09. Tangles in the Web of Lies

"Marshmallows?" Gaz pondered aloud as she read it. What on Earth had gotten Zim thinking about marshmallows?

From Dib, to marshmallows… there wasn't a logical train of thought from one to the other. Then again, sometimes that was just how Zim's brain seemed to work. Stupid, yes. Boring, usually not.

Only when they're flame roasted.

Gaz answered the question, and sent it. Though it seemed to have come out of nowhere.

That was when Dib stepped through the front door, his face a knot of worry.

Oh yeah, 'Mission Complete', not even slightly. Zim had clearly failed. Not a big surprise there, just slightly disappointing, since Gaz had it all laid out so easily. Probably Dib had just come back to resupply.

"Hey… Gaz…"

The pauses were not reassuring.

"What is it Dib?" Gaz made sure to intone annoyance, "You're making that face you make when a swarm of vampire somethings are quickly closing in on you." In saying that, Gaz closed her Gameslave and put it aside, giving the clearest sign possible to Dib that he was allowed to talk. She wanted to hear how Zim had fucked up something so simple.

Zim had fucked up, and he knew it now. He stared at his communicator, hoping and wishing that Gaz wasn't so upset that she wouldn't reply. All the while he rocked back and forth in wasn't as though she hadn't been replying, but really only to messages that were about tricking Dib. Most of his messages had been about tricking Dib, even once Gaz was upset with him.

Maybe he needed to work harder at understanding her human needs. Maybe he should apologize over text. Did he need to send her a picture of himself in the collar?

By the time a reply message actually came Zim was wound up so tight from worrying that he jumped several feet in the air from the sound.

Was it about the mission? Or the wifflesnigs?

Only when they're flame roasted.

Thank the tallest she wasn't too mad to speak with him outside of a mission. Roasted wifflesnigs was itself an entirely new concept. Wifflesnigs had always been eaten live and raw as far as Zim was aware. But if that's how Gaz liked marshmallows surely it would make the wifflesnigs even tastier. Then again, roasting live wifflesnigs over a flame was kind of morbid. Perhaps that's what made Gaz enjoy her marshmallow. Hopefully the wifflesnigs would be equally fun to torture. Either way they could find out together. Zim already had ideas swimming in his head how to cook the wifflesnigs.

Well then, I will have a little experiment of sadistic tastiness waiting for your arrival.

Love, Zim

It wasn't until after Zim had sent the message that he realized with a pang. Gaz hadn't signed off with the word love. Not for several days. Zim could ignore it in regards to the Dib mission, his mate was serious about the ruse, and that itself was a show of her love. But this message was about normal things. Just being together as a couple things. Maybe even a date thing.

She was mad at him. He couldn't go planning dates without her permission like her feelings didn't matter.

That wasn't meant to assume your arrival. I know you're mad. There is no imperative time limit on you coming to see me.

Love, Zim

He typed it up in a hurry, and hit send.

Oh wait. Wifflesnigs were perishables.

Another message.

But, maybe Gaz was more upset than she seemed, maybe not even wifflesnigs were enough of a temptation.

Another message.

Wait, he hadn't even mentioned her sweater. She needed to know that he would make up for the fact that he had upset her.

Another message.

Wait, that wasn't an apology!

Another message.

Dib hadn't expected conversation to happen so easily. Gaz hadn't bottled up or tried to run away at all. But he still couldn't just jump out and ask her what was going on. He needed an icebreaker. "Oh… uh… no swarms… it's just a… Zim thing. But I don't want to bother you with that," Dib said, expecting the subject to be dismissed.

"What's the idiot done now?" Gaz asked, crossing her arms, leaning back into the couch casually, but still in an open conversation position.

Dib hadn't expected that either. Even though Gaz hadn't been as annoyed by his squabbles with Zim as when they were kids it still wasn't like her to invite the topic. "Well, it turns out you were right," Dib took up the opposite end of the couch. "Zim actually was telling the truth about his party bomb. Trying to surprise me-"

There was a soft bleeping tone from Gaz's GSP. Dib paused so that Gaz could address it but she didn't move. "Well? Keep going. You were saying I was right?"

