A/N: The canon as to Ling's father I have in here plays along with my other fic, "Ruler's Jewel". Although a work in progress, it will later on portray a romantic interest between Ling and Lan Fan. So, if you enjoyed this, you may want to check it out later on.

Reflection

It was very possible to make a trip from Central to the eastern border in just one day and night. They had to get out of the major cities since, as illegal immigrants they didn't want to attract any attention—not that carrying a corpse with them really help with being inconspicuous. But they had to stop eventually. The battle had been traumatic for all of them. Ling had friend die for him. Mei had killed Alphonse for a few minutes. Lan Fan lost her dearest family member. Travels in Amestris hadn't gone steady. It had served more as a lesson than anything else. They had to rest and "crash"—as Edward would call it—somewhere.

They couldn't stay anywhere nice for Fuu's body would end up attracting too much attention. They were also beat-up from the fight in Central, stunk badly, and not to mention were illegal immigrants. Things would be tight in Amestris considering that they were still uncovering who was associated with the military's experiments. All three of them could put up with sleeping in a nasty hotel if it meant it would keep them out of a jail cell. None of them where very picky anyways; they would have to brave the desert the next day.

Two hotel rooms were rented, each with two beds. Lan Fan being Ling's body guard, she automatically had to share a room with Ling. After what had happened with Greed, Lan Fan didn't intend to let her eyes off of Ling. Especially after having had a homunculus yanked out of his body in such a grotesque manner. The wound had closed completely, only a scar was left to show of Greed's existence, but she still wanted to make sure that Ling was fine, his body having been put under such stress.

They didn't even shower first, they simply ordered room service and ate. Ling had been ready to pass out halfway to the motel; Lan Fan was surprised he made it. This time she couldn't argue that it was just him being spoiled and used to having food at any moment; she was also starving. All of their stomachs could be heard growling and eating itself by the time they had left Central. Luckily when borrowing money from some of the soldiers, they had been overly appreciative of their work, so they gave plenty, enough for many Ling-appropriate meals. It felt odd to be leaving Amestris so soon with so many people they were indebted to.

When eating many of their clothing articles had been removed, for the blood on them might stain the linens on the bed—the only surface in which they could sit and eat. Their clothes where tossed into the sink, closed with a pool of cold water to get the stains out. As Ling sat eating on the bed adjacent to her, his shirt off, all Lan Fan could do was stare at the scar left on his stomach. A goodbye token from the monster she had allowed to imprison him.

Ling watched her also; her arm to be specific. But Lan Fan chose to believe that it was because ever since she battled twenty four hours before, her elbow joint on the artificial arm had been squealing. He couldn't have been looking at it as if he were guilt for her own failure in battle. No, that simply couldn't be. The silence between them was covered with the sound of chewing.

Ling bathed first, leaving Lan Fan alone to her own thoughts for at least a good hour as Ling soaked the blood, sweat, and grime off of himself. As she sat alone in the motel room, she couldn't help contemplating on how different things would be once they returned to Xing.

The goal was for Ling to be gain the trust of the Emperor to be able to be an immediate successor. They hoped that the Emperor hadn't passed away, and Fuu, last time he was in Xing, claimed that he was of good health and greater spirits. So by the time they finally arrived Lan Fan could only believe that her great emperor would be alive. But coming back from Amestris would be hard, for the new world and life styles had enchanted them, and if they were to go and change Xing, problems and frustration would ensue. The current emperor does have a more innovative mind, he did allow foreigners from farther eastern countries immigrate to Xing, but this only evoked a stronger nationalism in the people of Xing, for those who couldn't trace families as far back as seven generations were banned and ridiculed by the higher elite society from the clans that could. If such uproar could happen only by allowing waves of immigrants into the country, what would the changes Ling has planned bring? The ideas of modernization and the slow deterioration of the caste system will arise rebellion.

Lan Fan could only shudder at the thought, assassination plots against Ling would become more frequent than they would other emperors. But throughout it all, Lan Fan knew she would stay by his side. She wouldn't fail him the way she did in Amestris. Never again.

"Lan Fan."

"If we have money left, we should look into getting some new clothing," he said while pulling at the sides of his pants. Lan Fan shifted her attention to Ling, who despite having washed, couldn't help but wear the same pants he had been wearing during the battle, and for quite a while before. A towel rested around his neck catching the water still dripping off his long hair.

Lan Fan nodded in agreement. "We're going to need something other than what we've been wearing."

"I'm done with the shower, you can wash now." Ling pointed towards the bathroom as he walked past her over to his bed.

The hotel owners provided a small ration of soaps to use for bathing, which had to be used carefully to make sure you don't use it unnecessarily. With the small amount of soap she had, Lan Fan made sure to scrub as hard as she could till her skin turned pink. By the time she was done, the water surrounding her feet was brown from what she had managed to remove from her skin. Now the thought of putting her old clothes back on against seemed even more atrocious. Yes, new clothing sounded good.

It was only late afternoon by the time Lan Fan got out of the bathroom, but she felt ready to throw herself down for the night. Ling was already sprawled out on his bed. His eyes were closed but his breathing pattern told her that he was still awake. "I'm tired," he said.

Lan Fan sat at the edge of her bed facing him, drying her hair with a towel. "You should sleep my prince. You've had a long day."

She didn't know what the key word was, but something she said had his eyes shoot open. He turned her way ad sat up so that his body wait was resting on his elbows and forearms, propping him up. Ling opened his mouth, as if there where something he wanted to say, but then closed his eyes and remained silent. Lan Fan tilted her head to the side, wondering what her lord was thinking about.

