Hello and welcome to several of my drabbles from tumblr all in one place. I wasn't going to post these here, because who cares about reaction drabbles months after the episode, right? But I got a few comments recently about people enjoying them, so I thought what the hell? It can't hurt.

It would be awesome if you read the short author notes before (at least) chapters 2 and 3 because I fiddled with stuff in canon that might cause confusion if you start reading without looking at my explanations at the beginning.

I basically prompted myself into writing this one because I made this post: Is it just me or when Blaine was saying "Couldn't have toughed it out for a few more seconds, Kurt?" it looked like Kurt wanted to say "You couldn't have waited one more month to see me before sleeping with some guy?" and I just couldn't help myself.

The night was going well. Dinner was almost ready, the tree was up, he had his dad with him on Christmas and Blaine and him had continued their tradition of a holiday duet.

However, the night was still not going as well as Kurt had anticipated. His dad had fucking cancer and his ex-boyfriend who broke his heart kept staring at him like a lost puppy.

This was not the Christmas that Kurt had been expecting.

But it was okay. He was dealing. And it was nice to see both his dad and Blaine. He was enjoying their company, and was keeping himself together until he could freak out by himself later in the night.

It all started going downhill when he sat down to watch basketball with them and he couldn't pretend to be interested for more than a minute. He grabbed a copy of Vogue and leaned back, only to find that Burt and Blaine had been betting on how long he could hold out. That would have been fine, except Blaine started ribbing him.

"You couldn't have toughed it out for a few more seconds, Kurt?" he asked, teasing. Kurt just tightly shook his head; Blaine knew well enough how little sports interested him. "A few more seconds."

And that's what did it.

He slapped the magazine down on the table and spat, "And you couldn't have waited a few more weeks to see me before sleeping with some loser from Facebook?"

Burt froze, hand half-way towards the bowl of popcorn. Blaine's face fell, completely devastated as he shrunk in on himself. "I'm sorry," he said brokenly into his chest. "I know I screwed up, I'm sor-"

"Stop apologizing, I already know you're sorry!" he said, getting to his feet. "I know how awful you feel, I can see it every time I look at you. And I can see how much you love me and how you wish you hadn't done it but you did, Blaine. You were with some random guy you barely knew. And every time I look at you I think about that." His voice dropped off at the end, eyes hot.

Blaine looked at Kurt like he was physically hurting him and it only made Kurt more frustrated. "Stop. Stop looking at me like that. You don't get to look like your heart just got torn out of your chest. You did this to yourself." He just barely stopped himself from shouting, 'This is all your fault', because he didn't want to put that on Blaine. He knew he was upset about more than just Blaine tonight, and the way he was feeling wasn't completely his fault.

It was Christmas and everything reminded him of his mom, which reminded him of his dad who had cancer, which just made him imagine next Christmas when he might not have either parent or the love of his life.

And that's what killed him, the fact that he still loved Blaine and wanted to be with him but he just couldn't bear it.

He threw himself back onto the couch, swallowing and taking deep breaths to keep from bawling. "I'm sorry," he whispered, staring at his dad, who looked like a very sad deer caught in the headlights. "I'm sorry, this is supposed to be a happy Christmas and I didn't mean to bring this up I just-"

"Maybe I should leave you two kids alone for a bit," Burt cut in softly.

"No dad, don't go. It's Christmas," Kurt whined.

"I'll just head down to the convenience store. You're low on pop anyway."

"You are not drinking pop anymore, not even the diet kind, dad-"

Burt chuckled. "Alright bud. I'll see if there's anything healthy at the 7/11." He rolled his eyes and stood up, kissed Kurt on the cheek. "And remember, everybody makes mistakes, okay?"

He patted Blaine on the shoulder before leaving them sitting on opposite corners of the couch.

There was a heavy silence before Blaine said quietly, "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas."

"Nobody ruined Christmas," Kurt replied just as solemnly. "And if anybody did, it was me. I-I shouldn't have said those things."

"But they were true."

