Disclaimer: Takehiko Inoue owns Slam Dunk
...
So here was Akira again, making minds stir like nothing else and brewing another scandal. Well, okay, we had been dating for maybe like two months now and maybe had kissed two or four times, but which of these warranted a commitment? I stared at the monitor, trying to decipher this odd request staring back at me.
Akira Sendoh
\heart icon\ Relationship request \Confirm\ \Ignore\
And what was this, some sort of a public declaration to get people's mouths motoring away? While my teammates' reaction to this would be objectionable in every way I could imagine, there really was no looking past the real bombshell here; it would look like I was consorting with the future captain of a rivaling team. But then again, I'd be throwing in the towel after the Winter Tournament. Here goes nothing, I thought, at the same time clicking on the 'Confirm' button.
Hisashi Mitsui is in a relationship with Akira Sendoh
Like Comment
Deciding to log out for now, I had a feeling any further development on my wall wouldn't simplify matters come tomorrow morning. To hell with that. Sleep was now stalking me in the rear.
-thirteen hours later-
I was greeted by fourteen new messages in my inbox and two hundred and thirty-two notifications, and that's not mentioning the impending five new friend requests. Just get it over with, my mind was urging me. Get what over with, exactly? The only thing I could get done with this shit was to get bugged shitless with all the attention I didn't want at the moment. But because I owed it to people to not ignore them, because I had clicked the fucking 'confirm' button in the first place, the list of my current responsibilities involved reading the stupid messages and acknowledging the notifications by either replying to the comments or liking them. Boy, ain't this gonna be a tedious weekend. First, I went over the messages.
Kenji Fujima: Congrats, Hisashi-kun. :(
Toru Hanagata: At last, we finally reach an understanding. I give you my peace, in so long as you keep your distance from Kenji.
Shinichi Maki: I'm happy for you and Sendoh :D
Soichiro Jin: What about our long phone calls, our evening walks, our coffee dates, our three-point shootouts?! Sashi, I expected better than this. Heart breaking while typing. Choking back tears. Can't breathe here. Dying already. :,(
Kiyota Nobunaga: I congratulate you for growing a brain! Yes, that's right. You're not so daft after all. I hope to hell this means your three-pointing ass shall be staying away from Jin-sempai. Kakekeke.
Hiroaki Koshino: I'll say this once, sempai: you're handsome as fuck, more handsome than I am, maybe even by a freaking mile, but that doesn't give you the authority to fuck up someone's chances at love! Not once, not even in my wildest dreams did I think you two would go this far! Must. Stop. This. Vulgarity. Yes, this might as well be a death threat. Look behind you; I'm watching you, stalking you… Will you move that stupid dresser away from the window? Can't see you from here.
Takenori Akagi: Report to me at the gym this minute; captain's order.
Kiminobu Kogure: Did someone hack your FB account?
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Tell me this is a joke. If not, I'll fucking keeeeelll ya, Mitchy.
Norio Hotta: Boss, are you on drugs?
Youhei Mito: Aaargh, how could you?! I've ordered sixty pounds of confetti for that fucking hedgehog's Getting Dumped Party. Pray to god the Fun House Store accepts refunds, traitor! Our summer is ruined!
Ryota Miyagi: Explain yourself, sempai.
Tetsuo: Looks like the sportsman has his quirks.
Kaede Rukawa: …
Jesus. My head was already aching from all this. And what was the deal with Rukawa sending me some ellipsis, as if two death threats weren't creepy enough already? And now I went over the notifications, to find the astounding count of 'Likes' and comments for my relationship status update.
Hisashi Mitsui is in a relationship with Akira Sendoh
Akira Sendoh, Shinichi Maki, Kiyota Nobunaga and 151 others like this 78 Comments
See previous comments…
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Fuck you, Mitchy, this shit ain't funny. And can anyone explain why this is even getting 100+ likes? ? ?