He opened his eyes and stared straight at her, and she suddenly realized how scandalous this was. In Xing she was his bodyguard, a subordinate ranking so low she was not permitted to even look Ling in the eyes. Now she sat in a room with her in her last layer of clothing, no armor, him lying on a bed with no shirt, and she was looking him straight in the eyes. Unconsciously, she blushed.

"I think," he began, "This trip to Amestris has matured me. In Xing I had everything I ever need given to me and going out to a foreign country where I would be treated as an equal, I think I needed to experience that. And meeting new people, fighting off real dangers, and," he sat up faced Lan Fan, sitting on the side of the bed as she was, he reached out and held her metal hand, "Learning what true sacrifice is."

His thumb rubbed circles around her palm. He studied it as he did, feeling and examining every crevasse in the metal, every screw, every joint. As he did, Lan Fan could feel herself shaking under the touch she couldn't feel. She felt as if she should stop this, tell him that it was her duty, and remind him of who they were.

But the moment, so raw and intimate could not be broken, for such actions could never be done once again. Once in Xing they would continue on as they had been, and she would never be able to look into his eyes again. So, instead of pulling away, she let herself savor how close she was, and how she could smell, through the dirt on his pants and the soap on his body, his distinct aroma. She breathed it in and was reminded of the dew outside in the morning and tea and oranges.

He looked up at her once again, his thumb still rubbing over her hand. "And I think that Amestris finally set my head straight to the things I couldn't see, were blocked from me in Xing." A bittersweet smile formed on Ling's face and she wondered if she had ever seen that expression on his face before. The rubbing unexpectedly stopped. "I think I finally realize what I really want in my life."

And suddenly, all too fast for her to be able to stop, he pulled her hand behind him and her body lurched forwards out of balance, pulling her closer to him, and his lips where on hers. Her eyes remained wide open and she marveled how close she was to him. Lan Fan fell limp, yet remained as motionless as a stone. Her eyes were wide open, still in somewhat of a shocked state. But she couldn't find it in herself to remove herself from him.

Ling stopped for her, feeling her unmoving as stone beneath him. "Please," he whispered as he dragged his lips from her and onto her cheek, kissing his way down her jawline.

Lan Fan was shaking all over. She was surprised when a voice came out of where it laid trapped in her throat. "This isn't…" She squeezed her eyes shut. Ling worked his way down from her chin to her neck. She couldn't think straight, as all she felt where his kisses trailing her neck. But she could tell, she knew, from where his hand still held her arm that he was shaking. He wasn't as confident as his attempts to woo her may have seemed. "This is forbidden. You are a prince and I your guard. You're not supposed to, we're not supposed to be…" He muddled her brain and muffled her thinking. Finally with one arm, gripping his shoulder, she pushed him away.

The look of hurt that showed on his face made her feel miserable, and made her want to pull him back into her arms and hold him tight. She wanted him to kiss her, she wanted to be there for him, to be his equal as she had seen the women in Amestris do. But in her position, a long time ago she had accepted that that reality simply wasn't hers. And she found her happiness in being able to be the closest by his side. His life was in her hands, it couldn't have been more intimate than that. She had learned to receive her gratification from what she had been given, not from what she didn't, couldn't have.

"My prince, you cannot do that. It is forbidden," Lan Fan choked out.

His lips were turned down wards in sadness, and she found herself unable to look at him, to see her own heart reflected in her master. She felt cold and cruel as she looked away, but a part of her knew she couldn't destroy hundreds of thousands of years of Xingese tradition. She turned her head away.

But despite her will, Ling slipped his hand up to cup her cheek and the back of her neck. "Is that what you really want?"

She felt her mouth fall agape. Her duty, her honor, was not seeing to what she wanted, but to following orders. Lan Fan turned her head to look at Ling, but before she could speak, he did. "Because, here in Amestris you can have what you want. I am not a prince anymore and no one else is watching. You are now my equal, and nothing is forbidden. Do you really want to go on pretending we are in Xing?"

As much as Lan Fan wanted to say that didn't want to abide by rules; that she did want to do exactly as he said, she couldn't help feeling that once she's had a taste, she'll want more later on, and that is where the complications will arise from. If a kiss lead to sex… She could become impregnated, and then banished from the palace. Then what? She could no longer serve Ling as his bodyguard, his shield, his armor. "But later on, when we do return home—"

"I'll find a way for the two of us to be together and for you to remain at my side, trust me Lan Fan, I will stop at nothing." Ling pulled her head to where she was looking directly into his eyes. "I promise you, I won't fail you."

Lan Fan didn't say it, but as he said those words, she could feel her resolve slip, and as Ling pulled her towards him again, she didn't stop him. And this time, she kissed him back, her arms wrapping around his back as she pulled him to her.

They remained that way, for quite a long time, only stopping to catch their breath. But as the tiredness in them that had been put aside resurfaced, the need to sleep suddenly became evident. When Ling broke away from Lan Fan, a part of him couldn't help not wanted to let go of her. "Hold me," Ling requested, "Tonight sleep with me and just hold me. Don't let go."

There wasn't an inch of her that could find it in her to say no.

They didn't make love that night, but shared something much more intimate. As they slept together, the weariness from the promised day shedding off of them, they held in their hearts the hope of one day being able to do this again, without secrecy or guilt, but to be able to hold the person they loved forever in their arms.