Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs.

UFO

Creepy 3/3

Ratio

Underfoot

Parasite

Consider Yourself Adopted

"What? You don't want to try again? You were pretty close, kid!" the man dressed as a ringmaster encouraged. He gestured at his pyramid of milk bottles. "I heard them wobble—Yes, you were very close! …Maybe if you throw a little harder?"

Don sulked. His cheeks and ears were burning in humiliation. He'd hit the stack of bottles with a baseball twice with perfect precision, right where the three bottles intersected. They should've gone flying everywhere! Instead, they'd barely trembled. It was like they were glued together and cemented to the surface of the table. Worse, a group of little Charlie-sized girls were watching and giggling at his defeat.

Don scowled back at the cheery ringmaster. "No thanks. This game is rigged."

"I told you Dad said so," Charlie reminded, but he was looking up at a stuffed cat. It was only one of the many plush prizes hanging from the walls of the game's enclosed booth.

"No need to be sore losers!" the ringmaster laughed. He flashed a smile and pointed at his bucket of baseballs. "How about a deal? You can try again for five more dollars, and this time I'll give you a freebee—three throws this time instead of just two!"

Don glanced back at where their parents mingled with another young couple. He knew his parents weren't keen on throwing more money away on the game. They'd given him and Charlie five dollars each to spend on it, and Don had lost.

"Here, Don," Charlie said, gathering up his ghost shirt so he could get to his jean's pocket and pull out a five dollar bill. "He said you get three tries, so your chances are better, but um… could you throw the ball at the base of the pyramid this time?"

"Sure, but I don't think we can win," Don said as Charlie handed him the last of their money. "I mean, did you see how hard I already hit those bottles? They didn't budge. They're stuck to the table or something. Dad was totally right about this game being rigged."

"I think they're just really heavy," Charlie said, shooting a distrustful look at the ringmaster. "If you hit the two on the bottom you can take advantage of that little space between them. It's what Dad calls a structure weakness."

"Structural," Don corrected. He hoped his little brother was right. More than anything, Don wanted to knock those bottles over. This ringmaster guy was making it look like he had a weak arm or something.

"All right boys, if you're afraid to try again, step aside and let those little girls behind you give it a go," the ringmaster taunted.

"I'll try one more time," Don said.

"That's the spirit!"

The ringmaster accepted Don's money. He then waggled a long, white-gloved finger at Charlie. "No crying or pouting when big brother loses again!"

Charlie gave him a dark-eyed frown.

He really didn't like this man.

Don picked up a baseball and rolled it in his fingers.

"Serious little thing, isn't he?" the ringmaster muttered, meeting Don's determined eyes and jerking a thumb towards Charlie. "Well remember, kid, you get three tries, but there are other people in line, so hurry it up!"

"I'll only need one," Don assured.

The pyramid was obliterated. The bottles crashed across the table like a small avalanche of bricks.

Charlie was cheering, and so were the little girls that had been watching. They rushed up to Don, holding up their money.

"Could you win something for me? Please?" a girl dressed as a sparkly witch begged.

"Me, too!" cried a fairy princess, bouncing on her feet. Her glittery purple wings flapped with each bounce.

"You have to play for yourself," the ringmaster grouched at them. He then recovered his cheerfulness, slipping it back on like mask, and gestured at the prizes hanging around the booth. "So, Mr. Baseball Player, which one you want?"

Don and Charlie headed back to their parents. Don was swaggering, more or less, and Charlie carried a stuffed black cat that had orange inner ears and an equally orange nose.

Their parents bid farewell to another couple as the kids approached. Margaret smiled at the cocky grin on Don's face, and the way Charlie practically glowed.

"Ah, so is that a five dollar feline or a ten dollar pure breed you've got there?" Alan asked, gesturing at the stuffed animal his youngest son clutched victoriously.

Margaret nudged him. "At least he won something. You were always terrible at those games. You remember that time you spent fifty bucks trying to win me a stuffed elephant? I was so embarrassed…"

Alan huffed. "That was years ago. Besides, you wanted it."

"Don got it on his first try the second time," Charlie said, holding the stuffed animal up with both hands. It was roughly the size of a real cat, which made it look pretty big in Charlie's scrawny arms.

Margaret scratched the black cat behind its ears. "You could name him 'Pumpkin' or 'Goblin'," she suggested.

"His name is Fibonacci," Charlie told her.

"Something from piano lessons?" Alan asked.

"No, he's a mathematician. I learned about him and golden rectangles," Charlie explained, making an ugly face at the mention of piano lessons, and hugging the cat to his chest.

