"...And that will be for two tickets for the four o-clock tour." The tourist explained slowly, stretching out each syllable for an excruciatingly long time. "Do you think got that?"

"Dear!" His wife glared disapprovingly over her sunglasses. "I thought I warned you not to talk so fast."

"Oops, that's right. My bad." He grimaced as he sheepishly apologized. She smiled forgivingly before turning to the teen standing at the register.

"Okay, so that's two tickets, for the next tour." She repeated, speaking at even more of an intentional snail's pace. "Did you get that?"

"...Yes." Wendy replied through a hideous abomination of a grin, as if she was only semi-successfully fighting back a snarl.

At least that's what it looked like to the twins kneeling out of sight behind the counter. The Pines siblings put a hold onto their bumper sticker shelving duties to watch their abnormally behaving friend. This was something neither of them had seen before. Normally, the fifteen-year-old was the veritable queen of calm and cool. However, right now Wendy seemed as if she was only five seconds away from throttling someone.

However, it wasn't all that hard to see what was getting her so riled up. Even though they couldn't see the visiting couple, the unintentional condescension gushing from them was unmistakable.

"So I believe that's twenty dollars for each of us." The overly made-up woman said with a smile before she began to loudly count out the visiting fee. "So that's one five-dollar bills...two...three...and four for twenty, and for the other ticket its one...two..."

Wendy clenched and unclenched her fists so hard her knuckles almost went chalk-white. In spite of the growing mountain of inadvertent insults, she still managed to restrain herself, if only barely so. While trying to keep the rage-quaver in her hands to a minimum, she took the money and put it into the register.

"Thank you." She managed to say through gritted teeth. "Have a nic-"

A brilliant flash briefly blinded her. As she covered her eyes with a stifled yelp, the man on the other side grumbled as he toyed with his pricey-looking camera.

"It came out a little blurry. Shoot!" He mumbled ruefully. "Let's try that again."

"Wait, wait! I want to be in this one. I want everyone back home to believe us!" With a dangle of silver earrings his wife excitedly backed against the counter and draped an arm around the teenage girl. Although she was currently being treated little better than a zoo attraction, Wendy nevertheless forced on another horrifying excuse for a smile. There was another bright flash, and then several more from half-a-dozen different angles until they were satisfied. Once finished with this round of intense photo-taking, the couple head up to the exhibits, while laughing up a storm all the while.

"Now that one was much better!" The man exclaimed happily as he checked his camera again. "See how clear it came out?"

"Oooh, and just look at her in that little hat! I really had no idea people dressed like that!"

"Well of course they do." He said matter-of-factly. "It's all about practicality out here in the woods."

"True, true...makes you feel better about what we have back home, right?" Their chatter trailed off as they strode out of sight and earshot. After they had left, Wendy finally dropped the subdued demeanor with a bitter vengeance. She balled her fists tightly and slammed them down ferociously onto the countertop.

"GAAHH! Stupid...stuck-up..." She began to rant indeterminately under her breath, and topped off her venting with a frustrated kick that sent her stool tumbling to the floor. After watching the furious spectacle, the twins decided it was high time to stop being mere spectators and finally intervene.

"...Okay, what was that?" Dipper asked cautiously as he climbed to his feet. As the siblings gawked confusedly, the teenager took several deep breaths to recompose herself.

"Sorry...it's just that..." She pointed to the stairway leading up towards the shack's kitschy exhibits and made a face.

"We already saw that." The still-baffled boy reminded. "But why were they-"

"Why were they talking to you like you were a big baby?" Mabel interrupted as she bounced up to her teenage friend, loaded full of questions. "That was weird."

"So weird, and that's not the first time that's happened." She explained ruefully as she grabbed her stool and set it back up. The twins confusion meanwhile was hardly abated.

"Huh?" Mabel piped up. "Other people have done that? You mean with the photos and the sllloooowww talking and stuff?""

Wendy signed. "Yup. Every now and then we get people from...look, I don't even know where. They come from different places, I guess, but they all share the same stupid thing in common. They all take one look at me, and think I'm a genuine grade-A mountain hick."

"...Wait, really?" Dipper murmured incredulously as he raised an eyebrow. "That's...kind of a big assumption there.

"Dress a little differently, live in a small town, and suddenly people aren't all that sure if you've ever used indoor plumbing before." Wendy grumbled miserably as she put her feet up and tapped her heavy lumberjack boots against the countertop. "And no joke, I've gotten asked about that way too many times."

"Then they're just jerky poop-head jerks, then!" Mabel furiously protested. "That's dumb, and you should tell them they're dumb for being so dumb."

"Trust me, if I could, I'd do so much more than that." She said wistfully as she cracked her knuckles. "But in the end, it doesn't matter how they talk to me or how many pictures they take of the real live mountain-girl. I can't really do squat."

"What to you mean there's nothing to do? Tell Grunkle Stan!" Mabel urged impatiently. The teen shook her head.