"So Zim wanted to welcome me back with a party. Which, yeah, I totally doubted him at first, but with our personal history, who wouldn't? Last time he got involved with a party he put that fungus in the punch that grew exponentially and nearly destroyed the school."

"Good times," Gaz said lightly.

"Zim's not a planner at least not-"

Another bleep. Dib looked at the flinch of frustration on Gaz's face, but she didn't move to grab her gaming device.

"That was your message tone, right?"

"Yeah, so?" Gaz sneered at him.

"Is… this like when you called me up at school to make me talk? You're just trying to distract yourself from something even worse than my stupid voice aren't you?" Dib asked, and based on the glare from Gaz he had to be at least half right. "I mean, it's not like I would be offended if you checked your messages while I talk."

Another bleep. And Gaz was starting to visibly wind up like a spring again, like when Dib had mentioned her sweater. Dib played dead last time, but he was here for answers, not to back down. Because giving Gaz space the last couple days clearly hadn't helped her. He would have to go back to school tomorrow. He couldn't leave his sister like this. He needed answers.

"Is it your boyfriend?"

For a moment the silence stretched. From the tension in her arms, it looked like Gaz was about to punch him. A punch would be confirmation enough that he was right. "Guess I should check," her tone was pure annoyance. Dib kept his eyes peeled, but he couldn't read the expression on Gaz's face. "Maddy," she replied, and then smiled snidely, "Guess you're wrong again Dib."

Dib wasn't sure he believed her. But he'd just gotten through jumping to conclusions with Zim, he wasn't going to do the same to his sister. "You know, I'm your brother, and you can talk to me about anything," Dib tried, rather pathetically.

"What I want to talk about is you screwing your frenemy shit up with Zim," Gaz pushed back. "What made you realize Zim was telling the truth?"

Dib let out a sigh, maybe he could try to coax the whole truth out of his sister later. For now she seemed determined to avoid the subject entirely. "Zim was going to return the party bomb, but I intercepted the package and it went off in my face. Weird little frogs everywhere!"

Another bleep. Dib paused, the worry probably giving him wrinkles, but Gaz pushed again, "Then what?"

"Well, I apologized. Let Zim call me an idiot. And then we actually talked a little bit about his world domination plans, and he got all weird and introspective, like that time with the Florpus hole, the first time he proved to himself that the Tallest didn't care about his mission. There was this look in his eyes, like he wanted to hide in a pile of nachos because his life is somehow over, but not quite. So, I guess he must have really missed having me around..."

Dib looked up, and something in Gaz's face, she looked, well on anyone else Dib would call the position of her eyebrows sympathetic. But with how little Gaz showed any emotion of that kind… she looked devastated.

"So um, I told Zim that he could throw me a party at summer break because I know Christmas is important to you and…" Dib's mind started to race. Was it him? He had been caught up in chasing Zim around. And Gaz was pushing him to share what Zim was up to because he hadn't been around for her at all. "Maybe if I hadn't let freaking out about Zim get into my head I would have been around for you long enough to know what's going on in your life."

Then another bleep, and Gaz's gaze whipped towards her GSP with that same look of sadness on her face. If it was Maddy there had to be a reason.

"Gaz… I know something is wrong."

"It's nothing, Dib," she said, with a hint of threat in her tone.

"Maddy doesn't message you this often. I can only assume that maybe she knows what's wrong and was trying to make you feel better."

"Dib. Stop."

"Something about your Christmas sweater… and your boyfriend...

"They're pictures," Gaz snapped, standing up, "Maddy wanted to send me pictures of all her Christmas stuff, the filesize must be too big for her cheap email service. She doesn't know how to compress them so she's just been sending them one at a time."