Kaede Rukawa , Kenji Fujima, Soichiro Jin and 2 others like this
Yoji Ookusu: Hanamichi is jealous.
Chuichiro Noma and Nozomi Takamiya like this
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Yoji, say your prayers. You'll fucking die right where you are.
Yoji Ookusu likes this
Nozomi Takamiya: We all know Hanamichi has this HUGE crush on Aki_a S_oh. LOL
Akira Sendoh, Yoji Ookusu, Kaede Rukawa and 2 others like this
Jun Uozumi: Sendoh, may the force be with you.
Akira Sendoh, Kicchou Fukuda, and Ryoji Ikegami like this
Kiyota Nobunaga: We support you all the way, Mitsui-san, Sendoh :D
45 people like this
Hiroaki Koshino: ^ I don't.
Kaede Rukawa , Soichiro Jin and Kenji Fujima like this
Soichiro Jin: Speak for yourself, Kiyota. And stop acting polite. Makes me wanna puke. Puking now in fact. Carpet is messed.
Kaede Rukawa, Kenji Fujima and Hiroaki Koshino like this
Moichi Taoka: Sendoh, I've been calling you all morning. Where the fuck are you? I can see you liking comments here so don't tell me you're not reading this!
Hiroaki Koshino likes this
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Nozomi, you dipshit, ya ain't never gonna see the light of day. And where the hell is Mitchy anyway?!
Ryota Miyagi, Ayako and Yasaharu Yasuda like this
Really, kill me. Granted I had half the fucking heart to make a comment here and now, I'd be in for some serious bombardment of questions I would never want to answer. Ever. I figured there was no way I'd be able to satisfy these gossip whores' appetite for intrigues even if I spent the rest of my life narrating to them how Akira and I had come about in the first place. But then I had to let them know I was alive, right? That Sakuragi and Koshino hadn't gotten around to murdering me, right? And so my status update went to look like,
Hisashi Mitsui
Thanks to the well-wishers. As for the bashers, all I can say is, thank you for thinking of me once in a while, for bothering to drop in a word or two. :D
Like Comment
It looked to me like the smiley made an enormous difference. In truth, I was, once again, subjecting myself under the scrutiny of people who had nothing else to do but to deconstruct other people's love life. In short, I had just made myself prey to a vicious headache. Sure enough, comments started to flood my update as soon as I blinked.
Hanamichi Sakuragi: There you are!
8 people like this
Takenori Akagi: I thought I asked you to come by at the gym at once? I mean NOW. Stop typing already.
Ryota Miyagi, Ayako and Kentaro Iishi like this
Akira Sendoh: Hi, Sashi *hearts* :D
Kiyota Nobunaga, Toru Hanagata, Tetsushi Shiozaki and 12 others like this
Moichi Taoka: Aha! Sendoh, you bastard, so you are lurking around after all! Are you avoiding me? Pick up your phone!
Kaede Rukawa, Hiroaki Koshino, Jin Soichiro and 4 others like this
Akira Sendoh: Sorry, coach. I was too busy earlier to notice.
Moichi Taoka: Busy with what? Being cheesy or flirting around? So which is it?
Kaede Rukawa, Hiroaki Koshino, and Hanamichi Sakuragi like this
Jin Soichiro: Serves you right. FLIRT.
Kaede Rukawa, Hiroaki Koshino, Kenji Fujima and 2 others like this
Akira Sendoh: ^ Was that meant for me, Jin-san?
Jin Soichiro: ^ Duh.
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Youhei Mito: Where's that bucket of popcorn when ya need it? Aargh.
Yoji Ookusu, Chuichiro Noma, Nozomi Takamiya and 23 others like this
Akira Sendoh: Now let's not get hostile around here. And I suggest people ought to move on. FYI Sashi and I are happy. So please respect our decision. Ayt?
