Written for two prompts on avenger kink. One was asking for Darcy as Tony's daughter and included IM3 spoilers, and the other was Clint/Darcy, pregnancy.

Long Black Cloud is Comin' Down

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Darcy shouts through the phone. Tony winces because his daughter is loud. He can hear the hurried footsteps of someone in the background.

"Darcy, mind your blood pressure," he chides, because he really doesn't want to be shouted at.

"NO!" She breathes out. He can hear murmuring in the background and secretly hopes that Barton is pulling off the impossible and calming her down. "Okay, let's start from the beginning."

Tony reminds himself to be a little nicer the next time he sees the archer. Maybe he'll expedite the experiments on those new arrows. "You were right. The giant bunny was a terrible idea. Pepper was most displeased."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Her voice starts to rise again.

Tony can hear Barton's distinct voice telling her to think of the baby. And yes, Tony thinks he's too young to be a grandfather. And yes, he was a little upset that he was only finding out after another near-death.

"Dad," she sighs, resigned to dealing with the latest crisis the good old fashion Stark way. Tony almost, almost, feels sorry that she can't include the alcohol. He has a good bottle of scotch on the workbench. "That's twice this year you died on me."

And isn't that the truth? Tony is very much aware that this is what his life is now. "Well, first of all, that first time was totally not my fault."

"Semantics." Tony chooses to ignore the scoff that he's sure was Barton.

"And this last time. I was provoked. And did you see what they did to Happy?"

"But giving your address on national television to a known terrorist?" Darcy shrieks. Tony wonders if her boyfriend is cringing just as much as he is.

"I was provoked!" He can't help but repeat himself. He isn't sure whether Pepper is wonderful or not. (She usually is.) But she hadn't lectured him for this. Other than the initial 'let's leave, it's what normal people do' conversation that was interrupted by a missile. Knowing the two most important women in his life, he's pretty sure Pepper planned for him to be stuck on the phone with his daughter. He'd commend her for the genius plan if he wasn't the one being yelled at right now.

"No."

"Let's talk about the bun in your oven. And how I'm only hearing about it now." Derailing the conversation was the second thing he learned after learning to talk.

"Um," Darcy mumbles. "Here, talk to Clint. I have to use the restroom."

Maybe being a grandfather this young would be worth it?

"Tony."

"Oh, I'm Tony now?" Tony snarks. He doesn't think Barton is going to scold him about his most recent actions, but the man was whipped by Darcy so Tony wasn't sure what to expect.

"I'm having a baby with your daughter," he mumbled into the phone. Tony imagines the man is seated in their shared suite at the tower back in New York, cursing Darcy for handing over the phone.

"About that-"

"We didn't plan for it to happen," he interrupts.

"Not sure that's helping your-"

"Fuck. Sir. No, that's not what I meant." The man takes a deep breath, Tony can hear Barton mentally count to ten. "Yes, it was unplanned, but we're both excited about it."

"Really? That's not what I heard." And it's true. Tony is still a little miffed that everyone knew before him. Pepper, Rhodey, Happy (and how did that happen? The man was in the hospital and busy pissing people off with his new badge initiative as head of security.), Bruce, and he'd place a bet on the rest of the team already being aware as well.

"Who have you been getting your intel from?"

"As the father of the pregnant girlfriend, I think I'm supposed to be the one asking the questions here." And Tony is pretty sure that this is the truth. It's what happens in the movies and on tv shows. He never expected to be in this situation (being a father was the last thing he had ever planned for, but boy wasn't it one of the best things to have ever happened to him) but he was going to live it up. Knowing Darcy, and really just the situation in general, this was going to be a one-time deal. If (and he was hoping it was a big if) the pair decided to have more children, Tony wouldn't get to scold the pair for the 'surprise'.

"You're right, sir."

"Exactly. Now, how long have you two known?" The bottle of scotch was looking more and more appetizing, but Tony was going to hold out for when Darcy came back and demanded to learn more about his latest 'death'.

"Darcy told me just before you went missing. We were going to fly out for Christmas and tell you the news then. She got you this thing from Tiffany's that she said you'd appreciate."

"Oh?" Fuck it. One glass wouldn't hurt. And the bottle was more than halfway full. He steps away from his workbench and pours himself two fingers worth of scotch.

"Oh yes," his daughter's excited voice trickles from the background. "It was a small screwdriver. Sterling silver," she says into the phone.

"Like the one you had." And isn't he glad that he poured that drink. Just in time to get back to talking to his daughter.

"Exactly. And it would have been perfect. You'd have opened it and been all awestruck and it would take you mere seconds to figure out what it meant. And I'll throw you a bone here, because you need some positive right now, before I start yelling at you again. But yeah, you'd have figured it out quickly, unlike Rhodey who needed it to be spelled out to him. But no. You had to go and die. Again."