"Okay, I believe you," Dib said, "But you can't tell me you're not mad right now. So why does Maddy sending you pictures make you mad? Is this the same mad that connected to your Christmas sweater, or is this something else entirely?"

For a moment Gaz's brows knit, she struggled through her next words, "When Maddy saw my sweater she decided to get one that looks just like it. So we could match or something. It's stupid, but I'm not going to get on her case about what she's wearing."

"And because of that you don't want to look at her messages," Dib said, trying to understand, and as if to accentuate his point, another bleep.

"Probably showing off how good she looks in Mom's sweater!" Gaz threw her arms to the side, heaving slightly.

Gaz wanted to cuss. She spent most of her brother's interrogation with a string of hateful words barely contained in the back of her head. It wasn't Zim who had messed up the plan. It was her. Because of her poor reaction to the sweater comment Dib had stupidly gotten some worry or another stuck in his head about her.

Perhaps she would have been able to make Dib forget about it if Zim hadn't been constantly sending her messages!

Gaz didn't particularly like lying to her brother. She liked tricking him, and getting her own way, but the actual lying itself didn't bring her any satisfaction. And this lie had very quickly moved away from being a little white lie to a bigger uglier one. Throwing Maddy under the bus like this, it left a bitter taste in Gaz's mouth. But it was the only thing she could think of to stop Dib's sniffing about her boyfriend.

Maddy was the only other person who mattered enough to justify an emotional outburst.

Turning her best friend into an antagonist made Gaz's response raw, and she saw the shift in Dib's gaze when he mentally acknowledged her lie as truth. He let out a long sigh, and the determination in his eyes was replaced with sympathy. "I'm sorry that your friendship got so tangled up by this," he tried encouraging her. "Does Maddy know how you feel, or are you just letting it fester?" Zim knew. Gaz made it pretty clear that she was pissed. "I know it's hard for you to let people in, but you can't expect your friends to have psychic powers to figure out what's going on."

Except, even with no idea what was really going on. Dib was actually giving some good advice. In some ways, Gaz had given Zim too much credit, even if he had unusually keen intuition, it wasn't going to help all the time. Gaz had been waiting for Zim to ask the right way, rather than just telling him why the sweater was important to her from the start, and that his reaction to it hurt her feelings. But well, that would have been letting Zim know that she was hurt, not just letting him know she was angry.

"Just… stay out of it," Gaz looked away from her brother, crossing her arms and leaning back into the couch again.

"If I go, will you actually look at the messages and maybe think about letting Maddy know? I'm sure there's a way to fix this without getting on her case about what she's wearing."

Gaz's gaze flicked towards him and then away. "I'll think about it."

"Okay, good," Dib said, getting up off the couch. He lingered at the doorway though, making sure he saw Gaz pick up her Gameslave Portable before he fully stepped out of the room. Gaz was careful to hold it at an angle he wouldn't be able to read.

Dib shouldn't be allowed to be a caring older brother. It made him more likely to be right. Which kinda made Gaz want to punch him. But punching her brother just for being right was a level petty she hadn't been since junior high.

Punching Zim was still in the cards. His flood of messages had given Dib ammunition to comment on. If the messages were completely asinine, there would be some pain on the horizon.

Well then, I will have a little experiment of sadistic tastiness waiting for your arrival.

Love, Zim

Sadistic tastiness? Gaz had no idea what that was supposed to be, but it did sound interesting. There was something about Zim's experiments that Gaz had always found fascinating. But, it did seem a little presumptuous, they hadn't really been making plans since she'd gone off about the sweater.

She opened the next message.

That wasn't meant to assume your arrival. I know you're mad. There is no imperative time limit on you coming to see me.

Love, Zim

Well, fuck him, now she couldn't even be mad about him being presumptuous.

Next message.

Okay, there is a small time limit. The wifflesnigs are technically perishables. But you can delay contact for a month if you want.

Love, Zim

Well maybe she would delay a whole month. She had no idea what wifflesnigs were, but if Zim got his hands on them to begin with he could do it again. Assuming they weren't so seasonal that it would only be available once in Gaz's lifetime.