Kiyota Nobunaga, Toru Hanagata and Shinichi Maki like this
Okay, so I was stupid enough to fan the flames and to get people teetering at the edges of their seats, but must there be tension at a time like this? Conventional thinking stated people ought to be happy for me! And yet some idiots were taking advantage of my recently acquired relationship to vent their bitterness. But it didn't end there, because Kenji Fujima, my one-time flame, was starting to join in the fray,
Kenji Fujima: You have the nerve to ask people to 'move on'. TBH, I seriously think someone is getting a bighead. Telling people what to feel and all. What are you, some god or something? Jeez. Spare me.
Kaede Rukawa, Soichiro Jin, Hiroaki Koshino and 5 others like this
Akira Sendoh: Oh, if it isn't Mr. Can't-get-over-my-ex. Seriously, I'm finding it hard to commiserate.
Kiyota Nobunaga likes this
Kenji Fujima: I'll thank you to remember who the BSJ is around here.
Kaede Rukawa and Hiroaki Koshino like this
Hiroaki Koshino: Go get him, sempai!
Kenji Fujima likes this
Akira Sendoh: Did I just read that right, Hiroaki? What is wrong with you, people? ? ? And what the hell is a BSJ?
Kenji Fujima: Know your lingo. It stands for Boyfriend-stealing Jerk.
Kaede Rukawa, Hiroaki Koshino, Hanamichi Sakuragi and 16 others like this
Youhei Mito: BURN ! ! !
Norio Hotta, Yoji Ookusu, Chuichiro Noma and 16 others like this
Norio Hotta: OMFG is the boss even reading this? Mitchan, are you there?
Youhei Mito and Tetsuo like this
Holy shit. I hadn't been expecting Kenji or Soichiro to just blank out and have nothing to say about me and Akira, but what was this level they were stooping down to? You'd think Kenji's education and upbringing were enough to maybe compel him not to be an argumentative bitch in public. And Soichiro—did he even have the slightest idea as to what was happening to him? Behaving all of a sudden like some provoking trash-talker—why, had he acquired neurosis right after logging into FB? And because the situation was getting out of hand, I had to make an appearance, somehow,
Hisashi Mitsui: People, get a hold of yourselves. And for the sake of everyone, I'm deleting this thread. Anyone who has a shit to say to me, take advantage of the 'message' box at the right corner of my profile page. Thank you.
Like Comment
I allowed my comment to rest there for five minutes before finally deleting the whole thread. Honestly, that would be the last time people would rip from me a comment-magnet update. Maybe this whole Facebook thing wasn't working to my favor. Maybe I should've just deleted my account. While this train of thought was running its course, my eyes remained fastened on the screen with enough concentration to digest Kenji Fujima's next status update.
Kenji Fujima: I HATE hedgehogs. If you know what I mean.
Kill me. I knew for a fact that life scarcely ever offered repose, and when it did, depend on it to be short-lasting. For my part, I didn't expect 'short-lasting' in this context to run for less than three minutes. Just what had I brought upon myself for buying into that 'in a relationship' status crap? Soon, Kenji's shenanigan started to hoard comments.
Kenji Fujima: I HATE hedgehogs. If you know what I mean.
143 people like this 86 comments
See previous comments…
Soichiro Jin: I know, ryt?
Kaede Rukawa and Kenji Fujima like this
Akira Sendoh: How mature.
Kiyota Nobunaga, Shinichi Maki and Ryoji Ikegami like this
Soichiro Jin: Does this include a particular hedgehog who likes to smile a lot like some DREAMING IDIOT?
Kaede Rukawa, Kenji Fujima, Hiroaki Koshino and 3 others like this
Akira Sendoh: Ok. Gang up on me and shower me with low-level insults. That sounds about fair.
Youhei Mito likes this
Kenji Fujima: I didn't know hedgehogs could read, much less demonstrate sarcasm.
Kaede Rukawa, Kazushi Hasegawa, Shouichi Takano and 15 others like this
Akira Sendoh: So it's come to this. How about we settle this on-court. 2-on2? Race to 30. Hisashi and me versus you and Jin-san.
