Ok I know nobody really wants to read that again as it all broke our hearts but trust me! I really wanted to see Magnus pov of the break up and work my way from there back up to Malec reunion. Cause this is all what it is about... Fixing the end ;) And you can also see it at the sequel to Kissed (even if its not done... But it will definitely end with the break up). So I just hope you'll bear with me and go through this even if its hard... I promise it end well :)

The art cover for the story is from this amazing artist IncubusGrave who allowed me to use it (omg thankkks so much XD). So here's a shout out for her amazing talent and pleasse! look her up :)

www. deviant art (slash) art / I-will-love-you- 289873949 (or incubusgrave . deviantart .com) Without the space of course!

THANKS!

Disclaimer : don't own nothing just my writing !

Chapter 1 : Break-up

The first time Magnus had laid eyes on the note and went through the flourished letters of Camille's writing, he hadn't thought much of it. He had thought it was still one of her petty tricks to get a hold on him of some sort. Even though he knew Camille had always been the kind of person in love with power, and that she would get it at any cost (Lilith was example enough), he never understood her need of manipulating people till they all crawled to her feet. He sure gave her all of his love when they used to be together but it never had been enough. She wanted him as a pet, a puppet, not a companion. She had given up on the whole institution of love after Woosley's brother death, it had seemed.

But, right now, as the almost soundless footsteps of Alec were fading down the staircase… He felt like he was back in time all over again. His being the puppet, and Camille blurring, crashing his certainties just for the fun of it. He was staring at the ceiling, his side burning a little bit as it healed and he just couldn't quite grasp the enormity of what was happening. He realized how much he loved Alec when he actually thought of just letting this slip by… Surely, he would get around to it. But then, how come this was happening in the first place? His heart ached like it hadn't been in hundreds of years… maybe like it never did. He sure knew that, through all these centuries, he had never felt this way before. How ironic that a shadowhunter, and a Lightwood, would make him feel this awful anguish.

For a few moments, his mind lingered on Tessa's faith, how her courageous attitude toward love had always impressed him. She had seen Jem taken away from her and then she had watch the years rip off slowly Will and her children of their health, shortening the time they had with her. The worst of all was that he knew deeply now, why warlocks never had children. Comforting Tessa after her losses had forever disgusted him of profound feelings, or so he had thought. His universe of parties and dizziness had kept him occupied all this time… until he had laid eyes on these blue, deep ones. Will's eyes. It had stricken him at this moment. He would not be able to avoid feelings forever. Even if he had believed, and sometimes he still thought it, that evolving in an almost complete numbness made immortality bearable, it still had felt empty.

He closed his eyes, feeling that he was just circling the problem, trying to avoid making a decision he didn't want to make. The pain was growing every time he sank his mind into the situation. Alec had not trusted him. He hadn't believed him, neither listened, when he had told him Camille was a poisonous cobra. Most of all, his obsession over Magnus's immortality (past and future) had drawn him to extremities intolerable for someone, like him, who'd lived so long. When years went on like snapping your fingers, you didn't act foolishly on important matters. Life's most violent emotions tended to run over you like simple wavelets in a lake. It gave you a little shiver when it happened but it faded away quickly.

Magnus stood up, anger filling him slowly but with an implacable force. He usually never got angry, waste of energy to his opinion but, in front of Alec's own frustrating and careless mortal way of being, his compulsion toward their relationship… No, to be completely honest, he was mostly angry at himself. Angry for falling again over a broken perfection, for letting himself live an burn so brightly and fiercely, for letting himself hope again… for breathing and being alive under Alec's glowing and flaring love. Of course, he couldn't resist. But, as before, he would have seen the end coming, this time, he had not. He hadn't wanted to. And this was his mistake… It was time to correct that. If immortality was his everyday burden, it was still better than all this awful pain and desperation, the laid out certainty of more to come. Hoping humans to be… More than mortals. It was an impossible goal to achieve.

He didn't take the time to fix himself; he just slid on a coat and walk straight out. He was too afraid to change his mind. Alec's absence and upcoming desertion was already nagging him, surrounding him with heaviness. He walked faster in the dark, night streets of New York, trying to keep his mind blank. He used to be so good at it, not it was a constant effort. All along the way, his determination faltered, fading in front of the empty abyss leaving Alec would bring him. He kept swallowing down bile and feeling dizzy while he walked and walked to the bottom creepy hole Camille hid herself in. Vampires and their tastes! If he had to fight with his decision for a long moment, it all crystallized in place when Alec's witchlight and slumped figure came into view…

He had to stop for a few moments, his breath catching in his throat, almost choking him. He couldn't run away from it now. Camille had won again. Something inside Magnus broke apart, vanishing to maybe never come back. In the back of his head, a little voice told him it might have been the last remnant of humanity that had hidden inside his soul. Now it was gone. It's with a face of pure coldness and distance that he called out.

- "Alec. Alexander Gideon Lightwood."

