Another thing, in NOLIFE QUEEN AND THE DEMON NINJA a couple people asked me how a female Alucard still turned Seras. The answer to that is Alucard possesses several powers that normal vampires don't and, for the sake of the story, and because I think the crap that Seras gets into is hilarious, I made it so Morgana can change anyone, as long as they were a virgin.
Also, I don't do the suffix thing, I don't have anything against it I just don't have the kinda attention span needed to not fuck it up somehow. The most I'll do is sensei if for no other reason other than it sounds better than teacher.
On another note a couple people have asked me where I got all of the jokes and things from and the answer? Myself. I am just that much of a smartass. Does my constant joking piss people off sometimes? Yes, yes it does. But it's like I always say, better to be a smartass then a dumbass.
Anyway, here is the sequal to NOLIFE QUEEN AND THE DEMON NINJA, ELEMENTAL DARKNESS.
Just for the record this is gonna be Naruto and Morgana just trouncing everybody that pisses them off. Why, because I can work in humor and sheer what-the-fuck-ness and because I can't make fight scenes so I gotta make up for it somewhere.
Disclaimer, I don't own any characters other than anything I myself come up with, like Morgana and Naruto's kid...or any character not in canon or in a movie special.
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It had been four months since Millenium was ended and it was the very definition of slow. There had only been one vampire attack in the entire time and that was the first day Naruto and Morgana woke up...and the exitement of it was ruined when Morgana had another battle with morning sickness...all over the vampire's armless and legless, but still possessing the head and very much alive...sorta, body. The only thing that really happened around the place anymore was when one of two things happened. One, when Seras and Pip would come asking Naruto for combat training, because goof or not, he still was a monster, both metiphorically and literally,
when it came to fighting. Usually it was just Pip these days since Seras had taken it upon herself to help Morgana with varias things, who's stomach had a small curve to show she was pregnant. Or two, when Morgana had some hormonally charged mood swings, in which case only Naruto could calm her down, and, to his credit, quickly at that.(props for doing what, I'm sure, every father to be wishes they could do, calm their emotionally enraged wife)
Integra was, for the first time in a while, confused. "So, you're saying that with the energy from your universe acting almost like...well jumper cables, you can make it back to your own universe? And that energy is from that necklace we found on you" She adopted a sheepish look. "and forgot to give back?"
Naruto grinned, "Yep, I figure if we both exist everywhere and nowhere then all we need to do is find a way to feel for the chakra from back home. Besides, almost all of the vampire attacks where caused by Millenium and, with them dead and Anderson staying and working at the Hellsing organization, not to mention both Pip and Seras working here you don't exactly need us anymore."
Morgana stepped forward, "On top of that, if all goes well it isn't like we'll be able to go freely back and forth." She frowned and turned to Naruto. "I still don't know why you would want to go back to a place that would harm you almost daily."
Naruto gave her a small grin, "True, but there are still some people who were nice to me, like the Ichiraku family, my old academy teacher Iruka and, even though they left me there and I'm gonna annoy the hell outta them until the day they die for it, my godparents." Naruto saw she was still unconvinced. "Not to mention the fact that we get to screw with the people who made my life miserible in the first place."
Now THAT, THAT brought a smile to Morgana's face. "Alright, that I'm alright with. So when do we leave?"
Integra interrupted, "HOLD ON! There's still something that needs to be done." She went over to a wall and removed a painting revealing a plaster wall. Using her monster of god tendrils she impaled the wall in a square pattern and tore it off, revealing a brick wall. She pushed one brick in revealing a safe with genetic locks.
Opening those she revealed why this safe was so well hidden. In it contained a bloody stake, the very stake the Integra's ancestor used to pierce Morgana's, or at the time Dracula's(male form) heart. It also contained his ashes, his overcoat and, most valuable of all, his work on the cromwell initiative.
Integra took the notes one the cromwell out, "Abraham Van Hellsing made the cromwell initiative but he also made a way to release the servitude aspect of it on the off chance someone found it and used it on an innocent." She took Morgana's hand and added a few symbols to her gloves that she couldn't take off. When she was done she pulled away, never letting go of the gloves, revealing that now they could come off.
Morgana's and Naruto's eyes went wide while Integra began talking with a smile on her face, "Now Morgana, you have the power seal on you so you aren't at full power every second but you can release all your power whenever you want and you are no longer bound to my family."
