kira gasped sharply as my hand clamped down on his sensitive skin involuntarily, the memory proving to be still too much for me.

"You have no idea," I breathed as I tried to breathe normally, giving up on shaking the memories off. They weren't going away soon, even though Kira was fine now. "You don't know…"

My eyes widened when I felt a cold touch brush against my cheek. After meeting the lieutenant's sorrowful expression, I realized that Kira had seen my wound there before he passed out.

"Did it hurt?" he whispered, his bright eyes piercing straight into my soul. "Did it, Ichigo?"

My breath hitched in my throat as I carefully untangled my fingers from Kira's hair and placed it over Kira's hand on my cheek.

"This didn't," I murmured, "but this did." I took Kira's other hand and placed it over my own heart.

Kira leaned forward just a bit more, and touched his forehead to mine. "I'm sorry. I really am…but I had to do it."

I sighed again, shaking my head slightly, ruffling our hair. "It hurts anyway."

Another deep silence ensued after that, but the lull didn't last as long. I noticed that Kira wanted to stand up and go to the window so, without saying anything, I helped my lieutenant up to his feet.

Kira managed a few steps on his own, but he tripped not too long after, his coordination no doubt still suffering from his previous injuries. I immediately caught him and held on to him, no longer taking chances with his well-being. I only allowed Kira to walk on his own in the first place because I didn't think it would do the shinigami's pride any good if I didn't even trust him to be able to walk.

I caught him before he could fall, but instead of letting go afterwards, I embraced him tightly. I wrapped my arms around him, determined not to let go even if he pushed me away.

When Kira moved, I only crushed him to me more instinctively. I couldn't help it anymore—this was so beyond my control now. All I could feel running through me, mind and body, was a desire to feel Kira in my arms. To hold him tight. To not let go.

"I'm not going anywhere," he breathed, his hands brushing against my sides as he returned my embrace. "I'm here… I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to hold me so tight."

I swallowed through the lump in my throat. "But…"

"Ichigo…" he sighed, his fingers digging weakly into the muscles on my back.

A warm, unfamiliar feeling stirred through me as he said my name again in that low voice of his. And when he spoke, I felt his lips moving against my shoulder—almost at my neck—where I was most sensitive. When he sighed, his warm breath brushing over my skin made me shiver, sending sparks running down my spine. Every nerve-ending in my body was singing with life.

I have never felt so…alive.

"Izuru," I whispered back, my arms wrapping around him tighter.

I could feel every line of him flush against my body—we were pressed together in so many places it had to be impossible to pull us apart now. I could feel him on me…everywhere.

"…again," I heard him say.

I burrowed my head in his hair, inhaling deeply. "Hmm?"

He, in turn, buried his face deeper into my neck, his lips brushing faintly across my throat. "Say it again…for me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing… I parted my lips. "Izuru…"

Kira nuzzled my neck slowly, sighing something unintelligible. There was no need to hear it anyway—I already understood.

"Izuru," I said again, making him sigh once more in satisfaction. Then I was rewarded with gentle presses of his lips on a dip on my neck, right beside my adam's apple.

After a few more moments, Kira's hands slowly dropped to his sides, jolting me back into reality. I let go of him as well.

I looked into Kira's face searchingly, only to find that my lieutenant won't meet my gaze. His eyes were wide and uncertain, and his fair lashes were suspiciously wet. His lips were quivering, and I could tell he was trying very hard to hide this fact. I put a finger under his chin and tilted his face to me, but Kira closed his eyes, shutting me out suddenly.

For a moment, my heart stopped as I realized my lieutenant still couldn't trust me. Despite everything that happened—even after having endangered himself just to save me—he was still afraid of me.

Almost as if something inside my mind clicked into place, my eyes closed of its own accord and I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his trembling mouth.

This was, by no means, my first kiss, but…

The sheer intensity of the feeling suddenly coursing through my body as my lips rested on his… The soft, satiny feeling of his mouth on my tongue… The hesitation and the excitement and the guilt all pressed into a single burning sensation… Everything was new to me.

