A/N Yes this is the very last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has Favorited followed read and or reviewed. I appreciate you all.

Chapter 25

Back in his room after his run in with the Ecstasy tablet, Deeks was leaning against the headboard of his bed reading a book as Kensi came in, she had just been to the pool and swam as she had started to do since being here, the idea being according to Bryan that Deeks get some time alone and that she have some space as well so that he didn't get too dependent on her being there.

"How was your swim?" He asked.

She smiled and shook her head so the wet water drops landed on him, "Wet!" She grinned.

"Yuck!" Deeks smiled a small smile as he wiped the water off him.

"What are you reading?" Kensi asked leaning over to look.

"Nothing…" he tried to hide the book.

"Walt Whitman?" Kensi said as she grabbed the book from him.

"LEAVE IT!" he yelled grabbing the tattered book from her grasp.

Kensi stopped, Deeks never yelled at her. He realized what he had done and took a step away from her, "I'm sorry, it's just…it's mine." He said He handed the book to her and went into the bathroom locking the door.

She turned the book over in her hands, "I'm sorry Deeks." She said knocking on the door.

He didn't answer but emerge a few minutes later, dressed, as dressed as he could get seeing as he was still on suicide watch and had had his trainers and belt confiscated and was wearing the slippers that they handed out at the center.

He grabbed the book off her and headed out the door Kensi close at his heels until they reached Bryans' office for Deeks and Kensi's therapy session.

"Morning." Bryan smiled as the couple walked in.

Deeks walked over to the chair in the furthest corner and pulled his knees to his chest, Kensi looking sad and confused sat next to Bryan.

"Something wrong?" He asked brightly.

"No." Deeks snapped.

"I don't know." Kensi honestly answered.

"You don't know?" Deeks snapped back, "It was mine…and you took it, and…and you laughed…it's…" He stopped and looked out of the window rather than looking at them.

"The book? All this because of a stupid poetry book?" She didn't mean to snap at him, but they had been through 3 more days of therapy things were getting better and now he was on a downer over a book.

Deeks looked hurt.

"I mean, it's only a book, it's not even a new book, look at it, it's dog-eared and the cover is ripped and it's got sticky tape on it." She didn't understand why he was so protective over a book.

Bryan held up a hand. "Kensi, this is obviously important to Marty. Marty, would you like to tell Kensi about the book?" he asked.

"No." Deeks said quickly.

"Please, Deeks, I never wanted to hurt you…" Kensi said softly.

"It's…..hers." He mumbled.

"Hers?" Bryan said having caught what he said.

Deek held the book to his chest tightly and walked to the window. "I miss her…I can't help it, I know I'm not supposed to, I mean I'm a grown adult, but I miss her, I really…." He let out a sob and instantly Kensi was out of her seat and at his back with her arms around his waist comforting him.

"Who?" She asked gently.

"My mom…it was her book, it was the only one he would let her have, she'd read to me when I got bored with my books. It was our time together. It was safe." He wiped his eyes but wouldn't look at her.

"I've never seen it before?" Kensi said.

Deeks looked at her, "It's not something I ever share, not even Jeff or Jen know about it, I had it under my jumper, the night she…she died. I took it as we were running and then…then….I never got to give it back."

Kensi hugged him, "I'm sorry, I should have realized."

Deeks turned to face her, "I'm not mad with your Kenz. I'm mad because until you saw the book I realized there were still parts of my life that I am holding onto. Secrets I'm keeping from you and I…I don't want to."

Kensi pulled him over to the overstuffed leather couch in the corner and sat next to him.

He leant into her embrace as Bryan looked at the couple. "Marty, is there anything else you want to tell Kensi."

Marty shook his head, "I have told her most of it, most of what I did while I was on the drugs, and she knows about mom and fern and him. She knows about Frieda and my family. She even knows I love her, I don't know what else to tell her." He said confused.

Bryan nodded, "Kensi do you have anything to tell Deeks?" she asked.

"I didn't mean to laugh, I was just surprised that you like poetry, I have memories like that with things that belonged to my dad, I have a journal of his, when we get back I'll share it with you if you want." She offered.

Deeks gave a smile, "I'd like that Fern."

Bryan turned to Deeks, "Marty a few times I've heard you call Kensi 'Fern' can you tell us why?" he asked.

"She was my sister. My baby sister, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I haven't seen anything that beautiful since, until I saw her, I mean Kensi."

"You called me that the first time you saw me?" Kensi said surprised.

"I know," Deeks said shyly.

"Marty, you'll be leaving us in two days; you've successfully completed this stage of your rehabilitation. You will of course be signed up to 90 meetings in 90 days at your local Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and Ms Lange has agreed that you can go back to work as soon as your 90 days are up."

Deeks' head shot up, "I still have a job I thought I was fired? I mean, after what happened with Lacey I felt for sure..." he said surprised.