Morgana, after getting over her shock, walked over to Integra and hugged her, getting wide eyes from everybody, "No, I'm still bound to you family, just in a different way now." She pulled away. "We'll find time to visit you, I promise."
Integra looked over to Naruto to see him nodding. She smiled sadly, knowing her two good friends are about to leave, "Alright, but you better go and tell everybody so they don't start wondering where you went."
Naruto and Morgana nodded and walked to the training ground where Anderson was teaching Pip some basic swordsmanship while Seras was surrounded by punching bags, trying to get her darkness to hit every one of them at once. Naruto shouted, "HEY" getting everybodies attention. They all walked over so Naruto could explain the situation, "Well, me and Morgana where gonna go to where I grew up and see some of my old...acquintances. Now don't worry" He had to say that quickly because he saw them about to protest. "We're still gonna come back often so it isn't like we'll be gone forever. Plus, I want a little payback to all the people who made my life hell, and what better way than not only showing that I can take down their entire nation, but that I'm also gonna be a father to a badass kid." He said with a look that said he was sure of it and that it was partially meant to be a joke, while Morgana gave a small amused grin while rolling her eyes.
Suddenly Naruto apeared in front of Morgana and proceeded to suck the breath out of her lungs...or would have if she didn't try just as hard. "Not to mention I have the sexiest wife anybody has ever and will ever see." This time there was a small joking tone but also he clearly thought he was absolutly right...and only one or two people anywhere would argue with him.
Morgana, although amused by her husbands usual way of thinking and his antics, suddenly became serious...well, serious for her, "Seras, while we're gone you can use the dungeon if you feel like. I know you and Pip are confertable where you are and the sun doesn't affect you but darkness is still a vampires domain." Seras smiled and hugged her, an unspoken goodbye really. She turned to Anderson, "Anderson...you're one crazy son of a bitch and I'm gonna miss being able to have spars every once in a while." The entire thing was said with a shark-like grin. She always did seem to enjoy it more than everybody else when her and Naruto fought Pip and Seras or Anderson and Integra.
Naruto's good bye was a little more...eccentric, "Alright you two, while we're gone, I expect you two to be on your best behaviour. Meaning that you Pip, don't get to play grab-ass with Seras during meetings and you need to sleep in the dungeon so you two don't keep the entire Manor up with the noise you two make." He turned to Anderson leaving Pip and Seras slackjawed, wide-eyed, and both redder than a chilly pepper. Anderson almost ran away because he knew something like that was gonna happen to him, "Anderson" He braced himself for the embaresment, but all Naruto did was put a hand on his shoulder, "It's been a wild ride and you've been a good friend. Take care of yourself and Integra." Anderson smiled, happy with the goodbye but Pip suddenly spoke up, "HEY, HOW COME HE DIDN'T GET EMBARESSED LIKE US!?"
Naruto looked at him like he asked the stupidest question ever, "Because, Integra isn't here to embaress them as a couple, you two were." He began walking away before stopping and looking over his shoulder with a smile on his face, "By the way, I hope that all our kids can become playmates sometime down the road, it'll be nice if they were all friends like their parents." Then he faced forward and kept walking, or he would have if Integra didn't walk out, necklace in hand.
She handed Naruto the necklace who put it, "Well, I guess this is goodbye for now isn't it." She turned to a smiling Morgana, "You better come back with something interesting, god knows it's going to be quite around here with you two gone."
Morgana offered her a smile of her own and put a hand on her slightly swollen midsection, "Oh, there will be something."
Integra immediatly got the meaning and had a look of dissapointment, "You aren't coming back for a while, are you? I guess I shouldn't be suprised, whenever you two do something, you have to over do it."
Naruto chuckled a little, "True but we also wanted to ask you something before we left." His face became slightly serious, "On the off chance that something happens to any of us we wanted to make sure there will always be someone to look after our kid so we were wondering if you two" He pointed at Integra and Anderson "would be the kids godparents and you two" he pointed at Seras and Pip "would be the kids godsister and and godbrother."
Anderson stepped forward with a smile of his own and summed up everyone's thoughts with one sentance, "You didn't even need to ask."
Naruto and Anderson shared a hug that only good old friends can and Anderson stepped back. Morgana took Naruto's hand and Naruto said, "Well, here goes nothing." And like that they were gone, simply vanished.