The cold feel of his lips on mine, the incongruent heat that spread on my face, the tightening of my breathing, the delicious clenching of muscles in my belly, the telltale pooling of heat down in my nether regions, the feel of fingertips winding through my hair as I moved…

It was a different first…in so many other ways.

I could feel every beat of my heart pounding against my chest, every breath entering my lungs like a mouthful of fire. My body tingled with electricity, making me feel more alive than I ever was before. Even a sword fight to the death couldn't make me feel this way.

We broke apart hesitantly, unwillingly…

"Ichi…go…" he breathed shakily, his hands latching on to me with fistfuls of fabric.

There was no stopping anything anymore this time.

Kira's lips parted with a sigh as my tongue pushed inside, demanding entrance into his wet, velvety heat. A soft, hesitant moan escaped from his throat as I took his lower lip between mine, sucking and licking and nipping on the soft flesh until I could feel his body moving restlessly against mine. I weaved my fingers into his hair and tugged softly, wringing more moans from him as I nibbled on his lips teasingly, my tongue tracing the shape of his mouth languidly.

I felt Kira's hands roaming all over my body when I started sucking on the tip of his tongue, his fingers brushing everywhere with maddening, feathery touches—on my arms, my neck, my chest, my waist… He was driving me crazy.

"Izuru…" I gasped weakly.

His teeth grazed my ear, panting, "I…need…you, Ichigo."

That was the last straw for me.

Suddenly hyperaware of how hard I've gotten, I grabbed Kira's shoulders and pushed him against the wall beside the window, pinning him there with my own body.

I could feel every part of him pressing against me, and I found—to my satisfaction—that we fit each other perfectly, like our bodies were made to match each other flawlessly and wonderfully.

I dipped down to claim Kira's mouth once more in a demanding kiss, pulling and sucking and licking and moaning, then I trailed my mouth down his neck, brushing my lips against the silky flesh…adoring and revering and worshipping with kisses until my mark blossomed on the pale skin. When Kira moaned with a desperate, almost keening sound, I opened my mouth and slowly, gently sank my teeth into the skin, putting enough pressure to make sure his whole body would feel it, but not quite enough to break through.

A wild breath escaped his lips as his body jerked, almost toppling over if not for the tight hold of my body against his. I licked the bite in apology, ran my tongue over the spot again and again until the small dents disappeared, my hands rubbing his sides as the trembling of his flesh slowly subsided.

With shaking hands, he pulled my face back to his and pulled me down for a deep kiss, holding on to my mouth as if it was precious breath. At the same time, my hands mapped out his body adoringly, seeking every curve, every plane, every hidden angle.

His body was perfect. There was no other way to describe it. It made my head spin, all the blood rushing down to my throbbing erection. I couldn't take it anymore—I knew we could both feel it, the heat rising and rising and peaking…

My hand wrapped around his equally hard member through the thin fabric of the kimono he was wearing, and squeezed gently, wringing a loud, needy, desperate moan from his lips. That one delicious sound went straight to my groin, sending my blood rushing over in mad desire like fuel to a fire.

"I..Ichi…go…" Kira gasped, his eyes glazed over with lust, his chest heaving with labored breaths, his knees shaking from the intensity of everything he's feeling. His fists, tightly curled around my clothes, tugged frantically. "Ichigo…"

I felt him buckle as I rubbed my palm over his bulging length—I could feel the heat even through his clothes. I kissed him deeper, our tongues rolling around each other, our breaths mingling together. "Hmm?"

He broke away the same time I pulled back slightly for a much-needed breath. He tilted his head away from me and breathed hard.

"Stop…"

My breath hitched on my throat as I heard what I thought he said. My lips parted on their own, my mind too numb with surprise. "W-what…?"

He looked back at me with a sharp turn of his head—he was breathing hard, but his eyes were burning. "I said stop."