"I'm pretty sure this is actually the first time I've actually died." He sips at his glass, he's pretty sure he's going to need it for the rest of this conversation. The first time was missing. The second time he was only dying, and no one knew about that. The third time, he had just fallen from a wormhole in the sky only to be saved by his Science Bro's alter ego. He was in shock, not dead.

"He's never actually died," Clint points out, over the sound of a woman's moans. And oh, Tony's apparently on speaker. He doesn't want to think about what the duo are doing that would require him to be on speaker. Maybe he's rubbing her feet? That's what you do when preggo? At least that's what he thinks? He's going to have to buy some books. Maybe send some to Barton as well if Darcy hasn't already (and she was half-raised by Pepper, so she probably already did that along with everything else needed).

"Not the point," Darcy groans. "He's disappeared for a couple of months after being attacked. He pretended he wasn't dying when he actually was. His heart was stopped for however many seconds after the portal thing. And the Malibu house exploded off of the cliffside and his body wasn't retrieved. All of that equates dead to me."

"Barton, I'm pretty sure I've already told you this, but Darcy is always right."

"You're not off the hook!" Darcy exclaims, and Tony is imagining her pointing her finger at the phone and he smiles into his glass.

"You have, sir. Unless its against Pepper. And then you have to really think about the odds."

"Good man." Tony raises his glass. He sort of wishes they were on video call, but at the same time, if Darcy was going to continue to lecture him, he didn't think he could handle her disappointed face. Seeing her face could wait.

"Anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand," Darcy says, forcing Tony to pour more scotch.

"Did you really make bobble bombs?" Clint asks.

"Among other things. How did you hear about that?"

"Sitwell pulled the feed for the report."

"Kudos for the taser. I'd like to point out that you totally stole the idea from me. As well as the nail gun."

"Yes, I will admit walking through that hardware store in the middle of bumfuck Tennessee reminded me of your nine year old self. Let's not mention any of this to Pepper."

"Wait what?" Clint asks at the same time another voice (in Tony's actual presence) speaks. "Mention what?"

"Umm," both Starks stutter.

"What are you two hiding from me?" Pepper asks, grabbing Tony's glass of scotch from his hands.

"You didn't tell me Darcy was expecting. So you can wait - how long has she known?"

"Almost three months," Darcy responds just as soon as he finished his question.

"Three months. You can wait three months."

"It's only fair, Pepper." Darcy is on his side in this. Tony knows its because, pregnant or not, Pepper is going to lecture the both of them for their past exploits. They wouldn't be Starks if they didn't know how to exploit loopholes, and there was a strict 'no causing explosions using the stuff in the lab' rule while Darcy was growing up. And seriously, what sort of kid doesn't enjoy explosions? They had a safety wall and Tony wouldn't let Darcy push the big red buttons. That was what You and Butterfinger were for.

"Fine," Pepper isn't one to huff, but Tony would say she had just huffed. "Tell Darcy about the boy."

"What boy?"

"The kid that saved you."

"A kid saved you? How old was he?" Clint asks.

"I don't know. Ten? And he didn't save me."

"Tony, be honest."

"I am being honest. He didn't save me. I saved him first. So it totally negates him saving me."

"Why did a kid have to save you? Dad, we seriously need to have a talk about what you do in your spare time."

"I tinker. And when I met him, I tinkered. Well, I was charging the suit."

"What-"

"If you stop talking I can tell you the whole story." Tony raises his eyebrow, not caring that Darcy and Barton can't see. He's pretty sure his daughter is very aware of the expression he's making based on the tone of his voice. "Quiet time?"

"Yes," Darcy huffs, and Tony is pretty sure she's crossing her arms and pouting based off Barton's snickering.

"Okay, so. After the house fell into the ocean. Because sometimes JARVIS actually makes mistakes," Tony whispers the last sentence. "I was sent to the middle of Tennessee because the last flight path made was for that. We were doing some analysis of the explosion at the Grauman's-"

"It's not called that anymore," Darcy can't help but interrupt.

"Fuck. The Chinese theater, whatever. I was in Tennessee. It was fucking cold. I had to steal a poncho from a wooden indian. The suit malfunctioned, power was drained. I had to drag the shit through the snow. I found a shed/garage/place to hole up. Got ambushed by a ten year old with a potato gun."

"Did he shoot you with it? I hope he shot you with it."

Rolling his eyes at his daughters outburst, Tony continues. "No. I called him out on the long gauge and a few other things. He shot it at something else in the room to prove me wrong. No more ammo."

"Ammateur," Darcy giggles.

"So yeah. The kid showed me where this soldier supposedly detonated a bomb. He wouldn't shut up about New York. I had a panic attack. Again. Walked away and went to see the soldier's mom."

"We'll address that later," Darcy mumbles.

Tony opts to ignore it. Hopefully she forgets. Like he hopes Pepper forgets about earlier. "Got attacked by a crazy lady. Exploded her with dog tags and a microwave. Had a man who was crazy lady's friend melt a water tower. He had Harley-"

"Harley?" Clint asks.