Deciding it was about time to call it a night, Alan agreed to first let Don and Charlie try out the Haunted Maze, which was a game where kids were allowed to run around and fire squirt guns at each other through a maze constructed of towering wooden fences.

The maze was surrounded by a wooden fence that was much taller than their parents. It was in the same field as the Pumpkin Patch, but was open year-round as a tourist trap. Normally it was called The Water Labyrinth, but for the sake of Halloween, a large plastic banner reading The Haunted Maze covered the attraction's normal title.

Don could hear kids screaming inside the maze. Creepy music was playing over a loudspeaker. Unlike the milk bottle game, entering the maze was free. "How long can we stay in?"

"The sign says you have ten minutes," Margaret read. "Don't play too rough in there, and Charlie, don't run off from Don. We'll be at the exit. Try not to get too wet."

"Will you hold Fibonacci? Cats don't like water." Charlie said, and Margaret accepted the role of cat guardian even as Don handed the pillowcase of candy back to Alan for safe-keeping.

"Looks like you get a prize if you make it through the maze without getting wet," Alan read from a plastic sign. "You two watch each other's backs and maybe you'll win something, huh?"

A woman dressed as a rag doll handed Don a giant super-soaker squirt gun that resembled a rifle. It was so big that Don had to use both hands to carry and fire it. If he pumped the handle, it would send jets of water firing at any opponent. Charlie was handed a small water pistol.

"It's pink," Charlie pointed out to the rag doll. Didn't she know pink was a girl color?

"Take it or leave it, kid," she replied, not even bothering to glance down at him.

Inside the maze the walls were high and the pathways were narrow. Don's and Charlie's shoes sank a little into the damp ground as they walked through the maze. Throughout the maze, at all of the dead ends, there were giant buckets of water and hose pipes set up so that kids could refill their squirt guns.

"No! No! Put me down!" a voice cried, followed by a huge splash of water. Seconds later, a girl began wailing hysterically.

Don and Charlie found her sitting in one of the giant buckets of water, but most of the water was either dripping from the girl or soaking into the ground around her. She was crying with her eyes closed. She was at least Charlie's age, and she was dressed as a mermaid. Her squirt gun lay on the ground beside the bucket, along with a few pieces of soggy candies, all still in their wrappers.

"What happened?" Don asked.

She wiped her eyes, her wails quickly dying down to sniffles. "They said stupid little mermaids belong in the water. They threw me in!"

Don and Charlie helped her climb out of the bucket, much of the water splashing on their legs as they hauled the upset mermaid back onto relatively dry land.

"Who did it? What did they look like?" Don pressed as she wrung out her tail, squeezing the water from the green fabric of her costume.

"It was a scary clown with shark teeth and a hospital nurse with blood all over her face. She was scarier than him because there was blood on her hands, too," the mermaid said. "And they took my bag of candy!"

The mermaid knelt down and picked up the few pieces that were left from the muddy ground.

"I bet they're the same ones who were pushing us around in the funhouse," Don told Charlie, who nodded solemnly.

Charlie was sad for the girl losing her candy, but at the same time, he was relieved his stuffed cat and their candy was safe with their parents.

"Don, maybe we should hurry up and find the way out," Charlie said, not wanting to be dunked in a bucket of cold water or attacked again.

"My mom is going to be so mad at me for getting this wet," the mermaid said tearfully. "She knew I'd get a little wet, but this… my costume's all wet and dirty now."

"Just tell her the truth," Don said. "I mean, a couple of bullies did it and they took your candy. If your mom is anything like ours, she'll want to beat the bullies up, she won't be mad at you," Don assured the little girl.

"You want to walk with us?" Charlie asked her. "When we get outside you can have some of our candy. We have a lot."

Surprised, the little mermaid gave them a smile shy.

The three children, armed with their water guns, continued onward into the maze, finding more dead ends than other children to squirt. However, it did not take them long to encounter another upset kid. He was dressed as a cowboy, and two other boys were doing their best to console him. Don figured they were probably first or second graders.

Don, Charlie, and the little mermaid approached the group, making sure it was obvious they didn't intend to squirt them by pointing their water guns at the ground.

"What's wrong with him? Did he fall down?" Don asked, gesturing with his gun at the crying cowboy, who was holding his middle.

"No, they punched him," one of the cowboy's friends said. This kid was dressed a sheriff, complete with shiny silver badge.

"We were scared… so we ran away," the other friend, dressed as a super hero, admitted guiltily.

The cowboy stood up, still holding his stomach. His face was streaked in tears. "It's okay. They would've just taken your candy, too. I wish I'd left mine with my parents."

"Someone took my candy, too," the mermaid announced. "It was a scary clown and a nurse."