"Nuh-uh. Especially not after what I've done. Last time this happened, I told the guy to go f-" She watched her language just in time. "I told him to...uh...I told him to shut up. And Mr. P does not like it when I get upset with customers; it's bad for business. So I got to spend all of the next day cleaning up ever bit of old gum around here. So unless I want to spend another two hours scraping off the Sascrotch, there's not much to do."

Done with her lament, she sighed heavily again. Suffice to say, her friends weren't very happy at all to learn about this absurd treatment.

"So that's it?" Mabel asked disappointedly. "No nothing? People like that can be stupid and mean, and you just have to take it?"

"As long as they can complain to the boss, I'm stuck." Wendy grumbled sadly.

Despite the teenager's resignation, Dipper's fertile mind was already chugging away like a machine as he pondered over the issue. After wracking his mind for a few moments, he suddenly piped up thoughtfully, "But...what if they don't want to stick around to talk to Stan?"

"Okay...what does that mean?" The teen shot him a befuddled look.

"Yeah, what're you talking about?" Mabel demanded. Dipper took her aside for a moment, and as they talked in hushed tones their teenage friend continuing watching bewilderedly. Suddenly Mabel burst out into a fit of giggles. Apparently the idea had been successfully vetted.

"Yeah! Yeah! Oooh, yeah!" The preteen clapped her hands and bounced excitedly. "Oh we are so doing that!"

"...Um...so you guys wanna clue me in on this at all?" Wendy pried. "Like, anytime this week would be good."

Grinning from ear to ear, Dipper started to explain. "It's just a prank we've talked about doing for a while. It was only meant for Halloween or April Fools, but..."

The siblings exchanged looks and started snickering up a storm. "...We think we can tweak it a bit for this."

"Uhh..." The fifteen-year-old grunted. "You...kinda lost me here."

"You know how twins can be adorable and fun?" Mabel smiled deviously. "Well, we can be super creepy, too."

"Yeah, still no idea what you're talking about." Wendy confessed. "You actually want to tell me what you're-"

"Just watch!" Mabel said eagerly as she wrapped an arm around her brother and pulled him close. She counted to three on her hand, gave the signal, and then together they spoke in near-perfect unison, "Come play with us, Wendy. Forever and ever and ever..."

"...And ever." Dipper accidentally went one over, earning him an elbow to the side. Wendy just erupted with a snort of laughter at the surprisingly mischievous pair.

"Okay, okay...you have my full and undivided attention..."

"...My, that uni-deer was something, wasn't it?" The man exclaimed to his wife as they reentered the gift shop.

"Oh, yes! I hope they have a knick-knack for it somewhere in here. Maybe a hat, or-"

"Does someone need some help with souvenir shopping?" A young girl asked as she suddenly bounced energetically from out behind the counter. Mabel clasped her hands together and smiled sweetly at the couple.

"Why, yes! Yes we do!" The woman beamed at the adorable preteen. "Sweetie, do you have anything with that funny-looking uni-deer on it? A shirt, or postcard?"

"Hmmm..." The girl tapped her chin as she thought it over. "Well, nothing out in here...but we might have something in the back."

"Well would you check for us then?" asked the visitor hopefully.

"Of course! A shack customer always gets what a shack customer asks for, every time!" Mabel boasted both loudly and proudly. "At least you do when I'm helping out. Because that's the Mabel difference!"

With this she curtsied and skipped out, making as cute a spectacle as she possibly could and delighting the couple to absolutely no end.

"Mabel." The man chortled. "That's a name I haven't heard in ages."

"Oh honey, and what an angel! I almost wish we could take her home with us." His wife gushed. "Did you see her little sweater? I'm positive that was homemade."

"That's probably just their old-fashioned way up here, Sarah. They have to make a lot of their own-"

"Scuse me, comin' through!" A redheaded teen suddenly interrupted their chatter as she barged in, carrying a large bucket of soapy water.

The couple parted to make room for Wendy, and the boy wielding a mop following her in tow. Immediately the woman tugged on her husband's shirt sleeve and began whispering excitedly; it didn't take long for either of them to realize the twelve-year-old's strong resemblance to the chipper girl that had been talking to only a minute ago.

"Twins! Oh they have twins working here! How sweet!" She gushed as if they were baby zoo animals.

He grinned as he took out his camera. "I hope his sister comes back in soon."

As they made quickly for their photo op, Wendy and her noticeably subdued helper got themselves set up. After setting the bucket down on the floor and taking the mop, she asked, "Hey, us the broom here, or in the utility closet?"

Not a word passed from Dipper's lips as he shrugged and silently spread his arms wide, signaling that it wasn't here. After making sure that the others were watching, Wendy quickly softened her tone. "Could you get it for me? Please?"

She finished with a weak smile, as if she was speaking to a toddler. The incredibly morose-looking boy merely sighed, tucked his hands into his pockets and quietly set off. Wendy frowned like a fretful mother as she watched him trudge solemnly between the couple and exit from sight. Suffice to say, the fact that the boy barely seemed to have a spark of life wasn't lost on the visitors.

"Uh..." The concerned woman approached the teenage shack employee, and asked both slowly and loudly. "Excuse me? Excuse me? Do you...I mean, y'all have a moment?"