Yoji Ookusu: Oooh! Will fucking slit my throat if anyone could point me to something more entertaining than this! Remind me later after Pachinko that this is where the real fun is happening.
Satoru Kakuta, Norio Hotta, Yoji Ookusu and 4 others like this
Moichi Taoka: Sendoh, if you had the freaking time to arrange a 2-on-2 match, it would boggle the shit out of me why you can't spare two minutes to pick up your goddamned cellphone.
Hiroaki Koshino and Jun Uozomi like this
Soichiro Jin: Sounds good to me. But why don't we ask Hisashi Mitsui as to whom he wants to be his partner in the game? I mean, you DO know why both our 3-pointers have recently improved immensely. Or maybe you know NOTHING. Whatever the case, let's have Hisashi CHOOSE between the three of us.
Yoji Ookusi, Youhei Mito and Chuichiro Noma like this
Chuichiro Noma: "CHOOSE between the three of us" - OMG SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
20 people like this
Akira Sendoh: I'm sure he'd choose his BOYFRIEND.
Kiyota Nobunaga and Toru Hanagata like this
Youhei Mito: Dying of suspense and excitement here. If I can't be reached in the next four hours you know what happened.
21 people like this
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Hey, hey what the hell is going on? Why are you guys planning some stint without the main star? Let's make that 3-on-3.
Kenji Fujima: So that's me, Jin, Sakuragi, BSJ and Sashi. Who's gonna be the 6th player, pray tell? And, Sendoh, please. 'Boyfriend' is a strong word. Sometimes I just have to beg people not to exaggerate. For everyone's convenience, let's not interchange 'date' with 'BF.'
Kaede Rukawa, Soichiro Jin and Hiroaki Koshino like this
It now made me wonder if I had any hand in this whole royal rumble. I was sure it had started with one small click of the mouse, was even more certain how that little action would have hardly translated to so explosive an escalation of events. I mean, I merely had confirmed a request, hadn't I?! How wrong had I been, exactly?
Akira Sendoh: Who else can it be other than that JERK who KEEPS on LIKING those nasty comments hurled at me? RUKAWA, I'm looking STRAIGHT at you. 3-on-3 now. Let's settle this once and for all.
Now that it was mentioned, it occurred to me that Rukawa had been liking a lot of comments without chipping in a single word in this whole affair. Talk about passive aggressive. But, starting from now, that would be the last thing he'd gain from me; my approval to that fucking stupid silence of his. Why? Because out of fucking nowhere, he set out to unleash from his twisted mind a few words that would dismantle the last remaining order and civility being employed between my exes and Akira.
Kaede Rukawa: Shove off, stupid hedgehog.
Soichiro Jin and Kenji Fujima like this
Nozomi Takamiya: Apply cold water on the burnt surface.
31 people like this
Akira Sendoh: Huh? What kind of attitude is that?
Kaede Rukawa: Sempai is mine.
Hanamichi Sakuragi and Satoru Kakuta like this
Youhei Mito: THE PLOT THICKENS, ladies and gentlemen.
41 people like this
Yasaharu Yasuda: Rukawa, when you say 'sempai', do you mean Mitsui-sempai?
67 people like this
Ryota Miyagi: Rukawa, may I escort you to the psychiatric ward?
15 people like this
Ayako: Are you okay, Rukawa?
Ryota Miyagi, Yasaharu Yasuda, Toki Kawata and 9 others like this
Akira Sendoh: WTF. Am I reading this correctly? People, let's start facing facts here, shall we? Sashi and I ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. End of story.
Kiyota Nobunaga, Toru Hanagata, Shinichi Maki and 12 others like this
Kaede Rukawa: So?
95 people like this
Akira Sendoh: What do you mean 'So?' It means he's off-limits, DUH.
Toru Hanagata and Kiyota Nobunaga like this
Kenji Fujima: Toru, whose side are you on? One more like for BSJ and I'm benching you for the whole Winter Tournament. That's a promise.