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And they showed up at the exact time that Naruto was first sucked through the dimensional tear. Young Naruto still went through, that was kinda needed but right before the dumbass went through Naruto grabbed Sasuke.
Morgana was kinda confused at that, "I thought he helped make your life more difficult, why save him?"
Naruto grinned, "Simple really, just to screw with the idiot." He adopted a more serious look. "Also, if worse comes to worse and they don't believe me we can use him as a bargaining chip to get into the village." He slung the unnconcious moron over his shoulder and motioned for his wife to follow
Morgana just nodded, seeing the point now.
They began making their way to Konoha, Naruto talking about all they're gonna have to do. "First, we gotta get some ramen, I don't think you've ever had any and Ichiraku has the best. Then we gotta go to the Hokage monument, it's got the greatest view from the top." This went on and on...and on until they finally reached the entrance. Waiting for them...well mostly Naruto, the really didn't expect Morgana, was the entire village.
The first to meet them was, of course the Uchiha's number one stalker bitc- I mean fangirl, screecher and all around assaulter of ear-drums. "What did you do to Sasuke you freaks!?"
Naruto, more annoyed that she was talking to both of them instead of just him, shouted back, adding his sharp teeth for dramatic effect, "WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP I'LL HANG YOU WITH YOUR OWN INNARDS. WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME I'VE DONE IT AND I DON'T THINK IT'LL BE THE LAST!"
sakura didn't know wheather she should crap her pants, piss her pants, or puke, so she did all three.
Tsunade, in an effert to prevent one of her ninja from dying, even if Sakura didn't deserve the title, and to try to figure out what was going on, suddenly spoke up in an authoritive voice, "Alright who are you and why do you have one of my ninja on your back?" She suddenly narrowed her eyes. "And where is the blond haired boy that was with him?"
Naruto was about to answer when he was suddenly tackled. He looked down and saw Konohamaru looking up at him with stars in his eyes, "Boss, what happened to you!? Why do you have silver hair!? How'd you get so much taller!? You look like such a badass!" He suddenly looked over at Morgana, stared for a few seconds, turned back, and began having the spaz attack all over again, "AND YOU GOT A HOT BABE FOR A GIRLFRIEND! YOU ARE MY HERO EVEN MORE THAN EVER NOW BOSS!" Then he began squeezing him in as tight a hug as he could.
Naruto looked towards everybody else with a grin, "Now why is it that Konohamaru is the only one that recognized me?" He suddenly placed a hand over his heart. "You wound me, each and every one of you."
Needless to say, everyone was shocked. Here was the demon/loser/idiot, and he's suddenly some silver haired, seven foot, smartass powerhouse!? They knew he had to be strong, it was easy enough to see his muscles from under the t-shirt he was wearing.
Kiba, who Tsunade had already treated and was allowed out on crutches, suddenly piped up, "Ya right you moron, you can't be Naruto. Naruto is head over heals for Sakura. I suppose next you're gonna tell us you're married to the busty raven-haired chick is your wife."
Naruto and Morgana looked at eachother for a second before lifting their left hands, showing their wedding rings to everybody.
Many things happened, Kiba's jaw suddenly sunk so far into the ground he hit oil, it was later discovered that the moron just hit an oil pipe. Tsunade's eyes widened,
not from the fact that Naruto got married or the fact that she suddenly realised that THIS WAS Naruto, no it was the simple fact that someone was even bustier than her. Kakashi had tears of pride in his eyes for his sensei's son bagging such a catch. Sakura, well the she-bitch was in denial. Most of the villagers were just pissed that the 'demon'(haha close!) had gotten such a beautiful wife, several of whom where planning on trying to help her 'see the light'(ya, have fun you suicidal morons).
Everybody had reactions like one of these except for one, Hinata.
When she saw that Naruto had come back better than ever she was overjoyed, thanking god(different god, same concept) that he was alright. When she heard that he had gotten married though, then she went a tad bit insane.
In her mentally unstable mind she made a vow to herself, 'I'll make sure that this whore who stole my Naruto dies. And then, me and him can have a big family together and love eachother forever.' All the while an insane and demented grin began working it's way onto her face, one that would fit well on the face of a certain demented clown.(1)
Naruto suddenly walked forward, making extra special care to make sure Sasuke hit his head on a rock. "Anyway," He paused to make his throne, thouroughly freaking everybody out. Morgana came over and sat in his lap, not feeling like making her own throne. "Listen to this, it's one hell of a story."