Kensi nodded, "Yeah, I need my partner." She said, "I can't go out in the field without you having my back."

"You still trust me then?" Deeks asked.

Kensi wrapped her arm around his shoulder, "Always," she affirmed.

"Do you feel ready to leave us?" Bryan asked.

Deeks stood up and walked to the window, without saying a word. He looked out and saw Lacey in the gardens with her escort. He looked past the fence to the wide open space beyond. Could he? Could he go back to his life before?

He turned back and looked at them. "Ready? No…do I need to? Yeah, yeah I do." He said. "I need to try to get my life back, and I know now, I'm not alone and I can do it. I don't just mean Kensi either, I'm not using her as an enabler, but as part of my support system, I've been doing some thinking, Bryan. I know I have my family, Hetty, the team…Heck even Monty in his own way. And…and I think I'm going to make it."

Bryan smiled, "Finally."

Deeks and Kensi looked confused.

"The one problem Marty had was realizing that everyone was on his side, can I ask Marty what made you come to this realization?" Bryan asked.

"Lacey." Deeks said.

Kensi looked confused.

"Lacey had a relapse, and she's still here being escorted by guards. She's alone, I've never seen her have a visitor, she did her whole rehab alone and she's still here." He sighed feeling sorry for her, and he turned to Kensi, "You're here, I had a relapse and you, Callen, Jeff and Grandpa came for me, you stayed for the last week, you have been here through it all…I'm not alone." he said. "Hetty has still offered me a job, even though LAPD fired me, she still has faith in me and you all came to that house when I was on release with Dave. You all supported me…I…I'm not alone any more." Deeks smiled, his first bright genuine smile in weeks, "Kensi…I'm not alone any more!" he said surprised.

Kensi stood up, not caring about the happy tears that ran down her face, she ran over to him and flung her arms around him, kissing him gently she whispered in his ear, "You will not ever have to be alone again." She promised.

True to her word she stayed with him, throughout the two days left at the center, drive with Hetty in her car back to Los Angeles and through the 90 meetings in 90 days at N.A.

Deeks woke up, he sat and looked over at Kensi sleeping in the bed, and they still hadn't slept together, promising that while he was going through this, it would be a bad time to cross that line. He smiled, hoping that someday soon they'd cross it together.

Deeks went to the bathroom and got washed and changed, he knew it was really early, but it was his first day back at NCIS and he was nervous, He smiled as Jen walked into the kitchen, "Marty! It's 5 am!" she yawned. Sleepily reaching for the coffee machine. He sat at the counter, watching as Monty padded around the garden smelling the early morning grass.

Jen sat next to him and sipped her coffee, "Are you OK? No cravings or anything?" she asked a hint of worry in her voice.

Deeks smiled, "No, I'm good little sister. You got Uni today?"

She nodded, "I'm going over to Uncle Jeff's house today, and he said I could help him decorate his living room."

"Jennifer Brandel, you even offer to paint it that awful shade of mustard that you like and I'll shoot you myself." He said half joking.

Jen looked at her brother, "Mustard? Yuk, not my favorite color now. I like purple." She told him with a grin.

Deeks rolled his eyes, "Fine."

She took another sip, "Kensi up yet?" she asked.

Deeks shook his head, "she still has an hour, I thought I'd let her sleep." He said.

She stood up and got a refill, and grabbed a book off of the kitchen side, "I'm going back to bed. See you later and good luck." She kissed the top of his head and ambled back to bed.

He sat contemplating all that had happened over the last few months and what was going to happen.

Kensi walked in the kitchen just as he ran out and into the bathroom.

She got a coffee and waited for him. Five minutes later looking pale and shaky he walked back into the kitchen.

"Sick?" she asked. For a second she was worried, but she let it go; knowing that she needed to show him that trust.

Deeks nodded, "Nerves I think." He admitted. Taking a sip of water and handing her a box of doughnuts he'd brought last night.

She took a doughnut and smiled at him, "You'll be fine." She promised.

As they drove to work, Kensi thought about the new Deeks, he was less the joker, a bit more vulnerable, but there were glimpses of the 'old' Deeks who shone through day after day.

Deeks stood at the door to the mission.

Kensi looked behind her as Callen and Sam got out of the Challenger, she had noticed them when they pulled up.

"Ok Deeks." Sam said, "Been waiting for you." He said.

A brief look of panic crossed his face at Sam's words. "You….you have?" Deeks stammered out.

Callen smiled, "Yep, figured that if we were going to start back as a team, you should walk in there with the team behind your back."

Deeks smiled as Kensi and Sam opened the doors and Callen and Deeks stepped through.

Hetty turned to look at them.

"Hi honey I'm home." Deeks quipped as Callen and Sam turned to close the doors.

"So I see Mr. Deeks, Welcome back." Hetty replied as they closed with a loud bang.