The heat, the pleasure…it was everywhere. Ichigo's hands were everywhere. His hands traced all over my body, kneading my muscles into submission effortlessly, stirring my desire mercilessly. His touches were like breaths of fire washing over me.

Every time his skin touched mine even the slightest bit, flames break out all over my body. His fingers leave burning trails of pleasure as they ghost all over my skin, setting of sparks in my mind as I tried fruitlessly to fight my own raging desire.

I moved my mouth against his desperately, never getting enough of him, never quenching the thirst in me. I caught his tongue as it darted out to trace my lips and sucked on it eagerly, hoping it would help calm me down. But of course it didn't…it couldn't. I wanted more. More of him. All of him.

As he kissed me fiercely, dominantly, possessively, an infinitesimal part of my mind thought that this was all I could ever ask for—to be held preciously and longingly, to be held so tightly I could never get away even if I wanted to. And frankly, if it was Ichigo, I would never want to go—I would die before I ever do. So I kissed back just as aggressively. As much as I was his at the moment, so was he mine. Nothing else comes between us amidst this fiery pleasure…nothing.

Whatever sane thought I had left in my mind flew out the window the moment his warm hand wrapped around my aching erection, making me keen pleadingly, instantly desperate for more friction, more pressure. My mind was spinning violently, drowning in a lustful haze, while my body was begging for more.

"Ichigo," I gasped, a moment of sanity breaking through my clouded, fractured judgment. His touch was like a jolt of electricity straight into my malfunctioning brain—I suddenly remembered why I needed to push Ichigo away. "S-stop," I managed to say around his demanding lips.

He stiffened as he realized what I have just said. His mouth fell open, his dark eyes boring into mine. "What?" he breathed hoarsely.

As the stunned question bubbled out of his throat, I was suddenly assaulted by a wracking wave of reiatsu. Ichigo was suddenly humming with sky-high energy, and he wasn't even aware of it. It was suffocating in its density, almost crushing me, but I couldn't falter now… I couldn't do this.

I mustered my courage and spoke with as much as finality as I could, "I said stop—"

The next thing I knew, Ichigo was holding my arms so hard it hurt. I have just opened my mouth to protest when he suddenly moved. When I opened my eyes, I was already on my bed, lying on my back. He was leaning over on top of me, hands on either side of my head, his eyes boring into my skull with a fervor I have never before seen…

"Say that again," he breathed.

I tried to—I honestly tried to—but nothing came out of my throat. My body was no longer in my control once more, the desire coursing through my veins stronger than reason, than logic, than anything else at the moment.

When he got no answer from me after a long moment of heavy silence, Ichigo kissed me again. This time, he was no longer reserved—it was like something primal had also taken control of his body, giving his movements an edge to it. There was less control, more urgency, more fire.

As everything around me burned down into nothing but mind-bending sensations, I became aware of two things…

Pain and pleasure.

Oh yes, there was pain… I keened and moaned and gasped in pain as Ichigo's teeth almost broke through the skin of my kiss-swollen lips, only to have his urgency fanned into frenzied movements.

But there was also pleasure… My body felt like a coiled mass of electricity, crackling and sparking in pleasure every time I was forced deeper into the mattress with the sheer intensity of my captain's desperate kisses.

There was a fine line between the two explosive sensations, and we played right along the edges of it, challenging both sides until our lungs were begging for breath and our bodies screaming for release, but never giving up.

For the first time in so many years, I could once again feel so…free. So raw and uninhibited and powerful.

"Ichigo…" I gasped as his mouth closed over the place where he bit me earlier, his tongue once again paying respect to my ravished skin. It was pure torture—the pain and the pleasure combined into a heady mix was overwhelming, teasing me to the edges of my sanity.

But as Ichigo tugged on the obi of the thin kimono I was wearing and the garment came loose, I remembered again.

"Stop!"

When he just ignored me, I felt my hands curling into fists at my sides, the nails digging sharply into my palms. The biting pain kept me from giving in to the soft, sensual assaults on my throat.