Alec posture told him all about his frozen shock. He could tell and almost see his world crumbling apart. Somehow, it still touched him a little but not enough.

- "Magnus?"

Magnus moved forward, almost against his will, facing an unchangeable course of action. It was time to lay the cards. He saw Alec's eyes run over him and then take in how serious the situation was, for Magnus never left the house without an awful care to his appearance. He shifted uncomfortably to his feet and said:

- "Magnus, I thought you were asleep."

If any hope had been left to Magnus, these few words killed it and it's with a harsh voice that he answered.

- "Evidently."

Alec's uneasiness grew faster, he swallowed hard and Magnus couldn't help but wonder how his lover unhappiness didn't affect him right now. Years of indifference had caught up with him, the walls back in place.

- "Did you follow me?"

Sharp pain stabbed him, thinking how he had been aware of Alec's whereabouts, he refrained them violently. He stiffly moved his hand to his pocket and retrieved the abhorred square paper. Even though spotless, to him it looked filthy, just as her owner. This was going to be more difficult than he had thought. He extended his hand so Alec could see what he was holding and swallowing hard, he said:

- "You know, when she told me you'd been here – told me about the bargain she'd struck with you – I didn't believe her. I didn't want to believe her. But there you are."

- "Camille told you –"

This was too much, he held out a hand to stop hearing these muttering disbeliefs. Surely he was not that naive but... again, this was such a mortal way of being. And God knew his Alec had always been blunt about everything.

- "Of course she told me. I warned you she was a master at manipulation and politics, but you didn't listen to me." His temper was starting to leak out and he tried to keep his voice even. "Who do you think she'd rather have on her side – me or you? You're eighteen years old, Alexander. You're not exactly a powerful ally."

Alec was starting to look panicked and he rushed to the words, trying to make him see, make him understand... but it was too late, even though he wished it wasn't.

- "I already told her" Alec said, "I wouldn't kill Raphael. I came here and told her the bargain was off, I wouldn't do it-"

Magnus grew colder, empty, every minute passing by but kept pushing his awful logic on Alec and himself, at the same time, crushing every remaining fire to ashes.

- "You had to come all the way here, to this abandoned subway station, to deliver that message?" His eyebrows shot up in fake disbelief. "You don't think you could have delivered essentially the same message by, perhaps, staying away?"

- "It was" – Alec stammered but unfaltering Magnus train of thought.

- "And even if you did come here –unnecessarily – and tell her the deal was off" he went on, coldness now struggling him, "why are you here now? Just visiting? Explain it to me, Alexander, if there's something I'm missing."

He couldn't help but find himself cruel at this point but it seemed like a venomous and vicious pain had strike him down and left him bare of all outside compassion, leaving behind a wall of inhuman emptiness. As he saw Alec's face struggling with words, feelings, trying to get him back to him, he somehow knew that this was a bit of his fault... He had opened up to Alec but never enough, hiding everything, swapping away what he had lived before as if it would spoils rotten what grew between them. He was so scared. He had always been scared and now, more than ever, it seemed, age didn't cure that. Being faced with the trueness of his own doubts had hollowed him. Yes, somehow he was to blame too... and becoming aware of that started to crack his walls slowly.

- "Magnus –"

Alec moved toward him and a little moment of panic made him loose his ground and he stepped away, looking remote. This seemed to hurt Alec more than anything he had said before and he felt a small tug at his heart. By the angel, please let me go through this without crumbling.

- "I'm so sorry." Alec's voice sounded awfully cracked, struggled. "I never meant –"

He gave up. He couldn't face this emotionless anymore. He loved Alec too much to offer him less than a bit of truth, even though it wouldn't alter his decision. He briefly caressed the dreams that had been his a few hours ago and shared a bit of them with his ex-lover.

- "I was thinking about it you know" he said slowly, contemplating. "That's part of why I wanted the Book of the White. Immortality can be a burden. You think of the days that stretch before you, when you have been everywhere, seen everything. The one thing I hadn't experience was growing old with someone – someone I loved. I thought perhaps it would be you. But that does not give you the right to make the length of my life your choice and not mine."

- "I know." Alec's voice rushed, sensing the end near, trying to reach through him. "I know and I wasn't going to do it..."

Magnus couldn't bear the desperation mixed with hope in Alec's voice anymore.

- "I'll be out all day" he said, flatly. "Come and get your things out of the apartment. Leave your key on the dining room table." He plunged his eyes into Alec's, making sure this sank in. "It's over. These words ripped off his heart in two but he kept going, the walls still holding. I don't want to see you again, Alec. Or any of your friends. I'm tired of being their pet warlock."

Through his careful laid out protection, he saw Alec's hands starting to shake, realisation dawning on him. He shook so hard that his witchlight fell to the dirty ground. Unable to contain the wave of suffering he felt for Alec's pain that had fall to his knees, as if they were unable to keep him standing anymore, Magnus stepped forward, grabbing the witchlight Alec was fumbling for. Like an old friend, which it was, it shone and flickered, recognizing his touch. Alec glared at him blankly.