"The kid was named Harley. I guess a normal person would say sweet kid. But he talks a lot. And about things he's told not to. But he did hook me up with a limited edition Dora Explorer watch. So whatever. Anyway. Crazy man had Harley. I gave him this device from the suit earlier. To use on bullies. Kid used it on the crazy man. Went off well. I steal crazy guy's car and drive off, telling the kid to go home and keep a phone nearby. At some point I sort of hijack a newsvan. Fucking speed test was not up to par. I swear once we have the whole clean energy thing handled. We need to work on powerful wi-fi everywhere."

"I am down for that to be part of the Stark legacy." Darcy claps excitedly. Of course the girl gets excited over internet everywhere.

Tony rolls his eyes. "The guy running the van was a little creepy. Had a tattoo of my face. Hacked into AIM. Which apparently hired the crazies. Watched some videos explaining EXTREMIS which fixed these ex-soldiers bodies. Basically found out that the supposed bombs were actually the ex soldiers bodies going boom. Who knew, right? Anyway, called the kid to check on the suit and have JARVIS figure out where the Mandarin was located. You'd think somewhere in the Middle East, right? Well, you'd be wrong. It was Miami. This is where I freaked out again because the suit wasn't ready," Tony rambles, hardly taking a breath, figuring getting through the whole thing as quickly as possible would keep those he care about from freaking out at him.

"Harley reminded me that I was a mechanic, which, kudos to the kid. Souped up his shed/garage/whatever that place was in thanks. I head to Miami after hitting up the local hardware store. Take out the guards and manage to find the Mandarin. Turns out he isn't this crazy pseudo Baptist monk evil mastermind. He's just an actor named Trevor. Crazy man from earlier shows up and I'm handcuffed to a bed. Standing up though, so not as kinky as you'd think. Which, is a good thing. Cause I woke up to an 'ex' or whatever. did the whole scold the scientist or whatever. Get confronted by Aldrich Killian who informs me has kidnapped Pepper. And yeah, whole thing was weird and bad. Maya gets herself killed in attempt to help Pepper. Killian leaves me to two bodyguards. The limited edition Dora Explorer watch goes off letting me know the suit is ready. I try to talk the guys out of being there, of course, they're minions, so they don't listen. Take out a bunch of guards. Watch as the War Machine-"

"Iron Patriot," all three correct him.

"War Machine shoots off into the sky. Get a hold of Rhodey. He's not in the suit. We find Trevor to figure out things. Find crazy man on Air Force One. Guy used the suit to kidnap the president. By the way Darcy, I saved the guys life. He owes me a favor or two, so should you want to use that silly Political Science degree you have an in at the White House."

"Fuck off. President just kidnapped. Finish the story so I can tell you off properly."

"Fine, fine," he sighs. Yes, he had hoped to get out of the scolding, but he knew it was highly unlikely. He could hope though, right? "So, have to save thirteen people who are plummeting to their deaths. Deal with that and then go after Pepper. Find them at a docked oil tanker. Lots of crazy people with that EXTREMIS shit there. Take them all out with my distractions. Save Pepper. Blow up the distractions. Fix Pepper, fix me. And there you have it." He guzzles down the full glass Pepper handed him. This is why he loved her (among other things). The woman understood him. And while she may not agree with his methods, she understood why he did what he did. Most of the time.

He can hear his daughter taking deep breaths over the phone and if he wasn't so afraid of her disappointed look, he would have liked to be on Skype or something.

"Dad, how long would it take you to get to New York?"

"Unexpected question. Totally off topic-"

"Dad!" She shouts, and Tony doesn't like the unease seeping out of her voice.

"Three hours if we push it? Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she cries out.

"Somethings wrong," Barton says into the phone, speaker clearly turned off now.

"Barton, get Bruce. He's in the tower." Tony starts ordering.

"If its absolutely necessary we have a private room set up at Lenox Hill," Pepper takes the phone from Tony. Tony's heart rate spikes. While he hadn't had an anxiety attack since the snow outside the car en route to Miami, hearing his baby girl in that much pain, reasons unknown was definite panic inducing.

"Tony, take a deep breath. Darcy will be fine," Pepper murmurs into his ear, pulling him into her arms. She's rubbing his back as she speaks into the phone once more. "We're on our way Clint. Keep us posted."

Hanging up, Pepper takes charge and pulls Tony off the floor.

"We need to go."

"Yes, we will. Once you've calmed down. Tony. She's going to be okay. She's pregnant. Things like this happen all the time. She's probably going to be put on bed rest for a short span of time," Pepper says, in the most soothing tone. One that Tony hates because she hardly ever uses it, and when she does, it's truly warranted, and he just hates those times.

"She's not going to like that," he finally manages to respond.

"No, she's not. And she's going to blame you because it's probably high blood pressure and she's going to say that worrying about you is the cause of it. So as punishment, you'll be in charge of entertaining her and keeping her from overexerting herself."

"She's really not going to like that."

"Well, it's what you both deserve for disobeying rules meant for the safety of a nine year old."