I closed my eyes and hoped it wasn't too late. "Please…" I breathed. "Ichigo…stop."

Something warm and wet brimmed over from my eyes, trickling down the sides of my face.

"Please, Ichigo…please," I heard myself sob, regardless of the fact that Ichigo already had.

My chest heaved with labored, heavy breaths as I tried to clear my head free of the haze. This was wrong. How could I have let us do something so…improper? This was a travesty of the sacred bond between a lieutenant and his captain.

Oh my God…what have I done?

Something wet splashed on my cheeks.

My eyes flew open at once, only to see Ichigo looking away gruffly, his mouth pressed together in anger. That much, I understood, but his eyes…

Ichigo was crying, I realized painfully.

Without consciously thinking to do so, I lifted a hand and touched the warm, wet tracks on my captain's cheeks. Yes, he was crying. I could feel his tears on my fingertips. And more warm drops continued to all down on my face, joining my own expression of anguish.

"Do you have any…idea how much…that hurt?" he asked breathlessly, not looking at me. His teeth dug into his lower lips as he tried to control himself. "Do you, Izuru? Seeing you lying on the floor like that, your blood pooling on the ground… Why?"

I sucked in a deep breath at the sharp question, my head shaking from side to side mechanically. "I…d-don't…"

Ichigo looked back down on me, his dark eyes burning through me. "I…"

When he didn't say anything at once, I realized with a shocking suddenness that I was almost entirely naked…and under my captain. Under Ichigo.

The dark, almost black, kimono I was wearing was open all the way to my navel. The opposite colors only emphasized the paleness of my skin, and the expanse of my exposure. Only a few vestiges of mercy by some kami unknown to me made it so that the flimsy hospital gown's flap was draped over the most private part of my body. And it wouldn't take much to divest me of this last inch of modesty that I have left—even a weak breeze would do the job.

I looked back up at Ichigo, only to find that his eyes haven't left my face at all. His expressions remained the same as before, but tears never really stopped falling from those lovely eyes.

"I want you, Izuru," he whispered. "I want you so bad."

He disappeared from my sight for a moment as new tears welled over my eyes, blurring my vision to the point I couldn't see anything anymore.

"Don't…" I said, blinking the tears away—they trickled down to my ears hotly. "I'm not…worth it."

Ichigo's breath hitched in his throat with a loud sound, and his voice broke in all the worst places when he spoke next. "Please… I need you, Izuru. I need you so much…"

I bit back sobs and pained groans and reciprocations—I couldn't give in. One of us has got to tough this out and be strong. I have to…

"Stop it," I hissed at him.

For a short moment, I thought I have succeeded—Ichigo's expressions hollowed, like I have just dealt him a fatal blow. With wide eyes, he slowly pulled himself off me and stood up. His expressions were a mix of pain, disbelief and shock as he stared at me, his arms hanging lifelessly at his sides.

I sat up slowly, my eyes never leaving Ichigo's unnaturally pale face. Ichigo…crying for me. He just stood there in pure black, his haori forgotten on the back of a chair somewhere in the room. His beautiful body was quivering…trembling. I wanted to hug him, but I mustn't. I wanted to stand up and comfort him, but I shouldn't. I wanted to kiss him again, but for the love of gods, I…

"Izuru…" he breathed before breaking into a sob.

Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at Ichigo and realized that I had to stop this before anything could even start. He was already breaking before my eyes…it shouldn't take much more in order to kill the seeds. Just a bit more… I can't stop now.

More tears welled in his eyes. "I can't…I can't take it anymore…" he gasped.

For a moment, I thought I did it. But of course I was wrong—I could have never been more wrong.

"I'm in love with you…Izuru."