The cowboy's eyes widened. "That's who took mine! They're such jerks! They were just waiting for us to walk into a dead end and then they jumped out and grabbed me."

"Earlier they were picking on me and my brother," Don told the group of younger kids, and all of them gave him their attention. "I say enough's enough. Together we can totally soak these guys. I mean, maybe we can even get the candy they stole back."

"But how do we get them?" the mermaid asked. "They're so big. They'll corner us and beat us up."

"We need a distraction," Don agreed.

The Pumpkin Patch, the clown, and a stack of plastic pumpkins flashed through Charlie's mind. "Don, I know what we can use."

Charlie looked to the sheriff and the super hero, who still had their candy bags. "But we'll need your candy—or maybe just one thing if you have it."

After several minutes of stalking, Don and his miniature army located the clown and the nurse. They were sitting on an upturned bucket, chowing down on candy.

Following his brother's directions, Charlie sat on the ground close to the dead end where the 'robbers' were eating. He made a lot of noise as he struggled to open the plastic pumpkin. His fingernails were so sawed down from piano lessons that he couldn't pry the two orange halves apart. The little chocolate pieces inside rattled as he tried to open the pumpkin.

"Come on, open up!" he said loudly.

Moments later, Charlie heard footsteps, and then the scary clown and the bloody nurse were looming behind him. Charlie looked over his shoulder and gulped. The nurse held two candy bags in her bloodstained hand.

"Look, it's the ghost midget," the clown sneered through his hideous mask. The mask's eyes were yellow and insane looking, and its fake grin was packed with long, frightening teeth. "Listen up, brat, I know it was that other kid with you that hit me. Is he your big brother? I bet he is. I'm going to tell your parents what your brother did if you don't give me all your candy, starting with that pumpkin."

Charlie clutched the pumpkin to his chest with both hands. "No, you can't have it! You already took my other one."

The clown snatched the pumpkin right out of Charlie's grip.

Charlie scrambled to his feet and tried to grab the pumpkin back, but the clown swatted at him, knocking the much younger child onto his backside. The older kids burst into laughter.

Angry and embarrassed, Charlie yanked off one of his tennis shoes and flung it at them. The small shoe hit the nurse in the thigh and bounced off. The clown and the nurse were so stunned by Charlie's attack that it took them a moment to react.

But only a moment.

Dropping their water guns and the candy, both of them raced after the curly-haired ghost, the nurse swiping up the kid's shoe before following after the clown.

Charlie ran around a corner of the maze, trying to remember which way Don had told him to go. He heard the older kids yelling threats and calling him horrible names. Panicking, he flew around another corner and almost ran straight into the dead end. He whirled around just as the scary clown and the bloody nurse caught up to him.

"You're gonna be on the box of a milk carton," promised the hideous clown. He advanced on the six-year-old with fists clenched. The nurse was only a half-step behind him.

She held Charlie's shoe up like it was a weapon. "Hold him down first. I want to make him lick it—all over the bottom," she sneered, and both of the older kids reached for Charlie.

Charlie evaded them, feigning right and then running left.

The creepy clown and the bloody nurse swore and spun around to chase him. They were met with Don Eppes and the blast of a water hose turned up to full pressure, along with the water guns of four other children.

"What the hell!?" the clown cried out as he threw up his arms to shield his face. The nurse screamed beside him. The water was freezing! In seconds both of them were soaked, and the kids that had attacked them were fleeing, but not before the ghost darted forth and snatched his shoe from the ground where the shrieking nurse had dropped it.

"Come back here!" the clown yelled, drenched. He ripped off his soggy mask and threw it aside before chasing after the group of kids. "I'm going to kill you!"

Thoroughly pissed, the bloody nurse ran after him, her wet hair clinging to her face.

"Which way did they go!?" she asked.

"Just shut up and help me look!" the boy snapped at her.

They did not find the group of kids until they reached the end of the maze, but at that point, their attackers were in the company of parents and other adults. The unmasked clown and the dripping nurse scowled, catching their breath.

Don and Charlie looked around for their parents, but didn't see them in the crowd. The other kids they'd met in the maze waved goodbye to them, still giggling over the prank and happy to have their candy restored. Then Don spotted his parents and quickly led Charlie over to them.

Alan's eyes widened at how wet both of this sons were. "What, did you two go swimming in there?"

"Charlie, is your foot okay?" Margaret worried, noticing that he was holding his shoe.

After Charlie worked his shoe back over his muddy, wet sock, the Eppes headed for the exit of Haunted Pasadena. As they left, Don didn't point out to Charlie that the guy dressed as a clown or the girl with him were still following them, still hoping for chance to get revenge. Don smirked. He kenw the other kids were powerless to do anything with Margaret and Alan there.