"No. Sometimes I look at you and just see your beautiful face and how much I love you," he replied. "But then a second later I get crushed by what you did to us."

"I'm so stupid, Kurt," he said, turning on the couch to face him. "I don't know what I was thinking-"

"What were you thinking?" Kurt demanded. They'd never discussed it, how Blaine could have possibly gotten to that point.

"I missed you," he said, simple and miserable.

"That guy from Facebook was not me," he replied vehemently. "Did he look anything like me?"

He shook his head. "There's no one like you, Kurt."

"Then I just don't understand why you would do that!" His voice got a bit shrill at the end; he was not in the right mindset to have a rational conversation about his ex cheating on him.

Blaine scrubbed hard at his face with his hand. "It's just- you were so busy with your new life. You weren't talking to me as much and it was like you were gonna start forgetting me. I missed everything about you, Kurt. Your smile, your smell, your fashion opinions. I even started to miss the way you snapped at the waiters at Breadstix. I missed the way you kissed me and stroked my hair after we were together. I just missed being a part of your life."

"You still were a part of my life, Blaine," Kurt said, not believing what he was hearing. "You still are now."

"I know. And God Kurt, am I thankful for that. I don't know what I'd do if you cut me out completely."

Kurt bit his lip to try and hold the tears back. "Honestly, I don't know either."

"But you have such a great life here. You've got Vogue and Rachel and Isabelle, and you finally got into NYADA. It's perfect."

"It was only gonna be perfect once you got here, Blaine," he said, reaching out for his hand. Blaine latched onto it like a lifeline.

"It didn't seem like it. It felt like you were forgetting about me and- I'm so stupid. I thought if I had sex with him it would be like waving a red flag in your face. Like, 'Hey, I'm still here. Look, I can have a life, too.' It was so stupid, and- and insecure of me and you're right, I should have just waited for you-"

"Blaine, I'm not gonna forget you. I could never- I can't believe you thought that. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. His eyes filled with tears but he couldn't bring himself to let go of Blaine's hand.

"You were busy," he whimpered, eyes wide as moons again.

And Kurt didn't even get angry for Blaine putting some of the blame on him, because a relationship is two-sided, and Kurt couldn't deny that he had sort of been pushing Blaine to the wayside after he'd gotten the internship.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said. "I can't believe I made you feel like that."

Blaine shook his head. "It's not your fault-"

"Yes it is." Kurt pulled Blaine towards him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Blaine curled into him, head fitting into the familiar spot where Kurt's shoulder met his neck. "I was supposed to be there for you and I wasn't. I'm so sorry, Blaine."

"It's okay," he mumbled into his scarf.

Kurt nuzzled his hair, the scent of his raspberry hair gel filling his nose and making his eyes well up more due to what an adorable goober his ex-boyfriend was. "It- it still doesn't excuse what you did, but-"

"There's no excuse. I'm so sorry-"

"I know. I still love you, Blaine. We-" Kurt swallowed loudly. "We can make this work, I know it."

Blaine lifted his head, eyes shining bright. "Really?"

"Eventually," Kurt nodded.

Blaine smiled, tear-streaked cheeks shining in the Christmas lights, and Kurt smiled softly back.

There was a light knock on the door before Burt popped his head in. "How're we doing?"

"Okay," Kurt replied, dabbing at his face with his scarf.

"Yeah?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

"Mm hm. Now come on, you're missing your stupid basketball game."

"I think I'll check the turkey first. It looks like the chef's been slacking on the job."

"Oh God, the turkey!" he cried, disentangling himself from Blaine before leaping over the couch and racing to the oven.

He heard his dad chuckling and after ascertaining that their dinner had not gone up in smoke, he looked back over at his dad and Blaine. His dad handed Blaine a tissue and rubbed his hair, checking up on him.

Kurt thought forward to next Christmas, and didn't let himself consider the possibility of his dad not being there, and promised himself that Blaine would be, too.

PS Yeah, they keep getting back together in my mind because I am blocking out a lot of what happened this season. I am one disgruntled camper.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these drabbles!