All breath was wrenched out of my body in one shocked gasp. "W-wha—"

His equally swollen lips barely even moved, but I heard his broken voice loud and clear from where I was. It was too loud—I felt like my eardrums would explode from the loudness of it, echoing around the room, inside my head, mercilessly…

"I'm in love with you…"

My head started shaking in denial mechanically, my eyes frozen on Ichigo's form, half-hidden in the dark. "No…"

"Izuru…" His hands were shaking on his sides. "I'm in love with you."

I stood up without even meaning to—everything around me was spinning violently. What was he saying… This wasn't real, right? It can't be real…it just can't be. HOW COULD I BREAK HIS HEART IF IT MEANT BREAKING MY OWN AS WELL?

Ichigo's head hung down, his eyes on the floor. Tears splashed on the wood with soft, deafening sounds. "I'm…in love with you."

"Stop saying that!" I screamed.

Ichigo's body jerked, like I have hit him physically. He bit back a sob, but not the words… "I'm…in…love…with…you."

"Goddamn it, Ichigo!" I slammed myself into him and shut him up with my own mouth. "Just shut up…"

I wasn't gentle about it, just as Ichigo wasn't resisting me at all—he wasn't even moving. He just took my assault with muffled sobs.

I could taste the salt of his tears on my tongue as I attacked his mouth, kissing him viciously, biting until his lip bled. The metallic taste mingled with the salt, but I took it all hungrily. I licked and sucked until the blood was gone, then I pulled back, coaxing him to look at me.

After staring at me dejectedly, Ichigo's lips moved again, bleeding slightly when the movement pulled at the shallow cut on his lower lip. "I'm in love with you."

I truly started crying now. I made no more effort to hold back the anguished sounds, the sobs, the overflowing tears… It made no difference anyway. We were both past the point of no return now. What's done was done—there was no going back anymore.

Standing on my toes, I slowly put my mouth on the warm spot under Ichigo's jaw, burying my nose on his jugular. I brushed my lips once on the pulsing stretch of skin, then I opened my mouth and started sucking.

I licked, I sucked, and I bit until a deep mark had appeared on his neck, until I was sure that the natural design would not fade away for days. Then I pressed my lips against his ear and whispered, "You can't love me, Ichigo… You just can't…"

I saw a lot of emotions play on his face as I dropped back down to my feet.

Anger.

Confusion.

Disbelief.

But what shocked me was the intense pain I could see. How can he feel that much pain over me? It was incomprehensible. Impossible.

"But I already do…" he murmured, his expressions contorting into a mask of pure agony.

My hand clapped over my mouth as I realized he was saying the truth… "Oh God… No…"

Ichigo swayed weakly on the spot. "Do you…hate me that bad?"

My eyes widened, but no words made it past my lips, even as I watched with sickening clarity as Ichigo's expressions slowly settled into understanding…and heartbreak.

"Why?" he asked me, his eyes pleading.

Tears fell down my cheeks relentlessly as I forced the rest of my expressions into difference. This would be for the best. "I'm sorry."

Ichigo stepped to me slowly, then leaned over me, his lips brushing over mine lightly…giving me the chance to decide one last time.

His selflessness was crushing me where I stood, so I made up my mind. I steeled myself and made up my goddamned mind.

I pushed Ichigo away and stood straight, bringing myself to my fullest height. I stared at him with the most piercing gaze I have ever given anyone. I raised my hand before me, as if reaching for him…

"Bakudou no rokujuusan, Sajou Sabaku!"

Thick chains of golden light flew out from behind me and wrapped around Ichigo's frozen form tightly. I did not miss the betrayed look in his eyes as I pulled my kimono around me slowly.

"I'm sorry…" I breathed, walking over to the window numbly.

"W-w…" he breathed, but I just shook my head at him.

"It's too late," I whispered.

Then I jumped out the window, leaving my broken captain behind.

Next on "A Captain's Promise":

"I don't have time to play games with you, Byakuya," I growled, putting the expensive and fragile cup down. He looked up at me contemplatively, then shook his head. "You are so dense, Kurosaki Ichigo. Must I really tell you what you should already know?"