(Insert the entire story of THE DEMON NINJA AND THE NOLIFE QUEEN)
"And then we walked here until we reached the gates." He finished with a grin. The reactions he got weren't really unexpected.
Everybody looked at him like he was either A. God, which pissed him off, or B. Satan, which still pissed him off just not as much. "Alright, I know it's a lot to take in but enough with the weird looks." He paused to mutter to Morgana, "We get enough of those as-is." All she could do was nod.
Tsunade suddenly shook her head, "Alright Naruto first things first." She suddenly turned into the classic angry chibi, arms flailing and feet kicking, the whole thing. It was made even funnier by her shouting, "STOP MAKING MY LIFE MORE INSANE THAN IT ALREADY IS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO LIVE WITH THE CRAP YOU PUT ME THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS!?"
Naruto grinned and, mentally telling Morgana to cover her ears, shouted about three times louder, making Tsunade's hair blow in the artificial wind he was making, "YA,
I DO AND IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS! I'M NEVER GONNA STOP BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER I'M DOING THE SAME TO JIYRAYA."
An anbu suddenly walked over, "Lady Hokage, not to be a bother but it's late and we all want to get home as soon as possible so can we please get on with this?"
Tsunade, after looking in a few different directions finally turned to the anbu, "WHAT DID YOU SAY!? MY EARS ARE RINGING!"
Naruto decided to 'help', "HE SAID YOU SHOULD HURRY YOUR ASS UP AND LET THEM ALL GO HOME!"
Tsunade apparently took that as literily what he said and proceeded to deck the guy across the village.
Naruto quickly realised his 'mistake', "THAT WAS A SUMMED UP VERSION OF WHAT HE SAID!"
Tsunade suddenly looked sheepishand motioned for another anbu to come over, who did so while shaking in fear of getting smashed himself, not the fun kinda smashed either the really crappy kind.
When he got there Tsunade leaned in and tried to whisper but still ended up yelling, "GET THAT GUY OUTTA THE MONUMENT AND GIVE HIM A RAISE!"
Naruto, despite enjoying the entire thing to an insane degree, shouted, "YOU CAN HEAL YOUR EARS YOU KNOW! YOU DO HAVE THE MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE TO DO IT YOURSELF!"
Tsunade suddenly stopped and face-palmed. A few seconds later she turned to the monster couple, "Now that all of that's done and over with why don't we all go home and go to bed...or coffin or whatever you two sleep in."
Morgana stepped down from the thrown, "We sleep in a coffin. It's a lot more confertable then you people give it credit for."
Naruto piped up, "She's right. I wasa bit reluctant at first but it's pretty damn good."
Morgana resumed talking, this time to Naruto, "Although soon we're gonna have to make another smaller one."
This caused everybody to freeze, even while Naruto kept talking, "Hey, there's no reason our kid can't share our coffin with us for a little while. I'm not saying it doesn't need to be done but it isn't our top priority for the moment, the coffins big enough."
Morgana thought about it and nodded with a smile on her face.
Tsunade suddenly shouted while pointing a finger, "WHY ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT KIDS THIS EARLY IN YOUR MARRIAGE!?"
Naruto looked at her like she was senile, "Cause it's an important thing to talk about when your wife is four months pregnant."
Tsunade just shook her head after staring at him for a few minutes, "You know what, I just don't care anymore. Just go home."
Naruto grinned, "Alright but quick question, is anyone using the half of the forest of death farthest away from the village?"
Tsunade looked confused, "No, why?"
Naruto just mentally called the castle.
Tsunade looked like a purple alien just shot out of the ground and started break danceing(picture that, will you). Slowly she turned around and began walking home,
completly confused and wondering if this was just some messed up dream.
Everybody followed the Hokage's example and went home, Naruto and Morgana included.
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1. Before any of you get bent outta shape, her craziness and insanity will last a while but not forever.
I know this was a bit short but it was mostly just to get the ball rolling.
One more thing, I know that they accepted it pretty fast but he still looks a lot like himself, just and older, taller and silverhaired version. And he's known for doing crazy shit, this just happens to be the craziest.
Also, on another note, people asked me a lot in the previous fic so I'll let you know now, this will never be a harem fic. I've got nothing against them and read them fairly often myself but I just don't want to have Naruto with multiple women.