Halfway across the parking lot, Charlie said, "My feet hurt."

"We're almost there. Look, you can see the car," Alan told him.

At home, Margaret insisted that her children strip out of their wet, dirty costumes and get cleaned up.

Dressed in green pajamas and clean socks, Charlie informed Don that he was going to eat all of the Halloween junk food in the kitchen if his brother didn't hurry up and come out of his room. Charlie held Fibonacci in one arm and banged his other fist on Don's door.

"Are you coming? What are you doing?"

Don opened his door, wearing a t-shirt and old jeans because he was too cool to wear pajamas. He held up the pillowcase full of candy and his little brother gasped.

"You already took some!" Charlie accused.

"Just the chewing gum," Don said, letting his little brother peer around him to see a small pile of chewing gum packets on Don's bed.

"Oh, okay," Charlie said, no longer scandalized. He didn't like gum that much anyway, and he was still a little in awe of Don's ability to neutralize scary clowns and nurses with a water hose.

Downstairs, armed with snacks from the kitchen, the boys headed into the living room where Alan was sliding a horror movie into the VHS player. A stack of other scary movies sat on the coffee table.

Don dumped the pillowcase of candy on the floor. He loved the sound of it spilling all over the carpet.

"Wow, you men really racked up!" Margaret said, taking a seat on the couch. She took up the remote and switched the TV to the right channel for her husband, who was grumbling about the VHS player not working.

"Yeah, we got a lot more this year than last time at the zoo," Don agreed, admiring the candy haul.

Charlie plopped down next to him and immediately started separating the candy by brand and type.

Once the candy was categorized, negotiations began.

"I don't want any of these," Charlie said, gesturing to a pile of hard candies that consisted mostly of jawbreakers and fireballs.

Don swept all of the Hershey miniature bars, Kit-Kats, and Twixes towards his brother. "Well you can have these. My science teacher said chocolate causes acne."

Charlie's brow furrowed. "What's acne?"

"Zits," Alan answered, pressing play on the VHS's remote.

"What's a zit?"

Don snorted. "You know what a fiber-nacho is but not a zit."

"Fibonacci," Charlie corrected, glancing at his stuffed cat, which had its own pile of Swedish Fish packets sitting in front of it. He looked at his mom. "What's a zit?"

"It's those bumps your brother gets on his face sometimes," Margaret replied. "Every teenager gets them."

"Don's not a teenager," Charlie said, looking at Don to make sure. "He's only eleven."

Margaret gave Don a look that was purely bittersweet. "Well, honey, pretty soon he'll be twelve, and then thirteen. ...Both of you are growing up way too fast, but I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I can't wait to grow up," Charlie said, returning his attention to the candy division.

"You just want to get taller," Don said.

With the candy separated, Don turned off the living room lights and settled into an overstuffed chair next to the couch where he parents munched on Halloween cookies and sipped green punch. His own plate of junk food rested in his lap.

His little brother grabbed one of the large decorative pillows off of a chair and threw it on the floor close to the TV where Charlie could watch the movie lying down.

Ten minutes into the movie and Don was unable to eat another bite, setting his last sugar cookie back on his plate to finish later. He glanced at his parents, who were snuggled together and watching the scary movie. Part of him wanted to tell them about the clown and the nurse, and how he'd gotten the better of those bullies.

Would they be proud? Or would they fuss about him teaching Charlie and those other little kids to take an eye for an eye?

Another part of Don enjoyed the dark of the living room, the creepy music playing on the TV, and the knowledge that no matter how scary the movie was, everything was fine with his parents right there, relaxed and watching the movie. It was a kind of satisfying peace that he didn't want to interrupt.

The movie climaxed with a gruesome scene. The protagonist was slaughtered by a demonic creature. Don leaned forward in his seat, surprised that Charlie hadn't reacted to the terrifying scene on the TV.

But Charlie was snoozing against the pillow, not even looking at the screen. Candy wrappers were scattered around him, and a stuffed cat was propped up so that it could 'see' the movie.

Don realized his brother had probably fallen asleep within the first five minutes of the movie anyway. He yawned, and was so glad their parents were letting them skip school in the morning, like they got to do every Halloween.

As the movie on TV ended and Alan struggled off the comfy couch to stick the next tape in, Margaret noticed that both of her sons had fallen asleep. She got up and reclined Don's chair, covering him up with a nearby afghan Alan had bought years ago in Europe. She found another small throw blanket and tucked it around Charlie, pulling his arm out from under him so that he wasn't lying on it so awkwardly.

Margaret rejoined her husband on the couch just in time for Alan to press play, and a new movie, this one black and white, appeared on the screen.

The end.