Nozomi Takamiya, Youhei Mito and Chuichiro Noma like this
Soichiro Jin: Kiyota, stop liking his posts. Just whose side are you on? I'm your freaking sempai here. What is this, short-term memory loss?
Yoji Ookusi, Youhei Mito and Chuichiro Noma like this
As shown here, I had flanked myself with people who were as much good to me as a roundhouse kick in the nuts. Because everything now was too much for me to handle with something like ease or calmness, my wits were taking too damn long to process the rest. So, hardly understanding the entirety of my situation, and the hell it was serving on the table, I resolved to once again update my relationship status, if only to spare everyone the contempt and the crazies.
Hisashi Mitsui is now single.
Like Comment
After all the hard thinking, this was what I came up with. Immediately, the number '6' appeared just above the message icon. Unfortunately, the tolerance I might've been demonstrating all along had now lost itself, so I ignored my inbox. But there were just people who would stubbornly refuse to make an effort to attempt anything resembling civility. Four minutes later, this happened:
Hisashi Mitsui is now single.
86 Likes 156 Comments
See previous comments…
Kaede Rukawa: Success
62 people like this
Kaede Rukawa: Like x 1million
63 people like this
Toru Hanagata: Excuse me, Rukawa, but you're just plain creepy.
18 people like this
Hiroaki Koshino: LOL Rukawa
22 people like this
Jun Uozomi: Someone's clearly a nutcase.
28 people like this
Ryoji Ikegami: I think Shohoku's ace is suffering a lapse in sanity, but that's just me.
15 people like this
Akira Sendoh: Shut up, Rukawa. Hisashi Mitsui, what the hell is the meaning of this? ? Talk to me! !
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Akira Sendoh: Dafuq are you liking at?
Kaede Rukawa, Soichiro Jin and Kenji Fujima like this
Kenji Fujima: Karma is a bitch.
14 people like this
Chuichiro Noma: Calling on Hanamichi Sakuragi. The hedgehog is now free to screw around. I repeat, Hanamichi Sakuragi, now's yer chance. ROFL
102 people like this
Hanamichi Sakuragi: Fucking kill you, moustache. And don't get yer hopes up, Sendoh. I only want one-on-one.
Youhei Mito and Hiroaki Koshino like this
Kiyota Nobunaga: The HELL? So fast? That was like 14 hours at most! Can somebody, like, get Mitsui-san and Sendoh back together, like now?
17 people like this
Soichiro Jin: I think that's what you might refer to as 'He's Just Not Into You.' LOL lost cause, Kiyota-kun. Might as well ask a pig to mind his manners.
Kaede Rukawa and Kenji Fujima like this
Kaede Rukawa: MWM = Moron Wild Monkey
24 likes
Kiyota Nobunaga: Kitsune's psychosis level = over 9000
38 Likes
Akira Sendoh: Is this for real, Sashi?! Man, I'm dying here. Dying now. Dead, in all assurances.
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Akira Sendoh: Rukawa, stop liking on my misery, damn it. Not cool, man.
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Akira Sendoh: How could you laugh at a dying man?!
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Akira Sendoh: Fucking troll! Quit it already! Sashi, I'm surrendering myself to the morgue or jumping off Tokyo Tower!
Kaede Rukawa likes this
Kaede Rukawa: I vote morgue
Soichiro Jin, Kenji Fujima, Youhei Mito and 44 others like this
Akira Sendoh: STFU! And how are you getting all these likes anyway? ? ?
Kiyota Nobunaga likes this
Ryota Miyagi: Thanks for the comic relief, everyone :D Best. Love. Pentagon. Story. Evar.
156 people like this
Ayako: Rukawa, you might be coming down with something. Serious here.
34 people like this
Kiyota Nobunaga: ^ Most likely severe schizophrenia. Definitely looks serious to me.