She looked to her husband, who nodded approvingly at her cultural sensitivity. Wendy meanwhile only grimaced as she restrained herself. Being spoken to as if she was from the deep south; now that was new. Nevertheless, she put on a smile as she replied, "Huh? Can I help you?"

"Yes, we were..." The tourist paused, then asked gently. "Is that little boy all right? He seems...well..."

"Oh, Dipper?" Wendy shrugged. "Oh, don't worry about that. He'll be fine."

"He sure doesn't look fine to us." The husband protested softly. As she dipped her mop, Wendy paused, then groaned as sadly as her acting skills allowed as she went for the kill.

"Sorry, we just don't like to bum out visitors. It's just that Dipper hasn't...well, the little guy hasn't really been the same since his sister Mabel passed away last month.

With this she fixed her attention onto the floor. Meanwhile, the stunned couple just gawked unblinkingly into empty space. In a matter of moments, all color had drained from their faces as they struggled like mad to process what had just happened.

"But...but...but she just...she..." The woman babbled stupidly before she felt her husband's hand clamp onto her arm and begin to squeeze tightly. His lips trembled, but not a single sound came out as he raised a hand and pointed silently towards the doorway.

Wendy knew her assigned role; she continued her mopping, and even tried to hum a tune in a serious attempt to act as casual and unaware as was convincingly possible. Suddenly she heard a pair of choked gasps, a flurry of frantic footsteps, and the bang of the door slamming shut. As an audible squeal of tires screeched from outside, she finally looked up at what gave them their final fright, and was almost immediately overcome with laughter.

"Hahaha! You...y-you didn't say anything about doing that! You...y-you..." She chortled uncontrollably at what had apparently been the icing on the cake. Mabel stood in the doorway, with her smiling face covered in convincingly bloody-looking splashes of make-up.

"Come and get your souvenirs...from beyond the grave! Ooooooohh!" She waved her arms playfully. At this point the teenager was bent over double, and nearly on the point of tears.

"You...you never said that you were going to..." She attempted to point out one more time. At this point a very relieved Dipper made his reappearance.

"There's a good reason we never told you." He explained as he shot his twin a disapproving look. "That wasn't supposed to be part of the act."

Mabel merely shrugged before skipping over to a nearby rack, plucking off an overpriced t-shirt and wiping off her face with the improvised towel. "Yeah, I know. But then I decided to see what being dead was like. Turns out, even if a ghost just stands and waves, people still don't like them"

"I-I...I don't believe..." It took another few seconds of chuckling like a maniac until she could catch her breath. Once she had recovered somewhat, Wendy straightened herself out, then waggled a finger in mock-disapproval. "Man, you guys are devious."

"It worked, didn't it?" Dipper broke out in a grin and reminded gently. She snickered and tugged down his cap brim affectionately.

"My day just got so much better, I don't even know where to-"

"Woohoo! Prizes!" Mabel squealed as she darted over to the small heap by the door. In their frantic haste to escape the ghost-twin, the couple left behind an odd assortment, including a money clip that she waved triumphantly in the air.

"So what do you think? Should that all go in lost and found?" Dipper asked. Wendy grinned mischievously as she took hold of the money.

"Maybe..." The teen chuckled, then forced herself to go slightly cross-eyed as she switched to a folksy accent. "But gosh darnnit, I jus' what these here greenie-papers are supposed to be! I never got any of that special book-learnin'!"

"Yeah!" Mabel giggled like a fiend before she eagerly joined in on the act. "Well aww, mule-butts! We're in a big ol' heap of bear ploppins, aren't we?"

"Well I can't help with the countin'!" Unable to resist, Dipper slouched and made his expression appropriately vacant. "I kin get all the way to eleventy-one!"

"Shut yer trap! We couldn't all finish the first grade, you smarty-head." Wendy fired back, and as the twins barely contained their laughter she counted off the bills, then slipped the now empty clip up onto the counter. "There! Cleaned up all that junk outta them nice folkses' metal-clampy! We done good today, guys!"

"So now what?" Mabel dropped her performance asked. Wendy grinned wickedly as she basked for a few moments in the long overdue vengeance.

"Well, since they were so nice to leave us such a big tip..." She chuckled as she got an idea. The teen stuck half of their earnings into the register and the rest into her back pocket as she suggested hopefully, "Milkshakes at the diner? I think we earned it."

To her delight, neither of her friends uttered a peep of protest. Mabel let out a whoop, and meanwhile she could have sworn that Dipper looked almost too excited.

"Yeah let's go!" He cheered in one breath and bolted, then stopped as he appeared to realize that she hadn't been talking just to him.

His twin stuck out her tongue and tittered as together they headed out for a victory treat. Shaking her head, Wendy chuckled, "So you guys seriously have no problem with this?"

"Nuh-uh! I done seen nothin' here save them purty green papers!" Mabel struck up the yokel act in playful earnest.

"There's nothing wrong with a little bit of charity for the mountain folk, right?" Dipper answered with a curious blush.

Wendy practically cackled. "Maybe it's because I'm just a stupid bumpkin, but I don't know how to argue with that."

The End