- "It shouldn't light up like that" he said. "For anyone but a shadowhunter."

He kept quiet and held out the stone, now glowing red, like his gift from long ago to Will. It wasn't Alec's place to know his secrets anymore, maybe it never had. They never gave themselves the chance to find that out.

- "Is it because of your father?" Alec's flat voice muttered.

This almost made Magnus smile but didn't; Alec and his questions. He had always wanted answers but couldn't bear them. Just as Simon couldn't grasp the concept of his own immortality, Alec never did understand Magnus's; what it really meant and how heavy it felt... How he had wished the memories to fade, so he wouldn't get stuck in his own pitiful nightmare of losses and pain. How he had struggle to keep afloat with Alec's need of constant reassurance. Alec couldn't float and let go. He tipped his hand down on top of Alec, letting the rune-stone fall into his hand... that was awfully icy. Uncontainable, his worries flared up and he couldn't help but say:

- "You're freezing cold."

Alec answered him numbly, uncaring of his own welfare.

- "I am?"

The emptiness in his eyes twisted his heart enough to shift his trembling composure. The indifference walls exploded, leaving him as shaking and nauseous as Alec seemed to be. He felt sweaty although he knew his skin was dry. Desperation crawled up inside him, knowing that even the overwhelming feelings wouldn't step on centuries of self-preservation.

- "Alexander..." he said, utterly sad, pulling him close, reaching for a last embrace, a useless comfort. The witchling between them shifted different colors, reading emotions or simply mixed blood, shadowhunter and warlock.

Alec laid his head on Magnus's shoulder and he let him, pain and bitter joy swirling within his soul. He felt the pull between them that had brought them together in the first place. Thinking of walking away from it was so excruciating that he couldn't resist Alec's request.

- "Kiss me" he said.

Magnus's hand went up to Alec's face, with a will of his own, reaching to grasp every detail of the skin they used to know almost better then themselves. It rested on the nest of Alec's cheek while his thumb retraced all the loved lines and angles of his beautiful pale face. Immersed in his complete and dejected sadness, Magnus conquered his blue-eyed boy lips one last time. They had the feel of so strong familiarity that his whole body ached in tragic need but all the same, it already felt as if they were a million miles of each other. Alec's hand grabbed him desperately on the arm, expressing out both their needs of each other. His nervous system cried in anguish, expecting the loss and Magnus barely noticed the witchlight making a show of his own. He lost himself in this slow and terribly sad kiss, trying to leave the best of himself with this man who had once justified by his own existence years of complete monotony... He barely noticed it when his lips whispered what he deeply felt:

- "Aku cinta kamu."

- "What does it means?" Alec said, wonder disputing pain.

His hand first left the beloved boy and all the rest of himself reluctantly followed, getting free of Alec's grip. He lost himself in Alec's blue eyes while he answered.

- "It means I love you. Not that that changes anything."

Alec blinked, confused, afraid.

- "But if you love me –"

Fatality seemed to swallow the last of Magnus anguish over the inevitable end. He had known it wouldn't work... though he had hoped and locked up the doubts.

- "Of course I do. More than I thought I would. But we're still done, he said. It doesn't change what you did."

Alec dropped his head low, almost defeated.

- "But it was just a mistake" he tried again, whispering. "One mistake –"

A bit of anger came back and Magnus let out a bitter laugh.

- "One mistake? That's like calling the maiden voyage of the Titanic a minor boating accident. Alec, you tried to shorten my life."

- "It was just – She offered, but I thought about it and I couldn't go through with it – I couldn't do that to you."

A great weariness washed upon Magnus, leaving him bone-raw and deeply empty.

- "But you had to think about it. And you never mentioned it to me. He shook his head, disappointed. You didn't trust me. You never have."

Alec blanched and stammered with fearful eyes:

- "I do" he said. "I will – I'll try. Give me another chance –"

Magnus had to go. This was difficult and he pronounced these last words, the last words Magnus Bane would speak to Alec Lightwood, almost like scorching his throat and also, trying to keep him from himself, for his sake as for his own.

- "No" he said, harshly, quickly. "And if I might give you a piece of advice: Avoid Camille. There is a war coming, Alexander, and you don't want your loyalties to be in questions. Do you?"

It took Magnus all he had to turn away at this moment, tearing off half of himself. His wound didn't hurt anymore but he felt the need to slump over all the same. Never, in his 800 years, did he ever feel so hollow, timeless… as if nothing could ever get a hold on him anymore. He had thought this was the ultimate goal of an immortal, to be able to survive. Now that it was there, it felt awful. Alec's absence was screaming in every molecule of his being and it wasn't before he had walk a few kilometers that he started to believe maybe he had made a mistake… And the searing pain that fell on him and got him to his knees, sobbing heavily, as he never had since he was a young child, was not near as painful as the idea that he might have lost the only person he ever loved in over eight centuries… out of pure fear.