Next message.

Please don't make me wait a whole month.

Love, Zim

Oh… shit.

Gaz felt her heart leap and her stomach sink simultaneously. It was the same emotion that went through her when Dib was describing Zim's introspective sadness. Her heart leapt to know that she mattered that much to him. Her stomach sank realizing how much he was hurting right now. With all the messages it was clear he wanted to make amends but he just didn't know how. She couldn't hold that against him, not really.

Gaz sniffled slightly, feeling the warm trail of tears on her cheeks.

Crap.

They needed to fix this. Zim was upset. Maybe just as much as she was. Maybe more because he was probably blaming himself.

She was already starting to cry about it, and there were still two more messages...

I want to try again. With the sweater. What kind of Invader would I be if I couldn't adapt? A terrible one, that's what.

Love, Zim

Damn him. He shouldn't be allowed to be the emotionally mature one. Starting to cry didn't really cover it anymore. Zim, despite failing, still wanted to try and understand her. Somehow that knowledge was like a seizing in her chest. How did he do this? How did Zim make her some gross emotional mess? She was bawling. And she hated it. And she didn't know how to stop.

Last message, Gaz gritted her teeth and wiped her eyes so she could read the screen for a moment.

I love you Gaz. I'm sorry that I made you mad. Just tell me what I need to do to fix this.

Extra Love, Zim

For a half second Gaz laughed, even in the middle of bawling. Extra love? What even was that? It was adorable and sweet, and kinda stupid, but not in a bad way.

Ugh. Crying felt like garbage. Was she garbage, or just the circumstances? Either way. Gaz didn't want to make Zim wait. She herself didn't want to wait. She wanted to fix this. She wanted to be with Zim. She wanted to be happy. Maybe she didn't deserve happiness, but she wanted it. And she knew that she had pushed some of her happiness away. She had made the argument with Zim about her needs alone, but never even really told Zim what she needed.

"Gaz!?" Dib's voice cut through the room. He tumbled over the couch in sheer panic, "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?! Was it something I said!?"

Apparently her bawling had summoned his big stupid head.

Gaz clasped her GSP to her chest, making sure that Dib wouldn't be able to read it. She wanted to tell him to go away, but she couldn't get enough of a breath through her sobbing. And Dib being there, worrying about her only made her cry harder.

When was the last time she had cried in front of Dib? Had she ever cried in front of Dib? It was no wonder he was freaking out.

There was caution in his movements when he laid his hands on her shoulders. Gaz could see the little pinpricks of tears in his eyes too. Even though he had no idea what was really happening. She couldn't bring herself to push him off. Instead he shifted closer and wrapped around her in a hug.

Gaz couldn't deny that the hug felt good. But it also made her think of Zim. The last act of contact she had given him was physically pushing him away. She hadn't even been signing her emails with Love, Gaz lately.

"I… I n-need…" Gaz gasped.

"Okay, what do you need?" Dib said, "Anything name it."

"I n-need to go… I… need to see h-…" Gaz almost said 'him'. She had to compose herself. Because she wasn't going to throw all their work and planning out just because Zim had managed to make her cry, again. "Maddy," Gaz swallowed back her tears as best she could. "I need to see Maddy. I can't type right now…"

"Okay… I'll… I'll grab my car, don't worry, I've got you."

"I want my Christmas sweater too," Gaz pushed her tears back, realizing that her hands were getting stained black from mascara as she wiped her face. Fuck, she probably looked like a wreck. Zim had handled her being a wreck before though.

She needed to see him. That was more important than how she looked right now. She needed to be with Zim and to tell him that his feelings mattered too. That he mattered. Gaz needed to step out of her own selfishness for him this time.

End Mission Log

A/N: Two chapters within this year. Think it's safe to say I'm back. At least when it comes to Invader Zim. Thank Discord and a bunch of zagr shippers for reviving this.