29 people like this
Akira Sendoh: Hanamichi… help please. :(
Youhei Mito, Nozomi Takamiya, Yoji Ookusu and 1 other like this
Hanamichi Sakuragi: One-on-one match? I can be yer friend if you want, but that's that.
Ryoji Ikegami and Moichi Taoka like this
Yoji Ookusu: A moment of silence, for our fallen brother in the Friendzone.
63 people like this
Akira Sendoh: Rescue me, huhuhu Hanamichi
Kaede Rukawa and Ryota Miyagi like this
Youhei Mito: And so his new love interest comes to be revealed. Just like that, a rebound was made. Give it up for the new King of Rebounds, Akira Sendoh.
Kaede Rukawa, Chuichiro Noma, Kenji Fujima and 15 others like this
At this point, my eyes were all ready to give up. I didn't know how dodging a bullet might feel like but I knew that was what I had just pulled off. Although the trouble of having to get a clean break-up from Akira was most likely to fall into a few difficulties, it was easy to tell how necessary this was. In the first place, dining out, playing video games, conducting one-on-one matches, even kissing each other at the doorstep, did not necessarily translate to a solid relationship. Moreover, if having a relationship meant going through this shit and affecting this number of people, I'd be happy to live without it.
But then my eyes were being pulled toward the notifications icon. Without in the least taking into account the possible hell it could do me, I clicked the shit, to be blasted by…
Kaede Rukawa
\heart icon\ Relationship request \Confirm\ \Ignore\
What. On. God's. Green. Earth. Was. Wrong. With. This. Kid?
At this point, I could just claw my eyes out to check if I was reading the shit right. Well, I was. If he had quit being this creepy long ago I would've maybe figured out that what he was trying to communicate was pretty simple. Maybe, just maybe, he simply wanted to witness Sendoh's heart getting smashed into pieces. Perhaps all he needed was to express his satisfaction. But chances were, he was as much a demented little nutcase as what he had been kind enough to imply. And so I resolved to check on his mental state and to message him, just so to show the concern that was due me as his teammate. He had to be crazy, right? But because he was so clearly mentally deranged, he had already messaged me.
Kaede Rukawa: Going to your house now. Bringing Ice cream and sushi. 10minutes tops.
My heart was desperately trying to evacuate my chest. Had he just said he was coming over? What was this brat thinking?
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I traipsed over to the front door. Peeped through the Judas Hole. It was, as a matter of fact, Kaede Rukawa. He stood there, a gallon of ice cream and a fancy looking box in hand, looking as though he was knocking on a date's door. Wait, was this a date? Jesus. If he so much as bothered himself with his emotional welfare, he'd probably be elsewhere trying to evaluate the reasons why he had been so nasty behind his monitor and keyboard. Then again, the level of his insanity would easily counter whatever logic that was getting underway.
And yet the sight of him was urging me to a higher imagination. None of my three exes had done anything close to this before. Usually, Akira would've just barged in, carrying nothing, and no sooner had he seen the TV would he have grabbed my Xbox controller. Jin was even worse. He'd have just rung the doorbell and wouldn't even have bothered to ask to come in. The ball tucked between his hip and arm had been more or less a clear indication of what the entire day would've amounted to. And Kenji, that bastard, had always required me to pick him up and treat him like a fucking princess. Just what sort of jerks had I been selling myself to? I pried the door open.
"What a pleasant surprise, Rukawa."
"I pm-ed you, sempai."
"Well, come in."
I was nervous, and for a related reason I couldn't take my eyes off him. Had he always been this handsome? In any case, he unloaded his items on the coffee table, as if with no regard to what this gesture compelled me to feel, nor to its meaning to me, and much less perhaps to its near consequences. As soon as I closed the door, he spoke,
"NBA finals match is just starting."
This was when I realized I would eventually click the 'Confirm' button for the request he had sent me, to perhaps raise another hell. I also realized not even the wrath of hell could stop me from doing so.
END